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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 24 · 1 year ago

Episode 24 - Where is Beauty!?!

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Episode 24 - Where is Beauty!?!

Welcome to the 24th episode of Beauty and the Beast - Where is Beauty!?! Seems Beauty is missing a Beast has to fend the opening of the podcast. Where can she be and is she with Waldo? Find out more in this weeks episode...

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Coming to you almost live from lakeside. I'm beauty and I'm the beast. Hey, so here we are, testing, testing, and when I see testing I mean we're in the world. Is Beauty? That's right. For some reason I'm here all alone again in my tool shed, recording studio, man Cave Bomb Shack, once again on my own, due to circumstances beyond my control. From in my case, it was health related. That's right, after last week's show about death, where I talked about facing death. Or maybe I did, I can't remember. All I know I've I've undergone a lot of tests since then, and none of them have been too pleasant. And then beauty had an issue come up and she just disappeared. And now we need to know where is the beauty? We know where the beast is. He stuck in his tool shed. That's right, all alone in his tools shed again. Don't feel sorry for him. He chooses this, he chooses to do this to himself. He does it to himself, he does, and that's why I really hurts. If any of you are radio head fans, sorry, sorry if I just ruined that song for you. Spoiler alert. That was a radiohead song. Okay, spoiler alert. I don't know where beauty is. I thought I knew, I thought I had the secret in my pockets, but in fact I don't. I was wondering where she is and I thought through process of elimination, we could figure out at least all the places that she isn't. Beauty currently isn't at an open mic night, as are none of us. Not to go and perform, not to go and support. No, I've opened MIC's, closed MIC's zoom parties. I think I recently saw that Saturday night live was doing some zoom films and zoom whom. It's just not the same as when there are people they're actually laughing at you or booing you or whatever. You got to get that crowd reaction, unless you're most of the comedians in here, and then no crowd reaction is what you're used to, and if you actually got a crowd reaction it might just blow your mind. Hey, I've been doing this routine for ten years now. No one ever laughed at it before. What's your problem, sir? Oh, you've had ten Martini's and it's only eight o'clock. All my Shit's funny. I better roll out all my material that I've been doing add noise Um for a decade, that no one ever laughed at time to get some laughs at this shit already. I've been honing it. I've been honing my five minute routine. So, despite the fact that beauty might not be in an open mic night, I probably won't be there either for a while anyway, and also be strange to hear buddy laughing through their covid masks. I did see all I saw not too long ago,...

...couple weeks ago I think it was. I did see Dave Chappelle doing some stand up the strange location where everyone was social distancing and they also had chappelled logo on their covid mass which was strange. They did you everyone getting their temperatures checked when they came in, and I have had my temperature check now a few places and after all all these tests are over, my average temperature has been ninety seven point five, which is a good degree under everyone else. I'm one degree cooler than everyone else, at least one degree. Thank you very much. I always suspected this, but now it's been proven through test after test. Another thing that was proven during these tests was that I have something called Intestinal Mal rotation, side effects may include. Anyway, I don't know what the side effects are because we're just starting to deal with it, but it in does in fact mean that my insides are twisted around, so all the organs that should be on the left or on the right and vice versa. And this also now means that not only am I one degree cooler, I am officially twisted inside. That's right, doctors have verified this fact. I've got numerous scans and ultrasounds, etc. To bear proof to the fact that I am twisted inside. Twisted inside, which is better than being hollow inside, which I often feel hollow inside. But the subject today is not whether I feel hollow inside or not. It's where in the world is beautiful? Where's beauty? Are there any clues? Can you smell her? Perhaps you could if you breathe deeply and think of a place, a marvelous plays, where the spooge waters flow and there's laughter, laughter and Lilting Ukulele Music. That is the land of beauty you've entered. Nope, sorry, that place doesn't exist. Get back to reality, kids. Come on, it might exist. I might have caught a glimmer of it. Who knows, I'll never tell. Or did I tell on a previous podcast? I can keep track of the shit. That's why I hope you are loyal listeners will call me on this. What I've admitted to and what I have denied. All right, right now, I'll admit to not knowing web. Beauty is all right. I suspect you may be somewhere in the lakeside, almost live. The last I spoke to her was last week when we talked about don't dunt death. That's right, it was the subject of our podcast and it is something that we deal with all the time. And why don't we have an official theme this time? I don't know. Why do we need one? I mean really, if, in fact, you tuned in for the first time, would you say, hey, how come are not doing nothing? Meams, she will, like all the other shows, you a little whole. How well, I don't know, folks, I don't know. I'm not happy that I'm not with beauty, but I understand that sometimes circumstances are going to dictate otherwise, and we still figure out this new fangled technology called cell phones. Maybe I could call her and rattle her cage a little while and it would be almost live because we at least be talking on the phone. But based on our conversations we've had online on the air, maybe neither of US would get a word in edgewise. I don't know.

