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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 28 · 1 year ago

Episode 28 - Hodge Podge

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to Episode 28 - Hodge Podge where we talk about everything and nothing. Enjoy! 

Welcome to the Beauty and the Beast Show! Beauty and the Beast is a show with comedian, Kristine Knowlton (Beauty) and an ex-comedian Mark Hills (Beast) coming together to make and create a show about nothing and everything in between! Please sit back and enjoy some of their best comedic diarrhea! Disclaimer: For best results play the whole show backwards with the sound completely turned off.

Check them out on the web: https://beautyandthebeastshow.com/

Direct all hate mail to: beautyandthebeastshow69@gmail.com

Coming on Line IAND, I'm beast, andhere we are once again we are back. We are back with episode number twenty, seven, seven and a half wely seven anda half the ointially, not 'cause. You know we. Weskipped that week with all that bullshit going on with my life, whichI'm happy to say, is somewhat resolve and we had a tornado and IIN e Shithowrouted she was fucked up. T was great as hurricane and two tornadoesand one day, maybe even more to Tornao two Tornao and now for the all musical hour,notcyclones bitch now fuck that Tornados on the way the wind is ahundred and two miles per hour. Folks, you got Ta Nail Down Your Little Petsand take in your shit because of ohwe found all kinds of wild shit in thebackyard afterwards h all kinds of floaties from people's pools like gotarborne. I guess I can bet actually remember this onestore. I have a storm story, then they that is weird like can you like?Actually, you know take all your stories and just like categorize them. I suppose you could. I guess so, butthey bleed over too often it's like sometime, just a stormestory. It's adrunken storm story and I cut my hand. That's the Wen, the kits fucked on thisone was actually a true story: Um we live in lakes, ie and my neighbor. If I say again, I'm goingto kill myself anyway, so we just moved in the lakeside. We metour neighbor and everything and she's awesome has a couple of kids and shetexs me one night. It was like around midnight and Sheas like do you have atarp by any chance that I could borrow and I'm thinking I'm like midnight, I'mlike what the hill and t I was like. Okay, so I text it her back, I'm likepainters or campers. You know 'cause, I'm like well, maybe she likes to paintat night. I don't know, but what happened was there's a storm going onthunder lightning, all that kind of stuff Um. Here it was on her balcombalcony, upstairs three three floors up. She had outdoor furniture and she hadtied them together and she had a tarp over them. Well, apparently, the windblew it upward, the table that that it was attached to and the table was airborn and it came out and it actually smashed right into her windshield. I was like, Oh my God, Dher an not theneighbor. I know we we. Obviously we just thought that it was thunder likewe heard this loud crash and we just thought it was. You know, m thunder andshe said she was up in a room and she looked outside to check on thefurniture or whatever and it was missing, and then she like, Oh my God,so she had. We just went outside for Fhrie second and there it was likeright on her car right in the windshield and luckily enough Weirdosthat we are m. We do have thi huge camping, tarp. I was like yeah, we gotit and I was like mit come on, you know, get your shoes, we got to go out andyou know tie this up so that water doesn't get into the car. So it's Lkewe get out there ik her she's out there. Her two kids are out there. We're likeTien this thing down. Thank God. I always keep the ropes attached to thetarp, so it made it like so much easier to like tie downto like the wheels andeverything like that it was. It was safe. The only thing that had to bereplaced was the windshield, so Itas like Thay, got that didn'tflood, but now we have a joke any time. That's about this norm or anythingwe're like we should take. We should call Texter calld the neighbor to makesure her furniture has all st for the storm or, if she's, going to need aTARF. So the last erm that we had n the hurricane I was like don't worry, westill have the tarb over here t's, like Haha. That was like my kind of storm story.It was crazy, but yeah. We were fortunate that nobody was walkingaround that night. So nobody got you know killed by. You know a table andthe Ol Sa love their ass, O God that Dioall, that would be horrible, butlike she was so grateful of everything. It's like, she barely knew us and wehelped her out big time and so that her...

