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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 0 · 9 months ago

Beauty and the Beast S2:E1 - New Year's Resolutions with Special Guest Adam Coonen

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Beauty and the Beast S2:E1 - New Year's Resolutions with Special Guest Adam Coonen.

Follow Adam on Instagram @adamcoonen

Check Adam out at the Flappers Yoo Hoo Room January 15th. www.flapperscomedy.com Check Kristine aka Beauty on Dat Phan and Friends Show January 14th

Find Us:
www.beautyandthebeastshow.com
www.rampantlyla.comiTunes | Spotify | SounderFm

...debuty, are you there pick up the phone Jeez? What do I say? It doesn't worklike that anymore anyway, it's two thousand and twenty one, and I wantedto talk to you about Sesa, to of beauty and the beast. I got your email aboutdoing it on zoom and I absolutely do not want to be on zoom, but first everlittle song for you to kick things off just IOS roasting near a dompster fire Jaras living at my lo tiny tops better head for the hills, Oleonne therapy, my fall. Everybody knows that beauty in a smartlight. Blue helps to make us foy night. It maybe taboo, but it's certainly trueblue. She Dew to you tat. That's to that TA's Yo! That's upthat Bos to pus o your to you sp to you. Do you do beauty, a big spik in tohappy new. Your beauty now about these zoo shows. I absolutely do not want tobe seen on zoom. I do not feel comfortable sharing my face with theworld, so no zo shows no zoo shows. No, absolutely not. Okay. Well, call me coming to Ol his life Leekie. I Ay Om Beast and welcome to two thousand and twentyone welcome to season to that's right. We made it another year sheas'n to WHOHAV thought. I know two years that is frazy whatwhat is the official to your anniversary thingin, I think, maybe like a rock or somethinga rock. Well, I'm getting one out of my head later on now that I know I know Ijust have to Tiltan. You know shake it and the other year you cul hear theocean. It's all good soy o hold of your hand and I'll listeninto your ear, atmy favorite things to do that, coul be in Ta, walking alongthe Ocean. That could be a new position who knowsaright dependi on what's happening with theother hands wooth. They go go somewherepthethasofficer. So, as you can see, Wimotion I'm I've been kicked out and I'm havingto start season to in the wood shed until I can the course Getin the studiowith you again AAs Reseson to folks, yes, Seson, Toubaby, I mean can't. We just call it like the black shack or something likethe wakshack yeah, the Wais, like the bomg Shack Studios. Like you know, I mean basically currently I'msurrounded by tools: Bak cans, empty mazon jars, which need filling. Igot some golf clubs here also have some other reasons. I'm out of here. I have these bongos, which I've beenplaying a lot, especially during football games. So theyr like get thehell out of here with your Fon, goes, and I have my boom Ba, which is tmakes a lot of noise Asso. I usuallyplay it on New Year's day down on broad street, but there was no mummersprarade this year, so I had to to play it n. The House and I've been kickedout. The Garden Shid, the woodshed, thefucking mancave studio prison. Just please, I I love it. Please atleast tell me that you got a Tetni Shot...

H. I had a ton of those okay, justchecking yeah they're, like O. whenever I go to theYarand, I have had a Teti return like well, not since last, not since thismorning, right yeah, not since breakfast right, yea had many a reason than have hadmany reasons. You have had many a Cetnin Shon, so I'm all good on thatawesome. Wesome, what's happening in your neck of the lakeside woods a Istill under construction. There you still having trouble with the trafficpatterns. Oh boy, Yep, it's still bad, it's just one way, and that is it it'slike my vagina, you know onway Yep, that's a two way street. Give me abreak. I know it's got to come out sometime right, yeah. Really I don'tcare how long Gou keep it up there or does it ha? Maybe it's like one of those trickswere it goes in there and comes out. You know like a magician right, except for acool coming out of her mouth, exactly the Peter Varios toys andinfluence of destruction that Causus bluse bluchsiner on. I hear this podcast theother day about heavy petding and you', telling your sclosh stories, and you know the thing is that we stayed inside likeall last year, pretty much you got any new ones. Well, let's see I was working on acouple. I've been working on clean comedy lately, Soo Carefor, working onclean comedy, and we didn't say we were going to do clean comedy here. Iwondered if you had in Yeur SPLU stories. That's all not your gug comedyyou're working on well. I do a thing now like where I explain like splutionfemale ejaculation, a little bit more visual like picture an elephant and Elfin's trunkgoing down into a bucket of water and coming up and sprang everywhere. That is my vagina. Okay! Well, you still have not an so myQuestionis as a third and final time during the covid pandemic episode, twtytwenty to be continued. Did you have any splutastic adventures you need totalk about? No I've been, I feeli had to buy a wet back. It's all splushe up in here. It's Ben New curtains. New Bed kneweverything it's. It was an explosore O had to be agaller to going on Nope, not Li. I over the COSEOF CovidTwo thousandand twenty, and it's like this uce meter, the SPU shamiter is s, is Blu Jaminer, with e big o between the wors gloopsand the meter, Yep iterthat's good to now all right? Well, I o you know, I don't knowsomehow I was worried about here, something I don't know. I do remember, though you saying thatyou were trying to create alest Eluse CENTRC material for Blue Mike, becauseyou hadclused yourself senseless over there, and I give recall people singingalong to your splu song. So I know I missed that. I did't need tobring out the songs again what it was. It was actually a challenge. It's likeJolie from rampantly La. If you gon T check that out, it's rampantly do la.They have some fantastic makes over there and for the month of December Iwas not allowed to say splush or talk about female ejaculation like it wascrazy, like I did it, because we're going to be doing a little bitdifferent things now in order to get into like corporate comedy shows- andthings like that, like Blue Mike, is fine for all that kind of stuff, butother mikes. Unless they have, you know warning or you know, label on somethingor a rating or whatever you let im fly those ones, but it's time to bring itdown a little bit, not all the way, but Yeahi'm really sorry that you'respiring for corporate comedy. But whatever lady I understand hey, I needto make one mame that show where the Guy was surfing. He was he was crashingon different comedians couches and when he finally got his wish at the end, hewas basically doing comedy on a college circuit and...