Sometimes there's a certain telephone etiquette that does not lend itself to the beauty and the be show, because I'm always talking over that girlwash. She's laughing her ass off. That's right. That's how I know stuff's funny, because beauty cannot keep her composure. All right. So have you seen beauty? Have you heard her? Have you heard her Ukulele? I know she's dying to go to a rent fair. Unlike me, I can look at those pictures online then that's all I need. But I did think about it. I did toy with the idea of going and being a part of a renfair, and the idea is even more appealing now to me because these things will probably happen in a fall, if to happen at all, and if you're going to walk around some scratchy ass renaissance fair costume, it might as well be when the cool weather is here and then you can drink that hot toddy and, you know, fit in with the whole crowd. All right, all right, I'm looking at the clock on the wall. It says eight minutes into the show. I said the first. You know, will it be the last? Make a bet and tell me later if you win. And we also give prizes around for other things like using cliches too much, also using catch phrases, ha ha. Now we don't penalize for that. We use those all the time, but we hate those fucking cliches and the people who use them, who try to say one thing and don't actually have the words, so they just use a cliche to fill in the gap. What am I even talking about? Isn't this show supposed to be about? Where in the world is beauty? Is She in London or Paris? Perhaps? I don't know. Perhaps we should go on a fantasy trip around the world all the places we think beauty might be. First of all, she might be at the Lincoln continental dealership, but I think she'd rather have one of those nice old boats than the new one. So I don't think beauty is there. Perhaps she's at the Tennessee Avenue beer hole. Oh, that's right, they are open and you can sit outside and enjoy your beer under the stars. Or Hey, you can grab it and run up to the boardwalk in Atlantic City. That's a whole new experience. That's right. Go sit up on the boardwalk with the locals, because there ain't no fucking tourists around, and then you'll really meet the salt of the Earth. I'm telling you right now, if you go to the boardwalk in Lake City, it's unlike any other time you'll ever go because there's nobody there but the people who live in Atlantic City, who are often not there at all. That's right, but they figured they'd take it back since all the tours have gone and don't go to the casinos their Jack and people. That's right. Once upon a time you might be able to find a five dollar Black Jack Table. Now you'll probably more likely find a twenty five Black Jack minium table. That's right. You used to be able to play five hands, now you play one. Get the hell out. If you thought you were hanging around here with your Goddamn five dollar hand Black Jack, you got another thing coming, because we don't need you. We don't need anyone. We're just open because we want to be. That's right. We just open to take your money. You can't go to the casino to enjoy anything to eat. You can't go to the casino to get a free drink anymore and you can't go to the casino to smoke. So the only reason to go is to gamble, and you can do that at the scratching machine at the local convenience store. You really want again, will just play the number. You probably have just as good at odds as hit in some twenty five hand Black Jack. I don't know. I don't know what you're into, what your threshold of Pain is. I kind of know what beauties threshold of Pain is, but she...

...discussed that at length a couple of shows ago. Where in the world is beauty issue in Rohobath, at the place where you buy all the leather stuff? Is that where it was? My idolpated mind. You know, it's only two weeks ago. We talked about that in mine as well. been two years ago at this point in my memory. So I do remember. I do remember. Do I remember pure Romancecom? Is that the link to drop? Please, beauty, tell me if you're out there and I found you, if anyone's found you, ask her if pure romancecom is the link. I'm supposed to drop. I'm still waiting to get my box and sex toys and my Yah, damn, ain't no toys. We still talked about yeah, I figured by now there'd be at least one Dildo in the mail, but now not even, not even a half a Dildo, and I have a Dildo, you know, actually have dild is just as good as a hole on depending on what you're doing with it. That's right. And, of course, pornos free. I've looked for beauty in the PORNOS. I never found her. I have not found yet. I'm still looking. I will tell you all the things I search for her under, but you have to check the link below. I have no link below. I'm only kidding. I am only bullshitting you right now because I don't know where beauty is and I feel a little bit lost again in my tool shed, all alone with one tool, and I'm the biggest tool in the tool shed. That's right, I like that. He's the biggest tool in the tool shed. I'm the only guy here with a microphone, that's for sure. Oh, and a wonderful thing about this tool shed, recording slew studio, man Cave Bomb Shack, is you can hear every motorcycle at Rolls Bad, every dog that barks in the neighborhood, every car that hits a pothole. They're all here live on this podcast. Will almost live if this was live. Wow, wouldn't that be awesome if we were actually doing a live podcast in front of what, I don't know, a million zoomers? I don't know. How the fuck do you do about podcasts for a million people? Does do the biggest guys? They got a million people listening, don't they? I sure hope they do, and it's sure worth it. Some of those people are already up to their two thousand podcast I'm up to my twenty three or so. What have I got to lose? What have I got to complain about it? I even have two dozen these things under my belt. Huh? Other people have thousands, tens of thousands of follow us. WHAT HAVE I? I've got twenty four, less than twenty four, podcasts in the can and I I don't know. I've not really heard from one person who's listening. I sure do love you, whoever you might be. I think your beauty. Are you beauty? And it's me. I know there's at least two there's beauty and me. That's why it's important to know where in the world is beauty. Well, I know where I'd like to be with beauty, and that would be in her studios, toy factory, cosplay, creation center, wreck room. It's all those things, because one thing I want to do next time I see her as put her damn furby away. Get that creepy as furby off of the desk. That shows over. We did the show about toys. It's time to put the furby away. Put It away, please. Maybe I'll just bring some fresh batteries for it. Remember how things that he's just suck your life out of you and talk...