...car didn't get flooded and get ruinedand they said that was the only thing that had to be done was h, thewindchield being replaced, and I thiw just a little bit of the roof- hassoething that had to be done when someone had to capture on video and sothat stupid shoo win ten thousand fucking dollars. That is true that it was torming thatnight, but yeah Ta's Bou it. Let's Tye parachutes to or furniture up on thetop floor, see what e they layg N. I remember. I have a giant beer tab story. Well, it's actually. I guess it's anart story, but that's a subcategory giant per a h. In Three D we hadthreedclass in college and we needed to make a gigantic version of somethingvery small. That was the project. I made a gigantic version of a snickersbar that was awesome, but my friend made a gigantic beer tab. He cut it outof Tin and folded it up and it was a giant tab, probably about three foot.Long. Ok, so imagine this giant beer tap and to celebrate you're, getting ana you'r hanging out your window on the fifth floor of your apartment, buildingthe wind blows it down, and now it becomes a flying guilloteame from owdescending towards the street and you're watching I guy this isn't Gointo be good and it actually decimates uh. It tookout like four pigeons, one on the way down gut his wing right off. Dar Lord T wasa amazing and of course he didn't go down andclaim it. He just was like yeah well got my a don't need that thing: N,Cison blot all over. It lost a few birds but didn't hear any screams losttryoit when it run around the corner. That was the end of it. So Ok, so I know how those t those storiestie together things flying through the air stories there we a so do you have any other things flyingthrough the airstores h, not since breakfast. What was that one? Not since breakfast now that's just a saying that I say:That's, don't o whee. They called that on it.You know I mean I guess Um well. One of the reasons why we stopped goingcamping when I was younger is because we were like Jinkus. Every time we wentcamping. There was a hurricane, so I was like Oh wor, sor, of course, likewe, a you, know, evacuate the camp ground and everything everyone'sphone's going off, Lerand Lurk. No, we didn't have phonesback in the eighties man. It was. It was like the weather and the peoplethat ran the camp. It was its GI, get the hell out of the DODALcampint and people would leave 'cause. They saw a spider like Ye. The Woodsit's a spider thing Wen to go, you should go, should definitely go 'cause.I it's my experience, there's more spiders and they're, not the worstthings we used to hear things screaming in themiddle of the night. In the woods e couldn't explain what they were, so Ialways pass it off as migrating birds, Mser Katick, Mer, cottat. I got a storyfor that, one. You know screaming things in the night talking aboutspuiters. Well, why ww wha what's happening now? We a gorething that Itry a rang. I I go out, I'm thinking besides myself. Yes, a long time ago, I traveled aroundwith the yield Nottingham players. This was a renaissance, fair thing andWeeewos the character of Mary Maham, and I I got a little aggressive withthings. By the time we ended the run. I was known as Mary Massacust, but anywayone night, we were just sitting around eating dinner and everything, and thisone girl Genan she's, like Oh, my God, th there's a spiter. You know crawlingup the candle or whatever, and she actually took the dam later and she litit on fire and it let out a little scream and she's like Oh, my God, I'mso horrow like what the help it literally it was like Mani, asthe air bursting through a shel. It was so Gret Nicon, scream she's,like you rubbed off on me. I was never ly. DAING RI mean UNHI. It is greatitdid't. Let this little scream out. It's like you felt so damn at Livs. He screwlike when you throw a lobster in the POTAWA, not the actually thing screaming. Iknowit it's the air rushing out of this asle. I I scream whenever out of my lat'sscreaming in its mind, it's little mindit's screaming and that's evenprobably worse, that's twice the screan right there. I can't actually get thefucker out horror. It'slike! No, don't boil me,don't Wam me, so I guess our topic...

...today was dream of consciousness or edefinitely haven't come up with anything. Yet that is coecibly ani kindof Te, ejust gotto call this up in the air. So I think we were talking abouttalking about comedy we're talking about mass 'cause. We've gotta wearthose fucking things all the time now I saw the funniest thing: a bunch ofteachers and schoolboard people having a zoom meeting deciding kids have to goback to school. Actually they can't get together to have themeeting but they're going to send everyone right back to school, butwhatever I know it's crazy, it's like Oh, my Gosh, yeah children wearingmaskes, like half of them, can't even keep clothes on and they wan. You knowmass to be war. Junior high, my acty, so bad I'd either. Have you know? Iwould figure out, like hey, kids, here's an acne mask you put this on allday and your acne goes away. There's now there's a product, I'm looking forthe next million dollar idea right, but that that maybe 'cause either youracte's going to just clear right up from you breathing on it all day orit's going to get ten times worse. I guess I just not look forward to havingto wear a mask all day, yeah, not all day. It's like I, I don't ever likedoing it grocery shopping, but I do it o I'm Hov to wear one all day. It'sgoing to be one of those big fucking mascot head things O en airconditionallo at on television. THAT'S THE WAY to go! I'm like I'mlooking I'm like. Should I wear my winter soldier mask out today, I ing tobe in a furry or whatever the foct they're called I'm like H, yeah hs,like just turne everybody into like superheroes and supervill and Jus likescrew it. You know, Ifyou have to wear it where something you want to wear. That's how I see it anyway. D weallhave a mouse going anyway, Blah Blah Blah. Exactly if you bioug aboutmaskand cost players are just laughing, it's like it's like. We wear them allthe time. It's like what the Hell Ie there's someo wo. I can't I'm not I'mnot costrophobic a hundred percent Um, but I don't want to encase my fuckinghead in anything. I can't just get the fuck out of I saw these guys with. Theywere basically had their heads inside of actual fish tanks. I don't want todo that. Ai Voted to my costplay that much mywwthe way. Things are going. That's WWERWERE, we're heated, you know,everyody just grab a fish container. You know. I think, though, that there's there'sdefinitely someone needs to start taking advantage of these zoom thingsto make some living breathing comic books, because you can change thebackgrounds o ship people can do the cheesy dialogue. You know you got fourpeople. Five people standing by and the guy can just walkyou through a latest issue of some marvel rag. L peaking of doing all that, Oh yeah, Ihave a show coming up on Saturday with comedy live now the show stars at threePM. It is infrove and yes, we will be doing funny news cast and we will bechanging our backgrounds and everything like that N. I will find more aboutthat out at six PM tonight, but yes, we a we will do that and maybe we'll dolike a superhero thing, 'cause that sounds freaking ofso. Well, on theother hand, though you're already using tried and bullshiting zoom, you knowlike already zom- is played out nothing to discover about it or youknow so much fun though I mean it's so easy to change the background and justjust have fun with it and just has one wesn't. What time doesthe node part start? Thethe Naked News? That's aftermidnight, this thing starts at three fucking PM. I got to watch for ninehours to see some to watch that long Oka soon in at midnight,O all right like there'll, be anything there. We one guy like we knew you werecoming. The police will be here any mintors andSye, so ut midnight. There won't be anybody you getting paid for this again, an Carme points: Yes, Igot, a big Old Bank of those fuckers.No, we usually have our m our venmos or whatever flash on the SCREENO SLASHIN,my Veo, a maybe doing tas like we get some donations that way and everythingit's great. You know I trimmed up my Venmo just for this yeah, my vintoas always beent. Wait!Now I don't have a Venmo. No, I have a Venmo, but my venmo on my Venmo is well.I can't beat around He Bush 'cause. I...

