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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode · 1 year ago

Episode 31 - HoliDAZE

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to Beauty and the Beast Episode 31 - HoliDAZE! Listen to what we like and dislike about the holidaze mixed with some food and utter BS!

Check out RampantlyLA www.rampantly.la 

Coming to you almost live from lake side. I'm beauty and I'm the beast. Finally on the air and welcome to our holidays. Show holidays with a daze, because we're already dazing over it. Are you over it? I'm dazed and confused. I don't even know what fucking month were in. Happy New Year. It's two thousand and twenty one, and all this other bullshit's over. Like have you not seen my calendar? I haven't changed it since May. I gave up in May. And even see a calendar? Oh okay, yeah, you call that a counter. That's bullshit, man, any fucking counting you physically have to do that. I wouldn't do that either. I know. I'm like day the calendar broke. Well, didn't really break, I just stopped fucking changing it. She's got the counter. It's like these two little blocks with the numbers on an actual counted it. See now, if you actually had a counter, the other one will be the paper calendar. That's still on May also. Yeah, pretty much now. Would have taken less effort to to slack on that's true. Actually, downstairs our calendar, I did shit flip it over to December. Yeah, you know, little kitten's like Christmas stuff. Oh, I was like they're I've decorated for Christmas. That's about it. That's hang a ball cat in it. From It. Yep, I was like there we go, I decorated. Damn it. I haven't had a counter hanging up since I can remember when, because everything's a goddamn calendar. Anyway. I know our phone, our phone, the computer, everything is telling me what todd what to do, and when facebook is reminding me that half a fucking million events I should go to, and it's like sure, facebook run my life and it's great. And then in the virtual world it's like he has the lot, coming to your event. I'm like Ye, me go. He reply that I'm coming and then just like not shoe, I'm interested. You always say you're interesting. It was too far, yes, too far to go to my computer and fucking turn on Zoom. It's like it's virtual, you baster, is virtual. Yeah's actually I'm not there, but your virtual thing like, dear Lord, actuality of virtuosity. Oh, you know how many times I put out there? It's like yeah, I'm talking a virtual shows like you should go. Is like good, yeah, I'm like fuck you. You know there are some virtual shows that are getting some pretty high attendance, but I think they're actually on snap Chad and only fans. And there are Coochi's involved. Now, not a lot of coochies on tick tock. A lot of flopping titties, that's for sure, but he's on Tick Tock. Not a lot of not a lot of nudity. The problem is that by the time you discern the age of the girl in the tick tock that shaking her ass. Hey, you realize, whoops, I think she's fourteen or fifteen. Better scrubb I like they should. Is Like, Oh yeah, eighteen and older only are allowed on this thing. Yeah, sure, you're right. How this girl get on my feet? And now I've lingered too long on her crotch, and now half a dozen more going to pop up on the other side of this advertising for whatever the fuck is next. Everything is in Thatt to this youtube is destroyed now, the way that they're shoving ads down your throat and that they've mastered the seven Second Ada. He really, once upon a time guys would send it. If you said to some guy in the in the N S who was an advertising a gay hey, guess what, in the future, adds going to be at all? Five seconds long. They'd be like, Huh, it's impossible. How did you possibly do that? And that as like yeah, now they shove nights are one after another. If you don't press that button fast enough. Yeah, it's like seven seconds become five. Totally impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible as my also because I've dropped my phone under the seat already. I could reach it anyway. I gotta listen to some fucking commercial for some drug that the side effects are just make your day, don't they? Itchy eyes, watery nose. Which would you rather have? I'd Rab Water eyes and itchy nose. All right, right, that's a side effect this other drug. Take the other one, as the opposite may cause annual leakage. Like what?...

That's Taco Bell. The side effects are like insane on some of those products. I was I'm in so constipated, doc. Well, have you gone to Taco Bell and then driven fifty miles from the nearest toilet? That'll do it. He'll do it, or my key's the other night. We don't go out too often, but we're out and for the hell of it, we went to craft. What's that, please called? Okay, I'm having a brain for may have to come back to this. Is it's a fast food or restaurant. Went to and there we go. Chili's, chilly's, yeah, Oh, Chili's right, yeah, never again. Never, I'm good. Let's just say yeah, if you're constipated, you go to Chili's or Taco Bell, they will work. Wonders. That's a Shitty conver we station. What the Hell we're supposed to be talking about the holidays here, right, Lord, holidays where some people. I did see the sign today at the McDonal's, because there's a McDonald's right next to our office, and it said Open thanksgiving, and I'm thinking, how sad is this? have any single MOMS and dads are sitting in the well, they can't, they can't even sit in the restaurant. They can only take it home and huddling their car. I know it. It's kind of sad. I mean, people did have those holiday traditions. Oh Yeah, just going out to restaurants and things like that. I mean some of them do take reservations if they're if it open. Like a lot more stuff is just been flosing down late. NOT HERE IN JERSEY. Luckily, we can still do things, but over and PA Woa, it's I everything's closed again. Yep, it's like what. It's actually the bitter end for some people because their businesses are definitely tanking at this point and this is how they end the year. And this is one of the things I this is why things I struggle with with the holidays is as happy as the hollies make some people, that equally makes others miserable. So miserable, and even people who used to be happy or miserable if they've lost loved ones and they're not around for the holidays. So I don't we just chuck all this Shit Anyway? It's fucking Christmas every day anyway. You got your Amazon Prime Account. You get whatever you want any Goddamn Day of the week. You now. My friend the other day she looked at her Amazon prime account stance. She started buying Amazon. She spent forty three thousand dollars on Amazon so far. How about you beery waiting here? I number is close up there. Nah, these gadgets and things around here. So I'm saying little kids used to have to wait for Christmas to get that thing they wanted all year. Now they got that thing and it's already in a garage sale by Christmas and getting the next thing that they need. I know, it's like I think, you know, we should definitely go back to those kind of ways and ways of living. I know a lot it's like too damn easy to get everything that we want, and I think that's, you know, what's wrong with things today. You know, it's like what if they went out of grafts tomorrow? Like what if Amazon prime was done? Well, if the Internet was done, you know, people would be killing themselves left or left and right because they wouldn't know how to handle it. You know, it's like you pick up the phone, you call someone, you go to the store. Okay, bad, example during you know, covid season, apparently, but people wouldn't be able to survive without the Internet. It's like, Oh my God, how am I gonna get my new headphones? You know, but what did people do back then? It's like, Oh wow, I got to go to a store. What the Hell's the store? How do I get in there? You know, do I need to make a reservation? Like, what's going on? Like, you know, they are they carved their headphones out of whalebone. Yeah, I mean you asked. Yeah, I guess I did. Damn it. Well, the problem is this is a consumerism. Is Our lives in America. This is not it's not capitalism, it's consumerism. You've got to buy stuff all the time and as soon as you can't, it's it's like your way of life. It's not just it's just the thing that would really kick this nation in the ASS. In regards to Covid as, if they close the liquor stores down, there would be a ground swell. There would be some rioting going on. Give me that liquor. What are you kidding me? People cannot go with out their liquor. You know, everything had shut down like originally, like flat out shut down. Yeah, we would have went nuts. I mean, I know it's weird. Yes, they kept open liquor stores, but they close down churches and it's like what the hell? Right when we need our communion wine on Sunday, that's why we go to church. Yep, Ye, liquor still liquor in off yeah,...

