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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 9 · 2 years ago

Episode 9 - Best Of Our Bits aka B.O.O.B

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Episode 9 - Best of our Bits aka B.O.O.B


Welcome to the 9th episode of Beauty and the Beast where we have put together our best bits from episodes 1-8 Best of our Bits aka B.O.O.B


We want to hear about what you're doing in this fine quarantine. Drop us a line or some hate mail at beautyandthebeastshow69@gmail.com


Check us out on the web: https://beautyandthebeastshow.com/


Our new theme song courteous of The Paynkiller! Show him some love and check him out on Instagram: the_paynkiller

Coming to you almost live from lakeside. I'm beauty and I'm the beast. Hello and welcome to our ninth episode. Can you believe that? Nine episodes? I can't believe it. Here we are in quarantine, but we're not going to let that stand in our way. So here we are with our ninth episode entitled the Best Of Our bits, or be slice to call it, Boob, and we've beast on the telephone, and here he is. Now. This is beasts coming at you almost live on the telephone as we present the best of our bits show. Beauty has taken some of our funniest moments, Hilarius highlights and comedic diarrhea combine them all into one sort of stew of stream of consciousness. That's right, stream of consciousness do is being served up on this week's episode of the beauty and the beast show. So sit back, listen to the best of our bits and please contact as if there's anything you want us to talk about on a few future episode. Yes, the studio is dark. It's under quarantine, but until further notice we're still beauty and the beast. I always enjoy going to those bars that have a hundred and fifty different IPAs, including ones that tastes like Bacon and ones that tastes like sour patch kids, and you go through the whole Rigamara with the waiter, getting his recommendations, and then you say, you know what, Buddy, give me a PAP's blue ribbon pass blue ribbon, going strong and always will be, keeps those kids coming back for more. I just love to look on their face after they've told me all the virtues of a specific IPA with its limited run in a barrel that used to have whiskey in it and then we dipped it in chocolate and here it is for you to enjoy. Thank you very much. I'll have a yngling exactly it's like. It is. It's so much fun to do that. Like, I don't know about you, but, being a comedian and everything, I love going into this place is and, yes, hearing exactly every little IPA that they have in the whole place and then it's like really, it's like and I'll have a budweiser. Yeah, I like when they say, well, this is better if you pair it with some food. Like really, you know, water's pretty good when you pair it with food. Also, to Shay and it doesn't cost ten bucks. Oh, I forgot. You don't pay for booze. I like when the guy got slipshot a freebee and basically because he's charging the tourists next to you enough for pay for the entire case. That is quite true. That and we do that here a lot at the shore. So, as you can tell, we didn't make a resolution not to drink this year. I think we made a resolution to drink more. Going to drink more only good one. Well, you know, I don't know how much more I can drink. I'd have to actually have another day of the week. I guess you would need, like Saturday part too, Saturday part to the drunk continues, you know, if you keep drinking you'll never be sober. Well, yeah, and you know, the more you know, the more you forget, and the more you forget, the less you know, and the less you know, the less you forget, and the less you forget the more you know. So if you don't know anything, you probably know everything. And if anybody out there can explain that to me, please do so. Have a drink on me. You know. Another resolution I didn't make was to stay alive. That's right, folks, I've got the resolve to stay alive. It's just in my nature now. I didn't want to used to do it. Actually, things got better and better and now I'm sitting here telling you all about it. That's right. I might listen to songs about suicide, but haven't had a thought like that in many years. Like staying alive is like so overrated. It's like so two thousand, I think. I think we're like totally over that. Well, I can see, with World War three looming, perhaps we are. Does anybody ever wonder that most of the failed construction in the area is actually going on underground and we don't even know it? So for hat, for example, beautiful hotel down the road, is actually a bomb shelter for the wealthy and elite who've made a resolution to drink and eat and be merry all at our expense. Is that like the underground Strip Club in Atlantic city? It's exactly like that, I hear. Everybody's washed up. Oh Oh, yes,...

...the year of the bad puns continue. It didn't start yet, it has now. Well, we've officially kicked off the year of the bad puns everyone. So if you have any bad puns, please send them in so we can harsh on them and make them our own, and we thank you for that. We were happy to punish you for the rest of two thousand and twenty. It's somebody. But about these people that call in their old cat, like it's going to be the same damn cat. Come on, I think you would have better luck to hear it to a pet cemetery. That's right, the pet cemetery's I take it it's free. It's better. Something comes back from to life and it's evil, exactly like. I mean, who would one cat was able to start with? Hello, exactly like nine lies. Mother Comes Back Evil Er. Let's get this established here, right are. It's right, cassiliny, I'll eat your eyeballs out in your sleep. Why not? They steal your breath, liking cat's eye. That's right, let's get that myth. Keep that one going. Oh really, a breath? They come right up on your chest. Actually, the most times they smell your broth to like, get the hell out of here. I ain't stealing that. I always enjoy going to those bars that have a hundred and fifty different IPA's, including ones that tastes like Bacon and ones that tastes like sour patch kids and you go through the whole Rigamara with the waiter getting his recommendations, and then you say, you know what, Buddy, give me a PAP's blue ribbon. Pass Blue Ribbon, going strong and always will be, keeps those kids coming back for more. I just love to look on their face after they've told me all the virtues of a specific IPA with its limited runt in a barrel that used to have whiskey in it and then we dipped it in chocolate, and here it is for you to enjoy. Thank you very much. I'll have a yngling. Exactly it's like it is. It's so much fun to do that. Like, I don't know about you, but, being a comedian and everything, I love going into this place is and, yes, hearing exactly every little IPA that they have in the whole place. And then it's like really, it's like, and I'll have a budweiser. Yeah, I like when they say, well, this is better if you pair it with some food. Like really, you know, water's pretty good when you pair it with food. All, so to Shay, and it doesn't cost ten bucks. Oh, I forgot. You don't pay for booze. I like when the guy got slipshot a freebee and basically because he's charging the tourists next to you enough for pay for the entire case. That is quite true. That and we do that here a lot of the shore. So, as you can tell, we didn't make a resolution not to drink this year. I think we made a resolution to drink more. Going to drink more, and good one. Well, you know, I don't know how much more I can drink. I'd have to actually have another day of the week. I guess you would need, like Saturday, part to Saturday, part to. The drunk continues. You know, if you keep drinking you'll never be sober. Well, yeah, and you know, the more you know, the more you forget, and the more you forget, the less you know, and the less you know, the less you forget, and the less you forget the more you know. So if you don't know anything, you probably know everything. And if anybody out there can explain that to me, please do so. Have a drink on me. You know, another resolution I didn't make was to stay alive. That's right, folks, I've got the resolve to stay alive. It's just in my nature. Now I didn't want to, used to do it. Actually, things got better and better and now I'm sitting here telling you all about it. That's right. I might listen to songs about suicide, but haven't had a thought like that. And it's one of the most fun jobs I ever had. was worked at the zoo and Philadelphia. I was an exhibit manager there and the saddest part of that was watching one of the elephants goats scenile and he was he was starting to lob rocks about as biggest softballs at passers by, like I'm Porel he up. Thank you know. Even though that's you know, they try to set up a landscape remind him of home. It's still only a thousand square feet. Wow. Wow. I was going to say not my funnest job, but my most possessed job. I used to work for pay less. It's no longer in business, but quite a few of the pay less has had ghost in them and my old boss did not know that. This one on the Cardiff circle had a ghost in it and that was actually a manager that used to work there. She had sent the help home because she was just, you know, cleaning up or whatever, counting down the IISTER. She had a heart attack and...