...don't have Distusen, no even mor the've, venainzy Bush is nolonger. I I always recommend you just carve that little sucker in the shapeof a heart, ladys twhere. All our hearts go anyway right,a Gina, the vagina, what a word a China whaisit going to be through syllables, no should be six or more. At least that's like everything else get wordjust keeps getting longer and lound and the N. that's why I like girl's, name, Regina.I call him Rogina. My name he's like the Giana Party, like we all do just the Gina Yeah, just the Giantajust join howlove Yo. How I love you my dears. I was thinking about that sinceit was invented since singing was invented. When was singing invented. Ihave no cl. You think it was a bunch of cave men just like hitting rockstogether and grunting. I think that was the origin of sin n. He were groupies,puckind, cave girl, groupies, I'm Guessingiif, Yo, really wantto knowings Daddyo. They should check out. You know, Melbrook's history of theworld part one, I'm sure that will answer so many questions. Evernmanymore. You just use your imagination and just'cause. It's in your fucking DNA Yep Caveman is still in there. You justhave to reach in there and get through all the gray matter and you'll be ableto connect to your cabman roots. This is the problem. People have they're sodisconnected from the Gayman root. They have no. What is it called? Uh Insight? No, that's! NOT IT FORSIGHT HMINTUITION! That's the one. They've lost their intuition. I was going to sayfour SEPS, but I'm like that's totally not. We lost your four Sep tit's t edoctor's problem unless you're using them for a Roach Cet. Were you usingthe fores for a road sclip again on ER JI? That would be like the world'sbiggest rooch Clif foursups I mean. Can you imagine like trying t you know like?Oh Wow, Yo coul hold a baby and Oh wow, that's like just too much right there.That's just too much. Let's go back to joinatown talk about Maginan, W they're, sobeautiful! Yes, like a rose like a Georgia, keppainting, it is it's like you just can't look away. You can look inside,though, if you get a chance see Hav te back, though you better shuther down t going og there right. I lost my flashlight honey. It's inthere somewhere next to the four saps mean my Roach cle Dan. That's a big J Dube you just Rolle!Well, I use TA forces for a Roach Clas Eer, the Ma, a giant Roge for t giant, Roach cliffso is tchina going to be something that comes up on this improve thing or thathas to wait till midnight too. It might be. I have no clue, I'm like Newstoy Begina. I E rot it out littleki rode out a couple of clips and overything and we're GOINGTO find outwhich way my mind tends to wander and since we're talking about now, that'sprobably where it's going to end up so ye IH. So basically we're priming the PUMfor Thi six o'clock meeting and then you're going to go all badge oneverybody and they're going to be like you're out pretty mine. That's the midnight showbet. Didn't anyone tell you. I was like Ky,it's just a wraiter's meeting today, like d o, you guys were writing theimprob sketches and things like that. DONSS Skechi, Improv comedy a littlehere and there you know how o Ash e going to be Lak three hours O- maybe I don't know- maybe sherter- gofor three hours of ly: Homeday Justyea allright. Just to, but you know, e Humaimprove and everything unity, theater troop will be starting improve back up.We will be on zoo. We are starting September first, so anybody that wantsin on it it's like contact, unitys, theater troops, and we will guide youfrom there guide you on zoo, Hey your Mike's on turn your Mike O. I it's Gointo be soweird at the moment. 's like we are looking for a place indoor or outdoor,whatever you kno just to get it started so yea nohing nully, coming back aroundit was going to be quite a challenge...