...to you at three am and Satanic Gibberish, which wasn't actually Gibberish, it was an ancient language that furbies knew that we didn't. I don't know, I don't know. All I know was the thinging people want today so badly is the thing they're letting go in a garage sale next year so they can get the next model. Well, they just lost interest in it, especially their toys. That's right, we were looking today. I do another stupid podcast which I love, called Jam Fam, which is my little radio show I do with my buddy John Dj Johnny j, today were playing songs about money, because everybody needs money. He's a big elvis fans, so we were looking at all the stuff people wasted their money on so they could have a piece of Elvis in their life. And Holy Shit, just his piano alone, which was, of course, twenty four carrot gold foil covered piano. That's all for six hundred grand. But the thing that set the records is as a mega diamond studded Omega Watch was given to him by RCA victor when he sold seventy five million albums worldwide. They gave him this watch with an inscription and a few years later you wore it a lot and he had had a lot of photos of him taking with the watch and Maga got their money's worth out of it and he ended up just trading it. Was Some I who who's watched he liked better, and the guy was like yeah, sure, and later on this watch sold at auction for one point eight million dollars. One point eight million dollars for an Omega Watch granted Elvis Ward, but hey, one point eight million, give me a break, Dude. I would not just buy one watch with it. I would certainly buy more than one watch. I might buy ten cars, a house, I yacht. I know I've stretched at one point eight. I know I can make that money work for me. It wouldn't just be like hey, what time is it? I don't know, let me look at my one point eight Million Dollar Watch and Oh, oh, it's stopped. It does a here and run, but look at the inscription to Elvis. Anyway, paid a big block of money songs, because I know where ever beauty might be, she'd like to be making some money. That's right. One of the things beauty does is go to these conventions and other places where geeks and nerds tend to congregate and sell her wares, sell her drawings and her prints and help people with cosplay and and Geez somewhere. If she could only be selling that stuff whole out, that's something that I would love to see beauty do. I love to see all my friends be able to do that again. There's so many of them out there who depend on conventions and trade shows and places like that, where they can sell their autograph pictures or they can take selfies with their fans or sell their artwork. or their comics or whatever it is. A lot of people are hurting and they're hurting not just because of the money but because they have no creative outlet now and they're not what they're like minded nerds, because nerds of a feather, etc. Etc. That's right, and I don't miss it so much, but I do enjoy a good cosplay, class play, or I should say and the course at the big...

...cons. That's when you really see some incredible hot men and women who are dressed to the nines as your favorite Superhero heroin whatever villain villainess, and you just can't get that. It's just not the same. Look at the picture of it as stending mix to that person and talking to them about their stitching. Ha, that's right, they're elegant stitching. I yeah, and that's one thing beauties into and a lot of cosplayers are as making their own stuff. I don't fuck around with if they buy, that's right. They don't just buy shit, and if they do buy shit, they hammer it and beat on it and whether it etc. Can't just have a hockey mask if you want to be Jason. No, has to be one that's been dragged through the mud and had tea spilled on it and somebody went out of with a razor blade, and on and on it goes until it looks authentic. And then now you've taken the basic piece of hockey equipment and made into a collectible. That's right, because you beat the crap out of it and you weathered it and whether or not you think that is something important, it is to a cosplayer. Believe me, they want to have everything right down to the tiniest hair. They've got these fucking eight by ten pictures they blow up of details, of the cost to that they want to get exactly right and even if they don't get anything else right, they can at least point is one goddamn detail they got perfect. That's right. ME, my idea is, yeah, give me a hot glue gone and some duct tape and I'll whip together something and I'll go to the show and I'll have fun and what I will lack in professionalism and and actual craftsmanship I'll make up for with sheer unbridled enthusiasm. That'll get you through a round or two. Might not get you to the finals, but it'll certainly get you up there. That's right. I do have one piece of cosplay that I did buy, well, actually two, I would say two pieces of cosplay straight up bought. One is a Santa suit. Why not? Santa suit? Thank you. They make them with the Luxe Fur trimp. Put My cowboy boots on. I'm South Jersey Santa. It's a lot of fun and I don't do it for creepy reasons like having little kids sit in my lap. I do it for the sheer unbridled money part of it, where I can stand in front of People's stores and waved to the passing crowd and attract people to their brick and mortar establishment. That's right, I is a Santa Claus. I've never sat down even once. One time I didn't even wear my beard. I didn't even care. No one ever cared. No one cared. It was a long as the gifts were coming out of the bag, saying didn't need a beard. At that point said it was okay, beardless, Santa. But the other piece of Cosplay I just bought right off the rack, so to speak, was a franc the bunny outfit. Frank the bunny being the character and Donnie Darko that talks about the end of the world has all those existential conversations and it's just a freaking ugly bunny. It's one of the one most wonderful cosplay costumes I've ever had because it crease people out so bad they do not approach you, not like other cosplayers who they're high five and then trying to get autographs and taking pictures. They're very happy to take a picture of me off in the distance. They don't have to get close at all. It's pretty funny how people can be scared of a stupid fucking costume. How would just appeals to some dark thing inside of them and they just look,...