...died in the back room. Well, anytime somebody would work there and try to clean it up, if you went around the corner and look right around, all the shoes and stuff would be messed up again and there were always be a purse on the floor, because that's the way it looked the day that she died. Now my old boss, Jim, who is scared as hell of ghosts and had no idea that there was one in this store that was this powerful. He was up front, you know, taking care of customers or whatever they left. He hears this noise. He goes in the back room and all the sales tags are all over the floor and they're like no, there's no one else in there, and he looks back and then all the purses just started following one bott one off the racks. He calls me, he's like what the Hell's going on here, and I was like you didn't know there was a ghost there? I was like, her name's Patty, she was one of the manager she died. He's like he could have warn me before I came here. I was patty want to make a mess of the store. I don't know, it was crazy. I don't know, that's just the way it was. When she died there. It was pretty Atta. Can Fall the shoe display or something and no, I'm that's there. It was never really like clean clean. So I'm guessing it's just like yes, tired Nancy. It was just the way it was, and then you leave the store in this condition, even if you're in not even here now. I'm not sure about what went on at the Rio Grand One, but I do know that there was a ghost in that one and I know for sure there was a little boy ghosts in the woman summer's point. We actually did some research on this one. One of the glass pains was was way newer than the other ones. What happened was a car had jumped the curb and went right through there and actually the boy's body went through there and he died there, and so his ghosts would appear from time to time, and sometimes we had these rolling carts that we had the shoes on, and sometimes you see the rolling carts just move on the road and once in a while you'd be able to catch his reflection in the glass. And there you have it. That's why I pay last went out of business. Too many guys in haunted. What does that kid hanging around for? Give me a break, I have no idea. It's like it's like the crazy playground I'm like and I know there were quite a quite a few other by lessons were possessed. That's all I have to say. Because mom made him wear Bobos all the time. Oh, come on, they weren't that bad. I mean, I actually still have a couple of pairs of what the whole are? They called rug it out backs, rugget out backs, and my snow boots for the winner. I've had like little literally for decades and they've held up better than anything else I've had. They're so damn good. Wise pay less out of business. I don't know. Like our shoes are great, but everything else we do sucks. Because they went over and they started selling air walks and champions and things like that and they said goodbye to their own brand and they let all these other name brands in. I remember are Walko dous a lot of money to we did some of their first web development for them and they would let us work for months and then tell us they couldn't pay us. Wow, one of the jobs I had working for fortune five hundred was editing out ray lanes. Oh, I shouldn't say his name. A certain person who work for a certain company would do a lot of cocaine and it was my job to edit the video so you never saw him doing his tails, you know, touching his nose, sniffing, snurfing. This guy would go six eight hours at these things. That was a lot of sniffing and snurfing, but I was worth every penny. I bet you were. All Right, I've got another lame quote here. You know what exercises to the body, employment is to the mind and morals. God give me a break. I mean, who writes these things? Women of the mind important. Yeah, this infloy I don't have a job, but I've been thinking about it. Well, there you go, and you're good exactly. If you can think it, it's already the roles. Yeah, what the Hell? When you're working at the at the peep shows, cleaning up the JIZM and you're like this is fucked. I went and got an NBA so I could do this, that's not good for your mind or your moral note that it's still a job and it's still employment. Wow, if you think of it that way, I could I get at least minimum wage, like, well, no, but you get free dildos and bud plugs and you're like, I mean, talk about a sticky situation, but bump, it's my job to clean that up. Miss Yep, can't come home, I'm stuck in Jeez. Sorry, you know it goes. Another pair of boots. Wish pay less was still around it. Like you wore those boots. We told you not to. Told you you'd get something on your shoe. Man, imagine walking out with Jizz on your shines. Why didn't...

...being the one guy at the porn shop who's actually helpful, you know, it said, just standing behind the counter looking at a magazine's like, Oh, Hey, well, it was a poor shop. Well, can I do for you today? We've got a special on vibrators. That's right, Jack Rabbits by to get free barries. Like why do I need two of them? Just like I've met your Old Lady. Yeah, I've been known to kill a couple of them myself. So, yeah, YOU'RE gonna want to go up on that offer. It's like, oh, we have a punch card for frequent buyers. Oh what's that on the card? Never mind, it's laminated. It comes right off. His job is to clean it. Come here, are you, and clean this guy's frequent fire card. Yeah, man, I have to well, you wore your boots. That's how the game rolls. Yeah, that's a job. I never had, never worked in a porn store. I actually did a website for porn store before. Yes, one, I wouldn't know he half to these things. Like I wouldn't know what the hell flesh light is if I didn't get to see the pictures and, you know, read the description and I'm like, wow, you can really fuck a flash Lee. fucking that flash like am that's awesome, Guy, that's great. It the skis is a you know, Flash Lee. It looks like, you know, looks like you're not into that, but you are the new ones. You can plug your mpiece three player and it will hum your favorite tune at the same time. That would be perfect. Nothing like vibrating lips on a fleshlight. Nothing's perfect. You know that? Yeah, true. It's like eventually the fleshlights going to need batteries and you're going to have to feel depressed about it. and well, I mean if it vibrates, it'll need batteries, but if it's just the fleshlight, it doesn't need batteries. Sous, you can have like a dozen any like. I go out with a different chick every night, different fleshlight, different flesh light. Oh yeah, I mean, but some of these dildos are insane. Have you ever seen some of those? are like like yeah, like you buildree foot around for a woman's sex shop and I had to weigh those things. It's like this wasn't for a woman's sex shop that I was doing. It was actually for leather central in Rohobeth beach. Yes, they have amazing toys. They're like I'm like yess, like sploosh, by mean some of them. They're like double sided. They're like almost like a foot deeper, whatever foot you know, and let like all my Gosh, the Suction Cup on the end so it doesn't come off the wall. That's my favorite thing is seeing people take selfies with old still attached to the walls or the mirrors or the counters, wherever they have them. It's like, oh my gosh, we're talking about that last time, getting charged for Selfie. Now, what if you took a Selfie and your vibrator wasn't the picture. Well, you'd have to pay. You'd have to pay to double. Well, can you remember back through the fog the first time you cosplayed? Yes, Oh, I believe it was at something in robots. You were a robot? No, definitely not. I did. I did my first version ever of agent Carter, which was, you know, kind of thrown together at the last minute. I had a lot of fun, like everybody was recognizing me as agent Carter, so I didn't yeah, I did right. The only thing that I've ever kept from that was a skirt that I found in a thrift store which was, I believe, the a line Brown skirt from the first offender and I just had to create like the green jacket for it. Like that's one of the hardest things is getting a true I jacket because they close up. They there's snug. If you're a woman, the boobs are the worst thing. I mean, unless you're like a twig and can go up like two or three sizes. Like nobody's exactly figured out the size of the jacket for women's where. If you're keeping count, we've mentioned boobs twice now the show, so we're on a roll. It's now called cosplay and boobs. What to do with your boobs? How To hold your boot? Anyway, let me hold your boobs while you cosplay exactly like. Hold on like like. Took that in a little bit. Now pull up. Actually, there's another way to there's what. There's an actual tutorial of how they get those awesome cosplay boots. Tape and baby. Now actually just takes two bras, believe it or not, bras well, I believe it. That's one for you. That's in. That that's the whole secret. And then, if you have a wire one, actually it mine right now is twisted. And then it brings them closer together. It's great. It's bringing boobs closer together. Since two thousand and twenty. We don't mean idiots. Sometimes, sometimes this is like the age Rai owe you, and sometimes, why this is like a boobs and sometimes boob I,...

