Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 2 · 2 years ago

Episode 2 - Debauchery


Episode 2 - Debauchery aka Diarrhea Part 2

Welcome to the 2nd episode of Beauty and the Beast where we talk about Debauchery!

We want to hear your Debauchery stories. Drop us a line or some hate mail at

Check us out on the web:

Check out Beauty in "The Laramie Project" at Dante Hall in Atlantic City January 24th-26th

And in Cafe Murder at the Bourre in Atlantic City February 1st

Coming to you. I'm going I'm beauty and I'm the beast. Hey, welcome back. We hate saying welcome back because we're really not in the mood to welcome anything. But if you're here for a second podcast, thank God, love you, because we never thought we'd get through the first one. Exactly, it's like, thank you for coming back, or thank you for joining us now. Thank you. Thank you. We said welcome to thank you. We are very damn ploy, aren't the hell's happening right? Oh my God, thank God that we're talking about the battery on this episode. Yeah, because did you make a resolution to be more grateful or something? Because I know I did, and I'm more grateful for a lot of things. I thought I'd be more surly this year, though. That was a word I'd like. I'd like to be more surly. I no, I think I like I definitely like being more grateful. HMM, well, I'm gonna have to think about that one. I don't know. Yeah, sometimes, I think. The one thing I did notice lately is people apologizing for every goddamn thing. Oh my gosh. Yeah, let's talk about narcissistic people. Oh, that actually will go on. You. I can't really tell a story right now because it's way too soon, but I knew a narcissistic person and they made me think every little thing was my fault and that I had to apologize for it. And when the last conversations after I was done, you know, apologizing, I hung up and I literally said what the fuck just happened, and I called her back and I was like, you know what, the door swings both way, bitches. You know, speaking of swinging both ways, that is a subject of our show today, debauchery, and the reason we brought this subject up is because the other night we went to a open mic where the subject was debauchery. Everyone was supposed to tell stories that their mother couldn't hear, and I did not hear one single story that anyone's mother couldn't hear. I know, it's like these people really need to work on their vocabulary. They need to know what the bauchery means. You know most of them, I don't even think they've lived their lives yet. My best tells them, but debauchery I can't remember. Anyway, I think something happened, but I'm really not sure. All my good tales have left marks on my back. Oh that that might be a sign. Now I have woken up without my shoes and socks in the bathtub with the shower running and never found my shoes and socks. So maybe that was a sign that I had a good time. I'm not sure. The worst part was having to go buy new shoes without shoes, because at that point I, you know, that's time of my life, I only owned one pair of shoes. So I don't know. How does that work? You know, every place you know, you have to have shoes and shirt and stuff like that, and it's like, well, I kind of need to buy shoes, but I don't have shoes, but I need to buy shoes but I don't have them, and I'm just going to go on repeat here and just give them, man, some shoes. Just give I think I work three pairs of socks and glued some buckles on them and nobody knew the difference. Close enough, wasn't that? I mean it's the shore here anyway. People go barefoot all the time. Yeah, bust if you're in and out of the store fast enough and actually not dealing with anyone who's selling you, quote unquote, shoes. You know, selling me something I need know.