...these days and everything that you didwas shut down. Well, what about Um? What about that stocked in arts garagewhen's that place open and again I have no they'v got plenty of room in therefor fucking. Anything that you wantto do especially Y, have a work shop andImprov they would they would relish the thought of anyone coming fucking therefor any reason: You're coing, no w! No, we don't dothat here. No I'like sure we're doing that on we're teaching flyfishing andwe got a bowling colascow and we any fucking thing come on here. This is orwe're telling GINA paintings, we need artist. The GIANTA peanings giantanpenies are only displayed atmidnight and the place is Closi. Can you imagine a glow with a Darogina allall the regular pings flip over and reveal their Vegina selvst's right, Mona, Lisa's, Vog, O Agina Cave Nice and the Batmobile's driving rightin there? No problem like when you think about it? Yes,caves do have that. You know Arto them and they kind of do. Look like Pagina. I wonder if anybody in a cave has everfound the Gese Pot, where the gold is the gold spot, theGold Si. So what else are you doing h? You know you seem like you have a veryfull zoom life. Lately I av it's like Thursday night, I'm doing a murdermystery azom, morder mysery, which is pretty much all improved. I'm like thisis going to be fine. I was like a two hour murder mystery.This should be interesting. AAnother flashing, my Benmo Venu, pretty muchring it ARD. If you like our stuff Doni, you know, like our stuff, send us moneywow, it's like please ELP, the pooll. Please have the poor improvers. We haveno renfars to go to. We have no nothing woaage anymore. Wehave less than nothing. We have enoug show we. I just want to stand nearsomeone it', really close and bbadshingsgod well, O o ATM. I must just make it withdrawlers 'cause. I need me Dam 'Causif, I'm not trthis rentfer's Gongto Suk o on the Upenan Oppol that far thePennsylvania Renaissance, fair is far, as I know, are still opening, like. Ithink, they're opening in September they're going to do a shorter run, butthey are still opening their love with a afacity, an a certain percentage orwhatever and and they GOINGTA hap. I'm like I everybody's remaininghopeful and well the problems. Is You can't fuckand travel to anything either?So you know it's all well and good that there's something else somewhere else,but we can't go there else. We have to fuckand spent t weeks there and in twoweeks when we come home, but only if we want to abide by the Rurles kind ofthing you know I don't think many people are ut. My ow family at risk, 'cause,there's a Ren fucking, fair, Yep bitches, I'm I'M SORRY GRANDMA! I mustdo with this. I must do with this. For Myar. I shallbring thee with me grandma and spirits. Then I shoull cast, I spit it out when I bring home the cobig nineteenbaby go midnightwell as long as all you'RallMass Maser, fucking, cosdumes, right, yeah, yeah, just ot be dus and anmordered mask with my sequins, whatever the fuck you need and like which isGong to be like totally awkward, a I'm like. Okay, how are people supposed totake? You know a nice photo with the Queen or whatever it's like. You can'tdo Itoh pesents, it's a plague out, Teir pleasance! You must realize theseverity of this plague. We have melor, oh well, no mass for you, fool e's, like no mask for the fool. Thefool now die. Let Him die for your museen. HaveForsaken me melot down, you will down I'm so fucking. Evil it'd be cool, though you know e thinkthat, like everyody's in her mast, you must w yr massand the guy. The fuckingguy takes his Masko e, like dies of the plague. Like turns fucking black, I mean Sir Purple You Sai Surward. You said MEWERETURNSPurplis blue, which is almost black,...

...but not quite sort of like a grapyeahthat's and like a great does that mean all his body parts startto fall off. Well, NO ECAUSE! They play fuck in and two guys grabbin by thelegs and carry Hem off. You know off fucking scene or whatever you do at therenfare eggss stage left with the bubonic plague victim til. His nextperformance he's got Ta wipe all that blue bakeup off of HEM GT. You know andget another alcacelter so for the foam effect Y can't have a MR theouse e'lltake off thy mask. This. Is the results FPEOPRE like horrified they're, likethe YELP reviews? The next day have lots of fun of they're ran fair, butthat Oh fucking come in masebonic plague thing I could have done withoutthat. An nyou're is scarred for life and the other kid loves it and they loved it. I know there'salways one thats rea and then one tats like yeah, give me more give me mare,AD Fretty, ce N, Ay who's that Frendy Cruger, Oh God,nothing hurger think he'll stick his glimup, my that'Schay Erou Knoi. Don't think youever want to get fingured by Freddin shedy, but oh owl, Sarrsir Yah fingeredby Freddy Five nights of finger by Friday, the Oh brother, an fucking fan, so talkabout. You know, Cliterectomeigot, damn out that with a fish Hook, oh Tisa boatingaccident, ow m EECLUC. She talks lower. I lost my CDE ATN. I lost ly Clitton afishing accident well sesb lower now, because Atin Tho twelve packs ofcigarettes and DA throug this hole in my throat. Since I lost my hole in my vagina here, I is O is' down o the whole andAPR at'Sright. Oh, my Gosh Lik had to go get these this fuckingbiosis of these nogules in my throat and h. They use these little finelittle fucking needles that get in there with, and I said to the doctor. That is thefirst time. I've ever had those little pricks in my throat the nursees got. It was the doctorfucking diit right, that's what the doctor was saying: Yeah sure, that'swhat they all say: Budny Shar you never Hav ever had a little cirkin. I throvbefore I had a little tickle. It's not the same thing. Everybody enjoys a little tickle picklein the throat yeah. That's a that's a great saying, a pickle tickle! You, a tickle, pickle,pickle, oh good, Bord! I'm all over the place y gives a wife a little pickledtickle there weget the pickl. TAK PICKLE TICK SWEET! Well, that's that can you know hit can be used against to do you have a greatbig deal or have you got one of those little sweet, little Gir igour gayslitte and they get really Di Jerking, the Gerki jerking, the girkand pickle,tickle yeah. There you go some kind of handlotion or somethingwhat is Odirkin a girk and pickle tickle. Maybe it's supposed to help xp MakiJerkin, the girking pil tickle comes thegina wor, W it's like. Well, we spceLa an pickles for so long. We thought we'd go the other way. Oh you say the darnedest things. Idon't mean that other way, the back door. It doesn't tak them Oahon, but he can'tcome in. Othis is what happens to us when we have no incise, we dosen totalk. This is like the Margpogh episod ajpa episode, Riming at fisode. It's the hodghpogeepisode. No, the Magpode, Hodge Foge, mad fag anicsi thought. That's thatstuff you! IT IS R! You got it wrong! You Little Craft Er,you! Well. We were ttalking about wor beforewe started. So I guess there was a...

