Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 68 · 5 months ago

Beauty and the Beast Show Episode 67 - Beauty's Bits w/ Kristine Knowlton


Beauty and the Beast Show Episode 67 - Beauty's Bits w/ Kristine Knowlton

Join Beauty as she interviews Kristine Knowlton in this weeks Beauty's Bits!!

Check Kristine Knowlton out at 

Kristine Knowlton's Twitch:

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Yeah, m coming to you almost live from lake side. Hello everyone, and welcome back to another great episode of the beauty and the beast show. This is a little segment that we like to call beauty spits. That's with the bat, not with the tea. If you want to see these teas, you have to join my only fans or go check us out on tea public and buy some awesome t shirts and merch. Hell. Yeah, so we have an exciting show here for you today. That is correct. We have someone that we've been wanting to interview for a very long time. She does voiceover, she does acting. She's part of the beauty and the beast podcast. She's from New Jersey. Let's give it up for Christine Knowlton. Oh my gosh, thank you, beauty. Thank you for having me here. This is going to be an awesome show, isn't it? I think so. We are in for a real treat tonight. You have comedy for us, right, Christine? Oh Yes, I've got some new comedy that I've been working on and I can't wait to share it with everyone. So all right, if you guys are ready, I know I am. Let it rip. Okay. So I have a friend that likes me. Likes me. Well, he he definitely likes me, likes to me. So a little backstory here. He's just getting out of, Um, a tenure marriage, and I've just gotten out of a tenure relationship and well, it's all good. It's all good. I mean, we do need time to heal and everything, but Um, I'm no longer into sausage. I'm totally focusing on Tacos, if you know what I mean. Uh that, and I do have a rule about not dating a man who's breasts that are bigger than mine. I mean, I'm all for a nice boob, don't get me wrong, but when the dude has better cleavage than I do, I have to draw the line. I mean it's bad enough doing online comedy shows or even shows in general, barget distracted by my own cleavage, which couldn't be here today. So in honor of that, we're gonna keep moving forward. But something mortified me, like, I mean really really mortified me. It's like in seen and I thought, you know, you would love to...

...hear it here tonight, because, after all, sharing is carrying, except for stds and Covid you can keep that ship to yourself. So Um, I found out a group good friend of mine, she had a boom job like a really long time ago, amazing fucking tips, by the way, and as she got older, guess what, gravity kicked in. I kid you not. The boom part actually started to sag, but the nipple and everything remained up top. And I have to wonder, though. Let me describe my tip real quick, and I just have to wonder, when she puts on a push up Bra, do her nipples become dimples? I mean Nipples, the dimples? I mean, this is what I think about all day. I mean I literally haven't been next concerned since the time I forgot what I was doing an online shows through zoom. God bless this room, comedy, right, and I was tugging on my headphone cord noticed my headphone cord is to the fucking side now. So what I thought? I was fidgeting. I thought I was fidgeting with the headphone cord, but it wasn't. Turns out I had a pair of nipple clamps that were still on and when the nipples went flying across the room, I was like damn, but you know, it's all good. It's still there, it's still there. It's still there. It's either that or Brown Eminem I'm not sure right now one of the many ones. But I'll just be grateful for when my boobs SAG and I can tuck them into my waistband so I don't have to wear a Bra. It's like bras or bitch, aren't they? So when I was young I did wear a training Bra and frankly, I'm baffled on what the Hell I was training them for. I mean, it sure as hell wasn't circus tricks. I guess I were one to, you know, keep the boobs from touching the floor and try putting them back into a bra after these sweet what two years of sweet titty freedom? All right, and it's like trying to get a toddler dress like one side goes in, the other side falls out. You get that one enough, you gotta rolled up a little spit. There the other one pops out. He goes back and forth, for it can go back and forth for hours like flip flop, flip flop, flip flop flop. You know. Then you're just like no, you know what, fuck it, I give up. I'll just let them go commando or, as I call it free balling. Yes, that's the right guys. I have balls. I wear them on my chest. I call them my chesticles. This has been your tiptalk. So Um. The other day I laughed at chickens for about two hours, probably two hours long, longer than the average human should laugh at chickens, but that's where my mind was. Okay, my mind's on titties and chickens. All right,...