You're actually just helping me pick it out, and I think people take too much. You know, their job titles. They actually believe them sometimes. What shoes salesman like? Al Bundy, I'll Bundy. What the Hell is he like? From a show called like married with children, like a long time ago. Anyway, he was a shoe sales person. I actually I was a shoe salesperson at a time which was crazy. We like it wasn't that bad. I mean we had our nice customers and we had the bitchy customers and then I had a boss that offended people. So it was really funny actually. But let in the big scheme of things, did you ever actually sell some like look, I know you need these shoes, these are the shoes for you, these are the ones. They're like, I don't want the Gold Lemaiss know you got to have these shoes. Did you ever convince someone that to take shoes that they didn't want? Because that's real salesmanship right there. No, dude, I worked the pay lest hey gouts say. There was no pressure except for buyble and get one halfball. Who the hell doesn't want another pair for handles and make you look a shoe accommodator. Yes, something like that. Speaking of shoe accommodations, and on the subject of debauchery, last time, I don't know, we were throwing out the resolution to get more hand jobs. I guess now we should try to get more foot jobs. I Yem more foot jobs. Ever had a foot job? Not since breakfast. Now foot jobs are the breakfast of champions. Hell Yeah, hell yeah, foot jobs, hand jobs, any kind of jobs, I am for it. Do you think that's why Dr Shol got into the business? Think he was a kinky bastard. Yeah, like a foot fetishist and he's like Hey, I can just pretend to be some kind of doctor who can help people with they're falling arches. At the whole time, mom, totally in defeat exactly, just getting off on that, you know, like yeah, let me touch your arch. Oh, your heel feels weird. Let's try this pad over here, you know, I've got something to push in your toes and like, Hmm, you're in eleven triple e. Oh yeah, I think you need a twelve, eleven triple e. that's like the what? Thirty eight double D of Thirty Eight Double D of feet. That's right, Spoush so so tell us that. While you're on the subject, is splooshing. You know what's the most you ever splooshed and how has it ever gotten you in trouble? Well, I am a marathon masturbator. How he goes? Six hours or S S. So you run in a marathon and Masturbak. Hell Yeah, all right, hell, yeah, I do. They have that marathon coming to a couch near you. Now the one that got me the most in trouble well, right now. I was with my girlfriend in Virginia and and both of I, both of us, were both squirters. So we have to go to a hotel first off, because there's just too much of it to clean up. I mean, when you can almost short circuit your television, you just you have to do with somewhere else from now on. So we're, you know, doing our thing. We're getting Kinky, you know, we're getting really kinky with it, and I love spanking. If you didn't hear last the last episode, I enjoy being spanked and she thought it would be Kinky as hell to get my front license plate where we were just spanking each other, like over and over again. And now I'm thinking about it I've got to get my car inspected and I don't have my other license plate and I don't think I can get another set before it's time. I'll see you even so. Yeah,...

...failed inspection. Dude, splooshing, and you try to explain that to the guy at the DMV and he's like, I've heard it all, honey, but I had never heard that one. So I figured if I'm amusing enough and if I wore a good low top, they would totally believe that and I would just go ray through. And did you yes, I did. There you go. So you see a lowtop work sometimes, except for if you have balls and you where a low top. Oh, we and your balls just stick out anyway. I don't know where that came from, but yeah, just imagine balls and yet no. Well, I remember once upon a time when the the Romans was at the Romans, that they had those things called vomitoriums where you would eat so much that you could go into the room and you could throw up so you can go back and eat some more. Young yes, I believe so. I believe so. Yes, yeah, so is that debauchery or what? I don't know. I think you're in America, we just call this buffets. Oh yeah, golden corrals. What goes in must come out. Yeah, and then you just keep eating more because it's a buffet. And I've done that. Drinking, you know, I've hit my wall and I go outside, I get some fresh air, throw up, go back into the bar, and that's actually some debauchery to right there. I remember the Guy said to me. I ordered ten, ten co pilots at last call because I used to go to a bar. Let's take you back here. There's a bar called dirty francs and Philadelphia and when I first started going there, I celebrated my twenty one birthday there and got thrown out because I'd actually been drinking there for three years prior and they found out your twenty one. You've been drinking here for three years, buddy, get the heck out. But I ordered some co pilots and the bartender said to me if you drink all ten of those, they're on the house, and I see to remember doing that. So hey bartenders, if you're out there and you're offering ten free comic cozze's Co pilots, you know a last call, I'm your guy. I think I wanted all that send over. Send over something to me too. Now you are we were talking about those car bombs, dirty car bombs. What are those made out of? I don't think I've had a dirty car bomb, but I've had an Irish car bomb, which is, I believe, Irish. What is that? Oh Wow, I'm having like the biggest brain far right now. Oh, I heard it. I'M gonna have to rip this one up on the phone. God, it's not come right out of your ears. Here's carbon. I was so bombed I can't remember what the hell was made from. It's great. You know, you ever go into bar and like somebody's like here, have a drink, you know, have it. Well, I remember I used to go to a place called the Pine Street Beverage Room and there was this gruff bartender owner named Sally, and her favorite thing to do was was say would you like a Blowjob, but she meant a drink, drink, and everybody like yeah, yeah, sure, and then she charged you fifteen bucks for this stupid mixed drink. All right, so I'm back with the Irish car bombs. There's a story that goes with that. Okay, it was my friend John's birthday. We're all at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair. It was on a Saturday and afterwards we were going to the pub across the street and we all vowed not to have anything to drink until we got over to the pub. Well, bullshit. We also don't show up at Queen's Court Ten am beer in hand, so we already started drinking. So by time we get over to the pup we're all kind of like slashed anyway. So everybody's like hey, you want to do an Irish car bomb? Yeah, what the hell, let's do it. So has Bailey's Irish cream, Irish whiskey and Guinness Beer, and it's like you drop that shot...

