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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 25 · 1 year ago

Episode 25 - Best of Out Bits (B.O.O.B) Part 2: Hindsight's and Mammeries

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Episode 25 - Best of Out Bits (B.O.O.B) Part 2: Hindsight's and Mammeries 

Welcome to the 25th episode of Beauty and the Beast - Best of Out Bits (B.O.O.B) Part 2: Hindsight's and Mammeries Come with us down memory er mammerie lane as we look back on the 24 past episodes and try to remember what we said. 

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Coming to you almost live from lakeside. I'm beauty and I'm the beast, and welcome to this week's episode, a very special episode, as we met, and we have made it to twenty five episodes. Wow, what's so special about it? I have no idea. Twenty five. Yeah, I figured, you know, like twenty five anniversary, but it's twenty five podcast anniversary. Yes, the things young lovers have to do, right, flowers and honey, please don't leave me. I know it's like and you, the listeners, have suffered through twenty five amazing episodes. Maybe not, if you just tune now. Yeah, if this is your first one, it's like we're here to a popar cherry. This is your first one. Ha, I don't believe it first podcast or your first time listening to beauty and the beast. This is your first time listening to beauty and the beast. Raise your hand, did you do at the listener? Yeah, no, they're like beauty and beast. Yeah, I've heard of it, but yeah, let's not talk about it, though. Let's not. Let's not go there. Friends don't talk about unless we say something stupid about them on it. Basically, you know, we just sort of toiling out security. But here we are again and our subject is twenty five. Now it's actually it's boot park too. Yeah, twenty four shows. We've been yes five at this point exactly, I know it's early record. This is the year earliest in the history of this twenty five show podcast that we have ever gotten together. It is thirty in the morning. Usually getting up. This time, I know I'm like with the Comedians coat like we don't go to sleep until like sunrise. So I'm like, what the Hell is this? What? Unfortunately, we can't use that as an excuse for not being funny because, you know, it's just another time for us. We maybe we'll be a little edgi or since for not awake and all of our filters aren't in place yet. Have we ever been filtered? No, no, you know filter, but I guess I don't know. It jumps there usually like halfway through. Well, let the FBOMB go and we'll let this go. Be Like okay, we we did. We did great the first half. Okay, now it's all flying EPPs and this and that. Anybody who will go back and listen to all twenty five shows after this one's up and count the number of times we said, you know, we're going to give you a very special prize. You know what was funny? The other week I was doing a comedy show online and most of the people happen to be from Canada and one of the things they say a lot is you know, you know. Watch some of that. I was like wow, first of all, it listen. I want to give you some advice, which is something no one mentioned to this guy. After this comedy routine. If I give you the subject of a and your whole routine is about be, the first thing I'm going to say to you was I thought you were going to do a routine about A. don't use as an excuse to do material about be. I know that there's with the workshop. That's a comedy workshop, that's for trying out things, but they also give you a subject which you should try to focus on. Some of US are like three out of four. Yeah, get, that's the heart. You know, it's it's all right. It's like a lot of people are still learning, working out things, and then also we get like an additional five minutes to do whatever we want. So yeah, leave B for that part, leave be for that far exact least like even there your subject, leave it. But if you can work your subject into one of your jokes, like I have been doing, it's like I've always found like Oh, crap, you know what, this really really relates to this, and then that went to that and then it's like Bam, here's a whole joke. We're here. You know, I would say...

...if you're given a subject and you're going to do a comedy bit about it, the first thing you should do is you should go see what every other comedians has said to date about that. Any joke, any PUN. The Internet is great for this. Then you can take all that shit and Polish it up and put your spin on it so you don't have to rethink the wheel. Here's some funny shit already. How do I either make it funnier? Because, come on, you and I both know every comedian sits there during open mic night, watches everyone and thinks you should have said this, or I would have said this does not happen all the time. Pretty much, pretty much, pretty much, but that's okay. Like I said, a lot of a lot of the shows that I've been on have been extremely helpful with things like that, and I haven't my first open mic night actually is coming up this Sunday where it's a no wine to cross comedy. So I'm looking forward to, you know, just, yeah, I said, you know, here we go, but that one was supposed to be there. So it's like I'm looking really forward to like doing my you know, six, seven minute bit, whatever it is, without the critique of other people. I guess I'm not sure how that works. I guess I'm just going to do my fill and that's it. So it's like yeah, yeah, he said anyway, because it's one thing to be hanging around with your dope county friends. It's another actually have like, have you ever seen? There was a there was a show where a high level comedians do that to budding Comedians, that they allow you to talk for like a minute and then they totally critique you. And then then you do find the two kinds of communities. If you find guys who are like, Hey, I love to support you, you know, here's the good stuff about it, and then you got the other guys who just wanted to shit all over the guy for the Oh yeah, he was in front of them, yes, yeah, you know, and then he becomes the brunt of all their jokes and I don't need either of it really. Let's face it, me I need, I do need that little bit of help. I'm glad that I've been doing the comedy workshop the past couple weeks and then I've got a few other things lined up and I'm glad the comedy work. I'm glad it's actually been helpful and actually a lot of the critique is that they they like the flow of what I have going on. So I'm like, this is good, this is good. Like they last there were certain points and there's, you know, a couple things that I could elaborate a little further, which is great, because I guess I didn't see you. I couldn't get through the first guy to get to your bit. I'm in there after you do these things. Go Get your fucking five minutes of video. Ye, got a clip on the pod, on the on the website, other shit. To See my I'm working off this other shit. I'm working on it, or I'll like put in my time frame of when I was on. Yes, it's like, please, check this out. Blah, blah, blah. I'm at minute exactly. There we go, great suggestion. I said a lot of them have been like very helpful and I was surprised yesterday I had I wasn't feeling too good earlier in the day and I was thinking about canceling it and then I was like how, you know what, screw it, I'll just do it and I had like so much fun and it's been great. It's like working with people. We had people from Canada yesterday, we had people from the US, we had one person from the UK. It was it was an awesome mix of comedians and we were all different too, which was great. And the guy hosting it, whatever the bits that we were doing and everything, he's never heard them before, like he's never heard like anybody do anything that we've done before. So it's like that was great. That sounds like I'm enjoying it. I think if you're any critique, the thing you can do is you can really set the tone. So say schmuckle luck comedian want to be a goes does his bit well, the first critique out of your mouth should be the most scathing, fucking horrible thing you could possibly imagine to say. Set the tone. You'll either get kicked out of the form right at that moment or the rest of every critique. After that it's just going to be brutal and don't go first, you know, go last, so that everyone can store it all up there, critique of you, and then let's really get some shit flying here, because that's the other part of it is. Yo, everyone wants to be sensitive of the fact that these are all fledgling people trying to get tips, but at the same time you could just shut them down be done with it, like sorry, you know, sir, I don't think that you have actually any comedic shops. What was that a joke? What's us? You know what a setup...