I can't stand out of give to stay away from that guy. So that's one of my favorite things to do with the CON and sort of slipping it out of this costume and just appear from behind a pillar and just stand still and freak people out, like was he just standing there? Was He just there? How did he because you could be people think you teleported there and it's just because, in a blink of or I you just stepped out from behind a pillar and they were looking at the hundred issue a thor or whatever the fuck it was, and I'll send you there. They're just almo. He just appeared out of thin air. It's like no, you know, no, you just step from behind a pillar while you were distracted, which is why, I guess so many magicians are so successful, because it's so easy to distract your victim. So Frank also doesn't say much. He's very softspoken when he does speak. So there's not a whole lot of us point and even talking in the costume. Not that his mouth move. That's that's a good thing, and he was just a disembodied voice. But that is one piece of cosplay I bought off the rack. I've got a lot of great use out of it. It was well worth the money I invested in it, which was basically ten bucks. At the thrift store. I don't know the stuff you find at the thrift store, but will we find beauty at the thrift store? Is Beauty at the thrift store? I don't know. I've yet to see her there. I do I do remember seeing her at a little place called the underground in Smith though. It was a historic day when frank and the other evil bunnies in the area got together for Anti Easter. That's right, beauty showed up that day as a clown bunny. I think she had a Machetti and she was with Michael Myers, I believe, and that was one of the last times we were able to get together in public, and I am really glad that one of the last times that we were able to gather together and come together as a community and as likeminded people was at as fucked up a thing as an anti Easter celebration. Ah, that's awesome. It's one step below that anti Christmas party that we have with Zombie Santa. Memories light the corners of my mom but very dimly lit, let me tell you. So, where in the world is beauty? Where's beauty? Well, she's not sitting on my lap. I looked and she's not there. Perhaps I'm sitting in her lap. NOPE, no, I'm not. I'm sitting here after a wonderful dinner. And I got to tell you that any time as somebody asked me, well, where's the best plays to get this or get a cheese? The girl's the best places to get a pizza? Where's the best place to get ribbs? It's always at my fucking house. That's where, and that you know, not most people are not invited, but we just had some of those amazing ribs slow cooked out on the Webber and this Webber is twenty years old at this point. The thing is seasoned, if you know what I mean. And Friday night's pizza night. And Yeah, we make the dough, we make the sauce, I grate the cheese that if we had a goat I'd probably make that too. But that is an awesome thing and people work. Where's the Bush Cheese Day? I'm like, you know, I go get I go get the steaks from the same place that the restaurants get them. And if you kind of my house, there's no extra charge for extra meat or extra cheese, extra extra every fucking thing. I don't can't put it on. There no extra charge. That's right. You can little leave a little tippy for the chaff under your plate when you leave. Huh. But where's beauty?...

She wasn't at the dinner table with us. She's probably podcasting, doing her thing. Maybe she's splooshing, I don't know. You'll have to ask her. I am listening as hard as I can, but she is several miles away and she's not that vocal with the SPLOOSH. I don't know, I'm listening. Hold on, do you hear that? That's not her, that's the tape running backwards with the sound completely turned off, which reminds me today is Beck's birthday. Back, Oh sang loser and Devil's hair cut me in my mind. Every time I tell people I like back, they say, Oh, Jeff Becky's cool. Mike. Yeah, okay, right now, I mean that guy back, Hanson Beck, the guy who sings don't let the Sun Catch you cry. Yeah, and anyway, the last thing I think I saw him do was a tribute to print show, saying rats Berry Beret. Wow, it was okay. Have you seen that show? It was a tribute to prince was on not too long ago. Was Pretty rocking and but I didn't see beauty there. And that's why I'd like to see beauty in the audience of a show or on stage one of the other I know she's chomping at the bit for that too. I mean, come on, the woman's got to get on stage soon. I don't know, maybe they can figure out some kind of social distancing theater where not only do the actors social distance on stage, but the audience members as well. I don't know there. It's got to be some way to get around this. These zoom fucking things or just too lame. Every time I see one I want to do mystery science theater and just start chiming in with bad jokes, which would more than likely improve most of these presentations. But I should be so harsh. It's a new art form emerging, that's right, the zoom meeting. It's a new form of higher arc and some people, jebs, yet to master it, but I'm sure it's coming. I'm sure there's going to be people who are going to be zoom performance artists. I'm a zoom performance or just can I get a grant? That's right. No, you have to go crowdfund that Shit. Oh, crowdfund. Okay, crowd fun every other fucking thing. We're going to crowd fund your legal device after we beat the shit out of you because of your lame ass fucking zoom performance. That's right. You get two points for effort, but that's not enough to get the grant. Ass Beauty, beauties trying to get the grant to I'd like to get the grant to I would. I'd like to get that subsidy. That's right, I would like to get that check in the mail without having to lift a finger and then lift another finger, because that's what you got to do. You got to have the left and those fingers, and you like I got any more fingers left? What the fuck? You gotta put your knives to the grindstone. Well, my nose, I don't have a nose anymore. It's ground right down and inside of my face it's a divot now, right, it's a Rut. That's right. You have to persevere. You have to never, never, never, give up that ship. How we found our beauty? Where could she be? Keep listening to the show. If I go first, more than likely she's coming up next. I hope I do go first, and then I will have found her. That's right. I listened closely and I didn't find beauty. I sniff the air and she wasn't there. What's left? Whether the sense can I use?...

