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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 72 · 3 months ago

Beauty and the Beast Show Episode 70 - Beauty's Bits - Live Shows and Kat Box Comedy

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Beauty and the Beast Show Episode 70 - Beauty's Bits - Live Shows and Kat Box Comedy   

Segments for this Episode: Welcome Sploosh News with Kegels KEGELS Monster Stiffy CatMan Uncle My Ass w/ Popeye Nerd Fest Turnpike Comedy Festival Hillbilly Murder Podcase Preview Summer Weed Ukulele Parody News Opening 1 By David Fesliyan  

Follow Us: Website: https://beautyandthebeastshow.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beautyandthe... Shop our Store: https://www.teepublic.com/user/beauty... Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/KristineKnowlton 

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H s of the so boo B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B Bohm coming to you almost live from lake side. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the beauty and the beast show. This is a little bit that we like to call beauty's bits. That's with a bean, not with a t. If you want to see these t's gotta check out my only fans or head on over to our tea public store and buy some t shirts. Damn it, the summertime. Get with it, all right. So we have an awesome show coming up today. We have spluche news with Keegeles. Then there's something with keegels that's in all caps. I'm not sure what the hell is going on there. Monster Stiffy, we've got Catman, we've got uncle my ass with Popeye, nerd fest, we've got the turnpike comedy festival. He'll billy murder. Podcast preview I wonder what the hell that's...

...going to be. I'm not sure yet. But then of course we're ending it with summer weed, which is a ukulele parody to the song summer Lovin. Yes, that's right, bitches. I'm Christine Nolton, I'm beauty. I will be your host throughout this crazy adventure that we're about to embark on, so stay tuned. Hello, everybody, welcome to splush news. I'm scene. I will be your splushiness for this evening, or daytime, afternoon, wherever the hell you're from. Thank you for tuning in. We have something very serious to talk about on news tonight, on splush news, that is. Keegels are for you. Yes, men and women alike. Ladies, get those pelvic floor muscles moving. Go on, get them going, tighten up. That's why. Now, if we do have a song for you, ladies, are you ready? Yes, I'm ready for it. Does your snatch changlow? Does it wobble to him? Bro, can you tie it in and can you tie it in a bow? Can you toss it over shoulder like a concidental soldier? Does Your Hang Lo? And men, you've got to work on those sagging balls. You know who I'm talking...

...about here, right, yes, those balls that dip into the cold twilet water. Oh my Gosh, yes, we've got a song for you as well. Are you ready? Guys? Guys, do your balls hang low? Do they bobble to them fro? Can you tie him in and can you tie him in a bow? Can you toss him over shoulder like a continental soldier? Does your balls hang loo? Am I right? A little P S, a two for men. If you want your ball sucked, whether they're sucked by a woman, a man, whatever, if you want them sucked, the little manscaping on them. No one wants a few stuck between their teeth. And on a personal note, I've come to terms with age. Right, my boobs are going to hang lower and I'm okay with that and I'm so okay with talking them into my waistband. I'm sure as hell not going to talk my vagina into my shoes. No, Surrey, elephant ears should be on an elephant, not on a trot. And men, or ball bearer, shall we say. You know, in the summertime, when your balls get stuck to your leg, imagine stepping on one of those sons of bitches. Because they're hanging down like wind giants. The pain, the agony, the horror, all right, back to the news here. Yes, that is right. My Vagina is so tight it can bench press over a three hundred pounds. Look at this ship, it's lifting me up right now. Oh, that is right. If I keep gold the cock inside of me, it would probably snap right off like a slim gym. Yep, that's right, my beaver is locked and looted. Alright, anyone needs to be circumcised. That's right. Keegeles also nipped the tip, so you don't have to go to that moil with cold Hay ends anymore.

You've heard it here on splush news, and always remember Giggle in the front, never in the back. If you giggle to the back door shut, you're going to have a bad time and it takes a long time to revive that big brown eye. I've been Christine Alton, and you have been watching splush news. GIGGLES, Geagles, giggles, Geagles, M Gagles, Gagles,...