...is? Do you know what premise is? I think to what's happening is a lot of people that wanted to try stand up comedy that never had the balls to do it are now jumping online. And here's where it here's where I like the different chip myself from those Comedians, because it's like you, I don't think you can call yourself a comedian until you've done it live in front of Peepe fall. Yeah, I was like it's hard to do yeah, exactly, like you have to do that. Like I've had shows where I've told jokes and there's like crickets in the crowd. You know, it's like you have to have that like it's not. There's not always going to be these nice comedians there to help you along. Like after the show's like, Oh, you know, you really suck, you know, and that's it. They fat you on the back and and draw and you're going here exactly. They don't care. But two weeks later, well, she's always tells the story of his first big night. They said his name wrong and he killed. He just was awesome and he said, but that was not the case for the next six nights. You know, that was just some magic and that's what'll happen to you too. You can't, believe me, you cannot get that synergy, that magic that happens on stage on a zoom meeting. I've attended enough of them now, just doesn't have the same feels at all. Plus, too many people are seemed to get a little too wasted before they get I haven't had that yet. Doing the sober and with actually sober people has been completely different, because they're listening and everything. And, like I said, through the quarantine and stuff. It's like I've doubted myself as a comedian, like one person that I had idolized that I've done actual live shows with. You know, always said it's like you're too dirty or too dirty or tune dirty, like all these things. And then it's like, you know what it's like. I go do these other shows and people are like hysterical. They freaking love it. Like a few other places that I had been invited to do open mic nights, like real ones, not zoom ones, but they wanted me their specifically because I did dirty comedy. So I'm like, okay, this is great. And then, you know, through the quarantine, it's like I did start to develop new material and everything. I'm like, well, what if this? Is it funny, as you know, you know, jacking off an uncircumcised penis. You know, like like what if it's not that funny? But it's like I found out through writing and everything and through some of the workshops and everything. It's like it I'm like right on target with things. I'm surprised more comedians haven't used that puppet face and Photoshop or whatever to start just doing cartoons of themselves doing your comedy. I'm surprised that we haven't. There hasn't been a I know there's been just a big downturn in youtube viewership for people who were doing stupid fucking unboxing videos the Walmart to find the bargains. MMM. What got carpetbagger? His whole thing is going to amusement parks and, you know, seeking out unusual tourist attractions, of which there's no market for that anymore, I guess. Thank God he's got months of backlog tapes that he can keep releasing. My buddies just went out to do a mini golf there matt. Their passion is mini golf, so they got on a plane and I don't know, folks, apparently if you still get out a plane and end up in another state from our state, you got to stay there for two weeks. And it's Mike, becoming mandatory now. First they just let you kind of flying under the radar and New Year Shit and self quarantine. Now I know if you land in New York from certain states, you got to fill up paperwork right there in the airport before you leave. Yep, yeah, I know, it's like wow, it's amazing. Like even if I went up to Pennsylvania when I came back, or if in Delaware, I would have to self quarantine because those are two states that they say, like from new if you come from New Jersey and go to those states, you should corn self quarantine for two weeks after. Yeah, but I'm looking at some people and some people that have been traveling and stuff like that and it's not business related and they're not self quarantine. They get all in the car on the way over. My self quarantine the exactly it's like. And I was by myself. Okay, that's ask in the car. Yeah, exactly. There you go. There you go. Hey, man, you don't have to wear your mask in the car. Man. I'm just like, you know what, if it makes some motherfucker feel better. Yeah, yeah, safer. What is wrong with you? Leave them Azow. At least that person is wearing a mask, you know. I mean he's probably the same guy that sits in bed with a condom on. Of that he's not getting laid, but you know, that's just my take on it. Like why we're masking the car? Or yeah, it could be, I mean...

...safety measures. You know, you never know what the air's providing these days. Also, that would mean the guys walk around with the hard on all the time just kind of falls off right. It's like who does that? Who are all day boner's condoms? Here's where we are. Yeah, mixed up with his ass ber and he had a headache. Now he's got a hard offer for hours. Oh my gosh, this this made me think of the story from last night. Hoping this. It was actually during the comedy thing, this new comedian got up. Actually he was just a guess watching the show or whatever, and the guy that was hosting it, Winston, he's like, you know what, you're going to tell a joke at the end of this, you know, and he's like, okay, I got one. And he was selling this joke like how about how he had heartburn like since he was a teenager and stuff like that, and it wasn't till he was like in his twenty. Easy went to his mom and dad, who both happened to be, I guess, in the the physicians world or whatever. I guess maybe Dr Nurse, nurse, doctor to doctor, whatever. So he went to them for he went to his mother for heartburn pills and and it the the kind of family they keeps like a mixture of pills and one bottle. Well, they get all their pills and they just stick them in one bottle. So she gave him the pill, bottled pills and he had taken them home with them and it said San text on the on the side. So he's like, okay, that's for heartburn. So he got heartburn the other day and he took his antext but he realized also that there are these tiny little blue pills in the bottle as well. He learned. He's like, I've learned so much about my father that day. So he he went, he went to take a pill for heartburn and ended up with a boner. Yes, no, now you have to go the doctor for heartburn and you have a boner. That was awesome. Work for Shit, but has a heart on it, a burning right, he fucking everything. Worry about it as that was pretty and those true stories are like the best for for comedy, for the guy to get a hard I want to get the pills. We can like have a couple, you know, for or five orgasms to you know, why not? You know, usually takes a little while, but if you can have five over the course of the four hours they're instead of over the course of the twenty four hours, which maybe it might take. Now, what if we develop what are we supposed to talk about all the all the shows we had. I know, all these shows. You had to have come the list of all the subjects which called. Yes, I have, all right, okay, our very first episode, number one, number one new year's resolution. Use Resolutions do you have? They all gone to hell. Right now, I'd lame it on the covid and the fact that my wife Bakes fucking pies every day. Okay, she's a frustrated Baker at home right now, and, I kid you not, yesterday she made donuts. Okay, now we're just fucking makes donuts in their kitchen and out that there were cream filled donuts and there were blueberry filled donuts with sprinkles and what? I'm not going to eat these, I know right. I'm Superman. WAS A FLA said burn it all off in a heartbeat. I know. It's like I'm right there with you. It's like the week game. It's definitely gone off. It's like you've heard of the Freshman Fifteen, get ready for the quarantine thirty, quarry, he's dirty. Yes, stomach. If you had single Chins, make them double, if you had double Chins, Make'em quadruple. Who Tin to eat yep, something else. We laid in two weeks worth of food and only lasted two and a half days. What the fuck we were thinking? I know right they will. Food will never make it past three months if they keep us all in. You know, we got a word this stuff. We're like squirrels. Like lucky that I didn't make any resolution. So many fucking resolutions to break. I really don't do that. My resolution didn't get broken, it just got shut down. Like to do more theater. I was gonna do a lot more theater and everything, and now that's like totally down the crapper, down the crapper. But there's not even events in Philly till February next year exactly. It's like absolutely nothing. And the members parade, which is the biggest con yeah, fucking farce. Basically. That shut down biggest comedy show to here pretty much. So it's like but I've been enjoying I've gotten to work with a lot of comedians from all over the place. I'm...