...also known as tits that too. So what cosplay have you always want to do but you weren't able to? That's a good question. I usually thought. I usually end up doing whatever I want to, cosplay, soever cross play, and do a male, you know, not the female version of a character, but you know, a male straight up, because we know this girl emily, and she likes to show up in full beard and you know it's like who's that beautiful girl man thing with the beard? So it's emily. Yeah, I remember the first playing. She's a beauty and I remember the first time I saw her, I think she was Dr Frankenfurt from Rocky Horror, walking around with her little entourage of fellow horror rocky horror players, and abody was like wow. It's so strange when guys finally realize that it's a woman playing a man and they then they're relieved that they were attracted to her. It's okay, I mean they're there's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex. Well, a lot of guys would beg to differ and like something oddly intriguing about Dr Frankenfurter. There it's like, oh, it's a girl. They're like Oh, thank God, I know. It's like, okay, good Frankenfurter, good frank infurn. Yeah, some guys. Now there's this Guy Michael, you know, we're not using any last names, but he cross plays constantly because his whole approach to it is that cosplay is consent because of a lot of the beautiful women who show up a comic book costumes, wearing practically nothing like their favorite cop comic book character, but you're only allowed to photograph them. He can't even talk to him. They got no time for you otherwise. So this guy goes out of his way and he must have that cleavage thing down. And I know this is another guy who from the back people, guys are in the boothgoing Whoa, check her out, and then he turns around and they're like, oh my God, like what the Hell, what the Hell on? What the Hell is that? It's like a voter killer. Huh. You know, what do you think about that? I think we talked about this fantasy fast down in the keys is they don't. They don't wear costumes, they just paint the stuff on. That's always something that I've wanted to try. I think we've talked about saves a lot of money. Yeah, exactly here. You'll have to worry about spending money on Cock poleas then you just don't get painted on it and painted I think that Poison Ivy. Or let me see, what was that character from Xmen, the Blue Woman? My Gosh, I can't remember her knee. See My geekstabs already. William a notch today. It's like, no Mistik or Rey, I've remembered. I am redeemed, like you could paint her on. I think she was actually just paint it on in the movies. Yes, yeah, and you're like, Oh man, give me some of that paint. Hell yeah, I mean that's probably while we're on that subject to sequens. Anyone out there still Vajazzlin the jet? Not since breakfast. Oh Man, I remember one time. I think it was Jennifer Love Hewitt. She broke the ice on that and showed her vajazzle on national TV. I've never looked back since. I must find this somewhere. The vajazzle cost? Well, I was going to Vajazzle, but then I had one of a bedazzlers, and apparently that's not how you do it. Oh No, as I poked that first one in there, I knew something was wrong. Talk about a bloodbath. Yeah, that people are telling me. Oh No, they're just removable. They come on. I'm like what, why didn't anyone tell me this? Yes, I believe some of the they're more like sticky back. You know, it's like you have to be nice and shave, though. That's I've resolved to read the instructions a little more, get a little more information before I jump into things. Yeah, next thing you'll know, you'll have your glue gun and your beads with you. What a pretty slight that would be. Will be at some vajazzle support group. Like he yeah, he burned himself with a hot glue gun. This guy, he's a Shbaki, used the bedazzler. And what's your problem? Sure, I mean, if your guy go the glue route, just use easix thousand, you know. Yeah, let me like, like crazy glue is just like totally overrated. Girls, I don't think you should any crazy glue down there. No, definitely not. I mean he six thousand, I think, is not going anywhere. Like you will permanently have that forever. And then one girls out there like who baby, Gorilla Glue? Oh my gosh, gorilla glue down we're talking about the Internet,...

...the Internet, Internet and social media and everything that everybody reads and is like, oh my gosh, here we go. Get hear me? Well, the Internet is such a wonderful source of information and disinformation, and today it rules a lot of people's lives. I mean I I constantly think that people are totally addicted to social media. It exactly. I'm like, I find myself checking it like eight million times a day and I'm like no, put that down, and the more and more I told myself to put that down, the more I pick it up. Yeah, I have a problem where I have to work on the Internet and so it's so easy to get distracted. It is. I'm like, I have like five million tabs open and I have no idea what's what the wheel is spend in. For there's music wearing out a some side. I don't even know if it's left right in between, up, down, whatever. But yeah, exactly. It's like I find all my work on their like voiceovers and graphic design. I was like, without it I would be totally lost. I find it amazing how you can put just about any word into Google and find porn. While we're on that subject to sequens, anyone out there still Vajazzlin the jet? NOT SINCE BREAKFAST? Oh Man, I remember one time, I think it was Jennifer Love Hewitt she broke the ice on that and showed her Vajazzl on national TV. I've never looked back, since I must find this somewhere. The vajazzle cost. Well, I was going to Vajazzle, but then I had one of a bedazzlers, and apparently that's not how you do it. No, as I poked that first one in there, I knew something was wrong. Talk about a bloodbath. Yeah, that people are telling me. Oh No, they're just removable. They come on. I'm like what? Why didn't anyone tell me this? Yes, I believe some of the they're more like sticky back, you know. It's like you have to be nice and shave, though. That's I've resolved to read the instructions a little more, get a little more information before I jump into things. Yeah, next thing you'll know, you'll have your glue gun in your beads with you. What a pretty slight that would be. Will be at some vajazzle support group like he yeah, he burned himself with a hot glue gun. This guy, he's a schmuck. He used the Bedazzler, and what's your problem? Sure, I mean, if you guys go a glue route, just use east six thousand, you know. Yeah, let me like like crazy. Glue is just like totally overrated. Girls. I don't think he's canny crazy glue down there. No, definitely not. I mean he six thousand nothink is not going anywhere, like you will permanently have that forever. And then one girls out there like who baby gorilla glue. Oh my Gosh, I'm just worrying to find a sponsor when I was hoping maybe they'd get on board. Like we get eight fucking shows here. Folks, I haven't gotten one fucking email. I know we haven't even gotten any heat mail, nothing like. We need to up that game. I mean, are we too pure? Are we too nice? Like that email? Something fucked up in the past eight weeks. I know we just said take Ak. It's like, come on, man, come on mom, Sendo somethings and two months of bullshit and no bullshit. The show for it. No pictures of Ted's nothing. Nothing. Come on, get on the Internet, come on, get on there. We know you're on one. It's like send us some crappy mouse something that. I'm not asking you for your money or Patreon or whatever the heck. That is just I just need a sponsor. Yeah, we can find sponsors on the Internet. So if you're listening, you can trade US marijuana. You know, that is a start. Exactly. will do something for that. Come on, come on, we can do a little trade here, any of the stuff we'd normally spend our money on. Anyway. We're up for it. Yeah, exactly, cat food, you know, oil for our car. Just give it to us. I need some new tires of anyway. There's list. If you send this product, we will review it on our podcast. There you go. Send US some product and we will put that on our blog. We will start the blog up purposely for doing reviews. Yeah, and don't don't send to see you dark web shit. We don't want any of that Shit. Yeah, no, send us like actual physical stuff. Yeah, ever seen some of these dark web on boxing videos that are so popular? Oh yeah, like this one kid that does like toys or whatever, like he's making millions a year and everybody's like, my thumbs up, my ass. How the hell do I do that? You know? So, yeah, first, get a kid. Okay, I mean dark web stuff. Oh No, not the dark, what night, crazy shit. Gotta Buy Better Research. Yet, yeah, some of them are pretty scary. And then it's like wait, this stuff, this is totally fucking fake. Is that where they like shove like unicorn horns up their asses or something. No, it's like they'll send you, you'll go on and the guy I'll, you know, buy a bit, Goin, he'll do an exchange. You don't get a dark web box, and dark web boxes are generally filled with drugs, stolen objects and often,...

