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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 29 · 2 years ago

Episode 29 - Clean

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to Episode 29 - Clean....the Clean episode....we tried. we made it through some check points and talked about some upcoming events. Don't judge us, we'll judge you! 

Welcome to the Beauty and the Beast Show! Beauty and the Beast is a show with comedian, Kristine Knowlton (Beauty) and an ex-comedian Mark Hills (Beast) coming together to make and create a show about nothing and everything in between! Please sit back and enjoy some of their best comedic diarrhea! Disclaimer: For best results play the whole show backwards with the sound completely turned off.

Check them out on the web: https://beautyandthebeastshow.com/

Direct all hate mail to: beautyandthebeastshow69@gmail.com

Coming to you almost live from lakeside. I'm beauty, I'm beast, and welcome to episode number twenty nine. Twenty Nine, oh my gosh, we are about to enter the S. I thought it was ninety two. We were up to hall dyslexic, it's twenty nine. I'm so disappointed. Now twenty nine. I was like ninety two. That's like three years worth of stuff. I think your math is completely off, but I think we've all had one of those days. Year's decades, quarantines, like everything under the Sun. Pretty much. I ever said my mouth was good to start with. Me Either. Me, and I'm twenty nine. Still Hell, yeah, yeah, hell to the yeah. So tonight's episode we are doing something completely different. What's that? Well, actually, I'm not different, but we are going to be clean this episode. We're going to try and stay clean this episode. Not Drop any FBOMBS. NOPE, no FBOMBS. Yeah, we'll talk about all clean subjects. No crazy sex talk or fetishes or drug references. I don't know, maybe some drug references? Yeah, maybe a couple. I mean some clean drug references in there. Look at me, I have that outs or water here. Yeah, in the spirit of it all, rather than the Jack Daniels I usually toss back during our podcasting exactly. It's like I'm over here drinking water. I feel like a fish right now, you know, just soaking in the water. If alcohol would be these I'd make the Ice Cubes out of the Jack Daniels to people do that. People actually do that. I didn't think they that it froze. Oh wait, maybe it's not. I'm thinking of something else. Maybe I'm thinking of Cocacola and the Colota Ice Cube's name. There we go, there we go. Those are something freezes. But yeah, that would be awesome if they could get Jack Daniels to freeze into ice cubes, whoop, rather than just wave it over them. I know that's like heny alcohol extreme is a have some Jack Daniels popsicles on a hot summer day. It. So what's important these days about being clean is that we're still in this stupid pandemic, the pandemic nightmare continue. They one million and forty three and it's thinking. I'd get Christina bus and center out on a cosplay caravan tour. Hell, yeah, yeah, we'd have ten shows all over the country and get people to dress up and socially distance I am totally up for that. I won't over anything. Yes, yes, back the car, let's go just about anywhere. We go to, though, we have to quarantine for fourteen freaking days. Fourteen days, that's right. It's like. What do we do for fourteen days? Same thing we did for the last fourteen in the fourteen before that. Nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing but sting, clean, THY clean, washing your hands. Today I went shopping, as I sometimes do. I go first thing in the morning, which is awesome. There's nobody there and I went into use the bathroom, and I will say that...

...since covid nineteen, the water in the men's room at retail change across the country is actually hot enough to actually make a difference anymore. You used to have to stand there twenty minutes later you still couldn't get even a lukewarm water out of the thing. It's like your piss was warmer than the wonder saying I was this because of course, God forbid anybody burn themselves on your hot water in your bathroom, they're going to get sued, I guess. Well, now, finally the water is warm enough to make a damn more at the difference. And I always said Damn, that's as clean I know I got. Thought, Huh, I slipped and said Piss by accident. Wow, I think that's one of the bad yeah, slang for P P, P, PP, that's right. PP. Okay, got caught there. You know. It was that like five minutes in. And the thing is too, that the formal liquid is pep, but the thing it comes out of his also the PP. That's the problem with the English language. We're all habitually confused. One word meets ten freaking things and spelled nine hundred different way. We're ten words mean the same thing and they too are all spelled different ways. Like did you know daughter and laughter or spelt the same, but they don't sound the same. As a million like words like that in English language, I know. And then when you know, like there's a silent are or an L or and MN, you know, you group the MM's together, you know, like what I mm's together. That to him. I used to know. I used to know a manager at a newspaper and she was losing her mind and when they finally fired her they found that s it's been spending hours color sorting her pushpins or MM's, anything in her life that had different colors in it. She sorted it out in her office while the whole company was crashing and burning around her. But all her pushpins were neatly filed and color coded, and so we're MMS. She actually had I don't know how many different colors of MM's are actually are, but she had a dish for each one and instead of buying all one color, filling the dish. Yes, she spent her days sorting the colors. That's my kind of woman. who want to eat him after? She sorted them out anyway, and right one of them. I hope she cleaned her hands. I don't want to touch your YEMM's you've been handling. Look, a red one, MMM. And then where that's? Your prints were all at the scene of the crime. Yeah, yeah, analyze these MM's. I'm sure they'll point the way to the killer. What? Don't eat them? Oh, don't eat them. Go only you don't know where they ever know. I have analized it was evidence. Forensics investigator. Are you get out the MM serial killer in the as degree from captain, crunch back up a box, send away. If we are forensic investigator, degree, yes, the good old days, right, crime scene evidence the good old days, when all you had to do was buy a box of cereal and fill out the back and band. There you go. either. Yeah, you can fits and fifty cents in a box top somewhere and you'd get a tank. Would come back into man then, like I said, the good old days. Yeah, you can our submarine with too box tops and a dollar caven forty two ship separate shipments and yeah, to Sembil in your backyard. But it was an actual nuclear submarine and it was worth it. It was well worth it. That's right. Dad was all skeptical. Huh, they'll never send you a nuclear submarine for a dollar. Want. He's like, what are...