...it wasn't Al. It was cracked up to be,but here's the thing to do corporate comedy these days. I guess you don'tactually actually a to go into the company. No zoomin into their livesbefore their meeting their strategy, their pitch, and you know, hopefullysomething good will come out of it pretty much pretty much. I mean Thi flustill lives on it's great, like everybody's, always like Oh, my gosh,it's Thi, Plutian, I'm like yes, it's like, I have some new material and Ihave some spluchy material and we're going to fuse them together. You knowwe're Gonno Hesurt me to pluchy material. I knowright W is't hat just like a wit tshirt. I don't know how you sew it together, awet tshirt time whyl. We haven't seen one of them in a long time to I knowright a we allowed to actually enjoy thoss anymore. Actually, and I wasLikekan a IM. Sorry miss get the hair dryer out.We are not allowed to enjoy this anymore as a race of men. Hey women, enjoy it too. Oh sinc, seethat's the thing. That's what's going to happen. All the clubs are going tojust be full of women and the guys when they go in an like ice cold. Get Out of here, Sir you'renot welcome Enoug of your green money, it'sthat for the women, and then womencan have their own sports and they should go support. Those things to youknow I would love to be able to be the Guy Seling hot dogs at the women'sbasketball game and everyone in the stand is a woman to that would be awesome, yeah hibeauty bowling night. Maybe you canbring out all the women bowl one night o that would be fun and we all show butlike midnight when you're all half in the bag, you're all bowled out the real bowitl star. So what are your plans? I hear we'reGOINGNA. You got an interview lined up for this first episode of the revisedseason to beauty and the beast. Oh, yes, we have comedian Adam Cunnan fromWisconsin, and he has been. I met him. I believe,on the Blue Way and we've hit a ton of mice together and everything, but he'syou know more well known at the Blue Lake and he will be embracing us withsome of his comedy and we will be talking about whatever the hell. We talk about right. Just like us, it sounds likeyeah there's no plan, there's no plan, there's no Endere from here to there'sno filter. There's noth, we don't any here. We don't do that stuff. No, I do have to let everybody know when Iinterview someone. It's like this will not be edited. Oh no youre, not anything ethe oeris,no, an the technical, dthe difficulties, all right. No technical, ththedifficulties we're going to show the world what we got. We're going to be.One thing I discovered one of those blue mikes was my friends over there goversus fish. Now I wish bout. The Altar go. Trough is fish, so you know actually was compelled tobuy some of their merch and I was thinking. Maybe you need submerge theirbeauty, maybe that black tshirt with that logo on it behind you is somethingI need to wear this summer with the sleeves cut off of it yeah. I think Ithink you're onto something. We definitely need some merch up in here.I think, by the time we put out our next episode, we're going to have astore where people can order from look at that wereloving forward. We aremoving forward. So, okay, I'll tell you what one of thethings you can put in. The cart is peptop from the beast. O'l call you upand leave you a motivational message on your cell phone that you can play toyour family e want to even drop the F bomb. I CB nofifty buck there we go there. We we're GOINGTO, get yeah we're going tohave awesome stuff this year. You know other than going right to video. Herewe are still going to be broadcasting everything on itunes and spotify,sounder IFM and I'm hoping to get on ANCHORFM as well. So it's like you'regoing to still have the classic beauty, an the beast, we're going to add somecomedians, we're going to add some other talent soon, as we find some we're good, butwe're going to be putting that all together and we're going to do moreskits and more scripted things and we'll probably even do some behind thescenes. You know if US maybe working on the script together and seeing how itsounds and maybe getting some feedback form our wonderful audience am anaudience.

We have an audiece have an audience with the Queen whenyou interview Jolie, Wea, Jo to of my favorite Comedians inone specific central location. Oh my God, that'll be great. So I'mlooking forward to that. Let me see what else am I looking forward to Oh, Iknow we were going to talk about what resolutions you were able to keep thatwe made in our last year, which was basically the first show we did so howar you doing on your Thsana twenty resolutions, of which we made very vewEfeni. Well, I said that I would go out, for Ithink, more auditions and more shows and things like that and two thousandand twenty covid happend, but it did not stop me because I jumped on theworldwide wed of awesome. Comedy shows from here all the way through London,through Egypt, through wherever the hell I wint earlier Wein yeaheverything goes through India yeah, we went whoo and I did it it's like. I'mdoing it and there's more shows and stuff that I'll be auditioning for thisyear, which I'm looking forward to like flappers out in California. They've gota great thing going on. It's like I haven't done that yet there's The NewYork comedy scene like they have like shows every night of the week. It'samazing same with flappers. They went seven nights a week with everything, soI've got to jump on that Bandwaggon. But one of my favorite things coming upis this Thursday on the fourteent. This episode will be out by then on thefourteenth. I will be doing show with that fan and friends like I am silllooking forward to it like I'm, just like. Oh, I had myaudition last week and booked te show already, so you had more auditions really, yes,yes, I kept Poren Wat Yep. I just kept it going all right. Well, then, you got you bigscore on the two thousand and twenty resolution: Ding Bing Ding Bindang thatyou were going to have more auditions and I hope e put some bank in thepocket, as well as the joy in the sheer on bridal joy. You bring to the cablewhen you're on these microphones. Everybody loves that Youre there. Iknow that for Back Jack, you've done you've done so much in,like so great and supportive. It's been who, like mine, blown Mymm, and I wentthank you for that. Like you've come to pretty much every one of my shows, it'sbeen amazing on or off because you know my problem is I'm a old dude and I workall day get up early andher around ten o'clock on a Tuesday night. I'm like Igotta, see Pe. I gotta see it and I, like I, tried so hard and you know I got to figure out other waysto support the blue, Mike people and all those people because psych I saidei was able to discover other people and I can't say enough good things, I'mnot going to say something nice about them every single fucking time, but Iguess I am because you seem to be so so involved with them now. So You keep it up because you mak alot ofpeople happy and Andav just heard a lot of funny stuff. The great thing aboutit is: When a person sucks onthe any of these microphones, you don't you don'thave to sit there and suffer through it in the club. It's way great to can mutethem. You cannot mute them, tey o and then you feel a built, the boo doownand then things get ugly because they're waiting for you in the park lotafter the fucking shop, because you boodem exactly it's like Wowi know you canjust you can even leave the room. You it it'. The Big Red Button leave you'redone here. Do It's like I'V go. My happy face. ICON COMES UP, YEP, yeah, Sidon, Seyothe, link to that guy'svieoe, O hi zoom meetings that week he basically showed video footage ofhimself he prerecorded and he pretty he got away with pretty much all of it. Itwas amazing I was like wow. I was like you know. That's one thingto think of I love doing online shows some of them are a little bit lengthy,like three four hours long and let's put this Mame Mu, butt likes air, andso I'm like I'm my holy crap, you know, isn't Builtinto your throne, my queen,who I wish I flat in this computer chair. I was like...