...it seems like the evidence of a murder scene. Oh Wow, yeah, I don't know if I just want to try one of those for shits and giggles. You know, it's like maybe once we get a couple people send US regular stuff, we're going to be like, okay, we're going to do this once a year, we're going to get a box from the dark web and, yeah, we're going to unleash this shit and just do it. Yeah, I think. I think a lot of people have actually had to turn their contents of their dark web boxes over to the police. I know it's like for that protection. Yeah, I think I read about this like in the news or something. I'm pretty sure it like killed some people. So here you go. Yeah, yeah, you get a lot of blood soaked stuff and you actually paid for it. Exactly. Instead of snuff films, it's snuff Internet HMM. We've moved on, we've we've moved on. It's like here you go, it's like d snuff coming at you. It's seems like they were once one time that was fake and then, you know, a couple guys screwed that up and actually publish some real snuff films. One that was actually high profile murder case. He really enjoyed sending those videos in. And that's what's so wonderful about the Internet. No matter what level of user you are, there's some niche, there's some group of people who are just like you. You know, there's the time, I guess maybe you were into fucking chickens and you were the only guy and then you go on the Internet and find out that and, as always, a board group for it. What do you do? How to get the feathers out of your mouth fast? And you know they're just just somebody out there is into what you're into. Believe me, that sounds like a horrible movie. You know cold case files, you know the chicken fucker. HEAH allows you, chicken fucker, chicken Fucker, you know it's coming around here. fucking started as a chicken blocker, yet starrted as that chicken plucker and moves on to that, like a gateway drug for chicken fuckers. Exactly. It's like Whoa, as long as they I'll start breeding and we have like half chicken, half human coming out. What's that? How wonderful the the interwebs is. You know, beauties really into these renaissance fairs, which I always thought was just total bust, you know, just a geeklove fest. And then she's telling me know, there's a dark side, there's a lot of sacks and drugs and alcohol, and I'm like no way, and I just do quick Google search and no shit, there is that. Huh. Did I lie? No, she didn't lie. I have that problem, man. I can't tell why. It twice today. I know, it's so awkward. It's a third time you get a halo. I know, right, what the hell? So maybe I am going to heaven. Here we go. We're looping back or looping bouttery the Renaissance Fam. Yes, more debaucher at the renaissance when I first started going there and everything, and I made friends and there was this couple and they wanted to get to know me during the whole season. So, you know, we walked around the husband escorted me here and there. You know, I spent some time shopping with the wife, and then this one time at finale, that's where everybody gathers at one of the stages and there's like usually a sing along and everybody's happy and everything is the end of the day. The whole story wraps up. So it's like we're sitting on the bench, she know, waiting for things to happen, and I'm usually like in a hoop skirt, which you can do a lot of things under a hoop skirt, by the way, and he looked at me and I looked at him and before you know it I was on top of him and his wife was right next to me and we're kind of having our own little three way there, which was amazing too, because she was actually getting off because she kept this dragon thing and her bodice, but the dragon went all the way down, the dragon piece went all the way down and it was a penis at the end of it. So she was getting off with that. And now mean it sounds like a two and a halfway there. Well, no, we were doing some kissing and some play. Okay, that actually I was using that on her and then friend of mine that worked at the Renaissance Fair, she came overre she's like like what the hell are you doing, because she notices something fuckery like. So I just I just grabbed her by the waist and had her on my lap. The whole beat down a little bit so look obvious. So my hands slipped into her costume and I was giving her some you know, some Nice fingering and everything, and we had like this whole forsome going on, like right in the middle of finale. And then afterwards my friend who introduced me to the Mary couple, she's like, did that just really happen, and I was like, indeed it did. I was like, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, that you have to still keep you stupid English accent, though. Yeah, but this was after okay, gods like everyone to the org tent. It's like here we go, my first force,...

...you know, and then attendance was up the next year as a result. Pretty much right. I mean we definitely made some love stains on this one bench that is still there. I'm not going to name it, but yeah, if you're ever around me and you find out that I'm visiting other fairs. HAH, fine, me with there's of debenchury exactly. There's more than just wood on that bench. And here's the stain. This follow stain shall never be yeah, it was from his seamen that made the stain, not my sploosh. Actually, I didn't learn how splosh in to my s so it's like how I learned how sploosh. There might have been a bigger steain, but the seamen definitely said into the bench. So that was pretty much his his spot, out final spot, and we all way home covered and seemen. Yeah, that's the new Shakespearean played. By the way, couple didn't seemen from head to toe. were far out to seemen in my shoe. Now that's definitely a sticky situation. Right there is the only time I care about is when I'm hungry. Time. It's time to eat. Bucket, is true, you know, and you're in trouble if you don't eat. Speaking of eating, have you ever had food injure you? I mean, I've gotten in trouble with foods that injure. I remember one time I worked in a delicate test and we were not allowed to eat, so we did what we called scarfing, which was basically eat whatever you can in the shortest amount of time. There were some veterans there that could eat an entire corn beef sandwich in like three bites. Now I don't know that they enjoyed it. My other buddy, he would nuke a pint of Hogan does and drink it down like a watch. So we all course gained ten, fifteen pounds our first few months there, and that was another clear indication we were breaking the rules. But I tried to scarf down a liver worse than onion sandwich once and during the process I burped and sneezed and all at the same time. Well, okay, I'm done, I'm done scarfing. Well, about four hours later I was on a a date, sitting there mind my own business, sipping a beer, and a chunk of Oni him a power for its long came out of my nose covered with blood. Not My date was like we're through, that's Harrow. I'm like, why are you Allerg you to onions, honey? I mean, what the heck, get it out, you have onions coming down. Guy Who could produce onions out of his nose would be real catch and blood. Oh come on, see I guess you was less into the onion than the blood in the Snot, but I just didn't understand. Wow, so people get injured. They bite that piece of pizza, they can't wait and it's adhere to the top of their mouth and then they want to turn around and through the guy and the guys like, are you kidding me? It's a hot beazz it just now. Is there anything you'd like to tell people about a resolution you had that you broke or one that you made that you've kept faithful to all these years? Well, one resolution that I have totally done was being an actor. Like sometimes it's hard finding jobs and one thing I've always said is don't say no to opportunities because you never know if you'll miss out on something and it can be a good thing and it could be a bad thing. Like I've Dune Though on the bandwagon with the Laramie project and now I'm also in double rehearsals for cafe murder and then right after that I think I have another show coming up. So it's going to be like never ending. But I feel like if I don't take that opportunity and I let that sit, then it's like maybe six months before another opportunity comes up. Well, you know, and I'm just the opposite. I'm not doing anything. I'm helping other people, whether I'm building their website or helping to give them some advice on how to get their art out there or get their brand out there. But basically I'm just here as a wonderful do nothing kind of guy who's very happy with his nine hundred and twenty five, because my job's very rewarding and unfortunately a lot of people's are not very true. Very true, and I'm glad that we partnered up. Yeah, that's what you want to call it. We partners in crime, part of and as a responsible partner, you'll let it out all the Shit I said, like all of it. Like all of it, like very beginning the podcast. That's right, it's just me doing the podcast now. You know, beast is just a figment of my imagination who has a loud voice, a loud voice. I'm going to resolve to...