...it's like we need that liquor. Damn it. You know at the other church they have been going Friday nights and they serve a light refreshment sen it dope beverages there. Yeah, I couldn't see like this world going through like a giant a meeting during fucking code of Oh they would go through the DT's now the AA meeting. That comes later. But imagine if all those people were forced into it because the covid and they were just going nuts, like they just they couldn't take it anymore because they're still addicted to liquor and how cohol, and you know I mean, would we have gone back to where those times called the thing with the liquor, where it was illegal? Prohibition it was called. It was almost a hundred years ago. Who can remember that? To make us sleeve in here, it's like I just Nelliot mess. I just like look up from a nap. So like, all right, I couldn't remember before. I really can't remember now. Following comedy is brought to you by beauty's NAP, beautiful nap. So here. What did you dream of? You dream of sugar, Palm, fairies and the holidays. I dreamt that I was sleeping, which is where I want to be sleeping. That's crazy, fucked up dream. It is. So I fell asleep and I dreamed. I was asleep and in my sleep I couldn't wake up and in my sleep I was dreaming exactly. So that's where I'm at. And then I woke up and fell back asleep. That wilcome, like what are you a cat? That's what does that? Yes, that's like, I have a cat. Oh, let me stretch out here. I just had a nap and I'm gonna go get something and I'm gonna go sleep over there. Yes, in Covid County, I am at level cat, cat level. Yes, cat level, um about the only thing that I haven't done is use the litter box, but I feel like that's coming soon because I don't want to get up half the time. So, you know, we're we'll see how that goes. We wonder how many people have discovered the joy of depends during the code because they're so fucking lazy they don't want to get up for their fortnight battle. I know, we we've got to get this thing go. I was actually thinking, you know, least and I we were talking about doing like hosting our own like open mics online and doing like our own like comedy shows and witing people to you know be in them, because I've wrecked up a bunch of awesome people and I want to shout send the shout out that Joliet rampantly died la which is awesome because we can actually bank our show on beauty and the beast, but have them sign up through rampantly and then it has all these awesome apps and features. Now, like I can get an APP that will let me know who signed up for the show. Like it's like Bam, it's crazy. It's like, well, we're up. I'm like, why the hell aren't we doing this? It would be great. I lost my train of thought where I was going. This is great, so we're gonna do other shows. Yeah, why don't we do our listen, here's the thing. I got to give everyone advanced warning. If, in fact, beauty and the beast becomes a mic night, I'm gonna be I'm going to be doing some singing in addition to the witty and a Serbic comedy. What are they called? Observations? Yes, it will be. It will be kind of like and anything goes, Mike Anything. Fuck them go lady show. We need more of those. We do. Speaking of variety shows, open MIC Nune, open mic nun days, Whoo, open Mike Mondays has been a joy to go to. That's a that's an amazing variety show there. It's like they're singers. There's I think there's been a couple dancers or something like. There's been comedians. It's been great. It's there's a poetry, poems. Yeah, all that gets done. It's like wow. I'm like, yeah, let's start something, you know, let's start something in the new year. Just have some freaking fun with it. Well, that, you know, because this is not fun. Yes, it is, just so you know out there, Hey, don't go off and do your own podcasts. No Fun at all. Say the fuck off the air. Right, he's enough people out there doing this now. Bullshit. Anyway. There's always room from one more gay. No, there's not. And they'll be a couple and do it, because then, you know, I can't stand that, even a couple for a year now. HMM. Don't tell me how to get run my life. How it ruined your life, Daddy, you know. Don't tell me how to run my life. Oh, okay, yeah, you don't know nothing yet. You haven't been through diddly squat. Yeah, it's so deep what you've learned in yours, misspent you youth. Now you gotta gotta get some experience. Any about. Unfortunately, a few nasty Christmas has...

...might give you some good material. Oh Yeah, or some good tragic New Year's stories. You know, out of all the years, Mike and I have been together for ten years and I think maybe we've had two new year's EAVES and New Year's days together. Ah, because he's always like working overnight or something, or wherever he's worked, he's had to work. It was like mandatory and I was like this sucks. That so pretty much like about eight years of like bullshit, like, Oh yeah, let's go out and do something this year. Oh crap, I can't, I have two works shitting. I must the opposite. I've probably have spent every new years eave with my family or my wife, or when she was my girlfriend. We were talking, we were laughing the other day the stories we're going to tell our grandkids of how we would ring in the new year holding hands in some alley and Philly and puking our guts out together and I would hold her hair and I seen Mary, Christmas, Mary, a happy New Year. Black see those are the kind of stories that I want. Damn it, and so jealous that happen after the ten year, more like I was before. N Well, last year was you know what happens the old people. Then then you're at we were in Hamilton, in her hometown, watching a band with our sons and their girl friends. So we were partying with the next generation of New Year's revelers and we haven't going to I've gone to the New Year's parade every year, probably since college s and this year no Parak because it covid so fuck you, covid wow. But every year, though it also the first year's I went. It was just a very virtual orgy of spirits and craziness. I remember drinking with the mayor because he was walking down a street. We handed him our fifth and he just like thanks boys, took a big old swig. And now it's the completely different which is like everything you know will the old days were so much more fun because they're so much less litigation. Right it was looking for a meal ticket. We're just having a good time. Now I'm just gonna try to stay awake until midnight, say happy New Year, that's the other thing, and go to sleep in trying to stay away. Now you got it. If you're really good, out of you masturbate like as you started like fifty eight and you end at twelve two, and then you've like masturbated for a year in a row. Oh yeah, what's up, I'm assturbate. I've been masturbating since last year. You can tell people. Oh Yeah, even though it's only four minutes long, on for minutes. I'm ever start the Davil they are. You start to day before, yea, and the afternoon and you're like what's what the news is on already. That jerked the day. I marathon Masturbat and we're bringing it back for the new year, like Yep, and the problem with that is that that we get more zoom viewers. Let our comedy variety show probably Brob the midnight masturbating with its beauty show packs the man. Yeah, I was thinking too. I know a lot of opence, like they're trying to be professionals and stuff and they won't, you know, allow you to have like your vapes on screen anymore or bombs or anything like that. But like what about, you know, doing like high times? Nice Burt, by the way, did that get down there. Yes, that's this fucking Celtzer Lacroix Shit. No matter how hard you try, there's bubbles going down in there. This is good stuff, though. I wish we would much my steadfast dream, and I'll tell us to the word universe that in two thousand and twenty one we actually have some kind of fucking sponsor who, who's going to do the trials and tribulations to beauty? And then then we'll become even more serious, I promise you. Sponsor will become even more serious. And if you're Lacroix, then I will be drinking them on the air, like I'm doing this right now, drinking a lacroix on the air, and I'm not getting any benefit other than the bubbles on the burping exactly. It's not that kind of show. It's like who it happens, though, it happens. We're all gassy. I mean Julianni. The other day he got caught farting, didn't he? Yes, nice, you can't. Can't resist a good riff. Yeah, and when I'm what, I'm old and and the hair dies running down my temples, just just tell me, look, stop with the hair die. Nobody cares. What are you trying to wait? Trying to track some young baby at your age? Of course not, unless she's half my age at least. It's like right now.