...let me set up the scene here for you. These chickens were chilling out on the grass, maybe twenty thirty ft apart from a place that sold chicken. I'm talking like Rotisse Rey Pool, you know, the dead kind already. At first I thought, you know, it's like, should I call them, let them know that a couple of chickens had escaped? I was like no, man, let them have a cool chicken adventure. You know, I was thinking. The conversation was going something like this, like we made it vern, I need a rest. I haven't rammed my two little chicken legs and so long. I sure he hoped. I sure hope he doesn't check out the coop, but let's set out on a world when an adventure. We can call it chicken fest and go meet other chickens. In my notes I actually wrote go eat other chickens. All right, let's get some cannibalism into that ship, but first we have to figure out how to cross the road. By the way, my chickens are southern. I don't know why. I guess southern just days better. Alright, but first we have to figure out how to cross that root. Now, what was that old story? Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't end well. I mean, don't look at me that way. Damn it, south far had episode. We're in a literally literate I can't even speak, and a literate police officer had to learn how to read to catch the chicken fucker. All right, but then I thought back to the chickens bitches. All right, then I thought, well, maybe they're just doing chicken comedy. You know, like nine, nine chickens walked into a coop. They all got laid. which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't care which came first, as long as they clean it up. But did you hear about the chicken that cross the road? They call him chicken nuggets. Now, I did say it was good chicken comedy did I hello, is my beacone? I mean at all I could think of was like sweet chicken freedom, like pressed freely roaming around. Okay, I think that was called the seventies, but it's due for comeback. That's a comeback, not coming on your back. All right. But then I was like, if I had chickens, I probably named them like Barbecue Mesquite, honey and his sister honey mustard. I think I have a problem. I might be hungry. It's all good, all right, but meanwhile it's like my friend Connie is, I should you not taking her chicken out for walking the stroller. So if you're listening through this through itunes or anything like that, jump on over to the fucking Youtube Channel and look at this goddamn chicken and the stroller. All right, I'm like, I know, I always like to take my cock for a walk, like hello, ladies, you want to see what's under my that's right, it's...