...certain part of the brain that wentover to that. Oh 'cause Yo were talking about the possibility that theSmithville artwalk is going to happen on Saturday September nineteenth andwe're going to be there and all our glory at separate tables because of therestraining order. We have O we'll have by that and H. Also, just you know socialdistancei everyone's Goingta, so I don't know how is fucking Shit's goingto work, how anyone's going to come to your table and be six feet away from Yo?You onna have to turn your table side. Nowor the Onen Wann't Roadaat, throw me your card. Throwmoney. OUNDOF me they got lant, Captin America yeah down this way, Ha everhear. magnits are behind me pillows or UPFRO. AFRIEND has her crisis O rn o fivedollars a piece two for ten er like well yeah, of course, they're talkingdon. I want to hit paple that I really Ay. It's like don't make me it you don't Ma Ifento for lie would be better N, I'mFitting II to get that every every last quarter out of 'em. We don't even have e Mano Sa working like we don't even have change anymore.The whole change shortage like how the hell does that happen SI well. I started this cus jar a whileago. Well, Dami filled up an entire basementin the garage know. There's change out there. I No'be lowed to cross the United States of America, basically like Nd. What do you do now? Dauaua,when the other person's change is still in the and that's the thing I don'tknow. If any of you know what Awaua is, but they dispense the coin, change foryour order into a little cup that everybody in the fucking world reachesinto one after another. You want to spread disease and you cando it through the fucking change outlet, receptacle thing at Te Wawa. Sometimespeople just go. Oh No! I don't want Ta, no really now that four and a half cents to Awa fun, ten x, four nd, O halffucking sense extra, all right right. I mustte coven for that Fuckit yeah. Ithink most of the people just forget about their damn change. Anyway. Theyjust leave it there. They're, like whatever younowne change and t ealternative, is using your deb a card to pay. You know a dollar, seven, no AE wasted more than a dollar soms worthof time. Just getting to the screen. Where you can enter your Shit O, youcan get your fucking dollars seventworth or whatever it'slike wow shit, fucking dollar onyou I'll, give you the seven cents to get the fuck out of here with O devecar dollar Sevin. My has dollars Gu likewell. When I use my double Cuart, Ipay exactly a d. If I were to have a dollar seven, I would have to take tendollars out of the ATM and then I would be tempted to spend eight dollars andninety three cents. You cheap, baster, iothat's. Really Iget it now. I get it but are't you going to need odolar seen omorrow well yeah, so you couldn't possibly set to eight ninetythree aside and nor setting yourself out of that 'till. That's done y! Youjust have no fucking control. WHAT AE YOU WCAN Buy Ten extra candy bars. Whatdo you do with that? Eight Dollars Holy Shit? I Nev raise like Oh, my God. IHAV dollars. I can't spend it iny dollars or here we go. Let melet me buyit all. Today. You know s like why make like every day a trip. It's like justget it all at once: Du 'cause spending money every day, some people's have itR and Oor Addiction. That's why they all suffered so greatly when they hadto stayed home first few weeks and couldn't go to retail. They werelamenting it and they were all in the Damn Grocery stores where the hell werewhe're. GOIN, I mind a Chaley's here. This is groceries yeah. I need to buysome random thing that I don't need, but cost too much. I never tha season.Oh my holthat's, exactly what happened too. It's like you go out to go groceryshopping and all the shelves are empty, like okay, who needs like nine hundredboxes of salt team crackers o bathing right. Now I exactly it's like. Like mycards, I Y car, like one box and if I get returns, Idon't care what he got in e back, like Yo'R, nothing, Sir empty boxes. Howmuch are they mpeople went out and...