...gigles. What the Hell was that? Who writes this ship? WHO books that ship? What the Hell? Oh wait, my name was on that. I guess that was me. So moving right along, here. We're just gonna forget that ever happened. We're going to move it on here. But wait, wait, what's that sound? Do you hear too? It can't be. Now are we talking about cat box comedy? Holy Crap, dudes all. So, what the Hell is catbox comedy? Well, it's me, that's right. I'm a comedian Gamer that does Improv and riff tracks on twitch. Yes, that's right, twitch TV. I am a twitch affiliate and I'm soon to be twitch partner. That's right. We're only a couple hours of streaming away. A couple more views and I'll be there. So why the hell am I on the beauty and the beast podcast? Because I do both the so why the hell not? But you should totally check it out. We don't advertise it too much here on beauty and the beast because we like to do our own things and our own original material, which is also what cat boxes well, except for the riff tracks, and okay, there's a few things that aren't completely original there, but it's like check it out. All Right, I've got three clips to show you today. The first one is from one of our Monday shows, which we call game on. Alright, playing some Frankenstein pinball? That's right, Frankenstein. Fucky. I do play the ghostbusters one. The only thing I'm piste off...

...about that is I can't stick that sucker on Youtube because of copyright issues. I play like Archer Pinball, Bob's Burger Pinball, you name, I play. There's just one where these where it's this cat and you're hitting these cat heads and they explode. It's a real fun fucking thing. So anyway, yeah, please check us out. By the way, everything on cat box comedy also rated. fucking are all right, you'd be rated. are in the chat. I've only ever had to put one person in time out because they were being a total douche and they were being like beyond like racists and things like that. But yeah, check us out on cat box comedy, on twitch TV or or link. Try at cat box comedy and become a sub today. So hit it. Say My name, bitch, like I mean, when you know victor built his monster, did he like totally make him and automically correct, you know, with like big and balls? I mean, yeah, and does he get a stiffy in? God? Yeah, alright, job. It's like I'm getting there to Geneva funk, yeah, ship, yeah, it's like million. Wasn't that a Nice Street? Right? I love playing with balls and also sometimes, when I say balls a lot, I will pop up Mr pubs. Mr Pub is going to get his own car. He's gonna be like his own little comic cartoon thing. I'm not sure, but he's gonna be there somewhere anyway. Moving on to clip number two, we have from our Wednesday show, a k a improfusion. You can get Improv comedy. It's all great. I draw suggestions out of a cat or it's been from the wheel of cat nip. Yes,...

...those are actual fucking things. All right. The clip you are about to see is entitled Catman. It was chosen from the wheel of cat NIP. I also do voices and accents and also every other Wednesday is a film Dub Day. I choose random you know, royalty free or copyright free film, one of the old black and white ones. I dub over it. It's fun. You didn't enjoined in the cat in the in the cat box, chat the cat box, chat box. We have a cat box chat box, alright, but remember always check us out of cat box comedy on twitch or a link tree at cat box comedy becomes sub today and hit it, use it. This hour. Catman has been spotted over cat city. The last we heard of Catman he was playing in his cat box. That's right, folks, right here on cat box comedy, Catman likes to swoop in from time to time do his business and the but yes, catman has been seeing crawling up the buildings here in Atlantic city. That's Ray, he's got the thumbs. He's a polydactical cat. He climbs and climbs, it doesn't matter. Gravity cannot hold him, and when gravity let's go, he always lands on all four feet. That is correct. Yes, the CATMAN has returned. This's just wait, there's another special coming in. Catman. Yes, you heard me right, I'm getting news now. The catman is actually a cat, I mean a man in a cat suit. Can you believe that? We thought it was an actual cat, but here it is as an actual catman. Catman. Oh, I get it now, catman. So coming to you live outside the city towers. Catman is climbing,...

...climbing, Clib Oh, you know what, there's a big ball yarn up there. I think he's gonna get it I'm not really sure. There's a jumper. Oh ship, the jumper just jumped. Okay, and news back on Catman. He's climbing up there, he's getting there. He is after that big ball yarn. Lord knows what's at the end of it. Am I right? Will he make it? I think he's gonna Make It, folks. He's gonna get that big ball yard in the sky. Yes, I see here that this is a bit harder than I thought it would be, but right now we are watching catman climbing the tower to get a giant ball of yarn. UH, there's already been one jumper. That jumper is now pronounced dead. Unfortunately, the jumper was not a cat and did not land on all fours. But here we are. He's up there. Oh look, Catman has gotten the ball of yarn. Oh my gosh, this is incredible fucking news. That's right, Katman didn't save the day, but he sure as hell got a ball of yarn. You think Katman would have went up there to stop the jumper? Now? He only had one thing on his mind and that was getting that ball yarn. And my correct, folks, that is correct. Cats only care about themselves. That has been proven here on cat box news. Yes, so we're live. We're live with Catman on the ball of yarn. Um, Katman, what was going through your head when you were climbing up to get the ball of yarn? Well, it looked really pretty and I just wanted to play with the balling yarn. I'm just a cat after all. But, Katman, you are a man in a cat suit. What happened to the man? It's like, where all that man is no longer. Here I am officially and we'll forever being the CATMAN. And yes, and as the cat man. Man,...