...written to the beer and you chug that down. I well, I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it, but damn it, I put my mind to it and I finish with everyone else. It was awesome. And then the next day my friend and I we ended up in the parking lot the renaissance fair and were like, how the hell did we get here? Dude, we even go home last night. So there's debaucher at the Renaissance Fair. I had never thought that. He the good old days then really the good old days. I think we talked about this last time. I'm not for those car bombs because you take, like say, a hundred year old Bush mills and you take some that Ambrosia called Bailey. So some people like it, some people don't. But then you take a wonderful stout called Guinness, which builds strength, by the way, and you know, I'd rather have all three of those separately and then sip them to my heart's content, because it took longer to make that whiskey then it. You know, I think it deserves more respect than slamming it down mixed with a bunch of other stuff. But I know people like those. I mean I don't do them every day and in fact I think that's probably the last time that I had one, which was over a decade ago, but it's like I remember it. But what I like to do, I love Bailey tire scream and I love savoring it. Yes, and it tastes wonderful on top of vanilla ice cream and tastes great on the rocks. SIP that on a warm day. But I also can remember doing shooters with beer cans when I was young. I remember we went to weekend at my friend's house and we couldn't find any weed. So we bought like sixteen cases of beer to get us through the night and we were doing these shooters where we would we would poke a hole in the bottom of the CAN, hold it up to our lips, rip the cord on the top there and it would just slow, you know, slide down here. Now that night we set fire to the place. We took photos of people. The next night we found weed. It was like you could hear crickets. So if you ever want to have a good party, you should get sixteen cases of beer and it can't open her and do shooters all night. You won't remember anything, but you might have some photographic evidence and you might just burn down into place. That's debauchery. It happens. You know, some of the best stories you know have alcohol and fire to them. Yeah, I think alcohol separates you from your actual self so that you kind of floating up there looking at this person, going who is that and what are they doing? And I would never do that otherwise. Like, I remember this one time again, this one time at band camp now actually up. It was over our friend Melissa's House and she always has these awesome bonfires and everything. This is back. I think I drove like in one thousand nine hundred and ninety two Lincoln town car. Those things were beasts. Right now, I was like, well, I'm gonna pull into our driveway because it was one of the big ones. So I'm like, let me turn in and pull my car so it's facing outward so I know what way to go home. I. So we're drinking and drinking and drinking. It's like time goes by, you know, people are falling over. It's like it's not you know. It's like me and my fiance were like okay, let's let's go home. I think we've had enough. So we get there and it looks like the car is parked in between like seven different trees and we're like this is some x file shit right here, like how the hell did the Lincoln get between here? So now it's like totally drunk and trying to figure out how to get this car out. So finally get the car out, we get hum everything's great. Next Day I'm out going to the craft store. I wasn't hung over anything. I'm on my way the craft door. Bam, don't like get rear ended and my car is total. I'm like son of a I would remember having a Beautiful Mattleb of Chevy Mal but I just love that car. And we would go to basically the college campus where we were drink so much that the cops would drive through a ten o'clock in the morning at ten o'clock at night and if you were in the wrong spot you would get hit with flying bottles as...