I reach out to touch her? Nothing, just but er. Yes, I put my hand in the butter. Damn it. What else is left? Taste? Yeah, well, we'll leave that for another show. How beauty tastes. We're going to have to ask a lot of people that. Maybe we'll take a pole. Do you think she tastes fruity? Do you think she tastes sour? Hu Ha, ha ha. Inquiring minds want to know whatever inquiring minds might be. So I think I've run the course of this silly little subject. Where in the world is beauty? And pretty sure she's at home right now doing her half of the show. I also look forward to seeing her again. I know we'll get back on track. I know I'm going to get well someday, at least physically. This is beast. Hello and welcome to beauty and the beast. This is beauty and I've been missing. Where am I? Where did I go? Am I taking over for Waldo? Could it be? That would be interesting. Everybody's always like where's Waldo? Like Dude, that dude does not want to be found. That's why he's always lost. But you know, it's like we're continuing our show. We're doing it remotely today. We've both had some things going on and our schedules just weren't, you know, hooking up. So it's like the beauty and the beast show. Here we are. What episode is this? Is this episode number twenty four, the big two for wow. So what's going on? Everyone. Have we've all gotten our lives? Backe? Yeah, definitely not me. My brain has definitely this is stop the few NACHOS here and there. But yeah, did you ever just have one of those days like so many things happen like within twenty four hour period of time you're like you don't know whether you're coming or you're going, like that's how I'm at right now. I'm like, am I happy? Am I sad? Am I upset? Like am I going through like everything right now? And No, it's not that time of the month and that's none of your business. But anyway, it's just one one of those upseed downs, these kind of thing, which actually it started it didn't start out as upseas, it started out as downsis. So my cousin John, his dog had died, just passed away last night, technically early this morning, and it's just one of those sad things. Like I feel for pets, I feel for humans as well, but yeah, it's like when you have a pet that's, you know, awesome and you're totally close and everything, it's like losing the best bud. So it's like, I didn't know you know too much of what to do. So I'm like, well, you know, they're having a burial for their dog and, you know, be nice to have, you know, some family friends. We all came at different times, so we weren't breaking any you know, rules or anything like that. So I figured it's like, let me do you know my part, I'm like, I'm thinking. I'm like, what do you bring into a pets funeral? And I'm like, well, I've got cookies and beer. And sure enough, if that wasn't a good enough thing to bring into a funeral. So yes, so poor jewels. You know, may she rest in peace. She was a great dog. I mean I only met her once, but she was very, very friendly. It was fourth of July. There's a couple people at the house at outside barbecue. Everybody's social distancing and, you know, we had the dog out there with us and you...

...go around and everybody was like Pattner and everything, and she would know you if she wanted your attention. And I remember when I was petting her and I had stopped petting her and she put her paw up and you know and tap me on the arm a couple times. It's like Hey, I wasn't done. Actually, she looked at me, like I wasn't done, bitch, like you're gonna pet me and you're going to pet me until I say stop, which was like awesome, like I love that, like when you like get, you know, a dog's tone or whatever. But so it's like that was the downcy. Now maybe what was that? Maybe around like noon today. But beforehand I already knew one whips web show that I'm working on right now. Actually, it's not going to be on the web anymore. It's going to be on Amazon prime. Let me just get the yeah, I'm searching for the title right now. They change the name. It was from boom betoes. It's the one where I've voiced mystic or rabbit, like Oh, that was harsh, like that's one of the voices that I do. And I got, you know, the the writer and the person that's been giving me the scripts and everything. He contacting me today and he's like, Oh, guess what you have? You now have a new IMDB credit, which I was like totally thrilled about, like which I knew from yesterday because I have imdb pro and it like alerted me when when a new credit comes on there. So I was like, Oh my God, this is awesome. It's like credit number twenty one. I'm totally stoked about it. I'm still searching for the new name right now. I know it, I know it, I know no, I don't know it. That's more more my brain has went. It's really, really yeah, I see it's called Boom Betos TV. I believe it's on like Ro Ki and I want to say I'm not sure if it's on Amazon prime right now. We're for going to do like a whole season and then release that. It's called wildside wrestling, which is like this awesome shit. It's pretty much like a cartoon version like, I guess if you're like a wrestling fan, like I would say, like the wwe like like all the smack talk that goes on and everything. There are actual wrestling matches. Like right now. My characters just been doing like a lot of smack talking, you know, kind of it kind of like one of those characters like well, you either like do what I say or you're done, you know, like that's just how I come off as Mystica, which I was like very surprised and I was like so happy at the same time. At the same time it's like I'm thinking about my cousin's poor dog. I'm like, son of a bitch. I'm like I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm sad. It's like I don't know where I'm at, but it's like I'm glad that I went over. He know, saw my cousin, his fiance, Jess. That's whose dog it was. And you know, we shared some laughs and everything. And in fact, when they were out digging the hole and just actually Said said I wonder if it's deep enough, and my cousin John was like that's what she said. She's like, well, it certainly why. I did enough, but I'm bump. I was like, okay, who's the comedian in the Damn family? And that I that I walk over. You know, like ten minutes later I'm looking at the hole and I was like, I just came here to check out your hole, and they were like how long have you been waiting to stay that and I'm like since I got here. But yeah, we had some laughs and everything and you know, it's like we shared the joy of they didn't have her for too long. She was a rescue dog that someone else had had and they needed to find a home for so it was like John and jess like they just fell in love with her right away. So it's like they took the dog in and everything. I think they had her for about three or four months, maybe like three and a half months. There was some other medical issues and everything, and it just happens so damned fast. Like at first, you know,...