...it'like. I should come there just tochange your jeilpack on your on your seat, for you os Ai Loon, bad forMilady. Yes, please have like some Morelelothat show. Oh, yes, he kept bringing me fresh cooling bads on Batog. Can I make a resolution to do that? Idon't think I did remy esolution this year at least onceto attend to you. Bottolk gotta. Keep it fresh. You know! Oh, youknow what thrush. I think I killed it because doing the keegles. Oh my gosh,that's how I killed the cushion it's just getting stucked into my vagina.That's why there's nothing left! He goes ar no man's friend, you know otshut out of there. You're like Hey, mony cooler, don' want Yo in there any more be gone guys like no methe remote, we're done egdamn, Keegle, yeah Y, just Goa Club. What, when I, when I lived in Phillywhen I was young and worked that dreaded gravyard shift behind the frontdesk of one of the most popular hotels in the city, do a lot of strange things at three andfour o'clock in the morning, and there were a lot of private clubs that no onewill ever know were there an will, never be there again. We could get inwith our own liquor or sometimes we would just pay and Wev drink greatjuice, and we saw some of the most amazing women doing some of the mostamazing things. With that their amazing thing, yeah, you know, may I should find someof this footage and show it to you. You be amazed. There was one woman whocould shoot pink, Gon Balsa out there just shoot, thim right out. She couldav GE. U I to be carefulbecause she would turn away from the audience and she fille herself full ofJergins handloasion and she turned around and who shit out the masses. This is to see inphilly a TA yeah. Those are good old days. It's gotto be going on somewhere still have you ever been to Amsterdan ladyes blushQueen Nonot, yet the live sex shows and thered light district. Not yet alrigh we'll do a whole show about that orwhen the covid finally goes away. Maybe we should plan a road trip. It's notactually a road trip, yeah he's pecially playing aboutthe time. I've gotten loss in theairport over there in England more times than I can remember, especiallycoming home, because we so wasted. I know everything's like a damn mes,doutly and Glue Lights and weirdness so yeah. It's also it's worth the effort.Anybody again, though, it's not like it used to be. Nothing is sorry folks weruiined it for you Ohin, so many ways there were so many great things. U Usedto be able to do, and now you can't, because we fucked it up for you. Wedefinitely Tokitto the limit cross. The line, not thes things. Youcan't do anymore. Sorry, that's! Okay! I could just have thesefantasies in my brain. That was true. We wrecked a lot of stuff yeah, at least a legal, wise, legal l, legalwiseweath, legalized, marijuana in Jersey. So yes at least there'ssomething right. Nowpeople wife was ter not, but was it wise to legalize? Is thatwhat was in the back of your minds? Yes, a even though its Ting is so whatthey haven't made any they haven't made any decisions on how exactly that'sgoing to be done. I, like every other state that has it we're still we'restill struggling with the samantics of it and figuring out how we're stillgoing to penalize you, even though it's legal, I know right, there should be adispensory on every corner. By now you know, like your local guy, still the mostpopular man in town thati store, but imagine if liquor store, sold tewee hat dispenseres, who needs that we just needid at the at the seven elevenexactly just go in there. You know pick some stuff its like all the brands ofcigarettes. There are, you know you can buy the cheap ones, which is all oMarijuan that fell on the floor. While they were making a good one...