...we going to do with this thing now, son, see dad say, dreams can come true. That's right. This is America. Eat Cereal and get stuff eats there. I don't know how the Hell I just like tipped off Cirie. Oh she I said the AH double hockey stuff. What is wrong with me? Where's listening to us? Yeah, I don't know what to that all you word. I'm like, oh my gosh, it's like it's like Seri. Yeah, what up? Of course you won't come on now, but I make a confession here. At at the holidays, I was given a Google mini by a friend of mine who I doubt is listening. That's how I know we're still friends and that he gave me a google mini. And I don't want this thing, I really don't. But it's a Christmas present, so of course you have to say thanks a lot and you have to you have to deal with it. So I'm like, what am I gonna do with this thing? And the very first day I even set it up as I gotta forget this, forget about it. So I gave it to my buddy and he loves this thing and he's asking it all kinds of stuff. History of rock and roll, what's the weather like? Who won the game last night? So it's his new best friend and, God love me, can have it. I do not want one of these things, but I guess some people like like. So what do you do with Sirie? Most of the time you schedule your calendar with it. I do nothing with serious. It's just on listening to you. Only whatever we want to look up something weird or if we want to see if Sirie will say, you know, some dirty stuff coming back. Oh, so there you go. So sirie could curse on the show. We would not be held responsible. Then we would not be cursing. We would have a clean show and it would be Siri would be the one who would mess it up. That is true. That is true, but I think series a bit too clean because they have kids that try to operate all their parents stuff and she won't say any curse words. What's maybe at the end will say something to see if she'll say it back. What's the worst that the series ever said? Probably if you're looking up like adult content, and she will say it back the way how you said it. Just repeat what you said. Let's repeat it. So just that's not exactly this really far. It's not really, not really fun. Now it's not fun for adults, but I mean I get that. I get that. Your friend, you know, he likes it. Why? It has something like that, like one of the Google things or whatever, and she really likes it. She liked if she wants to play a song or something like that, I'll go in and play a song or right. You know he's into that. Yeah, yeah, maybe not. Everybody's like all glued into their phone and tablets and computer and stuff like that. Well, you can't really read. He has he has learning disability, intellectual disability, yes, severe dyslexia, and so now he's actually connected to things because he can search the web and do stuff he couldn't do because just can't read. Well, there's some good of it. Yeah, there you go. That's good. It's like people. It does help him. It's really funny because he's always calling me. Now you know what happened today and rock and roll history and so. But the other part of that, the downside of that, which is the fact that a lot of stuff he knows you learned from movies and you're not. Both know how true they all are, right to the shitty. Tells you about how us. Oh, I said a bad word. I said Mare to day, poop, poop, poop, poop. So I have to get okay. So what does it say? What that? How far are we into this?...

That that big thing on the wall is like since day, since the last injury, minutes, since the last curse word. I think those like three minutes. It's the top. It's really tough these days. Is I mean I think we've never even I think we've had a word almost every like three to five minutes. Already. But and we haven't. We haven't really dropped any real no, nothing's sandy arey ones, and so maybe it's easier than we think and we can keep it up at least another three minutes. Three minutes, three minutes. Can we go three minutes? Let's see. The clock is now at forty nine minutes. I know how to do it. The Queen not talk for three THY minutes. Just go to music. Silence. God, that science. People tune out. Then there. Yeah, there's some stupid little they want to play some stupid song. There you three minutes long? There's got to be one. Let's see. Hey, Sirie, can you play a song that's three minutes long? Sorry, I couldn't find three minutes in your music. Oh, she wants to play song that's called three minutes. There even they're so s art serie, you're a little too smart for your own good girl. I know that that one didn't work, but I think in time will be advanced enough where we will have a little music here and there, little music into the show? I don't know, because there's always that trademark copyright stuff you got to deal with. That's why I use that mixed cloud supposedly they pay royalties and I doubt that that's true. That there's always at least I can say that. They say it, so I get out. That's how I sleep at night. HMM. Now, meanwhile I am still pirrating the being music off of Youtube. So there is that. It's not like I buy the the MP threes and download them and then play them on my radio show. Not For me. You're like, Nope, I'm stealing on the right guy. For me, I think you have to be aware of is that one of them will come in and go blow you speakers off the wall and then the next one you can't even barely hear it. So there's no consistency on Youtube. Damn that Youtube. It's like, Oh, and we don't. I said, Damn that. Come on, that's pretty clean stuff. That's like two and a half and that's that's nothing. That's damn, doesn't knock, damn, doesn't count. A damns a wall that holds back water. There we go, that Damn Dyke Ha it really I prefer the beaver dam the beaver damn. I prefer the hoover wine, because your hoovering over it, hoovered, hoovered, she and that's another thing you could always do is drop those clean words into mean. That's there. Yeah, dirty things said. Clean Hoover, Dam ever, damn good. Now that does it? Does that mean she housed him, not housed hoover? Difference? Well then, I think of hoover and I think of vacuums. Exactly, I think of sucking. So that's right, you get that, and that's another good thing. Vacuums Clean Ding, Ding, Ding. They provide pleasure and they clean. They provide pleasure to a very small minority of people. Let's face it, even the maytag repair man's like not in the vacuum cleaners. Vacuum cleaners are good for you got to get the wet dry one for working at the porno store. That is true. That's a cleans up the glitter and it also cleans up the other stuff, the bodily fluids, the sticky stuff. That's three am.