...it's like the the vet was like, oh, we're going to have to operate. It's like, okay, we're prepared for this, and then it turned into she's not going to make it through the night. So it's like, oh my gosh, you know, and meanwhile I was like just has been keeping everybody posted on facebook, like what's going on. So it's like literally it's like I was checking my phone like every hour like what happened, like like is she getting an operation? You know what what's happened, and it's like Bam, just like hit you. You know. It's like I don't think anybody's, you know, prepared for any kind of death, whether it's human or pet. But, like I said, it's like the emotions are there and we were talking about like, well, I know beast and I we were talking about things like he's had a few health issues going on, but he's bouncing back. He's got to get a couple more things, a couple more tests done, which it's a good thing. It's a good thing. Yes, yeah, I want to say that. Definitely is a good thing. So it's like we just had like a conflicting schedule today. Like I said, I didn't know how long I was going to be with my cousin John, but I know towards like dinner time, it's like the one, you know, some private time and everything. It's it was a long day, a long night, long everything. So now I'm like I'm home and everything and I'm like okay, it's like now I'm back up to happy again. You know, I've got some I I'm going to be a podcast guest on a show coming up which is based in Montreal. It's like I really can't wait for that when to come out. I'll keep everybody posted. But this Friday I will be doing the comedy workshop. It'll be held on facebook, I believe. We go through stream yard, but we're only filming like through we're only video taping, chatting whatever through stream yard and it's shown on facebook. So if you want to make sure that your comments are coming through. Please subscribe the Stream Yard on facebook and that this is the comedy workshop. It's happening ten PM Eastern on Friday. Whatever the heck. Friday's eight is the ten, Friday to ten. That's where all bay. I did the comedy workshop last week. I wasn't too sure about it. Bobs like you know what I'm gonna you know, bith the bullet. You have to go with the Times. I know there's a couple open mics, I think, around here, that have opened up. I'm not too ready for that yet, like meaning, like my material is ready. I'm ready to go. I was ready since, yeah, this is the beginning of this year. You know, it's like I've developed a lot more of material during, you know, the whole whole covid nineteen. You know, it's been keeping me a flute and I was like, well, let me try, let me just, you know, try doing one of the workshops and the comedy workshop. What that is is they give you like about a week in advance. Sometimes it's shorter notice, depending on if they need somebody, like I know that they need like the spot filled, I think for tomorrow show. So it would be only like a day's notice, but they give you like a one word topic. Like last week I had hospitals. So I did you know whole hospital like, for example, like you know, it's like hospital to me is like going to your favorite bar. It's like everybody knows my name, they know all my allergies and they pretty much know what I'm in for. So so, being with hospitals and everything, it's like having go in and out, like mostly for like allergies, asthma highs. You know when to two shells follow on your foot at the same time and you know you don't break anything, but you bruise it. So there you go. Or you end up going to a state park and staying on the trails and you end up getting chiggers. Never get chiggers. Those things. It's like hell. It felt like I was having a reverse order, like chicken pox or something like that. I thought I was dying. I didn't know what it was it was. It's so happened that a whole group...

...of us that were in the Yar that night, it's one of our stories, that we all came from the park and everything and we all had a case of chiggers. Now I I don't know if you can spray for triggers or not, like I know in some parks and everything they spray for eating mosquitoes and things like that, but sticking on the trails and everything like that, like they actually have certain parts where it's like wooden trails and everything like that, I figured I was safe, like I don't really, you know, venture off into the woods or anything like that. Like I've seen the blur which project, like okay, I'm not doing that again, you know, but there's a story behind that one. But let me finish the story first and then I'll get back to the Blair which project. So yeah, it's like walking through the park. Like I said, it's still matter beautiful place, the best place to see butterflies. Like they get a lot of butterflies. I'm not sure. I'm guessing that's more like a early spring, like early fall type of thing, but they get some amazing butterflies. Anyways, like I love nature photography and it's like I just I stuck to the trail and everything, and when I got home I was fine, but then later in the night I'm like what the hell, I'm like Itchy, like I've I have hives like I'm prone to getting hives and usually they don't. They don't itch like, they don't. They're not like the kind that irritate. So I'm like, okay, what is this? Like? It's like bothering me so much. I'm like, I gotta go to the you are like, I don't know what this is. So it's like I get there and there's like six other people and, you know, the nurses are asking he knows, like so, what's going on and everything, and you know, and this eners got pretty much wise to the situation, because she's like, Oh my God, you're like the six person here that has told me that they've been in a still manner today. And yes, it was a case of the chiggers. I now know how that was my computer chair squeaking. It's not me. I didn't not eat the beans again, maybe I did. Anyway. Yeah, so people that were in a cell matter had chiggers, and I just won't point off that the off bug spray does not forget yet pretense I'm making upward thing and how the off deep woods or any bug spray or bug repellent that you use it does not prevent you from getting chiggers. That's like the worst thing ever. Like, I didn't know this. Only chigger spray will repel chiggers. So if you're gone to a wooded area or any trails, like I know most of them are open here in New Jersey, you know, for walking, like the playgrounds aren't open, like things like that. Any qulace that had an inside like a little museum or something, I don't think that's open unless they're, you know, outside and they're letting only a few people in it at a time. But yes, if you go walking in the woods, make sure it's like you have bug spray and you have chigger repellent because, believe me, you do not want to get cheggers. I was like I had no idea what they were and my God, the pain, the pain, let's just put that way. I mean it's kind of like wiping your ass with poison ivy, like I wouldn't know that personally. Now my cousin Kim would definitely know that one. So Yeah, Oh, I had another story. This is kind of like like we're doing, like where's beauty? Like I'm just like all over the place right now, like not like, not in a physical sense, but like doing all these open mic nights and doing like the workshop and everything, and I've worked with people from Canada, from California, Australia, Japan, Egypt, like, oh my gosh, when I did the workshop last week, I have, I want to call him my new best bud. His name is me he. Let's try that again. I just messed up his name. His name is me here. Sorry, I'm like dry mouth.