...keep my voice lower, lower and more more tempered, because as soon as I get excited it goes like this and people are like, why are you yelling? I'm just excited yelling. I'm just trying to get a point out, even if you're whispered the truth, people would think you were shouting it. I know, right, exactly. Another point that I want to make it's like, don't be afraid to go up and talk to other cosplayers, because a lot of times it's like we're really nice, we'll talk to you, especially like if you have, you know, if you want to cosplay like one of the same characters and you have no idea where to get started. Like I would have no idea where to get started unless I went to what was it? Wizard world one year, and that's when I found in love with cosplay and I found out, you know who, this awesome person was playing agent Carter, and she recommended me to the facebook group page and there they had tons of tutorials and tons of the tons of the same people doing the same character and we all look different and it was just amazing just to find these other people and be a will be like hey, you know, it's like I'm starting on this. Where did you get this material from or where? You know? It's like, how do I get started? And that's what I think a lot of people that are just getting into cosplay, they have no idea how to get started and you just have to like jump into it and if you ever come up to me in a comic con or even to my website, that would be Carter cosplaycom feel free to ask me anything. I think you actually get started by being a geek. Yeah, that's probably the only require first step. Like, if you are Gek and one to cosplayers, do yeh, got a hat? Yeah, when you all show up at the same cosway they you don't duke get out. No, not at all. Actually we're like, oh my gosh, like where'd you get that? How did you do that? That's amazing. Fine, show up at a crowd you mention and there's other jokers. I just want to take them out my how dare you? My favorite is going to comic cons and there there's more than one Michael Myers and after a certain amount of time it's like, okay, I give up which one is. which are like like which one of my parent bringing home, because I have no idea. Like at one of vent there's two Michael Myers, one of them being Mike, my fiance, and there there was another one and they just were at a stare in contest. So me and the other Michael's wife. Were like hey, let's go grab a drink because these guys are going to be here for a while, and then we came back and we're like, okay, now which one's which? So you want to swamp? Okay, letten, you take him for a while, I'll think yours and we'll be back here next year, won't it's strong silent types exactly. I have a friend who cosplays as Jason Voorhe's from Friday the thirteen, and he's become very popular over the past years, so popular that women are basically willing to do photo shows for free with their shirts off. And don't tell anybody that, but we're going to do a photo shoot this weekend. But the craziest thing was we were at an event and he was dressed in his South Jersey Jason Costume and these people came up to us and they wanted to do a fantasy photo shoot right there in the woods at the event. And ends up this girl had the machettie in her in her doubtful back, she had to hockey mass and a clown mask. We ended up going out into woods and her boyfriend been here over a tree and pretended to have sex with her until the Real Jason came and killed them. Both people were, people are into this. They do they, oh my gosh, like give him, like doing Michael Myers. It's like he's like, I just like choking bitches, and they do. They come right up to him in the way, so can you kill you? It's great because we don't Carl touts like I'm a bitch that likes to be choked and he looks choking bitches. So there we go. Some match made. And how exactly? It's more fun that way. And I asked those female wrestlers all the time to choke me and never will never put me in a choke. Call that. I think it's liability issues. Yeah, that one would definitely be the liability. There's a couple girls I'm really in love with, Taniel Dash with, oh my Gosh, she rings my bell locally. There's this girl Christine and Murria. I just love her. Those girls can slam me to the mat anytime. It's like very nice. Hey. Oh yeah, in fact, it was funny. I went to a secret birthday party for one of the promoters kids and there was probably six diva matches in a row and I was just like I want this for my birthday, right. I can we get that in the bedroom please? Those goes are always in costume. It's not cosplay. No, no, that's work. That is work, man. You know, I know...

...how fake your phony wrestling is, but when you jump into thirty feet off of a the top wire there and and doing a triple backflip and the landing on somebody here, you know, I'm sorry, but it's still takes a certain amount of athleticism and skill. Folks. Yeah, exactly. That's way more than just putting on a cot. Yeah, I would do that once and it'd be like, Oh's career is tragically ended, like and we're done. I tried, it didn't work. Look at that costume. That's awesome. I hope he likes it because he's about to be buried in it. and Oh yeah, big cosplay funeral and everybody has to guys like, costume required. That would be great. Like heck, yeah, I adopted this shelty once and the people were so heartbroken and they said she's not gonna she's not gonna go with you, she's not gonna go with you. So I took a cheese steak with me, that dog guy back car fast and even look back. They were heartbroken, like we were wrong. She doesn't love us. He's sneaky baster. Yeah, she's taking your pocket routine. Yeah, that did it there, that you're did man Bang Yeh Man Nember. We adopted a cat once and there was because it was we named in trouble, because they're like well, you're here on a good day. We're like why? Like well, this cat's awful friendly. Like yeah, his name's trouble. WHOA, what's his name? Trouble for? Well, because we're going to euthanize him this afternoon if you don't take them home with you. Open. Yeah, Oh wow, thanks a lot. So He's mine now, is like, I couldn't. Yeah, if I was in that position, I would just take them. That is just the sales ploy. Give me a break. Really gonna kill him as I'll come a watch if that's what you're telling me, and I go on, no, it's it's true, or like Oh goddamn it, it's like yeah, he's our Yep me and a little Chuawa. You know, he's a little little guy named peanut, and it turns out these different forms that I see. Everyone names are stupid, Chuawa peanut, that some of the world unite. Hey. Yeah, now, is there anything you'd like to tell people about a resolution you had that you broke or one that you made that you've kept faithful to all these years? Well, one resolution that I have totally done was being an actor. Like sometimes it's hard finding jobs and one thing I've always said is don't say no to opportunities because you never know if you'll miss out on something and it can be a good thing and it could be a bad thing. Like I've Dune Though on the bandwagon with the Laramie project and now I'm also in double rehearsals for cafe murder and then right after that I think I have another show coming up. So it's going to be like never ending. But I feel like if I don't take that opportunity and I let that sit, then it's like maybe six months before another opportunity comes up. Well, you know, and I'm just the opposite. I'm not doing anything. I'm helping other people, whether I'm building their website or helping to give them some advice on how to get their art out there or get their brand out there. But basically I'm just here as a wonderful do nothing kind of guy who's very happy with his nine hundred and twenty five, because my job's just like the animal shelter. If we went adopted all the animals, what the hell would they do? They'd be out of business. Exactly. Let's go try and do it anyway. Yeah, exactly, let's go adopt everyone. Oh my God, I would love to have a kitten farm. They can't have farm, a cat farm. Sorry, kittens and cats all are welcome. That's want to have the pussy farm. I think that's a different thing. I was there. I was here in Las Vegas. I'll be on board for that. It was conveniently located exactly one mile past to where was illegal to be in Las Vegas, something like that. It was on that Strip, wasn't it? No, was out in the middle of the desert. So if the things didn't work out, they could murder you and bury you and no one would know, kind of like Atlantic City. Yeah, they'd Strip your car and then be no trace of you, and then anyone who actually looked into it would be too embarrassed to admit that uncle fregut killed at the pussy farm. Oh that pussy farm, like the Cat House. Yeah, that Cat House. I wouldn't I would not mind taking a trip. They're honestly, yeah, you would, because the women there the you know, the only appeal to truck drivers. You haven't seen as and then they went three GRANDPA blow job. You're like what, are you going to town and...