...that was once a cat. Wait, cat, that was once a man. You realize that you probably don't have nine lives. Ray, it's like, wait, all that, that might be true, but I'm gonna be safe and all my adventures, like climbing to the top of the tower. I have done it a million times because I myself want to jump for years and years, but never got the courage to. Well, cat man, that is a broad statement on life. Here, living life to get a ball of yarn. I think I will go back into studio now because, being up here, I'm afraid of heights and I don't know what the hell that Catman's gonna do. It's fucking freaky. So howl right here I am back in the studio. Yes, you've just seen me with the CATMAN. Um, I think he's got some issues, but he looks pretty damn happy with that ball of yard. So I am pleased with this newscast so far. I think it has gone pretty damn good. We'll go back to the studio and cut. Okay. So, okay, that was the Catman. That was like the weirdest thing that I've ever probably reported on it. All right, so that was a little bit crazy. Okay, that was a lot of crazy. I don't know what the hell happened there. Anyway. The next clip is from our Saturday cartoon riof tracks, which again we do realty or copyright free cartoons. We'll watch a lot of Betty boot, Popeye Superman. Sometimes we throw on the flint stones. Of course we can't put those on youtube because copyright right. So sometimes we go crazy, but check us out in cat box comedy or twitch TV or our link tree at cat box comedy. Blah Blah Blah. Become a sub today. So hit...

...guys the musical reference. All right, like bitch let me sleep for ten seconds. This is rated Ark, by the way. They're jambling like little sons of bitches. Look their little fucking eyes like it has been so long since I saw these old cart like the old pop bye car. Chance they've only crab. They played pretty good for all. They have more fucking eye great. Oh yeah, Manag filing ready. Oh, you have practice. Well, since your Uncle Popeye has been away, but it's time to get to bed now. He's like, Bitch, is gonna Sleeps. Sorry about that. Yeah, you want to start? Alright, I'm gonna say he's not the uncle and that he is the father. Go look at him a think about that. Get back by hell, yeah, peep, bye bye pip, Bye Papa, and yeah, there's no way that he's there. fucking awful. Okay, no fucking way. He was doing something with someone, let's put it that way. I don't love how fully the towels are. There was a big Red Hooding ride who sat on a mother dancing grandma. That's like how I talk. Ever fucking day, be fucking like heavy ever after. Come on, you gotta go to bed now, like to wasn't a story here. Was A fucking story. Well, bastard and Randy and the little cow. Well, bastards, these kids have fucking tattoos.

What the funk? Yeah, Popaye, is not an all fault are. These kids came out from birth with fucking tattoos. So it's great. What the Fund have did? I watched this before. How the FUNK had I did? I missed this thing, fucking two hundred cartoons on these stamp disc and I missed the ship. Anyone else smoking their sleep? I don't think it's safe. She probably shouldn't be doing that. Ship. I love the one little fucking eye. It's like some fucking cute like. They need more baby, Papa, baby, and okay, don't worrying, you yours. You'll be doing that with something else. Look, see they have a little anchor tattoos on the arm. Hello, I'm back everyone. Okay, so do you want to come meet beauty in person? Well, you've got a couple of chances, especially if you're in New Jersey this Sunday, August one. Catch me over at Nerdfest at the Holiday Inn in Swedesboro, New Jersey. Stop by the Carter cosplay booth where I'll be signing autographs, selling art and doing photo session. Also check out my most recent voice over on boom...