Nobody wants to step in that. Not that I ever worked in a porno store at three am. My luck, my shoes would totally get stuck there and I would just leave them there and they would just become part of the property years and everyone else's shoes. I know it's all going that one booth right, you lose your shoes. Shoes sticky situations. So what's on your agenda in terms of performances? We're all looking forward to September nineteen and Smithville art walk and rockabilly event. WHOO, whoo. Yeah, fans for the price of one to events for the price of none, because it's free. I was just gonna say that. Yeah, she was gonna say that. Huh, you got me there, you clean me up. So she's gonna be there as selling her art. Right, yes, that was you gonna be doing all. I think I'm going to make up some more mini mummies, because they really sell out fast. I mean ocean city can last year. They went whoo right out the door. I know something that'll sell, and I know this because Mike. People are always asking Mike Form. Golden Douche awards. Golden Douche? Yeah, you just go get some of that Badgis or whatever that do. She isn't he spray paint gold? People give them to other like you get this Golden Douche award, the Golden Douche a war. That's awesome. Yeah, they're easy enough to make. I guess I go to the dollar store. Sure, grab a hold on all day long. They probably have a four pack at Walmart for like three bucks. I need to find extra. Sala has a good markup. He could do the douchees. I mean about like like horror themed douches. I saw. This is the thing that really made my day was to see the fact that that that person spent twenty five I'm basically an old baby doll that somebody had done a clown treatment on. HMM, had I think they pasted hair to its chest and arms and put it in a soiled diaper. Twenty five bucks on on Ebay. Yeah, whatever the hell it is. That about it. I've seen this before and I've seen them. I know one girl that also does comedy. She paints them like Gothic and everything. He gets like old porcelain dolls and you know, just like the heads and everything, the statues and whatever. She does that and she sells them for like twenty five, thirty, forty bucks. And then my good friend Horror Show Jack, if you're in the area or you're looking for some fangs, he also does custom fangs, but he also does like custom, you know, dolls and everything, and he makes the stuffed animals look like Jason and Freddy and Michael Myers and the really amazing. And Yeah, he sells them. I believe they're twenty five and up. I just thought of the idea of finding some old baby doll out of garage sale for a buck. Lasting crown paint on it make it look like it died, and I get twenty five bucks for that. Yeah, that's ridiculous. They eat it up, like I think probably one of the best places to go. Well, besides the yard sales and everything, which I'm glad that people are having ard sales during the pandemic. You definitely get them cheap there. I know that they had a whole bunch of like porcelain dolls and doll stuff at the one thrift store in Hammonton on the White Horse Pike. They always have some awesome stuff in there, like that's like one of the biggest ones that I go to. I think you now maybe also, I've seen a lot of people taking old religious statues and making them into zombies. Yes, yes, Sammy Jesus on the Cross, twenty five dollars. Yep, you're just like your card. Oh, I swiped it twice of I swiped its six hundred sixty six times. Yes, yeah, to change as the people love that stuff they do and...

...they, I know a lot of people, like the obscure things and things that you wouldn't normally find. I mean that's what's so great. Like I love I love doing the Smith of an art walk because everybody is like so unique and so different. They're like it's great, like not two people have like the same thing, like everything is like completely different, and I just the most wonderful thing about it is to show you the complete and utter disregard people have for copyrights. They will rip off anybody, any style, any popular character, no licensing involved. It's amazing to me. I love the Mashup ones too, where they take two of the most popular characters on the market and Mash them up into one and then they don't care copyright. What's that? The same thing that'll protect your work someday? Ha, we don't need no stinking yet, no protection. No, we don't need no protection. We to steal anything we want now. Oh Yeah, hell yeah, that's the way the ball bounces. I mean when I was going to the school for like graphic design and stuff like that, and we did like a whole thing, you know, on copyright and things like that. If you take an image and if you tweak it just a hair, it becomes your image and then like that's how people get away with you stop. Well, the thing is sealing for years and years. When you take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph and Tweak it, now it's yours. Yeah, okay. Well, about the guy that made like a million dollars selling other people's instagram photos like that was like pure genius. He did get busted though, in the end, but he made some mad money off of that. It's like wow, what is this trend with women getting naked for dollars on these services? Pretty funny some of these cosplayers. You know straight up that there's all these guys paying good money to see bad that girl with her top off, ha ha. That's like wow, that's, you know, like twenty five hours a month kind of stuff, and they'll send you the eight and the eight by ten if you want, like yeah, I'm gonna collect those. It's like hell to the yeah, hells. Oh, yeah, where's your where's your stream of income? Where have you found your niche yet? Guys, you want to see top US that are willing pay thirty five hours a month for it. Yep, all right. I remember this one cosplayer who's still under the age of eighteen. Uh Huh. Contact is several male cosplayers and male people that she met at conventions and said, Hey, you want to buy my nudes, like like Oh my God, like it was like totally shocking and everything. And I know one of my really good friends, her husband, got the message from this person and he's like, are you insane? It's like, first off, you're under eighteen and absolutely not. And because he's like that is something like the cosplay community should not be doing, like please do not do that. Please do not contact people like that and try to sell your nudes. Like Wow, well, you know about these things. Is there some kind of super hero pornography? That's everybody dress and Batman is Banging Catwoy? I said, that's all funny, Daddy, but it's like when you know like somebody and they come up to you and like or just send it through like facebook, and you're like what, like what it's like? We buy my nude for thirty you know, it's like I've got more, I can send some every week. You know, if you just give me your cash APP or whatever. You know. It's like what like? We'll put it on reoccurring schedule. Oh, speaking of which,...