I drank a lot of water and bugs braided it so, but no worries, new triggers are but anyway, yeah, his name is me here. He's really, really funny. And where is he from? I can't remember. Oh my gosh, I'm having like the biggest brain fever, like apparently my brain is not here. So, but his name is me here and and I had made him laugh so darn hard. I believe he's I want to say he's from Egypt. Oh my God, I'm probably so far off, like wow, I know he was in Canada. I'm not sure if he was up up there doing work or anything. I know it's not Egypt. I'm like messing this up so bad, like this is where my head is right now. But anyway, his names make your me here, I made him crack up so much during the comedy workshop, like it like he was snorting. You're snorting like a little piggy, and I was like, oh my got this is awesome. I was like, so, wherever he's from, it's like, wherever he's from, it's like I would like I would kill as a comedian over there, but he liked them like how like free and everything. Everything was just coming out and flowing and everything. I was like, I've just been doing this, you know, forever, like a year and a half, like we did get the top privately afterwards and everything, which is great too. It's like I love like doing all these shows and I've been asked to do podcast and everything. Big guests here, big guess there. It's like it's awesome. It's getting a little overwhelming, but it's almost getting me back to my regular schedule, which was crazy because before quarantine I was doing four to five open mic nights a week. I was in double rehearsals for at least, you know, two shows. I was doing voice over work, like everything was like like crazy, like a regular person couldn' keep up with it, and I was doing the beauty and the beast podcast, which is awesome and we have some stuff that we are working on right now. It's like we're writing some skits and everything to get some characters in there, because that's one thing that we wanted to do was not just do a podcast, but make it entertainment and make it something that we can bring to the stage, because it's like that's why we call it the beauty and the beast show. So it's like we're working on things now. We're worrying. So it's like where am I? It's like maybe Canada, maybe Japan, maybe. Yeah, I'm all over the place, Australia, California, like just everywhere. I mean, it's a great trip and I don't have to check my baggage once. That's the best part of it. I think, like that's the best part of doing all these you know, stand up comedy things online, because it's like you're really going on tour and it's, like I said, it's like I don't have to pack my bags. Oh my God, total nightmare. I don't know about you, but a lot of times I cannot afford to bring, you know, luggage where I have to check it. But sometimes you get lucky, like if you're like on a flight. I think it was where we do think we use delta. Delta when we went to San Diego Comic Con when I was a guest out there one year, and I checked, you know, their baggage sizes and everything, and right of course we're like the last people to board the plane because obviously that was really a spur of the moment, like we had two weeks to plan this thing, to get hotel, air fare and get out there, like there wasn't much thinking about anything else and we couldn't afford to, you know, have our luggage checked in or whatever. But Delta was really, really nice, like if you had a big suitcase that wouldn't fit overtop, they would actually check it for free. I was like, which was awesome. So I don't know if they still do that. They probably do. It's like I've found them to be a very nice airline going to San Diego. They were the perfect airline we've been.