GONHAV, the ones OIT's all sticks andstams. You know, but you know, they're cheap IINE pacte make it back Ino cigarette,they got it all, figured it out, but that's the problem. They don't have anyeven figured out a they haven't had figured out since they put that guy inoffice years and years and years. I G, but you guys are taking your bones outof your videos. The corporagates you want an the guysare like hey, can tlern any bogs in you, videos, don't horry, don't worry, there's somehigh times mikes coming up and that you know I believe I have an idea. It'sprobably been done, but what the hell of like a four twenty Mike it starts onfour twenty in the afternoons. Maybe am it depends on how your sleepschedule is, but it's like Thefour, twenty, your Bong and hit your bonginghit. You do like three minutes of comedy. You hit it again and Bam showsdon at ain't happening his four dtwenty here, it's hundred NDtwenty out there they're, like dude, we're still ik live than also four twenty is so arbitrare,because no one can even show there ant they'll be laked for it. It's just that four. Twenty is a wayfor hippies to think theyre on time, for something or something I know. Oh,these. Damn time zones are killing me find zons yeah hame zones- it's like Idon't know, they're out n the west coast like Oh, we lot a SPOTA chee an Islow to coke. Let's go and you're, like my God, I've been ad for hours, yeah plus you actually have a life thatother part of it you're, not sleeping all day waiting for the Mike do that istruesorry idid'menoinselteal. I would be doing that if I could like a Collectson of some some stipen La. I know it's like to methirty. That's just that's! AsLazy. We get honest to God, th, honestly, Goy, that's is lened. I SleepTet ten o'clock latest ID sleep, you'R Li Easter, ten o'clock to ID wantto be up y eleven to see PRICIS right there we go now. That's C, that's justsomething that keeps on going round. You know you know, or at least my one,so your hat you wake up and you have lunch it's kind of like breathless, butit's lunch was not brunch because it's lunchtime yes, fucking lunchtime soiaythirty Yeah Thiya, eleven yeah, rightthirtyp, Ro, O drink and ride away.I'm glody marriage for breakfast hell, you that's how it should be, that's how itshould be. So speaking of resolutions, did you keep your resolution of pickles,not only tdit? I keep my resolution. I actually. I technically did not keep myresolution to eat everything off the pickle bar because covid shut down theficgle bar like it shut down every other buffet, but I have eaten picklesevery day or something pickled. In fact, I actually started a pickle blog thisyear because I'm trying to to keep things a little lighter and less heavyin my life and so writing about pickles is one of those things and alreadyalready I have gotten a coupon offer from Mount Olive pickles. They saw mypickle Blok and sent me a quon. Now this is the most paiment I've had forblogging its started. Flogging probably, and Ihave to actually go- spend money to use the coupon. So I know, but still thankyou about Ilive you made my day. I doubt you'll watch this because I havedropped the F bomb, but I'm thinking about yeah. I love your pickles andHavee viggles every day and as soon as the pickle bar opens, I willtechnically continue my quest. But right now, as you speak, there's atleast five jars of pickles in my recirdrator do go Canto Yo, onfl,hroiri love. It I'm getting a lady booner over here. Lady bowners are alsothat was one of my resolutions was to cause more lady boners and do moreeybanging. When I got my mass on Helly, nothing like a good old, iy, Bang Whoa.I mes some girl the other day at the Ark Museum, and it was like you knowfrom first of all, the mask takes ten years off of my appearance. So rightther got that going for me. They don't know Ow fucking, all that going for me.They don't now have fucking all im...

...behind that thing. So since you'reyoung and heart, that kind comes through your mask, Soehi fucing, that's the only thingcoming through your mask now! Actually we had, you know we hadsome fun with the Bass. We like we, like my wife and I like to make a showof kissing each other goodbye with the Mass on in front of my office. Golikeget a kick out of that. I actually grew. You know that all those only fansthings I don't know I don't know anything about Hem sometody told meabout him and I sent some money. This girl and she sent me all these hot pictures of her using Covid masssas your costume and vary degrees. So that's hot stuff.So, ladies, it was stess an coid mass and strategically place thou. It'sgoing to be a fashion, ched o two thousand and twenty one mark my word:Oh yeah and that's spoosh, Yep that', Om, puch material, that'ssome SPO right! There yeah the onge girl. Oh my God. I haveto tell you I there's some of these ticktok Beautiesoh, my goodness. Oh mygoodness, Ge Yo know I've seen your chicktop, but it's not like the some ofthese other ones. I want, and I don't ven know how it happened. You know Ijust I just post pick toks and me scratching my pets. Yuyou know you put up jokes, othergirls put up TNA and it's like outrageously awesome. I know it'sawesome, I'm like I'm like that weird person that goes to a party and justlike, hangs out in the corner with a pet. You know o now and watches everything on Tick, Tokyeah, pretty much pretty. I kick myself and Tel Myself. I likethe girls because they're coss players, it's research, research and, Oh, my God, ea actually I have to. Ican only take it. I don't know why am at this point in my life, but I canreally only take ticktot eats girs on Dickton, it's short intervals, becausemy heart just ar the fucking race, exactly it's like I'm Ghave, to put down a tarp in here, Manoh man, and then you know. I knowit's all O that sign up for their pages and giving them my money, but I'd rather I'd ratherfulfill their wishlifts. It aiy Yall ar out there listeningright. Now you take top beats your you're one of them now you're, oneof them: Youre, tick, Topin, tick, tack, Baby,yeah, yeah, doing some stuff yeah on the tick in the top. Well I mean I was Oll some stuff withmy ticktof. The other day, but that was like masturbations so yeah, no, not the yeah, but on my ticktack it was great. It was more tick than talk that pretty much. You know me so well, youknow, is your lady boter, this big or not, that big CICCLAT? So I at this only resolution I rememberfrom last year and of course I didn't go back and listen to the to the showagain. Why would I whi do there meether I'm like what did I make last year? I'mlike what the did. I even say what did we say? I don't even remember rememberthat I never agreed to this video shit, because I don't want anyone to see mebecause I'm very on cameraworthy look at me, look and then no matter what Ido. I near the background. So n? U S O conscientious about this, but I didthis whole thing. Last year I tried to launch a horr host horror, bang,remember those videos yeah at the end of the at the end of the year, when Ilookd at all that work I did. I was like. Why did I evenet put myself onscream? That's what ruined at all you gotto take the chances, I'm taking a chance, I'm out herfreezing, my but of in then unheeded, shed withsavage dogs next door, but thats me Mkedi know she. I it's okay, it's okay! It's about it'salmost time to wrap it up before we end the spot, though it'slike, we have a nice little treat with you with my interview with comedian,Adam Kunin, coming off, like please stick around for that. It's like you're,going to really really enjoy it. How...