...did you get your venmos squared away for your comedy tickets sales? What the fuck? Yes, Oh God, I got it. Did you hear what I just said? The F bomb. How far are we into this? We are over a half hour. Okay, so I can go thirty minutes without saying yeah, Bob, that's good. Thirty minutes is good and right, because normally I don't have to speak to anyone for thirty minutes. Anyway, I known that not a time. Like what? That's time. That's right, it is you, lially whatever. Okay, yeah, they tuned me apt yeah, I'm talking about twenty minutes now, markets enough. Excuse me, beast, it's like enough is not enough. Real name. I said my real name. What is it? I can't remember. I can't remember either, mostly because, like I'm on a Benagerial high right now. What the heck is that? I had to go to the hospital on Saturday for what I had, I guess something I ate. I had a allergic reaction, like my head swelled up, like it was like one giant hive, like I thought it was going to bust. It felt like it was burning inside and out, like I was kind of Itchy and everything, and I went in and usually, like they'll just give me, you know, a Benadral shot right in the Bumb, you know, and you know, put bandaid on and shove me out the door, but this time, I guess, because my head, like my face, was like completely right, like not like fever or anything. It was one giant hive and like I had, you know, some all my arms, like my chest, my back, everything was like completely read and they ended up like putting like a line in my arm and everything, and they injected two very big vials of Benadril and then they also added in another large vial of what's those things called? I can't think of it right now, but it was like the good drugs, and it was it was really nice because I was like totally high and flying for a while because if anybody knows me, the most I ever take her like to a leave and that's like maybe a month. So it's like all these drugs like in me, and then they came out with like this big sack of fluid that they put inside me and I'm like Whoa, like they had me hooked up to a drip for like, I think six hours, like it was crazy. I don't where the hell was I going with this story? Well, what was it that triggered it? I have no I think it was allergic reaction, like I must have touched onions or something. Or I know Mike had a salad with onions on it and then later in the day we were like, I guess he didn't wash his hands and keep clean, because you know how, like you're with your loved one, you're just playing and you're like wrestling around, and I believe it was in his skin and that got on my skin and that's what caused it. And I was like something, you just touching onion, touch you and send you the hospital. Pretty much pretty it's like I'm pretty sure that's what it was like. It was bad. It wasn't can't tell people that. That's like your that's your Kryptonite, I know. and Wa ha ha ha, and we're gonna find out. So sell defeat her with the onion yellow, onion yellow, purple, the Dail. Yeah, Dad, Dad, damn us, every color of the rainbow. We are taking her down. That's right. And if that doesn't work, we have onion powder. Onion powder, I'm actually okay with what it's really not made with. That's how stupid our bodies are, I guess it we I know it's crazy, like I could probably eat like a funion, but I can't lucky likes. It's like weird. It's like choose something onion. It was steroids that they had to give me. I was like, Holy Crap, Nice, holy crap, like I mean I'm talking about like probably an eight inch while of that stuff, like whoo. So I'm still and then they sent me home with like...

...three medications. I'm like, Whoa, Jeez, I so this is like my drug hogs was stupid. Onion? Possibly, no, probably, but that's okay, though. I've taken, I've gotten one of those DNA test. They give you all your health information as well, like I've actually sent out for that. It's like I'm waiting for those results to come back in to see what the hell else I'm allergic to and what I'm putting into my body and that I shouldn't be. Well. I can't wait to see the results of that. And you're like, Goddamn, I should be dead ten times over by now. They should I put in my body that I shouldn't have pretty much all this stuff, all the stuff. It's stuff. Oh Good Lord, yeah, Nice and clean. That's that's the classic. That's a great song. Oh my gosh, you remember like or like a million years ago, like when Wa yv would have like the S and s and s on Saturday night? I do not, and, oh my gosh, I was like the best radio station ever. Me and my friend Jessica will listen to it and call in and request stuff and we're singing with all those old songs and just having a good old time. That does sound like fun. Why don't we doing that? That doesn't exist anymore. Can you actually call real radio station anyway? That's the funniest art is that so few of the DJ's are actually in the studio, except if it's talk radio, and then if you're calling them it's because your left wing or right wing or whatever wing that particular station is wing in. But generally speaking, I know, I know a DJ and she's on a popular station. On the weekends she ain't there. You can't car or win prizes from her. Oh my God, prizes. Yes, free recorded, but the whole time they're pretending like she's certainly there. I know it's like, and you can do that pretty much anywhere, anytime. You sit in your house like all day and record like a thousand episode. I think. I think the only ones they torture of the morning jocks. They make them actually go to the station and get there like five am. And the people that actually do like the traffic update. Sure, like let's try. Yeah, those ones, I see this. My favorite, my favorite, is most favorite favorite news anchor, Jen Carabaoh, she's up at the crack and dawn. You can tell it. She still looks stunning. You were a covid mask on baby. Oh, baby's right, although I think that's one whole you wouldn't want covered it. Well, that's the thing. When I watched the news, I don't watch the news, I watched Jen Caraban. I turn to sound out. I don't care what's happening or how many people have been shot, how many airplanes have crashed. I just want to see that woman smiling because she can. She's like that girl in the Eagle Song, how she could talk about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye. Yeah, why not. That's your job. I get it, man, I totally get that. Yeah, that's it, that's what I'm into. Just I'm not into the news, just hot newscasters. Why not? Like I don't need no stinking news. Oh and aw, diva's wrestling. I can watch that all day and all night long. I actually know personally some diva's and they just blow me away. I could talk about them all. I could do a whole show about wrestling divas. That I know you could. I mean, all right, we're have stocked. They have like their own channel, like con, like Pluto TV or something like that. Oh, I think I've seen it come up. There's a Dallas cheerleaders show on there. Yes, the trous...