...hoping to pop on. Japan's got an open mic night, which is actually an open mic mourning for us. So I'm hoping to jump on them and see, you know, if I can kick it in Japan. I don't know. You know, maybe I might be the funniest damn person. WHO The hell knows? But I want to try about fucking the Japanese guy. Make it all up basis in reality. Know, you washed him away on this splushy yet pretty much pretty her you know, once flush and they can surf out, you know when one one resolution I haven't keeping up with, as I have been continue eating pickles. Yes, yes, I was going to try every pickle on the pickle bar and I'm up to Geez. I'm waiting way past halfway and no time do I have less than three jars of pickles in the house. Very Nice, very in and pickles is my is my screen saver. So I it is bi pickles. It is it. You've heard it here, folks, and Doggie on. There are your wife, no, a jar. Pickles make me happy, coming off varieties. Very nice, I do. Awesome. So those are, you know, our New Year's resolutions. They're still going most of them. Yeah, yeah, but moving right along. Number two, debauchery, Bouchery, Oh my God, that's one of our highest listen to episodes. Well, I gotta Tell You, I haven't been much on the debaucher ring, but the sex has been great, debauchery sex, because we live in a new neighborhood with apparently the sound really travels. So whoops want to make? Calling the cops because I think I'm murdering my wife one actually I'm giving her third. Oh right, kind of like the time my neighborhood called the cops on us because I had a ping pong paddle broken over my ass and they actually, it sounds, you have sounded like a gunshot. You know you're doing it right. Is that Miss? That's a twenty two lasson. It's like that was like the best they ever back and or a forehand. I want to say that was a forehand. Forehand. Yeah, I can't see it too much with the backhand. I mean you can get some good on the back end. But yeah, reminiscing about the baschery. How I've missed it. H Well, you know, you can go still. I will tell you there is still debauchery to be found in Atlantic City, my friends. Oh yes, in fact it's a bit more debauch because it's a little bit more street based, home grown kind of shit going on right now, because there ain't no tour surrounds to the locals and basically said Fuck it, we're taking our town back to bring an entire families up to the boardwalk at night. Now everyone had a blunt the other night, man, there was not a cop in site. It's like hell to the yeah, that's what I'm talking about. In the alleys again, we drove by and saw it the other night. Yep. Yeah, and I believe one of the places on the White Horse Pike at the life nude shows, they are back up and open for business. Nice. I was like Whoa, wow, I was like happy four of July to me. Yeah, that one place. We own property next to that. We haven't been able to unload it. You said, unload, unload and loading that place pretty awful. Yeah, pretty much sold. That's those places in the ht and along the Pike. They're just basically they stay, sit there and right everyone's license plate down. It's like we know who you are, we know what you're doing. We're like a dirty Santa Claus, like a dirty playingly. That places got some crazy stories to tell. But let's face it, most of the people going into the nuty shows are guys looking for other guys. The duty show is just a subterfuge. It's a huge not a fug fugere. Yeah, I mean they've got a do it somehow. I mean, did they block off like all the glory holes, like our glory I? Have Glory Holes Been Shut Down during the quarantine? Barely. Just probably website. You can go to check that out. Probably Yelp, ratings and all that stupid shit, like Glory Holl one hundred and twenty five five being inches. Oh Wow, that would be great. That would be awesome. So if anybody gets the business idea, just remember you've heard it first here on the beauty of the beach show.

So give us some credit. Yeah, or at least give be some credit for that one. You know, it's like g Lori Holescom like. I think that someone should invest in our drive through psychiatric analysis. All the banks that are shut down. You can swipe your card, you can talk to a counselor for twenty minutes, you know. And Oh my first you now and then a little certificate gets printed out of the machine on the back of your receipt that says you cured. Don't don't done. That's me great. Remote viewing for funerals. Just go through the drive Srough, there's humble hey, your respect. Yeah, the Horn nation in lieu of flowers, say a little prayer and you're on your way. Yeah, well, there should be. I don't know that debauchery is going to come back full swing. I do know that, between you and me, I've been to a few private clubs since the shutdown and they worried about fucking masks and distancing or any fucking shit. As soon as they're behind the marble fucking wall and the pearly gate, all bets are off. So to rich people that are debauching stealth, they don't give a shit. I know this firsthand hand and unload. That's where I'm at right now. So it works so too. Episode number three, trouble, trouble. That's my trouble. In trouble now I've not gotten in a lot of trouble with the HR department because we work from home now. So you've lost your trouble, but I can only harass myself now sexually white again again. I can see you're at home. Sexual harassment case while you know, like one of those, yeah, one of those big old file cabinets full of it. Well, so today I touch myself remember trouble we talked about. I can't remember either. We, I mean we were all in trouble. I mean we did talk about like when we were kids, like if we, you know, stole things and things like that, and you know other people that we've known that I've stolen stuff and gotten busted in and all that kind of fun stuff. These people, I work in a Delhi and Philly wells in college, and these people asked they were doing the neighborhood and asked if I would meet them on Saturday afternoon to help them on load of truck and move some stuff. Like sure, no problem. So show up Saturday afternoon around three. We unloaded truck, lock up the house, no problem. Next Day they see me Sunday afternoon they say to me, you know what happened last night? It's like, I don't know what. Your House got broken into and all your stuff got stolen. They said yes, Oh, I was dead and I didn't know that, and that was that. That was it. I wolves them anymore. It's just a stab in the dark there and I hit it down the nail and I can't hit the fucking lottery, but I can guess that you're ass get into you shit was still right. Sounds like trouble right there. Sure, yeah, haven't really gotten into too much trouble. I mean nothing too to get into and then nothing staying home. And there was trouble there, how the other day. But it was a neighbor and basically he own he owns two piples and their sketchy dogs. One was abused, the other was a stray on the streets and Philly. So who knows what she went through. And you know they have their problems and they fight with each other a lot. But what happened was this guy's girlfriend visited and she brought her two pipules over you and they just drove off on their motorcycle and left these four dogs together. And about six o'clock in the evening, after the dogs have been alone all day and fireworks going off and bullshit, they attacked each other and one they were killing each other. Oh Geez, I didn't know what to do. It is just like on the right, on the other side of the fence in my backyard. So we grabbed the hose. I was hosing him down, but it lasted a good half hour. The police arrived. There was nothing they could really do. They arrived because they heard a shouting so loud they thought that there was wow. They came to and they're like, was nothing, we can do. It's private property. The dogs are behind a fence. If you want to go in there and try and break it up and we will come in and rescue you. You know, I would tell you at one point I did think I was going in there to break it up. Oh, I don't want to see that. The old...