...we all tried to throw away the evidence. But we went to a restaurant. was about two o'clock in the morning. We got there and it couldn't find my friend. Well, we knew we brought him. We were sitting out there waiting to see where he was. We saw a look of horror on these people's faces on the other side of the restaurant because they were basically watching my friend throw up all over my car from one end of the other. Now I didn't think anything of it, but I get to tell you, folks, vomit will strip the paint off your classic car like nobody's business. The next day there was psychedelic patterns and everybody said what the Hell happened to your car? He said, Oh, we did that on purpose. Oh my gosh, I can't. I mean I can imagine like trying to get seamen out of like car interior, but like vomit, like off of a paint job, forget it. Like semen is definitely easier to clean up. I mean that's just from experience. Well, we just invited everyone over to throw up over the rest of the car so that I would even a very nice yeah, I mean that's community coming together. It's right, you know. And as far as the seeming in the car, you get those rubber mats, you're pretty much covered. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, except for one that asked when the person misses the rubber eye thing and hits the you know carpet in there. Well, I just say when I'm driving and that's happening in the back seat and I get hit with it, Oh yeah, right in the eye. I know that Shit Burns to hell. Yeah, IT WS and meat. Now when women, like when I squirt and everything, that is like soft as hell, like it will not burn you, it will not sting you like it feels so damn good, like my body feels better after like spooshing all over myself. Yeah, but like seamen is a candies it poison. You know, someone with God let down others, to give you a restraining order if you even get a drop on right. I know exactly. And if you do that, you know outdoors in the summertime, that shit dries up. You know, it's it's killer. It's why we need to have a coalition to determine these important issues in our life, seeming candy or poison. Hey, please, somebody get on that. Okay, I'm sure you can get a grant to investigate that. Like swallowing. Yes, anywhere else. No, I want to hear more about debauchery at Renaissance Fairs. To me, renaissance fairs are full of Nerds, you know, who like to talk like they're in some kind of bad Shakespearean play. But now you're telling me you got my interest peaked. Here there's actually debauchery going on, and with a big giant Turkey leg in your hand, what the Heck's going on? It to I got to hear more about but this way. Okay. The Turkey leg is like the hot dog of Renaissance Time. Yeah, there is no Turkey meat on that thing right. It's been smoked so solid as one of the drumstick Oh my God, it's not even there's no Turkey. If it in it's literally crap thrown together and morphed. That's how you get the giant Turkey legs. I want to go be the rats on a stick salesman. Rats on a stick, rats on a stick. You know, it's funny. Actually it's not funny. One time I made the village cry. He just kept walking back and forth and he has like the sad stuffed animal. I might have been a rat, I can't remember. I know I tortured the rat catcher to so I might be mixing up my stories, but anyway he's like you drag the said stuffed animal behind him and I looked at the sheriff, who's played by a female this one year, and I looked over her and she gave me the nod and I went and I stepped on the string that broke it from the poor stuff to animal and the village idiot literally started to cry, and then I got in trouble. I was like, but the sheriff made me do it, but you know, it was all in good time. So I mean I like the honey and there definitely are some sad nerds at the Renaissance Fair. Yeah, okay, sad ones and then there are some really good...

...times. I mean, I love it. I'm hoping to be back from my eighth season with the New Jersey Renaissance Fair. I'm hoping to yeah, yeah, some hierarchy of Bawling to, you know, like the village idya, can't fuck the queen. You know what's going on there and I think a lot of people have had the queen. Know not if you're listening, Queeny, my number is six hundred and nine. There's a lot of queens that do the Renaissance Fair. There's all kinds of Queens. Okay, all kinds the queen's so, I mean there might be one. This is probably it's probably a true story, but I know the last one that played queen at the New Jersey Renaissance Fair. She's a sweetheart. Actually, she has a show coming up soon. It's Romeo and Juliet. I will have more details on that somewhere posted. But yes, yes, but yes, I need to anyway, debaucher the Renaissance Fair. Yes, more debauchery at the renaissance when I first started going there and everything and I made friends and there was this couple and they wanted to get to know me during the whole season. So, you know, we walked around, the husband escorted me here and there. You know, I spent some time shopping with the wife. And then this one time at finale, that's where everybody gathers at one of the stages and there's like usually a sing along and everybody's happy and everything. It's the end of the day, the whole story wraps up, so it's like we're sitting on the bench, you know, waiting for things to happen, and I'm usually like in a hoop skirt, which you can do a lot of things under hoop skirt, by the way, and he looked at me and I looked at him and before you know it I was on top of him and his wife was right next to me and we're kind of having our own little three way there, which was amazing too, because she was actually getting off because she up this dragon thing and her bodice, but the dragon went all the way down, the dragon piece went all the way down and it was a penis at the end of it. So she was getting off with that. And now mean it sounds like a two and a halfway there. Well, no, we were doing some kissing and some play. Okay, that actually I was using that on her, and then friend of mine that worked at the Renaissance Fair, she came over. She's like like what the hell are you doing, because she notices something fuckery like. So I just I just grabbed her by the waist and had her on my lap. The whole beat down a little bit so look obvious. So my hands slipped into her costume and I was giving her some, you know, some Nice fingering and everything, and we had like this whole forsome going on, like right in the middle of finale. And then afterwards my friend who introduced me to the Mary couple, she's like, did that just really happen? And I was like, indeed it did. I was like, and I would do it again in a heartbeat, that you have to still keep you stupid English accent, though. Yeah, but this was after okay, gods like everyone to the orgy tent Ha. It's like here we go, my first force, you know, and then attendance was up the next year as a result. Pretty much right. I mean we definitely made some love stains on this one bench that is still there. I'm not going to name it, but yeah, if you're ever around me and you find out that I'm visiting other fairs, HAH, fine, me with. There's of debenchery exactly. There's more than just wood on that bench. And here's the stain, this foul stain shall never be yeah, it was from his seamen that made the stain, not my sploosh. Actually, I didn't learn how splosh in to my s so it's like how I learned how sploosh. There might have been a bigger stain, but the seamen definitely said into the bench. So that was pretty much his, his spot, out final spot, and we...