...and Tim Relations of Dallas cheerleaders. HMM, that's not a bad show. There's a glow show, I know, but now I'm talking about a ew. It's the newest. It's all elite wrestling. It's the newest league and the funny thing is a lot of the people who are on that show were very heavily featured locally by a buddy named Chad and his standalone wrestling. I'm amazed how many professional wrestlers that we saw here locally and at the Clarridge and other places and Vineland and some little I think we went to Accc Gym and we saw some dynamite wrestling there. And now there's people are all national television. Baby. Oh yeah, that's right. And they were right within our reach and they're like, you know, if any of us have, you've connect, you feel like you've connected with us and you want to come up here and you want to give us a big hug. Will break your arm and then we'll body slam you. Yes, so stay back, chump, get some yeah, these women who wrestle, they got bouchers who were bigger. I'm like, who's the bouncer for the woman who can wrestle? I don't have a speak. Tough as hell. She can throw guys around with a flick of a wrist. She need that guy for I know right. Like they don't have to pay anybody to protect them, they protect themselves. I'm totally into that. Holy Crap. EW Dark is the show and it's so it's youtube only, which is awesome because that's where everything's going anyway, given that all the way only, you too yield youtube. And then what else I've been watching on Youtube something called good mythical morning. I've watched a few episodes of that just because I cannot believe the sheer volume of followers these guys get. The other day they were just sucking stuff up with a vacuum. Speaking of vacuums, they made loaded fries in the vacuum. They made it a snow globe. That was pretty fun, and then they sucked different wieners of different sizes up of it. Yes, they did a Dyson, I think it was, I'm not sure, a dyson. We what these guys? They got subscribers, they selling cloaks of mythicality, they got it going on. Hell Yeah, Hell Yeah. They got lots and lots of followers. But then you look and I think they've been doing this every day since they graduated high school or something. HMM, that's how to do it. That's how I got to do it, that's how you do it. Okay, start young and starting Shit. We do right, right, we catch it on way. What is our movie deal? Coming the movie back to two people struggling to make a podcast of people listen to. That's a good movie. There we go, ha ha. These are in two thumbs up up. where? Tune in next week to find out at the AMBODEMENT, because it's a clean show exactly. So you'll have to figure out where those thumbs wet next week. Now, out of your nose, because you're not supposed to touch your face. Touching it. I'm touching it. I'm seeing my face. I need my better drill. It's just doesn't like having hives in the pandemic, though. Haven't know when you're looking on his how does an onion we get within ten fucking miles of this point? I don't know. It's not just bring a souad side over a poison from my lovely beauty not to get let me like a warning like onion proximity alert, on neon proximity alert, like so if you smell them, like if somebody's frying them and they was that going to affect you? Know, okay, that's somebody ate them and then had them on their lips and then kissed you your hospital way. Yeah, well, that was like the worst that has ever been. Like I've been fine. I guess I have to knock on wood.

Like all these years and stuff like that, only a few times had to go to hospital get a Benatrol shot, but nothing. But I had I was like, oh my gosh, it's and going to the hospital during a pandemic, it's like you have to eat, know, do your little hand sanitizer at the door. It's like somebody, somebody's they're making sure that you have your mask on. They take your temp right away and they asked if you have any covid symptoms. If they do, I think they take you to like an isolated room, like a Doa. It's like crazy, it's like Whoa, but that I was in there like really, really fast because obviously, like my head swelled up, my tongue was swelling up, like it was just bad and leave the pressure quick, pretty much right. I was like what? So you have to put it. A lot of that happened to me. I'd want to know why. That's just think it was maybe because of something. It could have been from a lot of things. Oh Man, we'll just run with that for now. But now I'm like every time, from Krayola, crayons, hooters, what no see wasn't can start eliminating some stuff, all that fun stuff, right. But I mean, like you think like the caught the hospital was like clean, like back then. Now it's like really super duper clean. It's like crazy. It's great, though. I mean it's perfect for the show. Everything's clean. I think we're getting cleaned outside. Yes, we're having rain again, having our daily torrential rain followed by a hurricane and for tornadoes. I was disguise word dark. Seas were rough and the boat sailed on and on and on and on. Oh, the stupid song. But what song is that? That stupid remnant of a song is that? It's HR puffin stuff. Theme Song's brother. Right now. I don't have to sing it, I can get it out of my head. I don't have to subject everyone to that. But that's definitely what that was from. Like, no, not to get in Shu to hate it. What I think? I there's a lot of songs that could be made at just a little snippet of some song that they threw away while they were just late, you know, when the song was ending and they just changed the last eat bars of it to segue out of songs like that. Now that's a song. MMM, grab that, somebody, grab that riff. It's like we're taking that, we're dying to expand on that so that the whole time you gone. Where have I heard that? It's really just the last six box with some classic rock song. Youep, that nothing new. Don't write it. Don't bother busting your butt trying to come up with something new, folks. Let's take something old and revise it exactly. It's totally what you have to do exactly. It's funny, you know, like speaking of songs and things like that, and I've done, you know, some parody songs and I'm like, can I get in trouble with that, you know, copyrighted or he if it's me playing it and singing different lyrics to it? Yeah, you can. So I'm like that's what weird household careers based on, though. So pretty much parodies pretty but then am I stealing from his parodies? The best was all the clever people who thought that they could come up with a my corona song based on my Sharona. The next you know, there's like twenty of them. Yep, pretty much, so clever. And then it was great because I could find them in Italian friend, because it started over there first. I know, everybody's like, Oh my God, that's like the perfect corona song. You know, yes, ivious again. Let me see, what was it? Steale, Dan Hey nineteen. Well, it's covid nineteen, covid nineteen. Yeah, he can't eat together, we can't touch. You know. That's right. Yes, yes, isn't this thing over there?...