...dog I know get killed. I know it's like hard by these dogs that were visiting ain't been through so much, and I see him. They were both in pretty bad shape. So I'm not sure if that had the answer to the vet. But the poor old dog, I saw him yesterday, is his one ear you got pretty mangled up, but I think he's the one who put the hurt on the other dog. I just I just don't know. That was crazy, crazy. And then when he came home the dogs all calm right the full down and it was just like business as usual. One of them was limping because his leg was all chewed up and the other one was shaking his head because his ear was half torn off. Oh yeah, for babies. Nothing I could do. No, you tried, though. I tried. He tried to get him out. Probably try as afraid I was going to be in one of them kill. But yeah, you're like old damn. Oh Damn. Then you would have been like don't shoot the dogs, like, who'sa we're not going to shoot the dog. Just see it as these shoes that whip out their piece and start blasting dogs. It's like, no, where are you from? Dog Shooting country out the WHOO? You do a little know I was in yet all I'm that was that's different. They had to go in because of some domestic problem and get to that problem and the dogs came my hassle. But basically, if your dogs are tearing each other apart, the cops aren't gonna do anything about it. Yeah, pretty last the thing that resolved at all was the dogs finally rain out of steam because they finally just like let go of each other back into their corners. They tried to go at it again. Lasted maybe eight seconds. They just were done. So they resolved their differences. Yeah, pretty much, pretty much, pretty much, it's like wow, yeah, I hate when animals get into fights with each other and that's just horrible. Yeah, when you can't really do anything because you don't want to get bitten up there and it's like but you don't want them to die, and you're like, Oh my God, yeah, that's that's horrible. That's some trouble right there. That's trouble. Yeah, it was trouble. Let's that was trouble. I think I've got trouble on my cat, lucky, actually both lucky and archer. I have a little miniature golf thing set up downstairs on the table right and it was the first day that lucky decided to go all Godzilla on it, and not only that, but he's sitting there. Then he was playing with the keys above it, and I'm like really, I'm like, you are in trouble. Bins full of toys, cat five, now five touch my boys, and I know he gets right up there and it's like I yelled at him like five times today. I'm like, it's only we started podcasting at like thirty in the morning, so imagine from like eight o'clock to like nine thirty or ten, it's like it's like you are in trouble, Mr you are. So it's like keeping him off and then keeping his sister off it's like it's insane. This little cat, now Mac, he's only, I guess, ten eleven months old. Such a Kittens, though, and we don't have fences up around the yard, just pieces of big pieces of fences, but he wants to go out so bad. So I make him shake my hand and a contract. Now, buddy, you're not running away, and he actually now he reaches up, Oh, that's keep, and goes outside and does this thing. He's so obsessed with the bushes and just so I basically took all of the rotting and clippings and stuff and just built them this little cat creature. Oh, runs out the door to his little cave. There you go. I know what cats like. It's so cute. Yeah, all right, on the episode number four, Valentine's Day. It was great and I can't remember what the Hell I did, but it was great. Shaves her pussy in the shape of a heart. Oh yeah, I eat it for an hour or so there. Yeah, make me a cake and eat up the house. Yeah, you're heating up her house if you're staying in an Air B and be because we've been evicted from our home of seven years, and so, yeah, it was kind of weird, since you couldn't really go out, couldn't do a lot of things. Were just starting to be a pain in the ASS and the COVID was here, it was over in Italy doing its thing, and it was over in China. And I just don't Valentine's Day. To me it's just basically like every other day, because that's how you should always just treat the people. You don't need a day to prove you love them. If you act fact have to do that that day, you you're fucked.

Yeah, exactly. So it's like, yes, just just love who you can and we love you. One yea. So, yes, it's like Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's like you've been was pretty damn good. I'm glad that I've been with Mike for these past ten years. And Yeah, we we just enjoy each other so much and yeah, we always have a great time. We nothing special. It's a good day, but I don't even think Christmas is that damn special anymore. So, whatever, I don't even care about people's birthdays because half of them, there's a lot of people other want you to talk to them about their pretty but they don't want you to talk to and about their birth day at the same time. And then I know it's my birthday. Don't want to make a fuss about it, but if nobody makes a fuss about it, I'm going to be really depressed. And so this is a world feel exactly standard. It's like I want you to acknowledge it. I want all my friends to say every birthday. Then I don't want anything done, but then I do, and then, if, if, nothing happens and I'm sad, and there you go. It's like a giant loop. Sounds like you do something or don't. Just have some fun. Just remember there's three hundred sixty four other days out of the year that are your unbirthday. Yep, just do it. And and what? Who cares anymore? What Day of the week won't you go get the thing you want? Get it because you wanted or need it, and you get it right then there. You don't have to wait for your birthday or Christmas or any other special day. That was one of the things that was special about these holidays once upon a time, years ago, that was the day you got something special. That was the day Christmas. You waited all year because you got this little catalog and you picked out a few things in Santa brought him to me and it was amazing. And yes, every Goddamn Day for most kids now there isn't a day that's not Christmas and they can't get what they want and get it right then. So I think we've ruined all these holidays. I think so too less. I mean it's great, you know, having packages, you know, delivered her door, like God bless Amazon for half the stuff that's probably in here. But yeah, it's like I remember back in the day. It's like yeah, it's like your birthday was special, a Christmas was special, sure, you know, it was like you got a little candy on Easter, a little candy on Valentine's Day, some fireworks or sparklers on the fourth of July and that was it. You know, I was like World War three at our house. Horrible, so strange to that that holidays that celebrate veterans trigger their PTSD with huge fireworks display. What is that about? Yeah, you just sit there mind your own business. Next to you know there's mortars going off in the yard behind you. That's basically what it was at our house. This wasn't a shit. You Buy it to seven eleven folks, little sparkly packets and stuff. This was great, a fucking fireworks that were professional grade and they were just going off in someone's back yard. Unfortunately, there was a big accident near our house. Someone basically blew half their head off with a mortar while their parents watched, no less the so the good old D's. Yeah, I mean always, and I'm morving. We buy those. We buy those big cluster fuck things that you can get and they're pretty impressive. They do blow sparks up twenty feet in the year and stuff, and it's all ground display stuff to try to avoid shooting hot ashes into your neighbor's yard, walks away and setting their garage on fire. So we have these all set up and one thing my son's and I have always done is run through them. Yep, me, yeah, you know, we all the same time and you just run through it and it's hot. Yes, it's liberating, it's fun, but at the same time it freaks a little kids out. They're yelling duo, please don't. I know. They're disembodied. Voice was talking and it was it was pretty's computer. She isn't message. That was my text message earlier. You got the hear Beast Ring Tone your alarm and I had a doctor's appointment that I already been to. Okay, I was in a day somewhere and I totally forgot exactly. So I have to remind myself of reminders because that's where my head sat thet I hear you already did that. Say. I'm ahead it again. Who who need that? Two reminders? I just want to go back to talk a little bit about...

...fireworks. When I was a kid, like back before they were, I guess, legal here in Jersey, we would drive to Virginia and we would go camping every year to the border and we come back with like a shit ton of fireworks and we would set them off at any time time of the year. Didn't have to be the fourth of July. Now. Meanwhile, one time, this was back when I lived in Northfield, and we had the ones that you know, shot into the sky and all this stuff. Well, we had a smoke clouds so big it traveled down sure road. All the fireman showed up and everything, but the cool part was zero like next time we're gonna do that just the Lord us so that we know. But this is really cool because they were like just standing there like they're watching. They're like, oh, this is cool, this is the cool house. Actually, yeah, pretty it was awesome. Like quarter sticks of dynamite that you would light it and run like hell because it left the crater. And Yeah, yeah, we blow up the toys with those things. You wouldn't find any pieces of in fact, you have to hide behind a wall case a piece of a toy lodge in your head. You are with a baby doll arm stuck in your eyeball. I remember this one time we were shooting for Zombie TV and I made this like awesome gun, like out of like the foam things that you use in the pool and everything, like I had chopped one down. I made like this like huge machine, well machine looking gun, and my cousin's like, well, don't we stick you know, and made he's in the end and he get a closeup of, you know, the you know, like it was really shooting right. No, we legit did that and there is footage somewhere that we have. I'm standing there with the camera because I wanted to get nice and close and then I realized we put them in the wrong fucking way. Yeah, Shit, so I like go the camera. It goes roll and we're just like pissing ourselves, like Oh my God, and they all went off at the same time and we looked at it but it didn't blow the gun up at all. I was like, holy crap, these noodles are fucking strong falls, that's funny. I'm like, wow, out the noodle and yeah, I was like that was crazy. I'm like, what the Hell? I was like that was awesome. So, yeah, blowing up stuff, blowing I know right. Well, it would be safe for you. Oh It's Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, pointing. Look, no, I'm intentially rare and have like the bumpers like on both sides, you know, so you couldn't go into oncoming traffic. That would be awesome that. I always wanted to be able to have a little device on the where if you're sitting at a red light you fucking don't want to, you just push the button. Charge you a dollar, like changes. Let's go, kiss me a break, yes, go, no one else is coming from all right, you ever red light and it's finally your chance to go, and there's this one motherfucker off in the distance. Oh Yeah, a hundred miles an hour and he's just flies right through. It waited all this time for you to come. Oh my Gosh, say, I waited all day to run into you. That could be their job. Speaking of jobs, jobs, was episode number five. Number five. Yeah, we have to get through this list here. God, we are all off in different directions. The add is on full high this morning. But yes, the jobs. We we have to make a part two of our twenty five, the anniversary. Let's give that one. Jobs. You fuck that. Number six, pets. I think we've already talked about pets. What else we were that was our kindest gentlest. It was talk about we don't want to say anything bad about people's pets, despite their obsessive tendency. The babies we love, guilty, we love our fur babies, therapy, human exactly. I talked the deer. I don't know what the hell that's all about, but I know Alison and I. We're coming from the flying w young comedy out there and that's fine. Airport, like there's nature and crap. They're that we're not used to. So we're driving back. It's like it's pitch dark, no lace, no nothing. This deer started to come. He was like almost right next to the car. I rolled down the window and I just looked at him and said go, and he just turned around and went. It's like back...