...spent like crazy, thyou know if youtake these cardboard boxes and cut 'em up just right, the tos, like Ramondnoodles, mean roming. I don't know what the fuck.I mean I mean Tha fucking thing: The cost ten cents s sure I'll take in case of those. Ithink you meed to go all the rest of my lay. I eat those to punish myselfactually to remind me of times when I had nothing. The only reason I suffer through thatshit anymore. Give me a break. I mean they're, it's something to e: It's not hi, it's something to we've all been therebefore Romand I mean if you're fany, yougotnoodles get thirty days like theasaltin Takin with one servey Dogwaroun andyour ears are ringing: Imy Bloprr Te, noodles, ithink, tre, ten golons of water. Ican't even take to that. I can even take a lot of like the condened, soupsand stuff, like that. I have to rinse this stuff off because I'm like it istoo dam. Salty, I'm like wow t's, like I just can't doit anymore, can't do it like I used to yea. We wentout to eat last night, which was Nice, nice, outdoor setting and sociallydistanced, and I had some clam childer because I just e y choter- and this wasthe Manhattan kind and it was delicious and so now I must reckomman left thesefor the Manhattan and, of course, Tennessee Avenue Beerhall for the NewEngland. Those are my choices of clam chatter. Take it away beauty! Oh I got on clamchowder visit or forkCloun or Sho. Glam chowter makes your farts louder.That's all I got Yo Knowi Gett, so weak in the knees.Sometimes I the average partmight knock me over. I holy crack. Did you see those likelittle cars like th, Fiat and stuff like that? Like I'm afraid, if I evergrow, one or God didn't want Infart it? I would like collapse. The whole thingOu'd be crumbles and I was like. Oh my God seem like the little doors puff OL like Awcrak. There goes anothersuppositoryyea mean you know they had a guy who you invented a car, that youcould go to fast food, and then it was powered by your farts, but of coursethey murdered him. Oh Lord get te way of big oil yeah. I Don' Ithink tacobill would made it short now they fucking H. Car executives are driving around intheir fartmobiles and laughing at us. I know they have I' relike so afraid to get into one ofthose vehicles and far and just like pass out from the smell. Like. Oh Cra,no ther's a fiters tha, a new car smell comes back out. Weveryony gets in yourcar mrwo this as Nice Ha car. SMEL you're, like you, know, Talko aboutanyine Fart for your sauce les get off the Shitty subject. You started litin. I know I did I'm bad.You know L car EON. The table me Ian towards RWHAT. Did she say parornsabout playing Chowders, I like pointing down town China. I never got to into the CREAMY SOUPS I'NITN. I On't I'm like the weirdest person in the world. I get creamy saladdressings. No, I, like my salad raw dog in it. It'like, that's o! That's that'sobedien thing I think, but I think the UM I think Antom Levay, who ran theChurch of Satan out there in California, used to gauge people on what kind ofsound dressing they ordered, because Um very masculine man would get h wouldget oil and vinegar, but rather a feminine man would get some kind ofcreamy dressing and I love Creamy tressing. By the way I sou like it all. I don't like you,can have your oil an vinegar, but that that also has its place. But that to meis torture just why would anyone want to just doucetheir food with vinegar unless it's a French fry, I know vinegar, has itsplace in this world. It's on the French fry thred Ra en e French Rie yea ittlebit. Okay, a little bit. I like vinegar...

...on my Italian Hobes H. Yes, give mesomene O that oil and vinegar on that. But then even then, a reguno going you salt, an pemper andthat's what the SA dressing needs. I'm sorry I was'st like poison. It's likeWyit's horrible, traditional nit's, probably for me, it's like I dolike them. Dry Um, sometimes a little bit of the honeymustard dressing was going to be like just a little bit. I'm a mustard fiend.I used to eat that right out of the jar. When I was AK, I totally atet out F eJar. Still do it's the best actually now I do it by the tablespoon. I scoredit in e tablesp. Take it like your medicine, so Ken has an awesome, honeymustard. It's so good that when I taught at this college in Philadelphia,t was in the lunchroom and I hated the soft prezels, but I would buy them justso. I could scoop that funking musterd in my mouth, without any wai at mustardat a spoon out of a packet I'd, always take extra. Yes, I'm a mustard fiend and a picklefreak. That's for sure iill go out of my way to get a good pickle, h, thebrin kind and H. Luckily, for me, the little lady is quite the pickler. She's got jars and jars and stuff goingall the time D. it's quite good, plus every Thursday night in Smithville atthe farmers market is philly bills dills, oh, my God, they're, so awesomeand they're. So fresh and they're, just H, sweet ones and they've got hot ones,Amaeng. One reason I go there there's not much else calling on at thatfarmers market, but there are fickles for a minute. I thought you were havinga pickle gasm like! Yes, U Show On't, I don't have myphone out when we knew these pod cos. Foks son show Beautin. My screen is: Oh,yes, remind me to buy pickle, have too many kinds on closs e, iy, glascs big lots ofgreat place to find great pickles inported pickles, the Christmas treeshops Christmas, O shop, ee has to find pickles. Those are the best and h. TheBJS has a gigantic jar of dill pickles for, like min ninety nine's crazy. Youget in there and swim your way at the top and just eat your way. At the top.With the dills likea and a pickles is a good cheat on a diet 'cause. Itbasically has zero greason a that's what you should invent the AL, picklediet and Yoold pickl die. THAT'S T! Yes, let's test this out baby, let's seewhere it goes. Okay, well do recall. When I wasyounger when I was a kid, I ate an entire jar of sweet girkin. Yes, Idrank the juice Wen. You like the olives TII drink, t nownot too much ofit all hn those go right along with it oka who sweet Girkins I ate them. Idrank that, let's just say boy: it cleaned out. My systemi've had that wasevastn eating at pickle bars, tickle barforty selections of pickles, somemade there. Ome broaght in I've had pickle stuff with blue cheese. Ofcourse, I've had deep, fried pickles all day, Long Hell Yeah. Those are thebast. What's awesomes people who don't like deep, fried pickles, we listen. Iwant to try one. Let them try one the minute they come out of the oven.'cause they're, like pieces of hot cold Ha ' been at the bottom of the snonewor, like sure, dig right in and they throw one of those puppies in theirmouth t's like oand. They burn the shoet out osomthing. I don't anymore ofthose the Gois more than me. Try M in Pwher O you, O God, Damn Picdle, that'swhat you GIV for doing that now sit down and let me enjoy my pickleI'll, tell you how tough things are getting out there. I went to arestaurant and I'm a regular there. I have been eating the this restaurantfor almost twenty years and I sa was finishing up my sandwich and I said tothe Guy: Hey: could you get me another slice of pickle and he came out and hehad to take my check and adjust it by fifty cents, 'cause wrwe're going ratefor an EXTA slice, AF pickle there. Now it's fifty fucking cents lay the pickle I e they charge. Forthat. I I make that every time I' blink,buddy, O at the fuckand pick off o get for, is a to am Jo Raar I'll bring. My own to M, going pickecrazy TOA is two dollars. Brin Me Tho whole focking, pickles right ow,...