Got Out there early and got to enjoy a couple hours of the convention that day. But yeah, it's like packing would be like a nightmare. Could you imagine having to pack for like a world tour but you can only bring a carry on like that. That's that's insane for anyone. Like I hope there's like walkers in all these countries and things like that. But, like I said, doing things digital and virtual like it's a whole new experience. But now that I've gotten into it, it's like I'm having a blast with it. So it's like right now it's like everything. I think this high is going to continue. Now it's like paid the last respect to my cousin's song, jewels and everything at which was, like I said, which was nice. Like I said, it got me low because, you know, it hurts like when you hear that that an animal has passed away, and you know human too, obviously, like I'm not heartless or anything, but yeah, like pets get me, you know it. It just gets you because it's close to home. It's like we have two cats of our own, and I know it was that like when we lost our cap buffy, when he was eighteen. But if Real, they talking about the guy just burket on here. Anyway, excuse me, like damn, I didn't realize this was like the beef and Belch Hour, like I don't know what's wrong with me, but but anyway, it's like I'm just going to keep on talking. Oh, I had that story. That's right. Let me backtrack. Okay, the Blair which project. I'm sure like everybody has seen it by now. Pretty much these kids going to the woods, they're looking for the Blair witch, so to speak. They're looking for like the ruins of the house or I don't know if they're looking to communicate with her or whatever. It's like. I know the remake was horrible. Like that's like two hours that you will never get back on your life if you watch that. Even the first one was if he like. They had like a really lit like they had a decent budget for that movie and what they did was they kept the filming and everything like way under budget and then to promote it. That's where it got people like they promoted like the hell out of it, like it was like a real story and everything. Yeah, I just won't point out it was not a real story. Yet people way into the woods looking for the blur which themselves and that whole calnary or town that they used to do the blur which product. Those people were pretty much pissed off anyway. One Night House watching that. This is back when my dad lived out on a farm for a big place. You know, he wasn't home, so I was like, well, you know what, there's some cows in the pasture. I'm like, let me go see some pictures of them. It was a nice spring day, so it's like I'm taking pictures and everything, and then I realize one of them is not a cow. One of them is bull with sharp horns and it's looking at me. So I run and jump over the other fence. Normally where I'm not like, I don't I didn't explore area too much. It's like I knew I was old enough I had my driver's license, because I was able to drive myself there and everything. But it was a night like right after I watched the Blair which project, and right back there there's like a little stream or whatever and there's a whole like wooded area and I'm like, well, shit, I could walk around. And then I'm starting to walk and I'm like okay, this is kind of feeling like the Blair which project, and I turn around at the right time because I almost walked into this chinormous spider web, like this thing. My had to be twelve feet. Had to be like twelve feet by twelve feet. I almost walked dead into it and I was like, Oh hell no, I was like, okay, so I got this big...

...old spider web and a big old spider in it and I'm like do I take my chances with the spider or the bull, like what is going on here? So I decided. I went around it and I was like, okay, it looks like there's a trail here, because I believe people went hunting back there and everything. Yeah, I did see the dear tree stands and everything. How many times can I say the word? Like eight billion? Okay. So yeah, so it's like I'm walking, I'm totally lost, like they're really I I don't even think I had a cell phone back then, so it's not like I could call and say Yo, I'm stuck in the damn woods confined me, and know that was not the case. It's like I just had to keep walking and walking and walking and finally I made it back to the trailer and I was like Oh thank God, Land Ho Lam. But while I was walking, it's like never watch the blur which project and go for walk in the woods. That is like the scariest thing ever. So yeah, that was my blood. which project I ways say too, I did again. Um Um, um Um Um. Okay, and back I know. Sometimes when beast and I start the show, I did it get son of a bitch. Even when I say it tenzero times, it still doesn't go anywhere. So when beast and I we get together and stuff and we'll go over things like yeah, let's try not to say like Um or, you know, he you know, like me. I'm known for you know. But when I'm I'm going back to the workshop. Here them many workshop. I will be on it Friday ten PM. That is on facebook and it's through stream yard, but you'll be able to find the link. I'll be able to post that right before the show and you'll get to see it and everything. And she I lost my train of thought of where the hell I was going with this. Oh yeah, we got started on you know, and I'm going to kick myself. It's like the harder I try not to say it, the harder I say. So anyway, on the PODCAST, like I've noticed, doing any kind of podcast or a comedy Workshop Online, I've been grouped. I've done shit I don't want to. I've been grouped. I've been doing shows with awesome people from Canada and one of the things is saying you know, and I'm like, you know, I could do atly be Connigan it, I could be Canadian, like if I went up there today, I would blend right on it. So I was like maybe saying you know isn't such a bad thing. Like I remember this comic and he almost everything that. Every other thing that he said was you know. I was like it wasn't annoying either, it was entertaining. So I'm like maybe I'm just in the wrong place. Maybe I'm part Canadian. Who knows? You know. I mean, can you be that? I don't. I don't think Canadians and nationality. I'm probably offending so many named people right now. But yeah, saying you know it can. It can be annoying. Well, as I say it like Eightzero Times, that's annoying, but like doing it comedically, it's not. So I'm like, well, maybe peace and me belongs again at it. I have no idea, but, like I said, it's like I'll be off doing different shows and I'll try to post everything on beauty and the beast as well. I think I have everything on my schedule. Christine noltoncom and, of course, cracked cat comedycom but yeah, it's like, let's hear you know, I said, you know, there, there, it is, there, it is there, it is. So here we go. So beast just set me over his clip. For where is beauty and I would like to find out myself. If you are as lost as I am,...

...or you want to find me, please send an email to beauty in the beast show sixty nine at gmailcom. Now I'm sure we'll have a spectacular show coming up next week. Next week is the big two hundred five. I've no idea what we have planned for that, because we don't have it planned, because that's just the way we are. So yes, so, if you like this and you won't leave a comment, please leave me leave a comment. Please send us some hate mail. We really enjoy hate mail. Again, that's beauty in the beast show sixty nine at gmailcom. So looks like things. Looks like I'll be wrapping up things and quite a few minutes. Okay, a few minutes. This will be like a three minute wrap up, you know. So, like, what did we discuss today? Well, we discussed I have no idea where I'm at. If you find me, please return me to that. That that Da. If you know where I'm at, please send a note, please send a carryer pigeons. Send an email. Send an email. That's a good idea. Email us at beauty and the beast show sixty nine at GMAILCOM. So guess I'm rupping it up. So tune into another episode of beauty and the beast. I'm beauty and I'm the beast, Ewwat in the best showcom.

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