...all co like damn right. But then I thought, you know, Damn, I missed a golden opportunity see if I was wearing my dadom overalls, like I seldomly do. I don't know why they're just so freaking comfortable, and I love the fucking pockets. I would have pulled up, kicked off my shoes, rolled up my overalls, grabbed the chicken, walked in and said, I got me alive one here. Where's your chicken shaven station at? I mean, there's nothing like a chicken shaven station, am I right? I mean summers are here. Summer is here, Summers are here, yes, Summers here, bitches, there we go. Make sure your chickens are shaved. Make sure you have some blocking. By some block I mean some olive oil. You want to get your chickens nice and Brown. Now I don't know what the hell happened. I went from comedy to cooking. But yeah, alright, it's all right. This. I did write this while back, not gonna lie there. But then those chickens are still funny as hell. And here's an update on the chickens. Okay, red has either crossed the bridge, the bridge. Red has either crossed the bridge or across the road. God damnit, red has let me go back here. All right, here's an update on those chickens. Alright, red has crossed the road or the Rainbow Bridge. Vernon still hanging out in the yard. I'm beginning to think, though, when chickens crossed the road, is it a suicide mission or do they call it Henna side? This has been your chicken chat. Well, Christine, that was oh my God, that was so freaking funny. Chickens, how the hell do you come out with this chicken ship, like literally chicken ship? Well, I'll give you a clue on that. One day I was on twitch and I had been doing this chicken thing for quite some time and I was streaming on twitch on cat box comedy every Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturday's. Just want to put that out there. Check the schedule Change, The Times change, but the days always see the same. So I was doing that. My friend Aaron from oddly funny productions chimes in and we're going back and forth with chicken stuff, you know, like onto the chicken strip club. There's a bigger piece of the chicken comedy that isn't in this one. It's because it will be coming up. My friend Sarah pointed out like we were coming up with names and things, you know, like doing a chickens like only fans and she came up with the awesome title nip clock literally I'm going to have like a chicken or something between my breast. That will be the shot that you will see. It won't be this, it will be this, just about not the face, the breast, the face, not the face, but the breast. Just putting that in there. So there's more chicken comedy coming up. Believe it or not, I've actually gotten that down. I think that was about six minutes, like I know it was definitely over five. So I'm working on... a ten minute chicken bit and it's gonna be really cool. I also, what do we call that? When we write the comedy and stuff like that? I workshopped with Aaron Ring. He's an amazing comedian and amazing friend, and we definitely expanded on the chicken bits, literally the chicken bits. So yeah, we're gonna have some fun with that Chicken Strip club and we're gonna run from there. It's going to be freaking fantastic. I'm sure I'll have a song out about chicken soon. I have no idea. That's great though. Okay, Christine, Oh, you know what, you have a nickname, don't you? I do. I do my comedy partner here at the beating of the B show has given me the title of the Queen of splush. Would you like to hear some splushy and dirty fucking comedy? Yes, I would. All right then, so we'll go back onto some comedy here. So I'm bisexual and I have a girlfriend and she lives in another steam. I'm here in Jersey and through the pandemic it has sucked. All right, let's just put this way. We gave you're wondering why now, after the pandemic, why we aren't together? Well, because this moron here had to go out and hit a fucking deer with her car. Car. It's not total, though. It's not total. It's being fixed. Three parts are on back order. Maybe a fucking hear from now, who the funk knows? But I'm just saying it's like being that far apart from your girlfriend during the pandemic and during like fucking your car up with a deer. But we gave his sex thing a whole new meaning, and I do mean a whole yeah, that's right, all right, but it's the best way to start the day. Until you've realized that, while you've turned your bed into a water bed from splosh ing like, Holy Crap, like I splush so much that even Niagara Falls is jealous. All right, if you're wondering what SPL shing is, it's just female ejaculation, but I think splush is just a better term for it. But now I realize this, I have to do the laundry. Grabbed the wet back. You know, maybe next time I should just hook up the wet back to my vagina. You know, I better write this now. Hook wet back up to vagina. Alright, yeah, as I told you before, it's like, yes, splush is just female ejaculation. Get on the same page everyone. Alright, so my girlfriend and I like we both splush. We do prefer going to hotels where we don't have to clean up the aftermath. I mean it looks like Mr Willie's wild ride with like get just everywhere, just walking everywhere. Alright, but don't worry, lesbians and bisexuals are great tippers. We might not have tips, but we definitely tip. Ray I do. It's like I enjoy splushing, you know, I get back, I get into to it,... know, get the legs back over the head and everything. Sometimes it looks like old faith will shooting down in my vagina. It's great. So yeah, let's get on to some kinks. You know, our last event, our latest adventure that we had, we decided to go all out kinky. She ran out, she got my front license plate, because in Jersey you have to have a front and back. That's also how I prefer in the front and the back. So she got my license plate and it's like she got it. She came back in and swear to God, half of Jersey was stamped on my ass. All right, because I love being spanked. That's that's my favorite kink in the world. I just love it. But yeah, it's it's great when you come home and you know half a Jersey is stamped on your ass. And I was like fun, I have to get my car inspected. Oh where did my license wlate go? I left it in Virginia. Can you believe that ship? So I was like, well, I hope they enjoyed the story. They did in my car pass their inspection. Yep, that is correct. That was amazing. Christine, Holy Crap, I can just imagine, like what are everywhere? I mean that's gotta be insane, right, you've short circuited out your television. Is that correct? Yes, that is correct. I A short circuited out my television, not once, but fucking toys. That's why hotel rooms are the best. Ah, alright, so moving on a little bit here. Um, you do some food comedy? Right, yeah, I do some food comedy. Would you like to share some now? Well, I guess so. Of course it's gonna make us hungry and Horny, but all right, I'll share, I'll share and I'll twist my fucking arm. Alright. So today, yeah, I would like to talk about Pie, not just any pie, but American Pie. I would like to say for the record American Pie was right about an apple pie being like a woman's Vagina. That warm, ooey, Gooey, crummy goodness Apple Pie. Okay, not really crummy, but it's warm and gooey. All right, it's so sweet and warm and, like you know, I'm bisexual, but it's just like Jason Bates, if I too had a physical Dick, I would totally be on the counter with that Pie, just sucking it all over the place. And that, in fact, is what vagina should taste like. Oh my Gosh, could you imagine vagina tasting pie, I mean Apple Pie, tasting vagina? Wheat something like that. I mean I could eat that all day, which was it would result in becoming a cream pie, and you shouldn't known where I was going with that one. Nothing Mesa taste. So was some cream on a pie or a whole cream pie? In this case baby, I would take a butt. Baker's doesn't. If they old woman's stores...