...even four dollars. I think fifty centsa quarter you Sha, serve Me Pentamathasaw, it's okay, everybody'spick. I euntry all waiters like that. Just the owners they premious lace of your finestpickle. Well, I'm not sure MLORD. We have quite a variy. It's like whichever's, the biggest. Iwant my money's worth, God dn, I, if I paying or kin for fifty cents, he gethe hell out of I do have a little everything folks. Ido have a fried pickle story and yes, it is at the renfare, Oh yeah, I thinkof Herlis, Mor God goad one of these years, Um back in the day. It was one of those school days fairs.It's when we let the school children come for a few hours and te warpedtheir mind nine to two or something like that: Somethin any bitty an there.There's no lunch break for the actors that day at all, they don't feed us.They don't do anything we're on our own for food by the Ono. He Day youactually smell at we're, not that bad anyway, so katy, who played the Duchess shew'slike I don't know whether I went fried pickles or if I went chicken on a stick,and I was like W: Why don't you buye one and I'll buy the other? And whydon't we just plut 'em, you know so we ended up doing that and everything thechicken was right to eat right away, but the fried pickles were you know hotas hell. You know so we're like. Well, let's see this she's like let's eatthem at the chess match, and I was like: Can we do that? She's, like I, don'tsee why the hell not? I was like okay, so we waited and everything and we getto the chess match and we're up on the dice and everything and you know,there's swords going all around us, we're just eating pickles whatever andsomebody said something funny and the Jackass character. I can't remember whowas standing next to me, but he was one of those laughers and he put his handon my back, but he slacked it. Don't I wallow a whole piece of fried pickleand IT KINDOF gets jammed down in there, but I'm okay, I'm okay. It goes downand everything I'm good, I'm good. Now following after that was the very firsttime that I had ever gone to wizard world in Philly, I went with a wholebunch of people from the renaisfrance far and everything and we're therewe're doing our thing we're having a good time. Whatever I get something todrink, I go to swallow. I can't swallow it. My face turns like Bright Purpleand Katy's like Oh, my God. Oh my God, Oh my od and finally, I gulfed it downand I was like who she lik. Are you? Okay and IAS? Likeyou remember that pickle from the chest match about nine hours ago, sheas likeyeah, I was like I just wallowed it she's, like dear Laurie, so that was myfried pickle story. It had a happy ending brought to you byjerking the Girkin pickle tickles better by the jarful, nothing likehaving a pickle lodging in your throat, but I mean she love it like at therensaissance far because pickles hydrate you and everything, and even ifyou drink the pickle juice, that's good for you. So it's like, I believe onetime Katy invented the Pickletini, which was just the pickle juice, andyou know one of the fancy cuffs. So we had pickle Tenis, no booze. Sometimes I had a Wasabi Tini Woa, which wasbasically the Saki and Wasami and some soy, and we were pounding those downOly Wow, they're good. I think Itud burn out my systel. Well ID come from along line of pickled people, til Ye Sascocharmins, we've beenpicking Sen, the beginning we have the SAC crout. Oh, I love theSaacras, which is also easy to make at home yourself too, and that's usually horse radish and sour crowd are liketwo old school things to have around to help you stay healthy. I O good good flora. They get memetabolism up and actually pharmacies used to H. specialize having freshworse ravish, she like some valuum and some more sradish. I guess I used to beable during prohibition. If you were a hardcore alcoholic, you could go to thepharmacy and get firmacutical booze. Actually Hava little prescription wason the back of the bottle and th position. PORMACES WES sign Ling, theitheir point Nice, like Hela. I guess that was like the equivament of likemedical marijuat. That toally was that'sno N. that's why that's why theputand e liquor scos did not shot down during Clarantin 'ausehell Te Hel it.Oh, my God. People would be losing their mind more than answers open and had to keepthe had to keep the liquor store, open...