...get someone at the bar to do it for free? A thousand dollars. Hell, they threezero do for I'm in the wrong industry. I was already I'm on there and find a job. Guys trying to back metal out once they see the prices, like Oh, I thought I know I was you for hair cut. Well, as your five hundred exactly. You probably have to pay just to walk through that door, like legit, like, okay, here you go. It's like your rocket. Oh No, those prices are way too high for me. It's like sorry, pal, it's a thousand dollar limit. You walk through that. There you're already in. Yeah, I was there with Horny guys and even they couldn't believe the prices. It's like, oh my gosh, screwed. Actually, now I wouldn't. My boobs would be screwed, because I think the best pictures with those. So, speaking of boops growing, it is going to be Valentine's Day soon, it is. Yeah, and we all love a good boots growing. I mean, who doesn't, right? I mean, boobs are just great in general. I mean they're soft, they're fluffy. I mean sometimes I can't wear like the next shirts because I can't get stuffed done during the day because I just look at them as I'm like, Damn it, these are nice. But I don't know. You See, I don't know how much we're allowed to enjoy them anymore. Men, how much are you allowed to enjoy them anymore? You know, you you got cheerleaders, you've got your Jlo's and your Shakiras, but you know, it's all about the empowerment and look away, look away. So who's it for anymore? I don't even know. I know it's like it's like, are you looking at my boot? Da? I'm looking at your boots. I'm looking at my booze. Well, there they are. You know, like what you say to that? You know, it's like, if they're on display, people are going to look. You know, it's kind of like art. You know, they just they're at IME. We've spent you know, empowering women and so they can walk around and there underwear. I just don't get it. I know it's like more and more. You know, there you go. You know, Happy Valentine's Day, and those yoga pants. Come on, ladies, those are hot. I know you're comfortable in but you know you match those up with those riding boots. That's hot stuff. Yeah, it is, it and I can't stop looking at that as so, you know, go to your hr person, because I told you you have a nice ass and those and you know you do. I'm not making this stuff up. No, here, not exactly. It's like, there you go. It's like I'm going to display my body just to get everybody that work with in trouble. That could be the the reason behind it. That's what makes me so upset, because if I walk around and Yoga Pants, I'm going to get in trouble just for wearing those yoga pants. It's like, what are you a ballerina? Get Out of here. Then it looks like you're smuggling pepperoni. I was smuggling Pepperoni, but that was a long time ago. You pepperoni smuggler. I can afford pepperoni now. I could actually afforded that too. Oh the fun times with Pepperoni, that's right, and other foods that injure. Yeah, it's like walking down the garden vegetable aisle and thinking, you know, that's hot. It's coming home with me tonight, you know, like happy Valentines Day. Actually, I worked at a hotel was and the guy got fired because he was the general manager and he was always calling down a room service to bring the largest cucumber in the kitchen and it'd be like, Oh, you'd like a cucumber salad, and he'd be like yeah, no, just send the cucumber. It's like, I've got plans for that baby. I mean, I've heard about your stuff, like getting vegetables in you, but is that really the right need to get them in you? That's right. Is it had some different kind of roughage? Exactly, like I was actually thinking about the other day. This is part of my new comedy coming out. It's just stand up. It's the regular stuff, you know. So there's a mean going online. It said, you know, stop using carrots as anal plugs, and I'm like there's got to be a town that just like went nuts shoving carrots up their ass and I'm like, of all ways to get vegetables in you, I don't think that's the right route to do it. Yeah, like the doctors in the Erre like, well, awesome tith go with a carrot of his ass. Exactly. Guys, if there's not like a pool cord or like a ring on the end of it, stop shoving it up your ass. We need it. We need to make a public service announcement. Yeah, called stops shoving shit up your ass. Well, I guess some people just can't. I know they're just like you. Now I see that wine bottle there and I just got to insert that son of a bitch. It's like, yeah, some people have their head up their ass, other people have a carrot. I mean character, great for your eyesight, but I mean your third eye sight. The there's some freaking Ajer who wants to eat the carrot after you...