How come it? You know, like when guys date like someone younger, like younger, like super younger, like they're just like regular guys. I mean I've heard them being called like cradle robbers and stuff like that. There's like when an older woman dating younger man, they're called Cougar. So it's like, why can't you guys be called like lions or some shit like that? You know, like why can't there be like an opposite? Little chippy's can call me anything they want to, but on the other took. What was it? If an older guy is going out with a younger girl, he's called a cradle rob er. No, he's called Lucky motherfucker. That lucky motherfucker, or he's called rich bastard. That helps a lot too. And then she becomes a gold digger. You want all were if you just give it to her, she's not a gold digger. Yeah, that's true. Now the best ones are the ones who you want to ball them and you're married and they say, I'm not a homewrecker and you're like when did that? When did we ever like, your balls are so big you're going to wreck a home? Boom. Yeah, please Leever, I'm so over all that, because I've been around the world and the nicest, the nicest women I ever met were the ones who I was helping change their flat tire and then they were driving off into the distance. And that was the my entire relationship that I'm start to finish. Yeah, I fixed her tire, she smiled and was happy. Try to give me money and I refused, and then she drove off waving into the sunset. Wow, that was the best relationship I've ever had, so sweet and innocent. What about that girl? You jumped her car the time. I remember what time. I these two girls are broke down and they had locked them sews out of the car. My wife's like go ahead, go ahead, you know you wanna. So even now I'm helping that Damsel in distress because probably that's the best relationship I'm gonna have for those few moments. They're not going to know me at all. They're not going to know the creep I really am. A Nice Guy. Was So nice he changed my tire like that guy. He's bad guys, not even close to being a nice guy. It's like, see, there are nice guys out there, damn it. Yeah, he's just trying to get carmo points for the other shitty did right. I mean today, though. I mean being outside of the road, having like a blowout or something like that and then having a strange or like come up like reallhind you. Yeah, bow am I god, diary should him. I know people aren't like that, you know, but a few times it's like it's happened to me. It's like I broke down on the side of the road. So nice person it's like, are you okay? Do you need me to get help? So I know that I've got it. I just, you know, contacted. Everything's to the fucking cell phone. So you just hit like one little button and somebody comes and, you know, either tows you fish it fixes or tire or whatever get you going on your way. But it's like I've had that before where there's I guess maybe there's certain areas, or maybe if I'm further away from home and I'm like, Oh God, I've been die here. You know, change my tire. No, I've never had any problems like that. Oh Yeah, well, I have, because I drive piece of shit old cars. I've been broken down in the bed best plan cities in this country. I certainly have. I've slept in the best sparking garages around because I couldn't start my car and it was four clock in the morning, so it's just going to wait till seven and it was going to be easier to call toe then. Hey, yeah, yeah, it's like weather. Who Yeah, I have been also caught in the terrible weather driving to people's homes for Christmas, and that's always like and he died on Christmas trying to drive to our house. Want that person feel like shit the rest of their lives, and that's one the guy. Guess I'm not going to miss his driving and shitty weather to see relative. That's right. They're like a handful that I can stand and I do miss them and it's like damn that, you know, I was like this sucks even last week. Well, my cousin John's waiting to get his ree covid test results back og because he got it like he's like legit, like warrantines a little tiny spot in his house right now and he's like, Oh my God, he's like, I'm going nuts. It's like this guy, he loves the COOK TO HE DIDn't get to cook for Thanksgiving and he's like, you know, you know. He's like it's killing me, man, it's killing it's like never get it, never have to quarantine when you're at home. It's like he's like then of course he goes like really early for the test...

...and everything, and him and his fiance they're like, you know, let's stop, you know, I know it's not the best place on earth, but let's Sun it McDonald's, grab some breakfast Ta get home. Their damn machines were down. So he's like, you know what just dropped me off of him. She had to run into Hammond and probably like get something from the Wal Mart or whatever, and he's like, you know what it's like? Just, you know, go to the Burger King thing, you know, just get me some pancakes and some hash rounds, and she gets it back to them. It looks like everything is like smush and one spot and it was like too disgusting to even eat. And he's like, you know, when I'm like Puarrantine, like I he's like I can't even get a crappy hot you know. He's like, I've got to go back to cereal. I'm like the socks. He's like that's the only thing I can count on. I was like that's socks. Oh, here's the news flash. OAT Meal, hot cereal. There you go, baby, it's it's coming. I discovered the choice of Oat wheel. You can add berries to it, you can stick beauties banana and there, if you like, you tella and banana, MMM d. You can add anything to it. Like I mean, would you prefer? I'm do you prefer a regular ohn meal or the steel cut oats or like, what's your fancy? Give me that steel cut right, yes, because you actually have to go to the house of making it, and that's stuff in a packet. Is like all sugar and salt and everything. You didn't trying to avoid it with the other shit, like let's eat healthy. Okay, we'll eat some of those little meal comes out of a little buget here. Well, that's healthy eating, except for when you read what's in it. But yeah, give me the steel cut. But Oh, but then I'll get then I get a nasty with it and I'll put some steyrup on it and I'll make I'll slap a but and maybe some what I like some Nutmeg, baby, give me some Sinnam men too. Hell, yeah, there, yeah, and then you know what else? You know how good I know it is. My cat likes it too. So if it wasn't good, a cat wouldn't give a shit. But the cats, what's up? What's up? What's up? You got? Yeah, that help me. Am I one cat seem like the bake goods. I don't know what the hell happened to him, but all of a sudden, now you like Pie Cross. He likes crackers, he likes cookies. I think he's just doing it because it's like fuck, all the other cats don't like this shit, so that means more for me. I don't know what compels him. He likes trito's. Last night we were having some with hell is it? Wow, my brain is really out there today. I've got a great story. It's lost, though. Now we have. We did some popcorn last night and everything. It was the Caramel Hind and Oh my God, it was delicious. Am I cat lucky? He comes up and I was like, you want if he's a he's like looking and I was like, I don't think it's for cats, but you know, maybe I'll play with one or something. And he actually eat some of it and I was like wow, I was like caramel corn to you know. It's like the same thing happened with the chicken one time, not the regular chicken, the Bourbon chicken. I was surprised I had some leftover. It was I was doing a night out Bray Acye and I got in like really late and I was kind of hungry and I was like what do we have in the fridge? Okay, left over Bourbon Chicken and rice. Okay, let's do it. A couple pieces left. I was like left it on table. Was Watching American horror story. Cat comes over and he's like the chicken. I was like it's Bourbon, dude, you're not gonna like it, and he's like you want to bet? So he grabbed like the biggest plate piece off of there and starn and all that thing. Then, when he was done, came over to my class full of sweet tea and he sticks his freaking head in there and he starts drinking the sweet tea and I'm like, dude, it's like you want me to get you some corn bread with that, like what's going on, like, like what are you doing, like putting all my first theory is that he's reincarnated. Yeah, my second theory is that that was actually cat he was eating, and you too. So it was forbidden fruit for her. You, like who, I'm a cattle now and then he was like wait a second, and it dawned on them. My, my mistress eatsky's the WHO do? No, Oh no, but yeah, so it's like cats are funny, aren't they? Well, I know that. I have two little shows and four cats. And then when I go home and feed him for a good solid five minutes, all you here is does some chewing, which is like when I go to dinner with people. saw this chattering and then the food comes and then there's like fucking five minutes of chewing. Ha, yes, tell everybody can start talking again, slowly, slowly, like like holidays. You know, the meals and everything takes all day to prepare, Cook, you know, even do and like pie is and every Oh yeah, they teach you like two seconds. Twenty minutes stops. You know, I'm so times, so far. It's like foot get away from the table and everybody and everybody. If you make them sit the table, are all fall asleep. Yep,...