...but wer sure, but the best part wasthey shut. All the churches. Now wele Hav sacramental wine, ISSsacrificial thoseten. Get me on the subject: Oh Wow. That brings me back somebody. The other day gave me one ofthose. What are they what's the company thatmakes them crisp? I think it is there the Little Bible tracks and they'rethey're awesome. They are so funny this one. This one was great becausethe the person saw the MSONIC memorabilia that I have in my in myHome Office, and I have that because of a long line of people in my familypeing free masons. I was myself one for a while, but it's not the wholealuminata consperson bullshit, everybody think maybe San some highlevel I never got into. But meanwhile they give me this little track and uhthe people in this little track there, their daughter had no more will to live and she ktried to commit suicide and she was in the hospital and h they had to renouncetheir freemasonry and order of eastern star ties burn all their memorabilia inthe backyard pray to God to forgive them, and then theirtheir daughter wasmiraculously healed thatgreat. How that worked out insixteen pages only was that easy. We wish people were going to tell me it.Is They it? It was a Merelonian Tercisarl,my asmhew IUCKDO that they just do that to screw with otherpeople. Isn't that like Somwal on the Bible,like Thou, shall not screw with other people or something that that should bethe law? It's like. No that'll shall judgeeveryone and thow she'll make up a miracle thatpeople will believe, but it is total Bullshi. It depends on w faith you buyinto. I know I'v already y ever believe in anytime. They all have theirdestruction of the world story. They all have their resurrection stories,they're all pretty much the same story just with it a little different spinand the names have been changed to protect e Ini. Some of them are sostrikingly similar that you definitely can see the origins of Christianitythrough the ages at beast. On every other thing, pretty much. I'm sill convinced that Jesus was aHippi and he po he smoked pot and hung out with a prostitute. You know my whole Favi sister problem, probablyI probably had some good treesons going on wit, Oson Jesus was a baby justdiscovering his powers weer his powers or his penis. No, hispowers resurrect the dead and they're like Oh Jez, my cat died and then yougo on and there's your cat 's like just please Stot, bringing my cat back everytime. You do. He looked worse than the time before. Like you said, you saidyou wanted him back, not like that Jesus Lookin Qoor little skull exposedit's horrible he's like a mobile pet cemetery. Lhes ring all these creatures back tolife. They'll just keep stoning your cat, 'cause he's so horrible. My Jesus keep bringing it back. It's likeJesus, crist, WAV, don't say my name and the RETL Cag BackGran, grandma, whichone, okay, the cat, Pat Athe, Catwa t all. I do settled. Catcho Resurre, foal eternity untilit's just like. Basically, a spine theyjust like quivering iit, was to seethat a the atragic Tal Jesus resurrecting cats man. This episode has been a trip. Thisepisode, his Bennoany Acid, before this episode, so I may was Er Famila nocome on d. not since prexi have I hadany LSD or other silicide in or second alixdrum, maybe that's what they could have been. I got this whole show. Could havebeen about drugs and we finally get in his Bamaoh Wow y, ah w here we are nearthe end: Yeerandwere fucking wasting her size, rapping it...

Itanice. I wouldn't do that pickle dieand I'm like totally for cereal. On that C, O Pilly, Bal Gills. I go o arm e say we want to come upwith a pickle diet, y pickle. Would you have for breakfast, I Hadt Redan buttermade. I think you'dhave pickles on a piece of Tos tikoon with a grat half a great fuit, there's a puin and black offee. There'syour pickle breakfast y oaks everyday place that used to be aroundhere, used to Wigi slace up a big, a Lill pilk pickle and make a sandwichout of it, and it was deligious. Yit was stuff, Oh yea meats, and thingslike that. So one of my favorite things was discovering pickled dogs putting abig old slice on your hotdog, with some Wasa mustard and drinking some somechocolate Mok witat at the same time, yeah, pickles and shock of milk and I'mnot even near pregnant, as I used to be I'm afraid that a long time pickles andchocoat milkers ALD bomb, I still say that I'm sure it'll make a bomb comingout the other end. I don't worry about these things, I'mnot standing behind that right. Exactly and an the elevator withme wo. I am, but at the same time I'm not go thrik well with me. ' With those people thatare like fifty fifty lactives 'ntolerant, like you, don't know untilit hit you, I'm like Youre, enivly, no body a work mine on vacation yeah, My Min Esohotesan, tolerant me,Lord, Oh to Soll. I have an ice dream here. ECAUSE, it seems to me FaringWelli. I hope I'm fine, but then, if I eat out, and it's like Ohhellno more fudge less, I scream Milo, my dearlord, what have you done? Oh, she ate a pickle on a bun and there she sat out in the sun and TeCryed, her tail of woe for everyone, or anyone would fuck and listen there.Wea Te Renfair, which was the kids from nine to two, and here we go. We are actuallywrapping this up and we're wrapping it up at four twenty or you one, a man,twenty baby, Lo Ge, buskets of fucking kids out of here. This has been what hell of an episodeI'm Yautingsho.

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