...could you not? He is very, very, very funny and wehave a whole bunch of comedians. I am off doing zoom interviews pretty muchall the way through February now. So it's like people are, you know booking.You know if you want to get on our show, come check out our website and choot isan email at beauty in the beasts, show sixty nine atgmailcom in come with anything shorter yeah. No, I definitely couldn't comewith any short now Wato. We so talk about. Do ant to alkabout that ompoint like how long is too long and U K timewise lint wit, all ofit and I'm geting tired of this. You know I'm getting tired of this debate. No two women are the same hat yo mansaying that's the real problem. How do you give advice to anybody? Everybodyneeds different advice. We're all different everalten fen we're alldifferent, but we can definitely leave that for another episode. Yeah well cover that you know lengthdistance time zones will put it all in there and we'll find out what works now.Did you talk to Anam about his resolutions at all? Yes, I did well ess. I dmatically leads two partstonect. Yes, I mean how do hurt? That's art we got it going on. We know what we'redoing. I feel better about this already see. I got you, I got you, I gotyeah lall right all right, so here we go where re we going. I guess it's time to end this thing. Oh,it is for reals and I widn't get say these days forreals for real, like totally like for sereal. I N do this. Oh my gos, likeWhoa, eatsom, all right wet. If you would,let me finish Gee, I would never let you finish. No, no! No, it would behours hours hours, oay, I'm pety and I have the beast hello, everyone and welcome to thebeauty and the bee show. This is the new bit that we have it's entitled.Beauty's bits, that's what the BEA, not with the tea. If you want the tea, youhave to check out my only fans, but today we have a special guest for you.We have rad dead, amazing comedian, Adam coonin, hey everybody, Christine Real, quick.What's The urlonly fans I at just for some friends, I just want to ask for acouple: F friends: okay, alighgoingon drop thati. As, as Christine said, Iam a new fathercan be pretty stressful, turns out. I actually got my wife pregnant the samemonth I started doing standup so clearly have to work on my timing. Work on she told me she told me we iwas all worried about money. She'slike well. You know it's GOINGTO, be helpful. I'm getting a big bonus,threesand dollars right about when the baby comes, which was awesome, becausethat was the most cocaine I've ever had in my entire life it, and now it's gone. I shared with the baby. Don't worry one of the tough things about me forbeing a dad to Isi have depression which makes everything harder. No. I went to the doctor because I want toknow if I had the kind of impression where there's a chemical anbalance inyour brain or if I was just fat and bad at everything that made me sad. I I she told me you know, have you ever hadany suicidal thoughts? Yeah, maybe, but luckily I have acrippling fielo fear of failure, so kind of works itself out. He told me you know ham, maybe try tolike watch something uplifting. You know do o things o make yourself feel better. So my wifeand I watch Mary poppins and the whole time, I'm just thinking what a bitch you kidding me he's a magical flyingwhich lady who sole purposees to help children anwhere. Does she go in on ThousadnineHundren, ten upper class? London, literally the best place, those kidsstill had one living parent. It's not like there aren't a starvingSiberian children who can use a spoonful of sugar, maybe just amedicine. It made me feel a little bit better too,because that kid was like eleven and World War twos about six or seven yearworld or one excuse me. I was about six...

...or seven years down the line, so youknow probly die anyway, so I was feeling pretty down at work a couple ofmonths ago, and so I decided to google how much for a hand job an a massageparlor, I'm not weird or anything I didn't wantto go, get a handjob and it's fiftyars consier wonding. Fifty for Handoseco Ididn't want to get a hand job I just was thinking. Maybe I should open amassage pawer and start giving anjobs for fifty ors o really seemed like economical thing.For me, I did the math if I drink ten tix a day five days a week, threehundred and sixty five days a year, it's about a hundred, a thirty husanddollars a year, just pure profit. Very little overhead, I don't have anyemployees really seem like the move. Yeah Plus I've got about twenty years ofexperience, Jerking Dick. So you know put that on my resume. What you know they say do what you loveand you never work a day in your life. You know, iand. I've had a lot of shity jobs. Inmy life I was ive worked maintenace I was ashorterer chef. Dishwasher was a painter, lived a Mabanscrews. I said my worst job ever is I worked for a year. I worked in aplastic pallet factory. It was terrible just loud and smell badand occasionally big hungs of plastic. It like spew out of the machine andland on you like Moltin Plastic, and you can't like wipe it off because itjust like spread and burn you more, and so you just kind of have to like Ju sort of take it honestly come seems better. That seemseasier to deal with just wipe it off move on with your life. Maybe there's alittle emotional scarring, nothing beyond that. I would like to run myhandjob shop a lot of like the factory. No just like SIRF around everybody shift meeting all right, ass, fols, Takein, easy onthe loup suppliers been dickinus around, so we're Gong to have to make this last OCAS COMG in for an expense inspectionpretty soon. Here, so remember, t e your knees, not we it back at bill.I've told you a hundred times cup the balls all right. This is an efficiencyshop. Here I cut those balls. Throw Aut Pinky in the back end come on now, yeah M. I think it's girls, but I'm anew father I' got a family. To think about might be the important might bethe financial movefor me to make all right wewl. Thank you very much. I'vebeen to Adam Coonan check me out on instagram all those other things thatpeople do socially awesome Ana. I love your comedy hello,Wat. I love it io. I love it. It's great! It's great to have you here.It's it's fantal the fun thing about thatlast bit is that actually came from an ar argument. I had with both my wifeand one of my friends because I was bitching about my job and like it wasjust an office job. I was complaining about it as, like you know I can just prosture myself for way moremoney and work like half the time and they're both like Yedi, you shame sexworker sex workers. Work Ukthey do ith their heard they're downon their knees. All the time. It's you know, wellthat's the thing when I was when Iwas a painter and a maintenance fan. They would sell nee pas right sobecause you like spend so much time like grouting and like just like tapingbanisters, for you know what I mean like doing stuff on your knees, so theyha guys would just wear nee pads, like I just feel like these worlds couldreally collide in a lot of convenien ways. You know what I mean they eachhave a little bit to offer the other one be geat. They could. Definitely Imean that's during these covid times that we're going to have to create somenew jobs. You know you know whether it's hand, jobs, low jobs, you know and to make them money and support.Somehow right, our armpit jobs, foor jobs, I meanthere's, there's a lot of different jobs. T it's infers mart xactly, boob jobs. You know it's funny that it's actually even moredifferent, there's multiple types of Tho jobs that you can have actually andget it's like reduction inflation. You knowit's all. There it' put it Wen, Ou, o the pumps, you know, and I don't mean to shame anyone oneway of the other speaking fo jobs. But I personally I don't you know if that'swhere you decide to go and get your an augmentation to the. How do you sayChristine The chesticals here Testi? If you decided to get a chesticalenhancement? That's fine! You know no judgment. I personally, you coan tellthey look like they look like water...