...into the woods, back in the she's like brilliant, your dear whisper. I was like great, that's what I the one thing I got going for me is I'm a deer whisper, dear trickler. Try that the gold. Oh, I love the deer runaway, but it's my breath. It's like, well, Holy Gre what that fucking dear? I'll make you my pet. So you're trying to heal me. You journeys like you doped anything. If there was a gorilla walking down the street, you Gret you taking in as a pet. I'm like a gorilla is walking down the street. Oh Yeah, hell, yeah, yeah, you're here. Is it? I want one, I want one. I don't think we talked about during pets was people who take their dogs and and have the groomer carve their hair into a different shape and then they die and then the dog looks like some other animals. Oh yeah, that was yeah, something like that, and the dog that looks like a horse. I go to a lot of pet grooming industry trade shows because I sell pet grooming supplies. It's a lot of fun, as you're crazy people. Reason. The reason they're crazy is because the whole industry was founded by old hippies. Horse be nice. Hey, would you get my Alga hair cut? Like sure, man, I cut that dog's hair. Earth of an industry. There we are, right there. People make their dogs outrageous. The carve cartoon characters into the side of just if you ever get a chance, google creative grooming and you'll see hundreds of dogs that it'll blow your mind. You're either gonna love it and go, wow, that's the coolest fucking thing I ever saw. Are you gonna say, Oh my God, I can't believe they would do that to a dog? Those are the two schools of thought. Yeah, I schools. I was like, who gives a fuck? Let's face it, if dog grooming went away tomorrow, the world wouldn't suffer, the dogs really wouldn't either, and everyone would just have a hairy, dirty dog. That is true. They used to have four hundreds of years prior to the pet grooming industry. Oh my God, creative grimming, I'm like right there, right now, and there is they did this one dog. It looks like there's a freaking mermaid. Yeah, this is amazing. Like, yeah, please minds if you people be appalled by it. If you need something awesome to look at, definitely type in creative grooming, like you will not be disappointed. Oh my God, there's a minion right. Well, there goes my add for the rest of the day. Yeah, people that do this in the industry and they're you know, they're frustrated artists, many of them. Oh my God, it's incredible. There and clipper skills. They here's a little beast. Yeah, there's a little beast. Okay, well, we have to do a whole show on that. Now we have to do also. Well, the other part of it is they do two cats too. I know, I know they did Dr Seuss cats. They do. It's like, oh my gosh, totally crazy. All right, moving along, episode number seven. Cosplay, cosplay, cosplay, which is totally out of the funk right now. You know, some cosplays are still busy working. Oh yeah, cluding our boys OUT JERSEY, Jason. He's currently hit stuff with some people who are making fan films. So he's doing that. And there are still there is still people that are publishing a lot of great tips and making videos on how to improve your makeup. So I know it's still out there. I just not doing it. Yeah, it's yeah, it's definitely still out there. I'm not sure if I want to do anything per se like dude tutorials or, you know, talk about it or whatever. It's just kind of a bummer. Like talking to a few people that I know that love going to the cons and now they have all these virtual cons, but it's not the same. I mean likes paying for an autograph photo and you don't even get to meet the person and you know, get a photo off with them. It's like, no, it's not the same. Everything that I've known pretty much in the cosplay community, everything's been canceled, from what I know, from like New Jersey, Philly, New York, I guess is canceling when you are comic con it's because they're still trying to limit the number of people who can get together in one place. Yes, that's definitely the governor's you can't have a really good convention if you can only have a hundred people there at a time. Exactly, because how do people are? The vendors exist, pretty much. I mean I don't know how that's going to work. I mean I know James from ocean city comic con and Marilyn...

...is holding strong. That's not until December. So you know, who knows? Maybe by December things will be worked out. By knowing the Convention Center there, that think gets jam packed. I mean, in fact, if I don't go around and see all the vendors in the morning or even before they open, I'm not going to get a chance to see them because it's like by a time, you know, it's like the doors are open, it's packed in there and then it's like one or two PM comes it's like I've got a panel and then right after that the cosplay con contest, which has like three hundred people in it. So it's like that's like I don't know really too much more details about that, but I do know that they're still pushing for that one to be on. Like Hey, we got through two people. They need a socially distant and send masks and and so we need fourteen football fields. Well, the mask and cosplay or not hard. You know, people have been doing me asking cosplay like forever, so that's not too bad. In fact, my captain Carter that I will be wearing pretty much. I made a mask to go with that. So I'm settings Yep, I'm like, I'm ready and I'm down for it. What if you get fucking points taken off because your covid mask isn't authentic enough? Oh honey, I'm not good, I'm not in the contest. I'm I'm one of the judges on, but I would not, I would not, I would not take it off. I wouldn't take points off for doing you know, your thing like that. You have to have a mask on for it. It's like, I would not take points away from that. In fact, probably the cosplayers. They judge. Lady. Sorry, the cosplayers will probably have matching matching mask anyway, if you lenient. Yeah, we try to set the record for Star Wars characters and it's incredible the guidelines that they required for the people who participated in to set a world record for most star wars people gathered. I think only the five will first. Will ever be a leaven approach to record, because those guys are hardcore. Oh yeah, their shoes are right, their socks are matching and they got all their numbers right. They've got eight by ten glossies of the blast pattern on the back of there. There's try, there's Star trooper outfit. That's authentic. That's not what I'm going to get into. Weathering stuff. Yes, dragon close through the mud, pouring tea on them. This is called weathering and apparently there's a big, big market for it. I know I love tea bagging stuff. Yeah, as a female I get to tea bag stuff. Yes, is that a Patina? Exactly? In the bathroom for ten years. You don't have time for that. So I just tea bag and get it over with it. Just tea bag anyway. Moving right along, episode number eight, the Internet. Well, it's still here, Yep, but I think a lot of us would be lost without it. You know, I do. I do realize. We were so close to shutting down social media. We were seeing the evils of it, we were holding Zuckerberg up for examination, we were just about to pull the plug and and better our entire society when the pandemic came and forced everyone back online do every fucking thing in their light. I'm this close, folks, to have it out of our life forever. I know, I think. I think Zuckerberg had something to do with that are all here's like, yeah, exactly. It's like, Oh, look, look, they're not gonna leave us. They came back. Every one of themvery wont getting back, like billions of people. Here we are. We need you, we need the Internet, we need these crews, we need online this, we need you. Know, Oh my God, they win. They would like if you, if you post six politically decide divisive memes in a row, then you gotta Post Six fucking dog pictures something. You have to offset that. Yeah, of your whole life. It's about waking people up. Some people don't give a fuck. No, no, actually, you make some of their lives more miserable when you do that. That is true. That I din know all the machinations of what the fuck is happening? And Yeah, yeah, first of all, I think if we just all agreed that life was full of double standards, half the memes would go away right away. Probably, probably. But memes are what make the world go around, you know, everything was as black and white as your fucking meme. Yep, pretty much. Right now, pretty much, it's like. So there we go with the Internet, moving right along. We've made it two, episode nine, which is Boob Best of our bids. We only did to play. Yeah, we were like we need some bids, we needed something. This was during the quarantine,...