...have all way home covered. And seemen. Yeah, that's the new Shakespearean played. By the way, kept didn't seamen from head to toe where for up to seamen in my shoe. Now that's definitely a sticky situation right there. Well, I don't know how you were ever going to actually go to act to their fucking renaissance bear after these stories, because I'm gonna wait a minute her. That was her. She's banned band for life. I get that a lot. Actually, okay, I do. I'm a cosplayer and I do a lot of conventions and I was at this one and they had me in this room where this guy was selling, you know, whips and things like that, and I was like, Oh, this is going to be a great weekend. So it's like I'm talking to him now, I know him, and he looks at me like maybe five minutes he looks up at my face and he's like, oh my gosh, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on. Yes, because when can I used to go up to the the aviary up in Philly a lot where there's a lot of, you know, kinky things and everything in demonstrations and things like that for people that want to get more into it, and that's why he's like, wait a minute. It's like I totally know you. You know. It's like I've whipped you before. Having a yeah, sounds like that was a great weekend. And it was a great weekend because he was selling these new floggers and they are just amazing. Get Thee to the whippery. Now some people just sell kinky stuff. They don't do the whole accent the Renaissance Fair. Now, this was a cosplay event. Okay, I'm getting my events, but still it's like that room at night and twenty end of that room by the end of that night we were like all right, we're just going to go pants less. This is going to be the twenty one and upper room. It was awesome. That's how great cosplay stories are made, and we're hoping to get a sponsorship from those people. That was the convention that I kept trying to get thrown out of it. Every time I tried something else, the the event owner would just be cracking up. He's like, you're like a reverse lucy and try it. Instead of trying to get into a show, you're trying to get out of a show. Right. I was like, damn it, like nothing worse. Just straighten up. Yeall I had to do was be straight. It's like it was another it was another run in with an idiot, but he was a professional idiot and I didn't know who was a professional idiot. And so it's like I have my Bazuoka and he launches like an apple and like almost kill somebody in the elevators. It opened. It was awesome, you know. I was like, okay, great, I'M gonna get kicked out. No, that's apple, it's not. It work. But he was like you just don't give anything else to the professional idiot. I was like, I didn't know who was a professional at the time. You know, you can get hard to greet, idiot. It's hard to keep track. Not like they teach common sense in school, that's for sure. DOOP, because a lot of people would flunk that class. I know of most of them. Why are you looking at me? I wasn't. I was looking at the love sign there on the wall. Love Dreams, hopes, hopes and debauchery. Now, while we're on the subject, what subject are we on? Exactly, on debauchery, but it just keeps getting yeah, it's like into kinky stuff and we're talking about cars and vomiting and yeah, wow, wow, when we when we go off script, I mean it gets really, really weird. Herd, I know, right. And it says it doesn't get dark though. That's okay, you know, we'll go there some other day, I guess. By the way, after that whole renfare thing, I did jump up and down and I didn't become pregnant, so it actually Oh, that one does actually work. That and the guy had of a sectomy. Probably I'm not...