...balloons. You know what I mean when youlike, tie off a waterballoon and kind of just like I yeah, it's weirs the shape and the like some of them. They look likethey're like pulling the skin forward, and it's just like Yude. Like what isgoing on there, you know like Oshi, get turn a kitten pop that thing or somelike big Zitzoand they'll have those like kind of weird, like wavy folds onthem. Someplace right. It like it, looks like those things like like awoopie cushion right like how wobe cushion has lose folds in Er on the end,Yors K. no, no, it's not how kits are supposedto work. You know what now I feel bad, let's not putits no box. Let's just keep them where they are.Let's S, people can draw their own conclusions.You know the real for the FAEN watching movies,like my fiance and, of course, I'm a breast woman, you know and ananything natural is great, but thenwe're like O. Those are. Oh, no, that's just scary right there now nonow! Well,that's the tricky thing is. It seems like it's way harder to tell with Closaight. So like you can't really sit like he's ts like a Hollywood actress orsomething like that. You know whether they're, real or fake. You know they'reall he encasement Abrar or whatever and like an address or whatever. So youjust like lad nice figure like what are you going to do? You know I meanthere's. No, no, there's no way to tell. I think I watch a lot of naked movies,so yeah like that's. Why that's Yeahnot me never not a day in my life ine, Iwas thirteenlike when they have to do. You know sex scenes and everything theydo have the prosthetics that they get done and made up. So it's not. Actuallyit's not actually them that you're, seeing it's actually a full on reshplea.You know yeah yeah, it's crazy, but yeah. I couldn't imagine doing that.You know in Hollywood or whatever I'd be like no I' gonna, hang out real quiko want a email, Helly Barry and tell her. I want my money from sort fishback. Just comes comes with time. It's likeno, not doing it gets. U Reli. I just. I just admitted a lot about myself slike wow. The first set of Hollywood naked tits at popp into his mind, washally. Very it's true it'slike. I welcome to welcome to our confessionsround it's great it's. So how two thousand and twenty onetreating you that's been good so far, I'm I'm off the sauce. The time beingNII I joke with my friend, I'm probably gonna go two three months. I just wantto lose weight really like Ca. This is the problem,and I shouldn't say this because I ham a new father, but I kind of likebeinglike I enjoy it right and people are like, like more aren't you for yourgin, a Lookok Fa for other people like well. Aren't you supposed o not carewhat other people think anyway, you know an so but honestly, like I was equaint my alcoholism to likefullbown alcoholics o like a house fire Yo like you, got to call a fireapartment and get everybody out. It's a big thing, I'm like a grease fire and Irear like whoo crap somebody Grabe, you know I just got Ta occasionally justgot to grab the Bak and Soda N, throwing o over everything, Ji,everything ou and then, after a little while we start cooking, you knowbecause I've never been like off the wall. You know so yeah, that's going on.It's been four whole days. No awesome, that'sgood, but again it's not like I'm not like. I wasn't like an everyday drinker orwhatever I just like wantto drink as christinknows from quite a few latenight, red mikes. Yes, when you drink you can't roast for Shit. THAT'S NOT TRUE! Actually it's! When Idrink too much, I can'when drink too much every! No! No! It's fun! Almost everytime. I've like quoteunquote, gotten rosty in one of those micites. I wasdrinking right. It was just you drink too much one time andeveryone's just like. Oh, he can't roastwiing drinks, no, I'm great atroasting. What I DRINK! It's just there's a balance to me. Yeah in your balance was like here and thenit wuld yeah, Eah, H. Well, and I also forgot to that. I was going likefifteenth or whatever like eighteen, so you gotta, you know, got a Pacer Sathet balance right between drinking too much to roast and not drinking enoughto roast. I think in Buddhism. They call that the Middle Path yeah! That'swhy UA talked about it. Specifically, if I remember R, that is true, io go ahead, I'm sorry know I actuallyhaven't had a drink and I want to say...

...since about June wlike. You will see mehere with this red goblet thing that I have that I use for Rendfair, but mostof the time I'll just have like apple juice or like juicy juice in there. Youknow just to belong to the crowd. Like okay, we're going to be drinking, youknow, Wer got you know, so I'm like I'm. I think today, probably if I had a beerI'dbe like pass out on the floor yeah. This is good. ASTHAT was my wife. Basically, becauseI used to get. I forget the name of this beer orwhatever, but it was like eight point, five percent or something like it was.You know it was a stouts or well stout Stoue, but I idn'ov, strong, stuff, yeah and one night. You know because my wife, you know shestopped drinking, she got pregnant and then she wasn't really like intodrinking the first. Like you know, five six months hat our son was born orwhatever and again I you know maybe once a week, I would like kind of tie.One O, but like so we're sitting down, were watchingsome movie and she drank like half a beer and like put her hand on me andit's like Whoo, I think I'v Done Hmy Godigtwayobutyeah. It's I pro see. Myproblem is like I love being fucked up like just in whatever context like Ilike. I always think. Like you just mentionedRenaissance Fars, I love Redif, soundsfairs, they're, fantastic they're,even better when you're drunk, not wastet, just got a good buzz goinghaving a good time. The last time I was a renfair. I heckled one of the nightsbecause he, but like I didn't heckl him like I do this thing sometimes calledantiroasting, where you just compliment someone so ridiculously that it's funnyit's really I really like, but basically I kept tol like he would rideby and I'd be like. I want to have your babies and, like you, have the hair ofa godlike, you were carved out of marble like stuff. Like that and likeiave the whole section one, I was a good sime, probably wouldn't have doneit without Ta, whatever five goblets like you, sound familiarlike, that guyad every runfare, I know right. It's like wow. I know like during the daylike we we have like. I work with the New Jersey Renaissance, fair, so wewould have like two jouls like the first one is like just the gaming jeas.You know whatever see the pretty hoses, you know they collect the loops andstuff like that and I'll be like out like on the die. I'm like what the HellDo. We do out here, they're, like just we, your handkerchief and like cheer,for whoever you want, because we have no Ilik there's no script. Just gowillynilly nice sous, like Yor Ren Farer, have a harp.Girls Oli I went to the Marylandit was likeit was like a band of harp playing girls in like Pixi costumes or whateverthey capture byart. That's all tha, I'm saying its just likei might have leftmy life, for them, like Thi, would have been like what do we to the magicalforest at all? Right, I believe I have seen those. I think.I've seen that that group, either at the Pennsylvania, runissance, fair soul,possibly een, the Connecticut one. It's like yes, amazing, music, like you justyou, can just sit there and like just grab a beer and just like watch themall. Damn Day like do yea like yeah, I fo my thing that whole like folky, like Improvthing that they have going on, but like what harps or whatever I don't know, Oit was very bad ass. It was very bad and then they had like the brains goingon and like I I'm so like fashion stupid that I have no. I like picturewhat theyw're wlearing in my head, but I have no words to describe it like I,don't have the vocabulary. There was like leather straps and, like dresses,and some sort of white top thing going, I don't know basically like if theywere in fact what else trying to enchant me to run off rom the forest. Iwould have done it. I probably they oud have ut you got Mei have no SOM. I haveno poer what happens at the RENFAR SAS of theFrend, fair and so you've been there too long, andthen you start talking about it on a podcast, asi think itenough to keepsecrets. I thinkohi'm intrigued now. Okay, a for those of you just listening,I'm currently maniically putting my fingers together like like, like a villain, you got Ta, you got to giveme a story, then you got to give me a great right friend sounds fair, likeparty story, because I hear they get pretty wild when the yeah. I A partystory, okay, so I was just going at runfaresat a time before I was working at him, I'm not going to mention the fairs nameor anything, but there's this husband...