...beetoes for the Geek speak special love life of Batman, where I get to voice the role of Harley Quinn. Also check out my role of Bellamy for Green Zone Life. In the blocks created by Michael Watson. There's mystic of rabbit of waterside wrestling, also by Boom Beetos, and destiny of global guardians of mine world entertainment. Isn't that exciting? I will also be hosting the cosplay contest alongside with Daniel T K and Shannon Noel cosplay. The cosplay contest begins at three PM. Is Open to all ages. There will be artists, fenders, cosplay, comments, Manga, toys, art, Non Sports Cards, crafts, collectibles and more. Yes, you got it. So come on out and check me out at nerdfest Sunday August one. Be there or be square. Also, this is gonna be awesome. Check me out Tuesday August eight pm where I will be performing comedy in the turn play Comedy Festival at Annabelle's kitchen of Newark, New Jersey. This will be my second year at the turn play comedy festival. By comedy therapy tickets are on sound now at comedy therapy dot com. Doors Open any and there is a twenty dollar cover and a two AEM minimum. Come out and support some amazing comics and support an amazing venue and remember, always tip your weight staff. Do you like murder podcast? Well, if you do, there's a new one coming this fall called the hell billy murder podcast. That's right. Find out if my or podcastle is the killer. You're not gonna want to miss this...

...one. So kick off your shoes, if you have them, and grab your juggam shine, because this ship's going down. That's right, check us at will become the male function TV on the ROKU network. Yep, catch he'll billy murder podcast. That's right, where he'll billies do the murdering. Can you do this solving or something like that, as my grandmother used to say. Alright, I'M gonna go put it on my holy underwear Sunday. I'll catch you all back here and he'll, he'll, he, I can't talk on he'll billy murder podcast. Alright, so that was an interesting show, wasn't it? What the Fund did we just watched? I don't know, but I gotta end this with a song and because of the recent passing. Yes, you know, and I know, Olivia Newton John had passed away. Um, I do have a little story really quickly that I'll tell you before I go into the next song. Uh Yeah, when I was younger, okay, my mom worked at a place that sold like radios and things like that. Not Radio, fucking track, not that place, but she worked there where they had, you know, turntables, things like that. turntable. It's where you put that round device that has music on it, for those that don't fucking know. Anyway, so she was working there, I was with her. Guy Comes into a shop, the shop, not a shop, the shop, and he says, Hey, do you have anything by Olivia Newton and John? I looked up at my mom I was like that's one person, dude, that dude was fucked. That was great, thinking that was three different people. But anyway, and so here we go. I know it's not summer loving, but we do have summer weed and since this is the summertime, we're gonna do it. Bitchen, bitches, bitch and bitches, bitches. We're all bitches, bitches. Let's send this ship. Summer weed got me so high. Summer Weed had me...

...some Pie. I made a stream called crazy for me, met a bunk, cute as can be. Summer Weed Smoking away do oh the sommer weed. Sell me more, sell me more. Did you smoke in a car? Sell me more, sw me more. Keep it freshening the chart. That's right, baby. I ate edibles and took a long nap, something like that. I was baked. Had again my lamb. We'd seen my life. I knew love was found. I showed off smoking around summer wheed something's God, but Oh that song, marvied. Sell me more, sell me more. Was It love at first sight? Sell me more, sell me more, because I'm high as a kite. Took my joint bulling in the you cane, which I totally hallucinated. Also, Paul Return is funny as how fuck. Yeah, we went strolling, drink lemonade laced with weed bitshes. We made out under the talk because I'm a Kinky BITSH bishes. All right, are we staying up until ten o'clock in the morning watching cartoons? Are Getting High? People? God Damn it, summer fling don't mean nothing, but oh that's so, marvied. Sell me more, sell me more, just sell me more, Damnit, just bought in your bag.

Sell me more, sell me more, because I'm gonna need a dray. Enjoy a good friendly right in my hand. He got friendly. Getting high was on plan. Total fucking bullshit. Right there. Doweed was sweet. Cost the buck eighteen. It was good. You know what I mean. Summer Heat stoner me we but oh that first summer of weed. Sell me more, sell me more. How much s it Haspen sell me more, sell me more, because weed is my friend. All right. Now it's sat right, it's turned colder, and that's where it is. Relapse is a bitch. Oh wait, that's just the air conditioner turning on. Okay, we're good. Game on, game on. Let's continue to continue. So I told we'd wait. Still be friends. Then we made a true love. I wonder what's strained. I'm smoking some dreams here with no seeds. But Ho, that's all, Hummer, we'd alright. Fox. That was another great episode of the beauty and the B show. That's beauty spits. That's with the bean, not with the tea. If you want to see these teams, you gotta check out my own. Only fans, we...

...will be back. I think we are taking a week off. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, but yeah, continue on. We will see you on the next episode. Bitches, yeah, H have to have on the level. W W W dove Gideon the B show dot com.

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