By the time I get my song out of the pandemic will have ended. That's you hope? Well, we got another year on this thing going. Oh Year, you think? Yeah, I think so. I mean if you've seen like, you know whatever awesome, that plague of like eighteen something or whatever, nineteen something, that lasted for like two years. Like people wore mask for like two years. So it's like I'm thinking, yeah, we're kind of come on, I know right. And it's like everybody should always wear masks. I like how, at the beginning of this all the people were like, Whoa, when the wool groups war member heats up, it's going to kill the war. Yeah, when did that happen? Exactly? It was a hundred freaking degrees, twenty nine days in a row. Dude, that don't Cook. That virus and nothing with nothing cooking it. Nope, that virus is the point one percent germ kills ninety nine point nine percent germs, but watch out. That point one percent term. That one's a moth. That one's the one that's covid nineteen. Maybe baby covid nineteen, says right on the back of the CAN. I fights coronavirus, like not the nineteen version of it. NOPE, only the eighteen one. Yep, we're you're behind, like always. We're always. Just snort that last slip, you knows, buddy, and be done with it. Definitely will cure you. Start drinking the bleach. So I bleach yourself from the inside out. You've got cleanse the soul. You've got. I'm thinking about coming up with like a daily like routine, but would be like all total BS. I don't know if that would catch on or anything. You know, you don't like it is now. Let's you're more like do one of those you know, one of those like Nami, stay like he come on like talking all soft and smooth and you're ready for the day and then you just drink that bleach and cleanse your soul from the inside like. I don't know what that go anywhere like with that going, like if I could go anywhere just now? No, okay, I think we've answered that question. We're good. I don't should that. COMEDIANS cause me like no, next, next, we should be now, sucks, buzzer something. How long it take you to think of that? What that one? Those right off the top of my head. Yeah, we could tell. Yep, that'd done. No thought. They're nothing at all. NOPE, the mind is gone all. Then my cousin made something clear one time. I said, you know, I've lost my mind. She's like, you can't lose something you've never had. I was like, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, it was had a mind the same minor, an insane one, insane. Isn't it so much easier to prove people are insane that it is to prove that they're saying yes, yes, and about that same with like brain freeze, like you know you're slipping is, yes, slipping, whoo, sipping on a slurpee and you get that brain freeze. or You eat ice cream, kids slipt on a surfing and actually, yeah, brain damage, breaking damage. Pretty much. Well, either one eating like cold things. Are, you know, doing a whole slurpee thing. I don't get brain freeze. And once again my cousin's like. I'm like, dude, it's like I never get brain freeze, and she's like because you don't have a brain. Yeah, make you for that, though. Of you ever get it, like you have to. You have to connect the tongue up to your palate. That somehow as where the nerves are affected that give you the brain freeze. Please go right away. And I never tell that to anyone when they say brain freeze. I never say to them, Oh, Oh, put your tongue on your palate, it'll go right away. I like, ha ha...

...ha ha ha ha ha ha, you die, die, brain freezeile the brain freeze just feels that way, like you're dead already. Yeah, you don't have a brain. If I will be fed a Bor that's how I know you're not a brain. You just spend ten dollars from milkshake because it's summer and you're a tourist. Yes, yeah, well, I do you buy two gallons eyes cream and make some shakes, or I can buy one. Mom, what do you think? Believe you should buy one your own vacation. Get that ten dollars and that money. Yeah, we literally mom, the's hamburgers is twenty five, a place. I never had twenty five. I Have Burger for you should get to junior and get some cheese on there. That's home about it. Dear mom, Paul to not. I had a twenty five out of cheeseburger in a ten milkshake and they don't taste half as good as the ones you make. Mam. I miss your home cooking as on vacation. So the heck with it. We live in the dream like these fancy people hear up from New Jersey. I Hate I got fitted out of himburgers down the street. Fifty dollars. Give me one of those that Kobe beef. It's a half a slider. Sir, it's actually a hundred dollars. Yes, we charged double for less. Takes Art are. Yes, it's like the good old days. Yes, it's old as now, but it costs a lot more. Swipe your car. What cheeseburver Burger for a dollar? I don't think so. I don't know. Dollar dollar. That's that. One time I think they weren't any sense of McDonald's. You can get ten hamburgers for one dollar. We kidding? That's not real meat. Later the next year obesity was off the chart. Yep, yeah, welcome to Obeeso America. WHO. Well, you know you can get two for the price of one. We doesn't mean have to eat them both, save one for later. No, no, no, no, there's nothing like the after burn from the second whop Er hell to the yeah, where they're like two forty five. Now, don't think that shake is not expensive enough. They have ten ones down the street. UN that. You know, talk about cleaning out your system, but I'm bump cleaning out your system if your lactose intaller or if he any of that kind of meat and it just goes right through you. Yeah, yeah, all right, I guess that's not clean. What's happening now? We it's going through me like did you ever just have some bad meat and it just didn't sit with you and then it was just like you're like, no, I don't know. I've been around a long time, so I'm certain that's happened. It's just that nothing really stands out in my mind. Let me see, the stick at I ever got from food was was eating extra large Nachos and drinking like a half a Gallon of Fountain Soda. That caught it with me in the car. Yeah, well, over. Now I do have this diverticulitis now, so that flares up and again. I'm also on the onion thing. I cannot go near him anymore. Oh, and they make me pass out. We need to have like a beauty and beast cage, like whenever we take this thing like public. You know to love my taking pubicly selling shareselves stuff. Get where. You said the s word. I think it's...

...been a long time, though. It's been really good. It's been well. If we can sell shares of Bullshit, we'd be millionaires within a capital F bomb. Yeah, definitely. I mean that would be interesting that. If we can, now, we just have to come up with the recipe to do so. Well, we had to come up with that. You got to come up with that one in inivitable product, or you need to come up with something that's an improvement. I still think our transformer sex toys is winter. Yeah, definitely, we just need some d rendering going on. Yes, yes, we should do that. We should just get a d machine and do it. That's right, we should do I mean those are like more fordable now and everything, so I'll see why we couldn't do that. Yeah, they're so forward to we get one print out of them and then you have to you have to call tech support. Well, we got one out. Well, there you're what. You're ahead of most people. Most people only get a half of one out. I know, I know, and they take so long too. It's not like, you know, the jetsons or something like, where everything would just like pop right up. You still gotta go to China from the infection massive amounts of stuff. I know it's like. But once you get that one out, your golden. It's right. You know, it's like I think. So, once you get that one out, it's like Bam, you know, there we go, transformer sex toys. I said it. And we're almost done with the episode. We're almost we've got like. Well, you try, Oh, you're trying so hard now, you know, you started with the bowl movement stories and the meat going through you. And where did that go down? That went down the toilet, clean as it means. This is why we need sound effects in the show. I'm sorry, we do. We're going to. We're gonna BRING THEM BACK in episode number thirty. Number thirty the also sound effects episode. Let's do it. We're gonna do I'M gonna load up the IPAD with like all pre sounds. I'll hook it up with everything. It's like you'll get part sound. Head over there, I'll get a pad everything. Some chickens flucking toilet sounds. What lushy. Yeah, we got to have like powers when you first one on the air. Yes, yes, so at any given time, the thirty episode will be like our blowout episode, blowout episode, blow out episode, right, and we're having music you wanted where you got some some charities going on. Heck yeah, have to bring a whole lot of stuff to the table next week. All this pressure we put on ourselves. The Hell's wrong with us? Well, maybe we'll start light, will do the sound effects. Oh yeah, and then be prepared next show. We didn't even know we were doing a show tonight. Please see. We're like, what are we gonna talk about's come up without like for oh well, the next episode. That's the one, folk, yeah, that's the one. That's the one that we feel listening to this. Just turn this off now and set your calendar for next week, because that's the one, not this one. It wasn't this. Now it's the no, this one's like saying no, there's a sound effect in this. Nothing, no notice. Whenever came out of our own mouth. I think at one point I did like a Turkey sound. Yeah, we heard it. I don't know, you're doing something. I was laughing like a Weirdo and then I was just like what, I just cut into Turkey mode. I don't know what. I like Turetts for Turkeys or something, or Turkey turrets. She doesn't scream out of saying she cackles like a Turkey. That's her two rests. Yep, is that my other superpower? And Guy Makes Three store stooges noises. Whoo, Whoo, whoo. See, that was not prerecorded. That was straight from beauty's mouths. Oh God, I love the three stooges. I grew up on that show, I mean the reruns. I'm not that old, but I did enjoy watching the...