...yeah, I used to go for Thanksgiving when my girlfriend, now wife's parents were alive. They would put out a spread on Thanksgiving Day and you basically ate all day eight, from noon to like zero pm. Every hour there was something new on the table and every how they expect is it down and eat it. Lord. I think at five we took a break. We slept till six and then we started eating again. Rabbioli and Sausage, Oh my God. And we drank the whole day too. I do remember sleeping right next to the dining room tables, just like it, in the floor, passing out, and that was common. It was no big deal. I'm done, I guess. Yeah, definitely with the holidays, the food, and I guess I missed them more when I was younger, like it was great having family. We would have family coming down from like Connecticut and everything, and it was great having my grandma and Grandpa there from my Dad's side. I never got to meet my mom's mom and dad because they were passed away well before I was born. So it was great, though, having like this family, and I remember, I know we have pictures somewhere and the Turkeys on the table and the Turkey's bigger than I am. I was like, that was one hell of a bird you. I remember making stuffing by hand, you know, like toasting the bread and everything, like we, like legit, did everything by hand, chopped up the vegetables or was. Well, I mean I guess stove top existed back then, but we did like all that by hand and it was like the best. Like that part I miss. But yeah, it's like I'm a pie fee though. It's like give me a Pumpkin Pie, I will eat the entire thing. It's like that's my favorite. I got a bunch of ornaments to try to commemorate the things that got me through two thousand and twenty and one of them was a poke ball because I played a lot of Pokemon go, I'm not proud to say but at the same time, who cares? I Walk Seven hundred miles playing pokemon go this year. I wish I knew how far that was away. I just fucking walk it and not to come out all talk to you when I'm walk seven our miles away and get right back to you. The other thing was a video game controller, because we played a lot of video games together and a lot of networking and keeping in touch with people through things like stupid video games. But then the other thing is a stick of butter. That's right, I have a Christmas ornament now. The shad was stick of butter, because all the incredible animals and fabulous pies that were going on this year, Holy Shit, just the other night they were was chocolate pit cells piling up and I don't know if you know, but it takes thirty two to make one of these delicate little Italian cookies called the pizzel. It takes ten seconds to eat it. Yes, that's right. So takes three times longer to make it than it took me to eat it, just like that. Thanksgiving dinner. That must be every goddamn thing we takes so much longer. Didn't make it that it actually takes to enjoy it. Like. Well, I want you to sit down and enjoy that. It took me eight hours to make. So you're going to eat it for fucking eight hours? I guess you ain't going nowhere. No, sit down. Yeah, that she makes fiaky pudding that takes like six hours in the steamer. sit down, and eat now so I can Smith night. Mom, you eat that figgy Pudd Egg. Put on your depends and eat that figgy pudding. That's awesome. I don't know if you have ever had that, but it'Sila. Charles Dickens Noll was like, Oh, come in here the kappa. The pudding is singing in the Kappa Pizza. Well, this stuff is awesome. And also, yeah, this little hard sauce to it, and people eat that at the end there and I'll sudden they're not eating their stuffing her Turkey. It's like, what are you doing? Don't fill up on the FIGGY pudding. It takes six hours to make that fucking shit. That's good, it's good. You gotta Savor that Shit. I'd be like, I'm profabadle and shit like just like raw more freaking pudding. Well, don't come near you don't community. Oh See, it's not actually pudding. I'm getting it's a cake. It's a head, it's a cake. I got the word putting stuck in my e. know, I hear you so good. I got my wires cross, but it's all. That's how you eat a way. I just grabbed a label, a label who a ladle, I'm batting a thousand on this one. Turn this into a dradel game. I mean, Jesus Great, a Dradel game and drinking. Fuck, what is wrong with me? She picked up the Drado with the ladle because she was drinking, and stop thinking it. Not since breakfast,...

...when she was napping and dreaming of sleeping. I never woke up. Yet I'm still lining, sister, still in a dream. Now it's turn into a nightmare because she's got to sit here and with me here, every stupid little fucking thought, because out of my head for sixty minutes. It's all good in the neighbor see, the food talk was like me, he me, all right, makes just sleepy. Are Really doing? Like? Food for it, food for it. That was another things, like my stocking was always full of food too, so I could start eating. HMM. Oh well, why would they put walnuts in my stocking? Is that some true Christmas tradition? Like here's some, it's all well and good, from fucking wallace in my stocking. Now where's the nutcracker? And they never included that. You never got a nut her no, you had to. You had to take two of them in together and you're fishing. You ever do that? You crush them. That had made a man out of you. It's like, yeah, that's why you're a man. Now you take two, you take two all nuts, one of the channing, and you crush them together and it takes a certain amount of strength and it makes a man out of you. You know you gotta work. The other thing, jers keeps you slim because you're burning the colories as you're trying to get the not out of the thing. That then you eat then and you get the calories and then you bust another one and it's just goes on and all you really busting your nuts all day. Busting here, not all day. I'm up to three times a day. Still. I just never stopped. They never well, guy can't do that. If a guy could just masturbate and just keep guy ejaculating all day, that's all they fucking do. There would be no time for nothing. We get down in this world, nothing that have been accomplished generations of whankers. Hell Yeah, heck, yeah, hell yeah, be like the Mary wreck working this world records for massturbation. Thousand Hours, no, tenzero hours. No. Generations later, a hundred thous hours and going. The world is now, the whole world is covered with sploosh, yes, manly, spoosh man's blue and swoosh man slouch. Everything would stop because of what. Everything movie gets stuck. The cars wouldn't be able to drive. All the computers to the keyboard. Be Like I can't type anything things, you can bring it. Gross world we would live in. Okay, we'll take global warming over sperm everywhere any day. Yeah, Oh my God, like Weird Shit. Did you like see it snow for like five seconds the other day? Yeahs like teaser snow. I know it's like you wish. Yeah, you're not getting a white Christmas. You can't even get a white wow. There's already people like I gotta go home, it's snow, and they're like say, shut the fuck up and sit out the last at five seconds. Yeah, it's no, really bullshit. Oh the crazy thing that was, like you know how I've been playing like animal crossing since like yeah, this covid well, Oh, I woke up this morning and my island has a nice blanket of snow on it and it is so cool because every when you run around you make little foot friends and shit and you can build like snowmen and everything. It's like your little flop prints stay there, though, or do they go away? Little going because you so you can't spell. Fuck you out the snow, and then you probably can't get a nice little aerial view. Yeah, right, I'm thinking about it and right now I'm just trying to get a penis onto the snowman. But it's all good. Why want that happen? What's so hard about that? It will. It will look give a time, give, like I said, I just got this. Get another carrot and stick it in there. Second Carrot. Right, except for that one place that I always talked about that I'm moving to, the one that has, you know, carrots are not butt plugs, and it's like right on the side of the building. I've got the picture over there and I was like that's the town I want to move into because, yeah, that's a party town. People stick and carrots up there. Is is like holy crap. It's like I want to be a part of that. Like wow, it's like could they not get there? You know, vitamin A and the other way. I mean, that's way to mine and I'll vid him in anal. So, yeah, it's like what do you guys do with your Reggi's? We're shoving them in our ass. Well, they also have the lowest hemorrhoid rate of any any other town and surrounding area. Way bearing the cucumber guys. Oh yeah, where's that eggplank going? This is Johnson. Yeah, we know. Yeah, that a cucumber. I see. MM. We're getting freaking in ut...