...and wife couple and they usually youknow stak out someone that year and that you'r happened to be me. So youknow every weekend you know we would meet up at the gates and you know hewould have scored us around the fair Weud go shopping. Everything you knowhave fun Ho get us roses and you know beernd. You know important things yeah, so Itas like so one time it was throughthe whole season, we're sitting down t the finale, that's where everybodygathers at the end of the day, and you know the storyline comes together andeverybody's singing and having a good time, throwing kids up into the air.You know that whole thing so we're sitting on the bench and I was wearinglike the hoop skirt at the time, and you know it's like h, kind of startgoing a little bit underneath and you know, there's lots of stuff that you doin those hoops cirrits and his wife had this awesome dragon that was likelaying on her cleavage, but I didn't know, but when you lifted it out on theother side of that was a penis it as sold down it's like dude. That wasawesome. So it's like she starts using that onherself, I'm on his lap at this point like in midpublic with everybody aroundus, and we start doing some stuff. You know it's like we're: GIVHIM, wood, awhole new meaning and we cud see my baby outside incesfre. You can't hearcover your ears. Little Frankin cover your ear. Okay, what's the Kiney cattalking about porn yeah yeah? So she gets it out. You knowshe's going on herself, then she's got like her hand like thow. You know downunder where everything else is going on and like we're, like literally havingthis threesome and then my friend, who was in the fairly she comes aroundshe's like what the hell are you to do it, and then I donti just scrabbed herby the waist. So she would hold me down so wlook like we're doing anything andthen my hands lipped into her skirt. So we have a forsom going on. Meanwhile,my friend jewels is like dude in public. Yes, yes, yes, Vero was myall tat, FuckIyeh, a friend of mine like a while, like yeah, he told me like Renfars,were basically like it was like it's basically like a Judas priest concertor whatever, but like I put in Mideval clothes, you know what I mean like it'ssomething it's or like whatlike Bottaru or something like it's. Just like itgets nhuts I wouldn't have known, have had no idea. You Win Somethi new everyday. It's so much fun is there's like an adult level in a kids level. Youknow it's like you. Just have some fun there. I would like to level up. I've had a level go up me, but YEA yeahman. I like I want to keep goingagain this year, ell and like we'll, bring it back down the kid level orwhatever, but now that I have a little baby there's so many costumes I gocould have them be like a little wizard onno you now like a little littlewizard pipe ot, the beer or whatever I can do. Maybe Goda you can even be StarWars. Apparently SAR wars is a thing, a friendmeison, paers nococation.Everybody has their own thing, evereveryodyit's great, becauseeverybodys so accepting to that. It's it's awesome. Actually I rememberworking at the New Jersey One and this kid this guy he frealy was a teenagerand he was dressed from dresse from adventure time. He was fin and I sawhim and I pulled him a little bit aside and I lifted up my skirt a little bitbecause I had my Jake bloomers on that day and e, just like wost his mine he'slike it's lie. You've come to the rightplace, Youe found H, you know, and that was always one thingthat I liked about. So I wasn't like a Fav Ritn, fair person, but ised to hangout in like, like I don't know, just like nerdcircles or whatever like, and I say as a nerd. I can say that that word Ba,but like like just when I were at least when I was youngerlike one of the coolest things ever is like we would like say we were likeplaying dny or something. And then I was sin like one of the like skatercades are like metal head, kids or whatever, like like ilikriht about thislite, whatever, like you guys find if we play, and everyone would just be soexcited like yeah, like you mot, you know what I mean like Com Joyn, ourlittle like a group or whatever, like it's in Som of those circles, tind tobe like some of the most accepting places where it's like yeah man. What Iwuld suose ou got. Do your thing like you know I feel like it's like youcould, like you can't cass plan as Nazis, like that's. Basically, justdon't cause plays and natzanes Ar cacking Kaand Youryo come in. Likethat's fine s, the only two rules, whereis like I used to hang out a lotof hippies. I do other bits about this ever but, like I used to hang ou a lotof hippies of like communs and stuff and like there was like rules right,they don't write them down or anything, but it's just like. Oh you eat me. Well I mean you can stay the night, butmaybe like long term, this isn't the...