...so we're like, what the hell? Can we throw our what the hell? Oh Yeah, yeah, definitely have some points for doing most of this shit during a pandemic. Folks, I know it's like we've been creative. I mean all that that was. That was a pain in the ass to edit, though, like having to go back through all those bits. Oh yeah, found it wasn't any good bits. There was. We just we just grabbed a whole bunch of crab back from into just good. There is a good like screwing. Here we go, Hey, right now, is like we're doing. You know, we're doing boo part two. You know which we're talking? Yes, we now have a full set of boobs set going. Oh God. And then we fucked it up with number ten, biography, where we got to talk about ourselves for an entire episode. That was the last thing I did that whole episode. I really completely steered the conversation away from myself the entire time. So you were out in left field on that one. biography. Bye Bye, I'm here, right here, right now. That's all you need to know we're doing this podcast. Here we are, twenty five episodes later. What have you done lately? Yeah, let's drop that MIC right there. But then number eleven. Sick we were, this is where we're getting, sick of the pandemic. We were sick of everything closed. Yeah, like, oh my gosh, you're a healthy person and you're at the mercy of having to do shit because the people are people are sick. Yeah, I can understand why people get an a bad attitude about it, but of course I was just recently very sick and still am. So I don't know. I think the pandemic for making me twenty pounds foutder. I know it's like the quarant thirty over here. You know, I'm bet that one though. Way. So if you can, you can have a few POPs. Like yeah, I'm do my pockets, take off my shoes, take off my belt. I now right here. Let's leave that leg over there. We're gonna count the legs, right, we don't get I'm almost ready. Let me UNTACH my head here, hold my head. Here we go. When I'm jumping up and down, when I get up. So that was our sick bits. Well, luckily I was sick before the entire quarantine happened. I had enough for respiratory infection stay with my mom. Mike had the flu, so there we go. We got ours out of the way semi before it happened, so there we go. Then we moved on to episode number twelve, where we played twenty questions, which was a bitch to edit because I asked you ten, you asked me ten and then I jammed them all together. I can't remember half of those questions, but they're also biographical and nature. I remember they were. They we should go back and listen that show, because then we should find the more questions we'd ask based on the answerswers. Yeah, there we go there. Yeah, there's something. That might be another episode any case. You know, we have to go commando again, like we did with our last episode, but it's part questions, part too. We won't do that. Like its fucking going, and that was pretty going to pet funerals. It was. Oh God, yeah, but you know what, we still did our shit, folks. Yes, we did. Yes, I got our shit out there. We kick, bitch, Moan and Groan and yes, row. Yeah, because we're sick. We are sick. We have to talk into the microphone. Then moving on to episodes, I'm thirteen and fourteen, which was movies and movies part two, yes, which were still watching. Yes, we're still watching movies. Have you gotten any new favorite ones or seen ones that you really like about the movie that was rated our one hundred? No, no one under one hundred should be admitted to this movie. The crap. I gotta Watch it. It was bizarre. I saw that. But no, I have not been devoting much time to the stupid box because I am outside of a new backyard and I have very uncomfortable couch on top of it. Yeah, yes, kind of upgrade to furniture a little. I do believe the TV's too close that we have a very sweet moving a very small house where right away I'm like, well, this fucking TV's way too big for the house, which is something Americans never really say. I know. Yeah, just in some rooms I can see it, and they will build a house around a fucking TV at this point. So yeah, my buddy just got seventy five inch one installed in his house and I think that actually had to reinforce a wall and shit to get it up there. And I'm still waiting to go there. He said, what do you want to see? What do you want to say? I'm like, Oh, I guess empire strikes back. That be the one movie I'll watch on your seventy five TV. Now he's down in LBII. Do the...

...same thing. You just got a new house, so nice that night could tell you what time of day it is based by what's on television. Fancy and he used to draw. He used to make ads for the TV guide. So he actually got to write off his cable bill because it was research that. I would love to have that job right there, the good old days, because TV guide still I don't think so. I don't think so. There's something that comes in the paper for like the local channels or whatever, but it's not the same. It's not. It's not the same. Even the online at the Oh my God, I hate the online menus. I'm like, Oh, I wish we could go back to the days with TV guides. It would be so much easier. There's only a couple things I watched. Is I watched the CBS Philadelphia News on Saturday Mornings from zero n till nine because I'm in love with Jane Carabeo. That's like or she's so awesome, and I try to catch that girl lily on those commercials. What's a t mobile or sprint? That was something like company. It is. I just love this girl. She's like Nice, you stand or something. She's awesome. And the funny thing about her is in the commercials she's beautiful, but her pictures of her as a supermodel, oh even more beautiful. Boy, yeah, possible. You don't even need a blue pill for that. And now you know the two reasons I'm watching TV is because of two women I'm enamored by. Everything else suck. I know. It's like movies. We got a couple three months of shuttercom, which is all horror movies, and pretty much we went through everything that we wanted to see and like a week and then I was going to cancel it and they're like, oh no, you could have a free month. It's like okay, and then I was going to cancel it again they're like here, you had another free month. So it's like we were watching this one movie. It was called baby and what it was this grown man that the mother kept like as like pretty much like a baby, like he was like fully grown, still sleeping in a crib, still drinking out a bottle, still making baby sounds and everything like that. It was like creepy as hell. I'm like, Oh hell, no, like it was like the creepiest Goddamn thing we ever saw. I was like, if you ever have a chance to watch it, I would say don't watch it, but watch it because it's that messed up. It's an older movie. It's I was like wow, I was like these people were freaks back then. Like wow, like finding these old movies on these old horror moves on to be from the S. Yes, yes, cranked out for drive in and there was always titties and we're always terrible, but it's okay. You didn't have to invest any emotion into them. No, they weren't waiting for the next part to come out. Oh my gosh, like Tov is awesome for yeah, movies, for crappy movies, for this is really one to crap. I think there's like a free horror one. I can't remember. It's on Roku. Yeah, it's like you'll find pretty much if you're looking for new movies or new crappy movies. Just yeah, I think. And it's good download one of those ass the one crappy movie you like and when it's over it tells you fifty other crappy movies. Yes, Bat, watch that crafty movie and the next thing you down the rabbit hole exactly. It's like it's like a crap fest. It's like more time choosing what they're gonna Watch and never actually getting to the point of watching. I know I said the MIC. I was like, dude, we need to set up a camera and do like drunken search like where we're just looking for a movie watch, I don't know, and then you spend like like ten hours just watching like random trailers and shit, and then we never actually watch anything through that. We moved to a new county, so the library there is got a service and free movies. So one of the one of the categories of movies is long longest movies, and there are some foreign films that are eight hours and six hours. So that's some pretty hardcore shit. I don't think I could sit still for eight hours and watch the same movie. Maybe I can, I'm not. I'M gonna waste my time to find fucking out and I'm the challenge. It's a challenge. This I've done that with Stephen King's rose red. That movie is about six hours long and they even have they did a Prequel to that movie, which we own. Not a lot of people know too much of it, and I think it's like the Ellen reddenbacher or something like that. It's it coincides with that like how actually rose red turned into rose red and it was just an...