...old cares whole. God, you had me at carry whoop sick. That thing right on up there saying that, like who does that? Like I'm imagine, like there's like a produced sex hot wine, you know, like hello, thank you for calling. This isn't there's some fetish, crazy fetish hot line. I know right, they'll baby you want to stick your carrot where? Oh Yeah, I'm open to that. Think it right on up that. Like who's doing this? WHO's doing this? Is this is a crisis line or this is a porn line? I think both. Oh, like, if you're into it, you just go for it, you know, like, Oh, what are you doing with that carrot? Oh, so when as we got go from crisis to well, that's what happens is it starts out as a kinky thing and then it becomes a Christ it's well, I think, if you leave like the stuff that's attached to it, like the leaves and stuff, though. Yeah, a thing, I think the er in that little town. Yeah, these a little carrot symbol they put up on the wall every time. Right where? Is it a carrot with a little Hash marks under it or one of those? You know, would you have donated dollar other one in today, we do like to doner a dollar to day to keep carrots out of wholes. We mean another guy with a garret o this. That's right. They know when you go to the grocery store and they're all like so, I gotta ask you a few questions on what do you plan on doing with these caret right, I'm gonna fill out his form. Yeah, I need for time for things, ID and your home address, because we've got Chan his carrot to call him a mare. This carot off the ASS is a crisis, Guy, there's not about it. Will let's put up a billboard outside of town. It's like hairs are not but looks thing here. I don't want to do a share. If you're a hell of a guy. Hell, yeah, like I said, that's my kind of town. Wherever the hell that is. It's like, oh well, here's what has to happen to get people to stop sticking carrots up their ass in this town. You have to start finding them. Five hundred dollars for the first carrot up their ass, thousand dollars the second time it happens. You hit them in their wallet. That's what gets the fetish freaks out the window. They spend a couple thousand on carrots up their ass. There's second that thinking twice about that, you know. Could you imagine that people will be like smuggling carrots in from other places and just like sticking them up there and be like, Oh my God, it's so illegal, but it's like so far up there it's like I can't wait. Oh your room, like counties over. Now you think the illegal aspect of it would actually push the drive for hairs up the ASS? That's an interesting concept. What well do they give those fuckers? The death penalty? You think that'll stop anyone? Nah, once you go carry you don't go back. So then you're on death row and you can't get a carrot, and that's the real tragedy. Once you're finally addicted to this and you're now in jail paying for your crime of carrot up the ASS. You can't get a carrot, but the other guys, well, they'll stick other things up your ass. Yeah, mop handles bed posts. A wait a minute, I supposed to be a fucking Christmas ye must be about holidays and shit. What the Hell? Okay, and then Santa Fed his reindeer CARROC and had been up his ass for the entire night. Again. Now we're talking about food. Earlier and those patels, when Pitt cells. Yeah, I remember now, my aunt she makes the best fatals. And not only that, but what we do is we put something to tell on it and then we put vanilla ice cream and then another patel with the Natila on it, and we make it into like this matil ice cream sandwich. O God it. Yes, what, guess what we did? Do you guess what? We took a bowl and we pushed the hot pizzel on the bowl and we made bowls out of them and put our ice cream in those, and they were chocolate. So we also squirted chocolate. So now you got some double chocolate going there. Hell, whoohoo, that's an orgasm in your mouth, and I skipped dinner. I've just finally begin like it. I don't know, I don't care if I have another hamburger or whatever. Just let me have the ice cream Sunday. Hell Yeah, who cares? That's what I'm talking about. WHO. Yeah, these holidays, though, they got me thinking back to childhood. Like I was an only child, so my ass was spoiled out the Guinea, and I mean we like when we got a Christmas tree, we like legit, got a fucking tree like it was. It took up like a quarter of the living room, like we had that. We had cats to at the time, so we actually had to tie it and nail it to the fucking wall so they wouldn't knock it down. But I mean it was like the best, like it was like legit. It was...

...like having an at like a big ass tree in the living room. It was fantastic. Oh, totally great. We had the same thing. We had like a fifteen foot vaulted ceiling and we lived in the middle of nowhere, so trees were cheap enough that we could get a giant sucker in there, but they were often so tall we couldn't actually get ending on the top of the tree. Yeah, my father was somehow into I don't know, I got into wrought iron and suits of armor and they spent this time. One of the walls in the living room was legit twenty foot tall and twenty foot wide, and he one day we come home and he's like sticking fake rock on it. He made it into a cave wall, and my mother's like that was pretty much the beginning of the end for that. She you know what the fuck was going on with him in the wrought iron and the nights. So I don't know. I don't know what got into the guy, but at one point we had a full suit of armor in our living room with this ancient sort of wrought iron cattle holder going and all this big as that's thick wooden furniture. It was bizarre. I don't know what it compelled him to go through this phase. I mean to me it sounds cool. I would have been like yes, you know, because I'm like that kind of a nerd, but it's like wow, I guess it was cool of you to ease us into it, but it was all of a sudden like we were in a fucking castle and Whoa, what are we doing? Yeah, exactly like what the Hell just happened here? They he bought like this ten foot long solid solid wooden dining room table with these huge ass chairs. So it was like nights at around table in there behind these wrought iron gates with a rod and Chandelier with little flickering candle bulbs in it. Like maybe you know now, maybe I think about it. Maybe he was some kind of Kinky dungeon thing going on after we went to bed downstairs. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, you know. Yeah, the for the kids and people that come over to the house, but exactly when those lays go out, whoop, little crazy castle passplay going on there. Yeah, I think it was probably a freeing genius. Huh. I think you should, you know, take some pointers from him. Yeah, I know, I'm no way am I building a cave wall in my home or buying a suit of armor. Damn, I might get a little wrought iron something to remind me, but that's about it. Are you just jump on animal crossing and you can make that room your own? Yeah, because that's real. It's fun as hell. Over six hundred hours in I'm on my second island. I'm sorry, I just these. The idea of giving money for digital things that it just did makes me crazy. No, no, you just Um pretty much buy the game and then you work towards these things and you build them. It's like freaking awesome, and I know you know that that you could probably have written a book in six hundred hours to buy another animal causing game with. But that's okay. It's okay because everything working with, you know, setting up for like twitch and things like that, and getting more oriented, and people are spending good money on nothing, on digital goods, and that's crazy, folks. You're spending money on emojis or game MODs or whatever. You don't know them. It's just nothing. It's really nothing. It could go away. It's not like that poster over there or that laptop. It could just go away. You lose your account, whatever, you lose your phone, and all of a sudden all you digital goods or history because you didn't back them up with tenzero photos you took. Let you want to show someone a photo, but it takes twenty minutes to find it and by the time you find it they're like hey, where they go? That's what you have picked this picture. That's one thing. Oh the old digital thing. Wow, like, damn, I don't. We just have too much access to that, you know, and it's we get like five billion photos on our phones, and I mean it's great having things that are fingertips, but I legit miss like using like real cameras and things like that and getting film developed. And that's the APP we come up with. It's hey camera, show photo of Blah Blah Blah, instead of having to scrub through ten class pictures because, thank what, you want to choose from one of these. There, you know. There we hey camera, show picture of dog, and it's like, wow, you have to be a little more spacific. So fixture of cat, which one motherfucker. I know it's like a good idea, that idea. Yes, it would work, as it probably drive you and see it at the same time. But there's people...

...like you. Just see these people go through their photos. I want to show you this photo and they can't find it. was really cool. Well, tell me what it was, and they end up actually so now it's actually a very funny new form of storytelling, is telling the story of what the photo is. It's can't fucking find on your camera. Yes, and you love that we were all uncle Charlie was there. It's like, oh my gosh, is last share shit the social media, because it's like so much easier for me to find. Like if I want something like hard costplay related to all I have to do is go to my instant agram. Boom, there it is, bing, Bang, boom. If I want to capture it again, I know how to see it on the phone. Here, Yo, Bam, here, you know, here you like. I'm like all into that, like I don't want to phone. The has like a freaking Terrib byte of memory. That would drive me insane. It's like I don't really even want to computer with that much, except for, you know, editing movies and shows and things like that. Like yes, that is that is a wonderful thing to have, but yeah, when you have it at your fingertips and you're trying to find the photo that you're trying to show someone, you're like where the hell is this? They you know, like five years later, you know here it is, you know, and your rights like you end up describing it and it's like okay, it's like totally lost in the moment now and it's like crap, crap. Every month I sit my assed down and I go through my gallery and I delete two hundred, you know, just stupid photos. That why did I even take it? Sometimes I'll take a photo is just show somebody something and there's absolutely no reason to hold on to it. And I'm, I've always been, very much about get rid of your digital files to first of all, many of them are incriminating and second of all, it's just same thing. It's just clutter. And I know people like have you know I've ten thousand emails. Well, really, why? I've kept every email I was ever sent. Really, well, I don't know why. Every attachment. I guess they do it to cover their ass or something, because three years from now someone's going to ask me some email they sent them and that's how they used to call you, to call you ever go hey, you get that facts, I say. Now they call you a hate. You get that email like Hela second. I know it's crazy. I'm like, I don't think I have any like emails really worthy of saving it. I know, I mean do I say that? I wouldn't know. I do save a couple of them, like for like purchases that I've made that sure Grete. Look little things like that. Yes, but then if when it comes to like my phone, like I'm organized with like folders and Shit, like I've been doing a lot of zoom comedy things and they need, you know, like a head shot or, you know, funny shot. Sometimes they need, you know, a photo of when, of you when you were kids. So I'm like, I have all that organized. So it's like anybody, any organizer for show that needs something, I'm like, Bam, here, you got here. Need my bio copy paste. Bam, you know, right off the foot, like I'm there. I'm like, I was like I can't take that, you know, I get find this one or I can't find that. It's like nude, we're going to organize the and then everything else would get rid of everything. So how? So, how is that? Jolie, I haven't tuned in to any of your MIC's lately. We had a big push in the agency to get some holiday appeals out and boy, I'll tell you, as much as I hate print, the more I more than I hate making print pieces. I hate the printer that I work with because he make even the shittiest file I send him look like up fucking work, all art. And I say how I ever going to not have to do this if you keep making every fucking thing I do make so look so good. He's son of a bitch. Let Mean Kid Awes, you just print something fucked up for a change. So so that's all done. And then we had our big, big pinball fundraiser, which which is a lot of fun and it's really just an excuse for me to be able to play pinball for six hours without getting hassled, and it works out every year and people, people sponsor it. It's awesome. Oh yeah, I got to get into that next year. I don't know what the hell happened. Time went by like whoo. You know, the coolest things. We had this contest to put a high score on this arcade game, which was the CEOS favorite game when he was a kid, and I'll tell you, it was great to hear him talk about it because it really took him back to when his grandma was handing them quarters to play this game, and that's what that's another reason we do it. It helps you to stay a young and it was a great day, but I'll tell I would have played a lot more pinball that day had I know what I paid full price to get in. First of all, definitely, beauty should have come. If you like Pinball, this is the place to go. starkading to Hamilton Mall Little...