...three stooges when I was younger. They always made me laugh and there was clean it was it huh violent as anything, but oh yeah, we watched it last week before our Spanguli episode, and I think one episode, I think the One guy. I think throughout the course of the one short two people got hit in the head like twenty times. Oh yeah, with that, with the CUCKOO bird sound effects. And Yeah, I like the the plate smashing over your head. So, oh my gosh, nice one. But those that actually happened, like all that violence, stuff, getting poked in the eyes and stuff. They were really poking each other in the eyes and everything and hitting hard, like wow, like yeah, like you Moron's it's a movie. They were the stooges. That's like people who say wrestling's fake. I'm like really, like guy who just jumped off that top ropen lift three times to the air twenty feet above of the ring. That was fake. How did they do that? What was that? Now there are sun up, puppet. There are some hits that, if you do watch, I mean the the the gymnastics of it and all that kind of stuff, the flips, all that, all that kind of elements and stuff, is awesome. But sometimes there is just one hit or something that's like completely off. Oh, yeah, you know it's completely off because you know's waiting. Yeah, like, Oh, I still staggering in play. Yeah, it's like, Oh, any minute, I'm not up to the top rope yet. Hold on just a second more. I know. It's like. So, yes, all the acrobatics and things like that, that's awesome. That's like that's what they is one of the most popular moves I see and wrestling now is the getting your hair out of your face so that you look good on came. Oh yeah, even when they're half unconscious, they're pushing the hair out of your face. They look at my good side, look how beautiful I am. Ahha. Well, that's the thing about a EW is for every beautiful diva there's two streat girls that I'll just kick the crap out of them. Yep, yeah, there's a new there's a new sense of beauty there. There's some powerful women there, that's right. And they're not all they're not all the diva that you know and love from at Ew. These girls, some of them are pretty rough. That's the best born man. I think a lot of times the women, the women, women. What the Hell is wrong with me, womming? Is My tongue still numb? Am I going, you know, into annalphylactic shock again? But no, I think some of the women wrestling is better than the male wrestling. It's more violent and more just di Oh oh, that's way better to you don't want to hear the guys doing that. Yeah, that's right. What the hell are you hitting me or having an orgasm. Are you or bows don done? This is your third time trying to take us down a dark road when we're doing the clean episode. I tried that. I get like a little try trophy. I'm gonna try that. No, if you cry hard enough, will give you your constellation Frid okay, hare crying. Yeah, man to the face. I'm so bad. Is that a plaque? Now? We printed it out. There you go on our home printer. You have to go buy a frame for it, though. Tied a frame and we used your pre cheap in the ward. WHOOHOO. Yeah, the mortgage company called and said you're three months behind your payments, but congratulations on the achievement award, are bro Yes, Weish you could afford a frame.

Like go to the dollar store, like mortgage coviny. I can't pay my mortgage, but I got this cool achievement award. They put it it out for me. They use my own printer to they I pretty myself a master's degree. Yes, marine biology. Also printed out a menu from the local Chinese restaurant. Just a print and fool. It's like printings. Really need though, the facts. This stuffs. Wait, who facts is it anymore? Exactly what we like you a fact that over to some really like what blow the dust off the facts machine? I think it's still works. Hold on a second, like, I think the DMV owns all the last fax machine. And Yeah, like, well, you does it come in? Claire, I can't read the last line. You have to fax it again. Could I just take a photo of it? An email to you know now act it. What? We don't even have email here. This is the DMV. Wow, yeah, pretty much, pretty like. They're like facts. When she's sighs of a Buick. You mean you don't have one in your house? No, yeah, go down here, nearest library, you go to the basement. Oh my God, Ye, have one, and they have a xerox machine against two quarters in Oh yeah, that's a great date night for me. The only place to go. Yes, Library's close. Well, we can't copy anything, man, damn it. Well, damn now. What do we do now? What do we do? We got even Mimi a graph paper. Those were the days. Carbon copy me. Yes, carbon copy, actually make carbon copy back in the day. Yeah, you got the crappy carbon copy of it. I'm not supposed to do with this. That was like the best put in your file one time when I when I was a kid, I would get into everything, like literally everything, and apparently we had carbon paper home and I decided to play with it, so I pretty much carbon my entire body. Yeah, it's like what is at a young age? It's like, yes, what is wrong with you? Carbon, carbon, that's absorbed in off carbon into my skin. It's great. It's like yes, yeah, me with a pencil. I'm almost done. Whoohoo, Whoo, whoo. Those were awesome high I remember those old credit card machines that you put your credit all right, all right, and then he would take all the copies on with you and buy anything you wanted it pretty much because all the numbers are on there. Yeah, they kind of car comes like, we can't do that anymore. We're going to find you for that. Like what any this is the thing you gave us to do it with. We didn't invent this. I know it's like back in the day, back in the day before all this computer stuff and people just stealing things that we're in the trash right. That's how we used to steal everybody souls. I mean credit card numbers, Credit Rock, show rock in the trash wrong, show stealing soul. What is? I think the carbons coming back? I don't know. Steroids? Yes, yes, I'm like extremely crazy this episode. Yeah, like, welcome to my world. Well, you know, it's because you're so pent out. There has been a rent fair and decade and a half. There hasn't been a stand up night for you to go splooge on stage, so I know you're feeling it be on the other hand, I could care less about any of that stuff. I just want to, you know, just hang out in the back seat of my car's fine by me. But at...