...used it. Probably. Yeah, nothing like you know, anal carrots to flame. Some doing a car now. Can I buy it? Can I have your Anal Carrot? M sounds juicy to me. Of Bugs. Bunny's like rolling over in his grave. He's a cartoon character. So you're doing what was carrots are you kidding me? I would get anything to eat, a carry, a little lunch of a carrot up my ass. I think facebook should just make a hate book and get it over with already. True. That very true, you know, and I also think is some days going to be like citizen. You have an updated your status in the past twenty minutes, you were required to publish the Selfie. That'll be fifty cents, exactly fifty cents per selfie. speakingess swinging both ways. That is a subject of our show today, debauchery, and the reason we brought this subject up is because the other night we went to a open mic where the subject was debauchery. Everyone was supposed to tell stories that their mother couldn't hear, and I did not hear one single story that anyone's mother couldn't hear. I know, it's like these people really need to work on their vocabulary. They need to know what debauchery means. You know most of them. I don't even think they've lived their lives yet. My best alls a but debauchery I can't remember. Anyway. I think something happened, but I'm really not sure. My Good Tales have left marks on my back. Well, that that might be a sign. Now I have woken up without my shoes and socks in the bathtub with the shower running and never found my shoes and socks. So maybe that was a sign that I had a good time. I'm not sure. The worst part was having to go buy new shoes without shoes, because at that point, I, you know, that time of my life, I only owned one pair of shoes. So I don't know. How does that work? You know, every place you know you have the shoes and shirt and stuff like that, and it's like, well, I kind of need to buy shoes, but I don't have shoes, but I need to buy shoes, but I don't have them, and I'm just going to go on repeat here and just give them, man, some shoes. Just give I think I work three pairs of socks and glued some buckles on them and nobody knew the difference. There was so many strip clubs you could play spot to hooker on your way home and the girls there will be naked asking me tech tips on their laptop and they gave it, actually laptop a whole new meaning, like a laptop dance, a laptop dance. Yeah, they got to be looking, I can't pay you, but you know you can have a free lap dance and like well, let me call the mortgage company and ask them if they'll take a free lap dance for this month's payment, and he go yeah, they do. I'm like, what the hell you talking about, and I look over there, there's my bank or and they're all smile. So I don't know, maybe maybe we should come up with some new methods of barter. What do you think? If you had to give blow jobs for something instead of money, that could work. You could work. Could work. I mean if people, if you can give them and then take them somewhere else and, you know, hand those blow jobs in. I'M S if you want any place. And you're like well, how much is and the guys like, well, that's a thousand blow jobs with a lot of guys. Might be like well, yeah, maybe I don't need that thing exactly. I mean a thousand blow jobs, that's a lot. Yeah, well, what car would be probably around tenzero. I know, right. Could you imagine that made Dicks in your ound? Yeah, I like at the same time, even, I mean or we would be the same dick over and over again. You be me, like I don't need this car. I really don't need this. It's like, no, I'm good, I'm gonna I'm good. You keep your blue jobs and I'm just going to keep my legs and walk here. So you know, that's so. Maybe blow jobs would not be a good sock type of currency. And now that would. Now that no, just now. Let's go see some valid times. You know what we're talking about, these memes and things like that. Let's go see some Olis memes. Yeah, quotes are here we go. Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another Thomas Merton. Wow, wow, wow, wow, a good thing going. There's a lot of people out there don't have a significant other. That's why they have four babies as sorted things that they've filled their life with. So I don't know, and and I think I talked about this before, the way people throw the word love around these days. You know, they love there, they love their significant other, they love Pizza, they love game of thrones, they love the color purple, they love that Song, they just love every day aamn thing like so. How much is just too much? In other words, why you do you love me more than game of thrones and less than pizza. What's the scale exactly? I'm like, do you love us the same, or what's going on? You want to be alone with...

...that pine now? Yeah, be along with that Pie. See how if it pays the electric bill or not. Exactly exactly now, here's what I'm here's the short one. You can always gain by giving love. That's by Reese Witherspoon. Can always gain. What again, Lonnie Down in Atlantic City? Baby, let's go ahead and try to put an end to that. Exactly. It's just some brighter lights would help. That is one that definitely applies here. I will enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge right with my dog. I know it's like, yeah, here we go. I mean, I mean love is love, though. I mean if it's with a fur baby, it's with a fur baby. Yeah, let's sleep at the that, but not not associate that. You're a fur baby. Yeah, exactly. Yes, when you turn into fur your cat myself, Oh, you're a cat. If I come over and you're shitting in a box, we got a problem. Have to talk. Yeah, that is definitely a problem, and the authorities haven't shown up yet. From our little Serio escapade. So what the Hell's wrong? I know, right, I thought everybody was listening. Maybe we never really Sii like blow me do more caustic in there. There you go. Let's ask Serie. What's the House let's OK, Serie, what's the best way to give a blowjob? Hey Serie, what's the best way to give a blowjob? I don't know what that means. If you can search the web for hey, Serie, what's the best way to give a blowjob? Good, ahead, serious, the best way to give a blow job? Check it out. Oh, here we go, we have sex on Thursday. How they give my blowing head? Oh Yeah, x series. Thank you. Serious, serious actually is helpful in some ways, I'm finding now. So I guess you know, look for that on Thursday, with how they give a the best blow job. Well, yeah, you gotta check that out Thursday night before the big day. Exactly. See how that work. Game we didn't play. This is this is why we do not plan stuff. Series planned is for us, and she'll be planning our entire show next week exactly. Will just have to, you know, show up and say hey, Sirie, that's all we'll have to do. Actually, I remember going to Writtenhouse Square in Philadelphia and it was about two o'clock in the morning, which is when you're not supposed to walk through writtenhouse square, but me and my buddies we were living dangerous a guy came up to us and said, Hey, you guys want to buy some some marijuana? We said no, thank you, because, well, but that'saw hashish, like no thanks. He's following us. How about that cocaine? We're like, Hey, that's okay, goes. I got ecstasy. where? Like what? All in the same fucking bag, right right, Mary Christmas to me, like yeah, hell, you got anything? You Got Ne Police Temple Ball? I got a right here. I got it all. I got a fucking that police temple ball. Dude, I just made that up. I never right. Well, I got him. It's like an eight ball, but you're on your knees pray that you're gonna live. I think it's some hash that some young girl rub between your thighs for half an hour. That's what that is, unless you just chuffy thighs like me. That's like chump robin just disappears. Coucha we are. Does anybody ever wonder that most of the failed construction in the area is actually going on underground and we don't even know it. So for hat, for example, beautiful hotel down the road, is actually a bomb shelter for the wealthy and elite who've made a resolution to drink and eat and be merry, all at our expense. Is that like the underground Strip Club in Atlantic city? It's exactly like that, I hear. Everybody's washed up. Oh, oh, yes, the year of the bad puns continue. It didn't start yet, it has now. Well, we've officially kicked off the year of the bad puns everyone. So if you have any bad puns, please send them in so we can harsh on them and make them our own, and we thank you for that. We were happy to punish you for the rest of two thousand and twenty it. Somebody say punish. While we're on that sub well, I've had my share of pets, that's for sure. Some of them have come into my life, you know, on the street. I remember having a cat. We went to the movies, we came out, there's a cat asleep on the hold of our car and a woman and was in the window saying that ain't my cat, that ain't my cat. We're like, okay, thanks for leaving as your cat. Exactly. It's like it's your cat and now it's on your hood. It's so what was that like? What was the strangest, most exotic pet you think you ever had?...