Plug for them. We have already organized our may event Bampam three point five, which is just going to be the pinball champs in the area. It's not going to be really open to the public. INCOME CHEER THEM ON. So I've been busy as all get out and haven't been able to tune in. So tell me what's going on with all those crazy cats at the blue Mike. And and you got to find out for Joey what I can do for her for the holidays, whichever one it is she prefers to to celebrate. Awesome. I'm going to send her some. I know she's splitting up all that cash between you comedians, so maybe we should send some her way. Yeah, that would be awesome. Yeah, Jolie is doing great. I mean, please visit www dot rampantly do la. I mean if you like open mic or if you just like watching open mics. There are a slew of new shows coming in and I believe right now they have this one show Hankah, and it's hosted by Rachel Rothenburg and Charlotte Parker, who's Charlotte Parker is one of the host of the Red Mike's that's going on. I believe that's for like eight crazy nights or something. They've got tons of Comedians are doing roast and everything and it's really coming together. Like rampantly has got these amazing APPs that are out now and it makes signing up like so easy. You get to see who's on the list, you get to know what spot you are on the list, so there's no like waiting for that like mayhem to come out like a couple hours before or something like that. It's great and if you need to change your order, you just change your order. It's it's fantastic. I mean rampantly is growing into like this whole like comedy world, like explosion, and it's great. It's like one stop shop for everything, like how to sign up for open mics, where to find the open mic, you know. It's like you register for free right now at rampantly to La and you'll get to sign up everything. It's just amazing. She's got so much going on. I believe there's some talk about a holiday show going on. I'm not sure yet. I can't drop the ball on that. But you know, like I said, please, you know, check us out, check us out on facebook for a rampantly La. It's just it's going to be amazing. It's gonna be amazing and if it is, it'll be okay. I said, she's working on it. The man behind doing all the coding and everything. That's comedian Adam Coonan. He is just making it come to life. I mean like legit. There's an APP out there right now. It's like wow, you know, everything is all at our fingertips, like it runs so smooth. It's great. I mean there's going to be a couple hiccups along the road, as there are, but it's just it's growing into this amazing comedy community, beauty the comedy Jugger. Not Yes, because no one wants to go out in La Anymore. NOPE, there's anyone associated with actually in La at this point. I don't know. It's crazy. I mean we did have a discussion. A whole bunch of Comedians were like so I'm like, when this is all over and like live shows returned, it's like, are we still going to be doing, you know, the online stuff? And everybody was like yeah, well, you're all addicted to it now. That our course you are, and there's there's been more opportunities and, like I said, it's like I'm laying low on using the word sploosh and splooshing in my comedy for this month because there's a lot of like corporate comedy gigs coming up and they actually pay pretty good money. Sounds like you have to kind of watch what you say. It's comedy. Fucking hell, though, Lady, you have not aspired your whole life to be part of a corporate comedy show. I know, closure, not sploosh. It would help, you know. Okay, employment runs out, no cosplay show. We got gotta know. There's something. NOWs, you're so doalent A. Come on, you got to be at the part. He masses with their money. Somehow. I'll get there. I'll get there, but, like I said, a few of us have less lay low for the next few just let's do the math here, okay. So say we get beauty through any of the various platforms. A thousand followers would give her ten a week. Can we do that? Ten dollars a month. That's Tenzero a month. With that fucking pay your bills. Yes, okay, so let's do that, folks. All right, so we're hooking work in beauty up with either a patreon or an only fans and we're going to get kinky with it and you all going to subscribe for ten a month and if a fucking thousand of you do it, she's going to...

...be sitting pretty. You're going to make beauty very happy and maybe she'll give me some of that money, because it was my idea. You know, I would. You're like, I know she would like one of my best managers that I've ever had and I haven't done anything for her. Yes, you have. Creatively, you have got my ass going, all right, so much. You know, it's been amazingly just doing this podcast and everything. Once a year we're gonna go do our little retreat, yes, our retreat, yes, seven hundred miles away from here and, like I said, it's like I really want us to do it, like I said, expanding a little bit more, doing something like we don't have to do it. I'M gonna come up with a whole bunch of fucking ideas, of course, yeah, and then we're going to think whatever you say. It's test this out. Well, let's test here. Let's see how many people from here. Like I said, that's why it's like Julie and rampantly. It's great to come together because there's already a following. They're like, we don't have to put in that work to go ape shit. If I dropped the link tomorrow and said Hey, we're gonna do a Pajama Open Mike, we're going to do we're gonna spank beauty, our first zoom show, Banking Sundays, the hell we come with. You know, all I have to do is link it, you know, send over some stuff to Jolie. They'll be like Oh, bing bangs, send us your best spank video, everything. Everything would be like amazing, and I'm like, I really want to test some stuff out because I don't see too many shows opening up. You know, next year we'll do I have to get a haircut, we'll get hell, no, all right, I'm not getting hair look awesome' not gonna get a haircut either. F I'm not getting a haircut ever again. Unless he gets caught in something, you get gums and I might get something worse than a haircut. That's nicety. Check her scal gets ripped out because you're stupid fucking air got stuck in something like a car door. Oh and your friends pulled away dragging your ass towns tree like we you the one who wanted a long hair hippie man, the first scalping of twenty twenty one, or I said it on fire by Cuz, you know, a lighter, a lighter situation. WHOO, because I might have been using one for something. That's why I'm like, we need to come up with like some awesome stuff, and I'm hoping, you know, we'll do some like more zoom stuff. Can I sing are so you can do whatever they listing now or hit? Actually, wait, do I what was I thinking about on the way over? A sinking, about somebody singing well, well, well, and then that's three holes in the ground and then singing the song about each of the different onelds where you go to get the water out of them. You know, one of them runs dry, the other one that guys trying to charge in the other ones poison, so you don't drink the fucking water anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm it's unfortunately, my poor ADOL PADD brain. I actually would like people, I would like to to be a holiday or national day once a year where you have to sing everything all day, no matter what it is. You know, you have some hello, how are you today? And then your friends say, I'm fine, thank you for asking, and it just goes off from there. How can I? And if you're down anyway, I'm not feeling so good today. But you gotta sing it. I can fucking care how bad you feel. If you don't sing it, you get a fine. That would be the singing police, and the singing police have to sing, do you while they give you the fucking fine. That's how far this goes. Here's here's one for us. Maybe that should be a challenge for us when we do our shows, like maybe for five minutes we just singing, the next five minutes and then set, and then we build it up, like maybe not every episode, maybe once a month. We build it up more until we finally have an hour where we just sing the entire fucking body. Is Jesus, I would die. Would challenge you to that. And then you have well, you know who could do that? Wayne Brady. I think that guy can go a good hour of singing. Oh my gosh, yes, yeah, yeah, I like watching that some of his rap stuff that he's been doing. I've been really, really scraping the bottom of the barrel and watching shows like mass singer, and one of the reasons I watch that show first of all, the colors. Holy Shit, I didn't even know some of these colors existed that they're showing out television these days, and the state of the art stage. Basically, if you had one of these things, you could sit someone in a chair and take them anywhere you ever wanted to. The D affects, the illusion of this huge projector multimedia screen got this to me, the real star that shows the screen. It's the it's the stage and...