...cream pies to the face. Maybe you can't go wrong with that. I can't forget about chocolate pie. Who? Here's what you need to know. Be careful. Unlike the Apple Pie and the cream pie, the chocolate pie can get you into trouble. You need some protection, perhaps some a dental damn, which is great for Rim jobs. It's also safe to go from ask to mouth. Just never go asked eye, because that's how you get pinky. But someone suggested it once a while with all this talk. They said I should talk about the English dessert called spotted Dick. Alright, so here in America, if you have a spotted Dick, as my friend David James Parsons would say, you should probably go get that checked out immediately. If there's anything I'm eating off a Dick, it's a doughnut cockering, because where else can you have your dessert and get your protein all at the same time, now that we're hungering Horny? Sometimes, well, I'm sometimes both at the same time. You know, like one of my favorite treats is a little bit be Swiss roll. That's right, and one time I ended up with two kinds of cream when I was done. Yep, all right, yes, I am your friendly and neighbor, neighborly vagina for the show population. Two fingers. Yes, folks, Um, that's all it takes is two fingers and make me Splooge, and I've got a lot of it. So let me paint you a picture with my paint pressure, for my two fingers in this case. Um, if you take Niagara Falls and old faithful, you get my vagina. It is fucking fantastic. Wow, I just went from from from food to porn in like three seconds. That's amazing, Christie. Yes, food to porn and pood porn to food. It's all good, right, it just gets a little messy from time to time. You're not kidding, but the other day I had a stiff clip, a k a a lady Boonner, for like over eight hours. My fingers were so puckered from playing with the SPLUGE canoe. That's what I call my quick there. There's no joke there. I'm just bragging. But I love being kinky. I told you before. SPANKINGS are my favorite. I love giving and receiving. there. Did you know that if you have a clapper, I'M gonna get everybody's clapper going off now. Um, and you start spanking someone, it looks like you have it looks like you have a reef going on. It's freaking amazing. All right. Another note too, when using a ping pong paddle, it sounds like gunshots so close all of your windows, you're sliding doors, whatever. Yeah, it does. It sounds like gunshots, and try explaining that one to the cops again. Ah, so your kink stories are actually you in Kink? Yes, why the hell would I make up stories about people? Don't want to hear like regular stories. They want to hear about your life. Just so my life happens to... in Kinkville. It's great. So you've write songs and everything. Right, yes, I do. I do have a song coming out. It'll be for the sixty nine show. I've taken the Song Atal Life and turn it into sixty nine. By the time my lifespan is done, I'm hoping to have, uh what's it say? Made a parody of all the sound of music songs, because why the funk not? So you do have a song. I do remember it. It's called my favorite kinks, and I'm sure everyone here would like to hear it. Uh Yeah, would you mind singing it and closing out the show with it? I would love to. Unfortunately, I don't have my Ukulele tuned up, but that's okay, because an Acapella song is the way to go sometimes. So here I will leave you with my favorite. My favorite kinks. Are we already H I know I'm ready. Handcuffs on bed posts and paddles on asses, builds inside me and professors and classes tying me up with all sorts of strings. These are a few of my favorite kinks. Of course, it's Santehis with ribbons and laces, kissing and biting and sitting on faces, lovers around me for intimate things. These are a few of my favorite kinks. Girls in white dresses with matching Pearl necklaces, looking and teasing, lots of Wedness, scratching my backside with diamond rings. These are a few of my favorite cakes. Alright, guys, big ending here. When the SPLUGE flows from my g spot, when I'm feeling bad and quite naughty, I simply remember but my favorite kings, and then I don't feel so man. That was excellent, Christine, thank you for joining us us here the beauty and the beast show. It has been my pleasure. So here we are. You have been watching Christine Nolton for beauty and the beast, beauty's, beauty's middle. Try that again. You have been watching the beauty and the B show here with beauty's bits, with Christine Nolton and Christine Nolton. All Right, have a nice night. Bye. I give on the lambic www dot beauty and the B show dot com.

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