I haven't had any of those. I mean maybe a hamster. Well, you'd hands. I've had hamsters before. I know growing up I got three for my cousins and Connecticut. We named them Lenny, squiggy and Laverne. They used to be in one cage, but then Leverne went like all ape shit on the guy, so we kind of had this get them all separate cages so she wouldn't eat them like accountable. Wow. So there you go. Female hamsters like to eat their male counterparts like cannibals, and isn't that really the way of the world? Exactly. It's like, oh my gosh, like these cute little fury animals and then they're just, you know, eating each other. They're ferocious. It's like, Oh my God, the other day something. He said they'd love to have an Apossum as as a pet, and I like, I'd love to give you one. I know right, like here you go, here's that there, don't you know? Like yeah, because I remember one came in our kitchen at three am, came to the pet door and, yeah, it was this a't at me. I was beating that thing with a borom. It did not care. No, it's like, Oh hell no, you are not trying to use and broom on me, because I will not work four thou ticks a day. Like where in the hell are these four thousand away from there? They sure is hell ain't my home. Oh my God, no, you who will get a raccoon or something? I don't know. I don't know from a thousand ticks, let alone four thousand thousand ticks. Exactly the four thou picks on me. We are in trouble there. That's a little tickpick. No, no, I'm pretty sure. Like people, autum farms have possoms as pets. You know, I guess that you shouldn't kill them because they do kill the ticks and other things that we don't want. So you know, yes, if you're on a farm, having a possum is fine as a pet, but having one lost in the city, having one in the city, I don't think so that we partnered up. Yeah, that's what you want to call it. We partners in crime, part and as a responsible partner, you'll let it out, all the Shit I said, like all of it, like all of the life, very badcast. It's just me doing the podcast now. You know, beast is just a figment of my imagination who has a loud voice, a loud voice. I'm going to resolve to keep my voice lower, lower and more more tempered, because as soon as I get excited it goes like this and people are like, why are you yelling? I'm just excited yelling. I'm just trying to get a point out. Even if you whispered the truth, people would think you were shouting it. I know, right exactly. We adopted our two kittens and a few years ago their brother and sister. When the Tuxedo. Her name is Miss Archer. It's actually Miss Mallory Archer from the show archer, and then our polly Daxyl, who is lucky, who was named after what he ates, who is also part of Archer. So we had we all the theme going and actually our past two cats that we had there were buffy and spike. So if you're actually ever in the area, our Wi fi is actually named the hell mouth after the television show and everything. So it's like yeah, we have like a theme going. My theme is no theme. Nice. I have a little Chiuaha now, little black and white dog, and I had to have her when I saw her advertised for adoption, and that because she'd been abused. Like who could abuse at Chiua Oahwa? But really got strange because the dog I had before that was an American rat terrier named rocket. He was also a little black and white dog, and as soon as I saw the poster for him to be adopted, I had to have him and I didn't understand what was going on. And so one day I was running around in circles with Fergie and I was running in the closet, close the door and cheap bark and all of a sudden I was eight years old and I had my dog, which was a little black and white dog named liquorice, and liquorice would run around the house and chase me around. Well, liquorice died in a house fire and I never thought about it much. But now my little black and white dogs I've been replacing liquorice oulders dog. And when you realize that this is you know, happening to your like fuck me, and but it's a good thing though. I mean it's nice to have that like Oh, okay, maybe you know my dog is reborn in this dog. Yeah, it's like thinking, yes, exactly, exactly, so breathe it. For that one point I had the rat terror in the Chuoh at the same time. So there you go. How is it bored in both of the dogs? I don't know, it just...

...is. It just is. I mean we look at our kids and we see our past two cats, and both of them, you know, although we with these two, they're actually like toddlers. Like I said, they're going through their terrible toos right now and I was like, what's next? The disasters, threes? Well, when lucky was younger, he still does these cute things. Well, my kid bought Home Burger King for breakfast and we had, I love, the round potato, the Tater tots or whatever, the round Hash browns that they have, and like he gets up on the table and I look at him. I was like look, he may help you with something, and he sticks his head right into the box and pulls out one and I swear he was like no, thank you, I can help myself and he puts it on the Napkin and precedes the eating. I was like, this is like, this is crazy. I was like, but it's so cute. The same time, I was like and he like left less of a mess than Mike did. So I was like, well, there we go. You know, that's cat. Is Aunt Harry, that cat, and I just came down at tatter tot with you exactly. And then one time, after doing comedy late night, I came home, there's some leftover Chinese food, not cat, and I was sitting there eating it and I had a couple pieces of chicken left on the plate and lucky comes over and he grabs a big piece of it and I didn't think he would like it because it was bourbon flavored chicken. And Yeah, I you know, I got it from him and I pulled it apart and then the next thing you know is he finishes this big piece of Bourbon Chicken, comes over to my glass where I had sweet tea in it, sticks his head in and drink sweet tea and I'm like, I didn't know you were that sophisticated. Lucky, Bourbon chicken and in sweet tea. Well, so fisticate is when they actually pouring the tea for themselves. Yeah, I sucking it out. It taste like just the taste of I was like bourbon, chicken and sweet tea. It's like you want some corn bread to go with that. One of those guys don't have a possable thumbs. We'd all be so screwed if they did. Well, technically he has his thumbs, but he doesn't know how to use them. Not yet, not still a baby. Be Open our own cans of food, like, fuck you, I don't need you anymore. We have entire hop car, like I said, such such sweet kids. Like I said, we have like endless stories with them. If you love Halloween and you want to keep it going all year around, become a cosplayer. There's tons of events, plenty of reasons to play dress up. Very, very true, very now I use the excuse of raising money for charity. I do sometimes go cosplay and any money I make so recently, as a recently as last May, I'm coming up again. This may we did a star wars cosplay to raise money for Special Olympics. We tried to break the record, which is eight hundred people in costume, but we got more like fifty. So we build it as the largest gathering at the Hamilton Mall you know to date I'm more grateful for a lot of things. I thought I'd be more surly this year, though. That's a word I'd like. I'd like to be more surly. No, I think I like I definitely like being more grateful. HMM, well, I'm gonna have to think about that one. I don't know. Yeah, sometimes, I think. The one thing I did notice lately is people apologizing for every goddamn thing. Oh my gosh. Yeah, let's talk about narcissistic people. Oh, that actually will go on you. I can't really tell a story right now because it's way too soon, but I knew a narcissistic person and they made me think every little thing was my fault and that I had to apologize for it. And when the last conversations after I was done, you know, apologizing, I hung up and I literally said what the fuck just happened, and I called her back and I was like, you know what, the door swings both way, bitches. And so I posted, I made up a fake meme and said that statistically, ninety eight percent of the users on social media who posted baby Yoda memes had actual babies three months later. Wow, can you imagine that? Like, oh my gosh, like here's baby out to honey. We need to make a baby yod of right away. We need a baby Yoda. It'll probably look more like you than me if it's a baby Yoda. But you know, they didn't fall. A lot of people fell for it, that their baby Yoda memes did go down considerably. Other people knew I was making up fake news, which I like to do, faith news. I mean, that's what this country runs on, isn't it? I mean it definitely runs into that. I mean, is anything really sinking? And I mean beside, yes, the country, but yeah, side, the island I live on, is sinking into the ocean, is it is indeed, but as far as my thick head, no, I have an extra about eat them an inch up there.

I know this for a fact because, you know, I've been hitting the head with many objects that should have probably killed me, but they did not and as a result, I'm here to podcast with you. I got kicked out of the drive through once because we were stoned, which we often were, before we went to the drive through and we would go to splace like McDonald's order everything with extra jiz sauce, stretch sauce. Very Nice, very classy, if that's right. We actually were getting banned from drive throughs in the area, like even if we switch cars, they somehow recognize this from our voice. I guess you can switch your car, but you can't switch your voice. Yeah, I like you. The guy's order was someone that juice sauce. Get Out of here. It's like, nothing says losing like extrages sauce. Couche, he said KGE. Well, that's the word you can use to not get in trouble. Coochie, because I've heard of the Hoochie coochie girls. Never met them, but I've heard of them. Very nice. So we into this or what? Yeah, we are totally into this. ARE WE IN TROUBLE? I think we are in trouble. I mean here. Yeah, we definitely want to hear from our listeners. Yeah, I have you gotten in trouble for weather's, sex, drugs, driving all the above right time. You gotta blow job on the public bus? Yes, and the driver, he didn't miss a stop. I think that's Wan. He's really good at everybody knows want one blow job away from trouble. Thank you for listening to our comedic diarrhea. Tune in next week, as we talked about. I have no idea what the hell we're going to talk about what we'll still probably be in quarantine. So I'm beauty, I'm the beast. EWWW SHOWCOM.

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