...the same time, I know you must be Jones and yes and no, like in a way, yes, in a way no, I guess that's just what I meant when I said that before. But Anyway, oh, mean yes or no. It may mean sometimes. Now this would be okay, glad with the pandemic. Like not glad that we are going through it, but I'm very grateful about all the open MIC nights that I've been hitting, you know, online and everything, and getting to work with people like not just from the US, but like all around the world. It's it's pretty amazing and it's great and we support each other and everything, and I know that's one thing I didn't get like to too much of around here. I mean, I do have my supporters and I love them a lot, but I just feel like this whole pandemic like doing comedy shows and doing, you know, workshops and stuff and how to improve, and so far, like everybody's love the energy that I bought to the table, because it's like, you know, it's hard, you know, to get that upness, you know, to come on like Oh hey, hey, everyboddy, how you doing? You know you hanging in there. You know what's up. What are you doing in the corner over there? Yeah, I see, but it's kind of hard, like doing like the crowd work and stuff like that. But it's like I'm just really, really grateful, you know, to have met like some of these comedians and get to be on like some amazing shows and like last night I did one called the the Blue Light, which those are my people, like for dirty comedy and everything. Like I was like, Oh my God, it's like I found my family. Here we go. I'm going to be on their show like next week as well, and we actually it's one of those ones where you buy tickets and everything and then we get like a little chunk of the tickets and everything. It's it's really cool. So it's like I'm making, you know, a couple dollars here and there, like this is awesome. It's like I love it. You know. It's like the people there. They're like so helpful and it's great. And if in the audience members like they're participating like in the chat, like we can see the chat come up and everything, and we can answer questions like right there then in there. It's really me, like I like it. It's like I've kind of adapted to it right now. But yes, I do miss the stage. I think I miss it more for acting than comedy right now. So, yes, yes, so it's like I'm looking forward to getting back on stage, not me, I'm looking forward to you getting back on stage. Awesome, like I've come out with some pretty awesome stuff out of if you've heard it lately. But I'm going to work on maybe by this time next year having, you know, something, having like my own little comedy, you know, album up on like itunes or something. They got on that like the douchey thing to do. Like a good idea. It's good. HMM. Like, I mean, do people still do that? Do they still like release, like comedy things? It seems to me everybody's making youtube videos out there. Niang, I'm thinking about that too. I also saw that there's a terrible glut of puppet movies. Oh yeah, and they're awful. Generally, I do try to watch independent stuff, but I give it ten minutes because it's just such, yeah, so much shit that I don't have even ten minutes to waste on your crap. If it is an a really funny yeah, this supposed to be a comedy and I haven't laughed within the first ten minutes of watching it. Yeah, one am I waiting for the funny part. What are we doing here? So I know I have noticed that same thing. I'm just there's just so much slasher and Gore stuff to watch that I don't even have a I have no con I've just don't want to watch any of that. There's just so much going on in this world that is torturous and and there's no reason to subject yourself to it. I just feel personally that if you're...

...really into some of that stuff, you might have some stuff going on you need to deal with before you want to watch his movies. Of people being tortured. Hey, hello, maybe there's something up there. Maybe you need to talk to somebody about that. Maybe you need to clean yourself out. I don't know that. Well, I'm trying to think of how to revive my Horror Bang Franchise and I'm today. I was looking at what we can do and I noticed just like ninety nine or more movies that are basically horror Christmas movies. Oh yeah, I having or maybe start checking some of that out for the holidays, but then everything. That includes everything, including things like nightmare before Christmas, so yeah, or Gremlins, so they're not necessary. Ceraly all, Santa Claus has with a hatchets and though summer grumlins and yeah, and come to eat you, and I love that movie. I saw a great how free bogart movie where they were escaped convicts and it was a Christmas movie. They murdered some guy with a tarantula. I think. Yes, that's right, bring him back, the Tarantula Baby. And let's face it, Christmas Carol is pretty basically a ghost story, right, pretty much writing. Depending on how that ghost of Christmas future looks, it can be pretty scary. Now, who bought the ghost of pandemics past, the one ghost depend on, I mean the one thousand nine hundred and eighteen Spanish flu. Here he comes, here is cousin playing I'm umonic leg hey, a popular favorite. It's like yeah, and we're always think we're still forgetting the fact that this all started with eating bats. Right, yeah, right, that's right. I mean, did Ozzy Osbourne one time bite the head off of bat and we don't get killed? COVID he? No, he didn't get it. He didn't, you know, he bit the handy, spit whatever. And no, that's what that's what it is, spit. That's what those bad eaters have not been doing, and I have seen the videos and that just looks awful. Yeah, I put those it on this, like eating bugs, just eating rodents in general, because a bat seems to be like a mouse with some wings, and I wouldn't eat a mouse either. No, no, anyway, when my cats like, get that out of your mouth, like yeah, yeah, well, anyway, I think we're doing pretty good here. I think this actually wraps up another show. What wraps up another show? What was the last thing I said? I don't know. That's it seems like an awful way to segue out. It is rather well, all right, folks, well, this is what I thought you've come to love about us. Yep, here we are, all right, and we're out and pure. Now we're out. Yep, I'm beauty copies checks to seven with it. WWW, don't eating in the best showcom.

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