...awesome movie. Like the Prequel was good, and Prequel was only like regular movie length, so an hour or some odd minutes. It's like you're good to go here, and but it's like I really like that. And another series I know that mom and I had, we finally bought there was like a whole thing with the flowers in the attic like this for movies that they made. And literally like once you start watching the first one, the original of the flowers in the attic one, it's like your you want to keep watching to see what else happens. So that's like a whole day of binge watching. Like I think we save that one time where it was snowing and, you know, just crap, like here we go. Sounds like we're about to loop back into that again. I Uh Huh, like here we go, it's like why not? Why the Hell not? You know, let's kill a day, let's kill it. But yeah, it's Rassic Park movie, but without any actors or story, just dinosaur was and I don't need any fucking moral tale or I avery higry. Just have the time to start, as that is hard. WHO NEEDS TO FUCK? We need more dinosaurs and just God Zilla doing his Godzilla Shit. That's what we want. You guys fight. Yeah, we don't need a whole story, we just need him kicking every I just want to see the big monsters fighting, like, come on, just about the big monsters fighting. That's all. They fucked up the transformers. That's with all the dialog like who the hell what? Like know, the transformers are supposed to be the main focus, not the people. Mean focus of the first movie was Megan Fox. Holy Shit, the probably whoo. Well, like people like my cousin John are like fuck that. We want the transformers. They should be like Nah, they should just see another thing. Let's just have a transformers movie where they're yes around fighting and shit. They don't need to exactly blowing up shit. They don't want to hear no WORLS. I don't care who owns this or whose? But company anyway, nothing. Nothing. What did I ever teach? Me, Jack Squat, wot. Nothing. It was timeless classics. That taught us nothing. Maybe for a little racism in there, we didn't know it. Yeah, years later, as adults, we have to defend this stupid shit. I know, like okay, because I was raised on that. Well, it's in a Disney film and you never got to see it again because we're slamming the vault door on that one. I know. It's like they always will just remove everything out there. Right now it's like hands up, it's all racist and racist. It's going to come down to this. Do you think that's racist? Will? Did a white guy make it? Well then, fuck, yeah, yes, yes, that's exactly what's happening right now over tire fucking all these paintings, gotta goes, all these books. Yeah, it's like leaving nothing again. Nothing. Everything is blank. Speaking about invited to speak at a here meeting to talk about my experiences in African American. Oh my God, what's gotta run list. I know it's like it. Just looking at your spread, like wrong Mark Hills is wrong way, like I think you got the wrong dude cousins down in Baltimore, which is funny. It was one was an is an indoor is an indoor football player. I love pointing him out. That's my cousin. I. Well, he's black, like we yeah, he's my cousin from Baltimore. Yeah, there you go. I it like you couldn't have a black cousin, like, give me a fucking break. You can? You, yeah, you can. It's like, Damn. You know sw you know about a starting things over and talking about a blank canvas. Episode Number Fifteen is art. Art are in a joke. I miss going to art shows, I missed being part of our shows and lately I'm making art out of Oh my God, I'm been taking we have a problem in our community in that they're not picking up your yard waste. So if you trim your bushes, are you cut down branch from the trees, they're not coming around and get it. They just started up. So I've been making sculptures and fuck it, because when it all dries, that's going to make a nice fire as well. There you go. These fire puts people having a backyard. It's not for them to sit around and leisurely enjoy each other's companies to burn all the fuck? Are We? Yes, like the Hell Yeah, uh Oh, yeah, you kidding me. It's like my cousin John, for the purpose of it, he saves up all the shredding paper into big bags and stuff like that and then when he has these fires and just put them on there. Hell Yeah, Hell Yeah. We have fun with that.

Like, I mean we don't burn any plastics or anything like that, because that's smoking kill you, but it's like just regular paper. It's like we're there, we're there. It sounds like. That's what that's one of the things that he loves to do. Burn Art. Yes, well, okay, yeah, I'm pretty shreddy burning damn straight and awesome, damn straight. But me I want to get more into using my color pencils, kind of like my friend Lou has. He's still going forward with his graphic novels and everything he's done, like not s Farraw to the origin, which was an amazing freaking book, and he's got part two, I think, coming out this year, and a couple other like kids stories along the way. So it's like I've been just been keeping up and admiring his art and everything. You know, that's the that's about it. I haven't really created anything new new lately. Just, you know, couple doodles, couple doodles. I have some ideas, but the I'm like, when I do all this stuff, I'm like where the hell am I going to story? Like and I was making art through this whole Foreign Tine. I was like, oh my gosh, I would have like two years probably full of stuff and like absolutely no art shows to go to and try to sell it. It's like chalk drawing on the sidewalk. Yeah, put your best effort into it and then the rain'll wash it away. Yes, I mean I have been having fun with my ipad that I got right before quarantine. I've got the Apple Pencil now and everything that thing does draw smooth. I mean I guess I've been doing art with my comic. Well, I'll be damned so. So, I mean I'm keeping it, keeping it in there a little bit, you know, expanding here and there, but there's running out of stupid alpins. I know I'll think of stuff. Trust me. If Klaus can class the fly can have like a hundred episodes, I'm sure I'll be damn can do it. Do it too. Got A hundred one. That's your goal? Yep, yeah, I can do it. As Simon's cat. Yeah, I remember never seeing him and then seeing him everywhere. Marl. Yeah, I love that cat, Marl. Anyway, it's like getting back into, oh my gosh, one of our another highest listen to episodes. Would you believe it was episode Number Sixteen fetishes. Oh, I can't believe it. That my God, I'm still keeping up with some fetishes. It's like I've actually gotten some new thigh highs. We've been working out some stuff with. So it's like that. I'm happy with. I'm actually happy to be home more to, you know, work on these things. My News Fetish is just being turned on by women wearing covid mass. Yeah, like, Hey, baby, love your mask. Yeah, love, that's good to get. Yeah, you know, let's get more tense conversations, because guys just looking at you, just locked onto each other's eyes at this yes, I'm looking at her mouth anymore. It's like I've been talking a lot of nurses yet lately. So might be a double fetish thing. It might just be nurses in covid mass. I'm not sure. HMM. Yeah, now you got me thinking of it at our Snur semi amath. It will baby. Yeah, and other than that, I have not developed any new fetishes because there's just not time. I'm just still having too much fun with the straight sex. I know I'm a box for a while. I'm just one. It's like, well, I was trying to thie highest for another cosplay, so that's where I went. But then it, you know, developed into the Fetish and here we are, here we are. But, like I said, that was one of our most listen to episode. But, speaking of what we've been doing almost this entire time, episode number Seventeen rants ran, just ranting. I think we're good at that. We're like master ranters that like masturbating but ranting while doing it. Yeah, it could be. It could I'm coming, I'm coming, but I'm not enjoying it. That's not as good as the last time. People. That's a problem. Is just turned the ran off. At some point. It has to be turned off. You've ranted, you vented, you're done, it's not your turn anymore. Damn it, damn, shut up. I don't I think everybody's been ranting on social media. Oh Randy, oh good Lord, on your voicemail, Randy. Then you see a person like no, everything's cooling. So really, this fucked up voicemail, you'll happen. You just have to accept me that. That's the way. I am. Welcome to covid nineteen. Brutally honestly, except about myself. Speak brutally honestly about me. I'm only allowed to speak brutally honestly about everything at everyone else. Can also have a set of standards for myself that's completely different than the set of standards I have for everyone else. So how do you fucking win? You don't.