...the shit that they can do, because I swear you can get someone in the right mood and you could just it's like the holid deck on the starship enterprise, not that I know what that fucking is like. Hell yeah, there's becoming more and more reality. You just sit it was it just blows you. Have you been to the hard rock casino? Yes, all right, you know that big wrap around screen when you go down the stairs. Is that thing amazing. It's like a wet dream for anybody who likes television and and I would just can't my ass there and watch concert movies surrounded by that fucking thing. If you've never seen it, folks, come down to the hard rock casino and a Latintic city and check out this mother fucking screen. It's amazing. Plus, you're pretty much guaranteed to see one of your favorite rock stars on it, unless you're into some fucking crazy shit. I ain't making the guarantees, okay, but then you can also see all kinds of Powerphernalia left behind by desperate rock stars trying to keep their fame alive. Really Awesome. Usually. What I like about too. Usually are on the holidays, like everything is decorated so nicely in casinos. Well, it's amazing. We were in Christmas wonder landed day at the Irish pub. If you ever been there Christmas, it's totally Christmas overload. I don't think any string of lights is more than two inches away from the one next to it. Wow, you can't actually only stay in there about an hour before it's like, I'm at it up. Yeah, and then we're just not rosing on another of fire like got dog. You're out on this dangerous fucking street and lank city, and that's the relief to you surrounded by crack heads and whors, and that's better than being in his fucking Christmas thing anymore. Back to one minute more. I'm good. I'm good as a looker shooting an wait for that crew. Know, oh my gosh, it's I was just about to ask you. You know this whole holiday thing, the Hall Adam Music. They start playing it around Thanksgiving time and doesn't shut the fuck up until after New Year's like. I mean, how much of it can you actually take? Well, I'll tell you why. I cheat and I listen to the nutcrackers suite, which is technically Christmas music, anny fucking time I want to, and so I'll play that dance of the sugar plum fairies all year around. Is especially you specially. Can drop that in at appropriate times. But other than that, some Christmas music is there's some Christmas music, like Dr Dependent, crazy kinds of Christmas music, which, again, maybe I'll listen to that song one time very entire holiday season. My favorite thing to do for holliy music, doing Hollidi's is go and watch nostalgic old television specials which really don't exist anymore, like the Dean Martin Christmas special or the WHO else who sings the Moon River. There's a used to be a lot more Christmas variety shows on television, so you'd see crazy things like David Bowie's singing little dummer boy with being drawsby. See now people see that, they see the clip on Youtube, but I watched the whole hour show that was a part of. So there's a lot of that. I like to go and I like to go down. I like to go into TV series, pull out all the Christmas episodes and just watch those. Even shows like Sonny, it's always sunny in Philly, they have there's probably four or five really awesome Christmas episodes that are just over the top and there's enough of that material out there that you can get your Christmas music sort of wrapped around that stuff. Otherwise, the one thing I did point out to somebody was there was something called the will Vinton California raisins Christmas special, and that Christmas special was entirely music and it was it was modern versions of classic Christmas songs with their own California raisins twist. So like the California Raisin saying rude off the red nosed reindeer and four part harmony and stuff. So I recommend seek out your Christmas music. Don't just put on the same old stuff. And there's because there's all kinds of really cool weird stuff. Even even, of all things, the pee. We hear and Christmas special. I've ever seen that. You Got Grace Jones singing on that. You Got Katie Lang singing on that. There's some really great stuff. So that's how I like my Christmas music. I like my Christmas music different, because even even music, I listened to rock and roll music. Once you've had the record, then you bought the...

...set at then you bought the CD. Now you have the MP threes. You've listened to that enough. Yes, yes, put it aside. Yes, your own route, find your own thing. I know we like to listen to some pretty messed up songs, like like walking around and women's underwear, which is which is a funny one, and the twelve pains of Christmas. That's another good wine. Like we have like one of those weird CDs that I probably burned off a lime wire like eight million years ago, right for my God, my I was a server and the lime wires is the remember how easy it was to pirate anything and everything. Yes, a little harder now, it is it? I mean it does take some work, you know. Is like once you find something on Youtube and you won't get it, then you have to, you know, copy the link going to youtube pervert if it conversed at all, and then you have to save it and oh my gosh, it's like a total hassle. Like lime wire was like mad the title. Bam there. As soon as cable Internet came out, it was like, you know, it was fast as hell. Yo. That was like the best time, right. I had a had a computer that would play the mpthrees off of the CD ROMs, so you could have ten thousand songs on it on a CD, the entire catalog plus everything else. And that's face it, though. That's the first records were twenty minutes on a side, and then there two hours on a side, and so once upon a time music was they had. Artist only gave you their best shit. That's just everything. We're thinking of it, every little version of it. Now it is it's like foot everything out there. It's like Bam you, and it's crazy. If you look to see what stars and what people made Christmas albums like Scott whyland though, Stone Temple pilots. Is that one of the worst where's Christmas albums I think of ever heard. And maybe you listen to it for the novelty, but you know, he needed money badly. He must have needed money pretty badly. And one thing I will recommend is something called a very Murray Christmas. If you've never seen this, it's on Netflix. It's Bill Murray and Paul Shaffer getting stuck in a hotel the night of what's supposed to be his biggest career live show with all friends, including George Clooney and Miley Cyrus. And what happens is all these people get trapped in this hotel and it's a musical. They're all singing about their lives, they're singing songs together around the piano and Bill Murray's just getting drunker and drunker all the thing until he passes out and has this dream sequence where he's on the typical variety show Christmas special with George Clooney and Miley Cyrus. That one's a hoot and it's also got some great unique Christmas tunes in it, so you don't have to listen to bing sang white Christmas again. Just don't have to do it. You know, while that's right, a parody of that. I'm dreaming of a white woman. Yes, I said, I know. We have a CD around that has a whole bunch, and that's not even the worst one. Lord Lord. I took that one ear and slowed her way down for soundtrack on and it was like, Whoa grash. They're like that's the creepiest thing I ever heard. I really the regular versions pretty creepy. Yeah, it is. Yeah, and that. And if you notice, in that movie where they're singing about dreaming of White Christmas, is not a single black person in the movie. He yeah, I don't even think. Maybe, Oh, wait a minute, maybe the porter on the train is and was. So I'm thinking when there thinking about White Christmas, I mean something else. I think about cocaine. I not there thing about their clan. Well, yeah, for that, I was just thinking of and rather do math. That's more clear. Sometimes yell out, sometimes it's like sny. Mean people told me that I'm cracked. Cocaine's too expensive. I mean, would you rather have everything else in your life or cocaine? The choice is pretty simple. Like damn it, damn it. Yeah, yeah, this is pretty simple there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, holiday music and how much? How much money you going to spend for baby laxative? Enough, way, too much, man. That's crazy. That's crazy, these holidays. You don't make enough money for that. You know you don't make enough money for that. Well, we get the tenzero a month. Where do you see? What happens then? Folks, hell, people say, Oh, that Michael Jackson, he was such a...