...place for you or whatever God S. I lways like that kind of stuff for,like you'd, say something just like. Oh, like those apple watchers look cooland, Alas Sien you have to listen to like a fifteen minute like feel abouthow like this and th that and the other thing is unethical and like how dareyou like support apple or whatever, like it was always just like this. Thisjudgment right and then, like you, I', hang out with athletes, sometimes andTeyeyou know. How much can you Benchlik do that fucking bench and they all lookat you like? What do you mean? You don't work outlike so those circles always l to me. That was always what I liked about.There were like some of the least judgmental places you could exactly exactly like. I said I knowI've enjoyed it and, like I said the Renford, you know whole community andwelcome to you like. I was always told you know it's like I'm too fad to act,I'm too fat for this, I'm too fat for that, and I'm like what the Hell I'm like, I totally giveup and then it's like boom. I found, like the magic kingdom called therenfair and I was like dude. There's all shapes, there's all sizes, there'syou know yeah young ones, old ones, big one, the small ones, thin ones likewhat the hell he's like twenty feet, tall like dude. This is my place. It'smy circus, you know, and the funny thing is it's like it'salmost like renaissance fairs are more real than anywhere else. You would actN I mean like. I was just talking my wife about this last night. ' Like youever watch, one of those like coming of age, high school movies and they'll, belike oh we're going to the party and they go to like a Tho party and justeverybody's crazy, hot, like it's like everyone in the senior class is goingto be at this party. You go there. s like wow, that's senor class is justmodels like oever, like literally everyone in that sor classes is a model.You know what I mean, and so it's like you know I beun. I was plenty ofpartties, Mu R. I they didn't look like that. KNONSO, it's like yeah. So in away, it's like the place where everyone's like rtending is actuallymore real that'. Yes, yes in the serious theater or the you know,whatevermm, yes, exactly it's like become a nerv today that will save yourlife right there that will open up so many opportunities.I mean look all these nerd comedians that we have Ye. You know I was actually just somebodyjust mentioned getting right I'll just mention she's like you should run aGndcoy codcastthere's, like a million of them now hateverbt Ikthat'Smi user,but yeah it's II, don't want to take up too much time. This actually kind ofbugged me this is like last year, but you know how like they came out with this thing, calledlike the DD consentfu right, and it was a little like Hokey or whatever, but itwas basically a shoet of paper and it's redlight, yellow, ligke green light,and it like had these lists of topis right. So basically, and it was stufflike rape and sexual assaults and, like you know, slavery, torture, spiderslike it was, you know, there's like fifty things on this list of thingsthat might like trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable or whatever and thewhole point is you just handed to your players and say like hey just let meknow if any of this stuff is like autofdons right, we're creating fiction.So if any of this is out of founnds, let me known, I would make sure youknow, take that to account and, like I don't know, read it and facebook groupsall like exploded with angry fanboys whic as like you're rooting. The game,if you can't be matur, have to deal with this Blah Bla ba blah blah, and Idon't know I argued a whole bunch about it. But the thing that Bot ter me iswherin. When I grew up like had, I was kind of like closetedter right because, like I hung out a decent amount of partying, mindaltering substances, ND and the like and such. But if I let anybody knowthat, I also like me, and this group of friends like to play this game, likeyou know, occasionally like it, would you would just Gett like roasting, ifnot like, beat up like straight up like the shit kicked out of me for those ofyou in the audience. Whou don't know. sentual Wisconsin in the lates. Wasn'tthe EMOIS toler, but in the Worldin Themar Thee rethere are more tolerantplaces and so, like the whole idea that, like now this day and age, we're going to belike exclusive and say like we can't have this. We can't have that and likethere 's a bunch of people bitching, because there was like fan art of twoguy lves like making out and they're just like stop pushing your agenda downour throat ias like can't there just be gay ou, yeahit's fantasy. You know its,maybe not your fantasy, but you know...

...why not yeah yeah! Well, you know all of theirlike in so many of those guys. It's like their fantasy is like I'm conaandand I have a Herem of fifty women and I have a huge sword and big muscles likeit's so like kind of like their own dumb Hoky, like whatever, like nonsensething to so that somebody else's work and that always really really bugged me,because it was like we being into that kind of nerd stuffwhere I grew up, because it's like you know, it's just white people. As far asI could see, like you know, like other than like, you know, I was friends witha lot of the gay kids in my high school and like we had a club and stuff, butother than that being like a hardcore nerd like into like magic to gatheringor dnd and stuff. Like that, I mean you were going, Ta get shit for it like youwere like it was going to be something that you were going to get harassed forand then like. This is ironic that twenty years down the line people arelike being exclusive in within the context of this thing, that used to bepart of the excluded. Guys me crazy, soapbox ran over if you play good games,be inclusive andot, EA dickol, that's seethat's, a great ending. How aboutthat? I'm glad I'm glad bout that well. This has been an amazing first episodeof beauty's bits. Thank you for tuning in everyone. Again,that's beauty's bits with a bea out of tea. If you want the teach, I got myonly fans, I'm Christine. Thank you Adam for being here. Thank you. So muchfor having me it was Super Fun. You're still here. I thought you wouldhave left after that. Well, since you're still here stick around for asong, I got my ticket for the long wayround teaof Wasky for the way. You'R we'reGOINGTO be a lot more than two here and the so was I your me Aen e Al Right, two fingers in this case yeahand I Leintobo wit, Doyou, say well. I W Weyou love me Weo me by my Hair Youst, make me everywheroyou'Rlove me Wei'm in my ticket for the long way round. You know I'm talkingabout cop right MM, the one with the Prettyouso us. I enjoysex and public. That's right, it's go. Li is got TN, it's got battlesto play with and I'm glad you be ki here. Wi e Wen iwayou o me Wenus Wiyeh, you ome mymy hair. Your Guy Make Me Everywhereol me wwalov me Wityou, O me by my hair. Let's make me Everywherero you. I LOE ME WIT US.

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