...the only one that they probably scoped out that season. You know, hey, dog, cut it I'm going to the vast sectomy tent. We are not. They're saying any babies and they're taking my chokie leg with me. Save the Boone. That's right, a stiff one later. Well, speaking of stiff one, we do we are really looking for a way to soften our image and it's not working. It's just not working. Now I could give up the booze, I guess, because I tend to be surly. That's my word of the year, especially when I'm drinking gin. For some reason, when I drink beer it just makes me feel ten foot thick, but some reason that Genti makes me one evil bastard, and I don't know why. What is it about gin that might make me worse off than, say, some vodka or, you know, maybe that Tequila night? I guess the Tequila night. You just don't remember. But that GIN is a is like makes me hmm, just like HMM, come over here and I'll tell you a nose off and then I'll have a double. I like when the guy goes, what would you like to drink? I'm like, you know, I'll have rum. Oh. Would you like a Roman coke? Yeah, no, I'll have rum oh, rum, on the rocks. No, just pour some fucking rum in a glass and handed to me. I'm a big boy, Goddamn it. Don't you know? I hate my um straight. Speaking of Rum and Renaissance Fairs, we're never getting out the renaissance back. This one guy, Josh, had a watch it, though. I don't think you're going to be working any more renaissance fairs if you keep it up. They know I have eight million personas and they know me already. That's not that same girl. I play the Duke Sister. If they know him, they know me, and he would. He does the same damn thing, except for male stuff, man. But anyway, so this one time at Ren Fair I was camping up on the hill and this Guy Josh, he had a bottle of cracking and of course we ended up splitting it, you know, around the fire and stuff like that, and then it's one of those stories like, okay, remember that time that we shared a bottle of rum on the hill? No, Josh, I don't remember. That's the problem. Hell, have I know, refract my memory? Did we pitch tense? Did we set things on fire? Did we catch that raccoon? Like, what the Hell went on? Up At that hill. I mean, I wasn't hungover anything, but I just couldn't remember any that's why pirates loved drum so much. Were any women on the ship? So if you had enough of it, you didn't remember the next day. But Rum and pirates, okay, let me go out. Okay, I broke free a little bit from the Renaissance Fair. I joined up with some pirates. And what do you mean, Smiley Pirates? This is just another fair where people are pretending to be pirates. Yeah, that one, that's other one. They joined up with some pirates and they are a really awesome bunch of people. And we get to this one show and of course our captain says, okay, now, don't drink out of anybody's flask because you don't know what they have in them. Five minutes later somebody offers us some good die for rum and of course we're all drinking out the flask, like not even five minutes later or for the time that we were going up to a show. I think it was in hoboken or something, and we're in the RV and we're doing shots on the way to the thing. All the best shows are in hoboken. I know, right, we're all going to die, so we might as well have a last drink. So it's like yes, so being a fire didn't work out because I didn't remember anything. But you know, I really like wrong. Remembered your ought to say ore. That's right. Members for Rome, the last time we were passing flasks. Everybody brought their own homegrown moonshine, and that got pretty wild too.

And now that's a that's a wonderful thing when you're drunk before like eleven o'clock in the morning, because it's pretty much you're going to have the best day your life. For the worst exactly. It's like no crazy day ever started off with like, okay, let's just drink and just chill out. No, that doesn't happen. Now I mean smoking weed and chill. Yes, Drinking, Oh, hell no, that's like the best time for stories to come up, and so I guess I'm we're with. The bottom line for us is that the best debauchery has to do with alcohol. Yes, yeah, most of it, although this one time at theater I was in this show. It was an all female, female burless show of the Rocky Hart Pictures Show, and we were like totally Kinky and for one day I was tied up, I think for about eight hours, and I didn't know who was coming to play with me, male or female, and it was just such an amazing rush. That's where I actually learned how to squirt. WHOO. So I tell if everybody knows the theater, if you ever go there, don't bring up black light. It's a bad damn idea. It's like when you could be, you know, right up on stage and it's like, Oh, yeah, we're you're going to be squirting today. It's like, okay, really, she's like this was in the renaissance. No, no, I swear it was like he wasn't the pirate thing. It was like being with like the king master Ninezero. It was great. It was the kink master Ninezero, because the Eightzero is obsolete exactly. The ninezero does the job, but coming soon the TENZERO. That's right, because nobody can wait for the next upgrade, upgrade in grade. It all gets in there and I'll well, we're if you're going to send us a grade on this program please be kind. You know, beauty here is throwing out some real intense vibrations that she wants you to know that it's okay to be debauched if you know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing, your Congress Ha, I'm gonna say. If you don't know what you're doing, find me and we'll figure it out together. See, and where you going to get a better offer than that on any fucking podcast? Huh? Joe Rogan ain't doing that, and Noope is a king in the sting. But we love them all. In fact, they inspire us to do better in our job, which adds not sinking in though I don't think. I mean is anything really sinking, and I mean beside. Yeah, US, the country, but you know, beside the island I live on is sinking into the ocean? Is it is indeed. But as far as my thick head no, I have an extra about eighth them an inch up there. I know this for a fact because, you know, I've been hitting the head with many objects that should have probably killed me, but they did not and as a result, I'm here to podcast with you. So that's your story, right. Yeah, well, you know, I'm trying to think back long time ago, when I was a stud or thought I was. I guess the most. Like you know, you, you go for these marathon masturbation sessions. But the I one day wanted to see how many, you know, women I could bag in a twenty four hour period. And I was lucky to go to an art school, so wasn't too hard to hook up. But you know, the challenge was on. And this is...