...freak. I'm like, yeah, if I had ten billion dollars, way, you see this shit I come up with? Right, Wonderland ranch? A fuck, that's a drop of the ore bucket, man, you kidding me? Cute, watch this, not by a whole fucking state. Yeah, it's like and put a toll gate out. Yep, and now, and then now, yeah, awesome, were to leave. Yeah, yeah, it's like, Oh, you want to get out, so thought before we came in. Yeah, sons of Bitches, we're gonna get you, we're gonna get it. So tenzero a month to be a good start. We did. We could probably do some freaky shit with that. Oh Yeah, Oh, yeah, hell, yeah, I'm down. FIVEZERO. Do for snacks. Five thou take care of business. FIVEZERO for snacks. I and you can watch this, eat them all individually first. Only tenzero a month. Yeah, because right, I don't care what's happening out there right now. Women. I don't know if I'm allowed to enjoy cheerleaders or not, but now those only fans. Girls don't care if I'm looking at there Kuchi, because they're showing it to me. That's right. So we just want you to send beauty ten a month. I promise. In anything, and also, this would be a great one. Say, for a hundred dollars, beauty's going to show you her pussy and when you sign on, it's her cat away, the secret all, and your too fucking, you, too embarrassed to try to get a refund. It's like got letter keep it, and then that's ten of your months right there. You've gotten. Yeah, you just gotta worry about the other two. Out to get that out of guy, like really, really come back, really, I prodis I promise. There's an amazing Christmas gift right there, like gift that keeps on giving. What you got scammed out of hundred bucks to see some girls Pussy and she sent you a picture of a cat. Yep, yeah, and I'll keep doing it. There's more ways of to send a pussy either. Exactly. Think about that and get back to me. Think about we need you to send it all the differing variations of pussy that we can send to people and keep stringing them along and say no, really, the next one. Yeah, the next one. I know. I'm sure I'll have like a billion pictures by then. We got this. Ya, that's a solid plan right there. That's a solid business plan. That's well, I want I was going to talk to you about coming to my home and filming me interacting with my pets, because I take all my four cats outside and we play stuff, and I want you to help me build a phony documentary about my cat sectuary, so I can just kickstart the fuck out of it and you know, we'll come up with a name for we'll put a little sign on the fence and just show me interact you with my cats for a little while and then we'll pitch him. You know, you could help support this effort because at first of all it's only half fake. It's no real, we're not profit, but they're actual fucking cats. So there's that. Yes, yeah, I do take care of them. There's that part of it. I do need to beat them, actually do. Yeah, see, but I'd love to set out, I love you, be fine, you know, like I'Ma Take it real seriously, you know, and be and it's like total fucking bullshit our I thinking that's how I'd like to start two thousand and twenty one with a bunch of phony fucking businesses. I would love to tell people, oh, you interested in Illuminati, let me help you. Get in the way. I fill out this form and it's a hundred dollar deposit. Yeah, they have to be a proof. That's right. And then I'd like to like just make a phony make up a phony business like and and get a prototype, quote unquote pronotype. So my prototype would be a blowjob robot that gets installed in all the rest stops across the country. So when a guy's driving with his family and he's all frustrated, he can go to the rest stop, get a blow job from a robot and these and he's on his way and he'll look at the map now and he'll be sociable again, and I think people would buy into hat. And all I need is one fake robot fucking blowjob thing. And guess what, folks, it can be an actual person in it giving blood jobs during the demonstration. Wow, and this might have been up a whole new industry.

And it's totally fake. And then after I get your money, you're like and then you're like you find out fake. You too embarrassed to sue me because you were y. You believe that that blow job robots were going to be installed across the country. What were you thinking? Maybe like after he pees and nothing happens, like one of those like blowers comes out and just blows him and they got say, this is the thing, this is what we want. This is where we're trying to get to with the show the whole time, which was ladies gentlemen, if you're out there and you have nothing to give to for the holidays, you just broke, get down on your hands and knees and eat that thing or stocket dry and your partner will be so fucking happy. And if you that becomes your Christmas tradition. Honey, let me give you a Christmas blowjob, then yes, then I've done my duty here as a podcast. That's right, because, let's face it, I blow jobs will make the world go around. Guys would do so much more shit if, on the other end of it there was just one good hummer. I'm telling you, they would do anything. Do the wash, they clean the dishes, any fucking thing, as long as they could get their dicks up at the end of the day. There you go, the president that keeps on giving and receiving. It's right. I think hookers say this all the time, like, ladies, you want to keep your main happy, you better do that thing they like so much. Yeah, that's right, we're get him a blowjob robot. You can write to ready and the beast Showcom we're taking our invest our hotlines are open. Are you like the invest this hot new marketing idea? Robe up blue jobs. That's right, I'm telling you stuff. The first guy who gets one and he goes back in the car and he's a new man and he's all that's it. That's how it'll take off like wildfire, because the women will be pushing to have them installed. When the girls skip behind it, that's when this shit gets done. Guys go walker on all day like yeah, we need blowjob robots, and I got right area another guy. Yeah, you need the blot our one are you. Sure, sure, buddy, sure, but when the girls are like the men, mead mow job robots, I know, like, Oh, you're here, that's right, we'll get right on that. That's how fucking Shit works. I know. Oh yeah, I know, like install that. You know, robot blue jobs. You know, Dick Sucker, nine thousand. We sucker Ninezero better than the eight thousand model. Oh yeah, by a thousand. Get your back. That's because it costs a thousand dollars more. Yeah, it's every time we jack the price up, we change the name. Yep, that was a good one. Jack raising just the yeah, the BLOB and Trod Twelvezero five hundred seventy five cents. Hell Yeah, and I keep the seventy five cents, because he even if you only got seventy five cents for every blow job that was given and across the country, you'd be making a million fucking dollars a day. Hell Yeah. Now I became his quarters, though, that would be a bitch. Every day they were deliving a million dollars at the quarters. That get old pretty fucking fast. I don't know about you, but that got my motor going, but her motors going. But here I don't have a Dick and I'm excited for pub look, what the hell, just as with, you know, women, so exciting and am all, they don't even have decks. You know, you've got something exactly, Oh my God, and it's fake. So good, but it sounds so good. Would you come up with a comic called robot blow jobs? Robo blow job? Yeah, Robo blow jobs are at Bo blow blue job. Yes, yeah, we should definitely come up with that, dude. It's done. Yeah, we got to put it out there, and it's just a total fucking fake. Site dedicated to this and we show the prototype. It's made out of a fucking toilet paper too. But the hair dryer, right, the one that's started at all, the Sucko Matic one hundred. Oh yeah, that's a good note to end on here. We have been yaking for quite some time. Wells we do. So, well, yes, we do. That's that quite the holly. It is yet, but what the hell, we're going to wish all happy holidays. You made it through this podcast. You know. Let us know about what you think about Robo Blue...

Jobs, because we want to know, because that's right, we do want to know. And actually you can also have your robot chime in there? Do they want to hear while they feel about it? How do robots feel about that? And how do rose it about this? They're like, oh, that's what we need. Another robot enslave to give blow jobs to humans. Now we gotta check out your groceries. That's not enough that. You want to stop now you want us to blow you. Hell, yeah, hell, here we are, ending another great episode. I'm beauty, I'm the beast. WWWWAT SHOWCOM.

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