...long before I met my sweetheart, and you know so I do remember that. I think my record is for for different women over the course of twenty four hours, and my pecker is still intact. Who? Because they were all young and fresh back then. You know that you do that these days and I don't know. I don't know if you're going to get through the next week or two, but you know, you could always come out to one of the open nights at the Strip club and see if you get lucky. Yes, and always every year, you should get yourself tested. Get yourself tested now, that way you don't harm yourself or others. Get Your eyes tested and when you get really old, go get your driver's license tested again, because some of those people do not belong on the road. No, they do not. Know. Actually, the girl that rerended me and my Lincoln. Yeah, like I had like a Pristine Lincoln and she like totally wrecked it. That was her fourth car that she totaled in a year. Yeah, I don't think she's even driving anymore. It's like, yes, I did, you know. I felt bad for her, but at the same time I'm like, yeah, maybe she shouldn't be on the road. Our insurance comment doesn't feel bad. She's got like an eight thousand dollar a month premium right now. I know, I know exactly it's like, but yeah, it's like, yes, some people just should not be on the rule. I got a big old Cadillac I drive now. It's got steel beams in it and anybody hits it there basically their car deser's integrates and I just have to polish off the bumper. That's right. You could drive my car through someone's house if you were so inclined. Wow, just keep that in mind out there when you're sending us hate mail, because we will ram you, and not in the good way. Yeah, and a debauched, renaissance fair kind of way, with a Turkey legon one in hand and a hoop skirting the other, and somewhere where you'll have to look for that pickle. That pickle, that stuff with Mozzarella cheese and deep fried so comes out like a piece of coal. I don't know what it is about pickaus. I think I'm going to start a pickle blog. You know. There go. Yeah, you know yourself, pickle man, rate them on crispness hour versus the Swede. I've been around. I've had pickles everywhere, you know, just like some guys eat hot wings everywhere. Coming up, Renaissance Fair, part eighty seven and a half. More debauchery from folks with phony English accents and you can check out beauty at what? Tell us the details of the RENFARE that you're gonna tend is it? Is it fair with an e on the end of the word? God, I have an audition for the season yet, but you normally you can find me at the New Jersey Renaissance Fair, okay, which runs at the end of May and the beginning of June. And you're going to run these podcasts after the audition, right, yes, yeah, right, no, after this one, I'm totally quitting. Here you go. I'm a quitter and I'm not. I'm spitting. Not a quitter. Fair with an e. just that alone makes f still I tear. It's like it's not a fair. Okay, it's a fair with an aim. exactually, it's not the word old, it's old with an e. That makes it older. That's right, older, and Kink here this is he is silent. Otherwise it would be a fairy and then that would cut the population down, I think. Well, actually know they have these things called fairy fast so totally wouldn't kill the fairies at all. God, this Shit I learned from beauty. Hey, you need to get out more, and like I mean literally outside more. Fuck that.

There's a sun out there in the wind and there's weather, and who needs that? Weather, weather, vitamin D? I mean please. You're like no, you know, I used to cosplay the joker and have to put the you know, pancake makeup on. Now I just don't go outside for a few months and you don't need to do any makeup. Oh and I'm back on that subject. According to beauty folks, cosplay is not consent. So we're waiting here from Michael Mike. We want to hear that opposing point of view. And if you're out there and you like to dress like sailor moon, my number is six hundred and nine. Now I'm not going to tell you. Hey, you know what, maybe some day, maybe, sad right, maybe, maybe we might have a number at some point. But yeah, Ye, start taking calling. Yeah, exactly. No, mightn't be a nine hundred. Oh wait, sire, wrong show. Do you need a friend? I'll be your friend. I'll swipe your card and agree with anything you say. My nine hundred number would be like, yes, you've reached beauty. How May I please you? The worst that's wipe your card. We only charged by the minute, so we talked very slow speaking of minutes, the minutes have flown by again. I'm beast and I'm beauty, and we got that backwards. Go ahead, I'm beauty and I'm beast. Check us out on the web at www showcom.

In-Stream Audio Search


Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (73)