You just ranch about it, Dan, you just rant. I think episodes number eighteen nineteen kind of go together with the future and robots. The future and robots, that's right. Remember, we're talking about like robot police and everything like that, and like we should be, you know, in space mobiles or whatever, around cars. Yeah, like the Jetson's were like bullshit. You know, I feel bad for rosy. She never had a good time and she was a robot shoe and she was a robot in space. Yeah, so that's where we went there. It's like the future and robust. We're still not flying, we're still not floating here. We are still on earth, and its people are still afraid that robots going to take their job and the robots and then where are? We still worried about this ai Skynet thingy and the terminators and the robots are going to build themselves? And is this still all happening? Because I want to know what the fuck. Speed it up already, guys. I know it's like just get there already, to walk racular everyone. Go for it, get you, do it, you know, do it. See, not like that. Hasn't that? Not like that's going on right now. Anyway. It's like just robots. I see these videos of you can knock them over with a hockey stick. So it looks like hockey sticks are going to be all the rage in the RY. Go Get your hockey sticks. You better stuck up now. Kill a robot with him? Well, you just knock it over and it just lays third, I know, it like a turtle ones back and just like I can't get up. You know movies of them, the Terminator type of robots are developed that can walk up and downstairs and Shit, yeah, it pretty scary, but even they're like, I'm taking that thing out, so yeah, it's like Bam man, all right, moving or along here episode number twenty things to do after the big Q. Well, I was looking forward that same week that that came out was what they were opening the tilt nine movie theater and I shut it down right away. Against we shut it down. It was like here you go. No, probably had a business. At this point we're find I have no idea. It's like they're planning on opening again. WHO The hell knows? Was the black cat the owner of the black cat and was just sitting in his establishment eating his dinner and he lives upstairs, and somebody with a paper just pulled up and was knocking on the door telling him he was in violation and not not taking the cats. Fact that he's an owner who lives there. Yeah, it's dinner there every night and they think, but you shouldn't have a bunch of fines. And this is what happens when you give People Power. They become their own little robot head. They can't think of anything else. This linear think they couldn't think of any other reason why the owner of the place might be sitting there eating his dinner. I know it's like really is like a mind your own damn business. It's like it's the hell out here. That's what I would have been like. It's like, yeah, screw you, screw you, but anyway, it's like yeah, things to do after the big Q. I don't know what the Hell I'm looking forward to nowadays, because now I'm comfortable just staying just staying in and cooking and the end was just say. I mean I'm still tempted maybe down the road to go do some mini golf, like they have a great spot right in Northfield. Yeah, the teky place that's right next like yeah, Yep, yeah, I was like of course you would do it. It's like it's right there. So it's like I'm looking forward doing that. It hasn't been too busy. She there exactly. It's like there hasn't been too many people there. I think that would be a perfect place. That we're my sin a couple holes, the Congo Golf and Margate. Wow, that's places bang until midnight every night. Oh Yeah, only fucking thing to do. Yep, and you can walk there. That's another reason the northfield location. Anywhere you got to even get in the car and drive. Now, nobody was even fucking do that yeah, exactly. It's like NASCAR, that driving's overrated. So money part is reading. The people actually leave yelp and square and reviews about mini golf places, like you're so fucking important that your opinion of a mini golf course is somehow going to sway somebody else from fucking going. And I've never been disappointed on a mini golf course. I have never been disappointed. It the biggest thing. What the Hell is the Tiki heads everywhere? Or Racist? Well, Lord, Oh, and enjoy it, you know, cannon. That's the one. Another one was, oh, this is funny. Another review said that the cashiers, because the family was Spanish, they spit on them. Who like well, you know, I know my son would never allow that to happen, especially because he goes out with a Spanish girl. So I yeah, it was it got your sister that night. But when...

...you go and just do a little bit of research, you'll find that there are some people who, maybe eight months ago, went on to Google and just left a hundred Sha reviews. Yes, it was something to do. It was something that I think personally that the Indian business owners should get a lawyer, because the word DOT head is like in four hundred different reviews on yell, but this point, oh Lord, yeah, Populus's not race. That's not right. Come on, man, just because it's a review of your of the the this one guy left one hundred one star reviews in a day. Oh my God, you have they had an agenda? Yeah, it's like someone that's just attacking people. Come on, come on, people, we're not like that. Stop doing that. It's like, please, stop doing that. Of course, it's a restaurant, it's whatever. What Ye, gives a fuck about your fucking review? When did we become a society where people thought that their opinion was so fucking important? Of the other Tenzero fucking reviews of the hot dog stand on root nine. Give me a break, I know, like, Oh my God, like it, over it. You're not even eating real meat, so get over we all know hot dog is just all the mix up parts that never made it into anything else. So, you know, wish people weren't so quick to publish their opinion. I know, really bad. Like I said, you know all those reviewers have nothing else. All right, moving along the number twenty one toys. I finally put my toys away. Not Really. There's it's like five toys away. That's my pool. That's yeah, look, this is my it's my bulliard area. Maybe. Is that a challenge? Is that a change? Oh yeah, I get that. Start with me too. Yeah, it is different than when you're on a smaller one. It's definitely different. But I loved reminiscing about, you know, our childhood toys and everything, what we have now and what we wish we had back then. It's like that was just such a damn fun episode. Well, it wasn't as fun as the next one. Oh yes, number twenty two toy story, part two, the not safe for working dishin's right. That was more fun because I got to listen to you talk custick things up here. Oh my God, it cut so much worse after that. I was doing a comedy show and somehow ended up with the phrase cat anal plug. It's everybody's like you have to do like a comedy album or cup comedy special just called Cat Anal Plug. I was like, that's where we ended up. It's like I'm mixed in cats and anal plugs and we just ran with it. Don't look for a cat or an anile plug made out of a cat. I think an anil plug made out of cat goes into a human ass? Like, no, I don't know, like cat anal plugs, like, I don't know what the Hell I'm thinking. That shaped, all right, purs something like that. Maybe a vibrating one? Yes, oh no, definitely not. A real cat up your ass now. Are After that? I know it's like. So would you stick in your ass now? Holy Crap, it's CASS. Holy Have you get up there? Well, how the Hell is else? Am I going to get the Gerbil out? Come on again, pretty much to they just get them up there and to get the Damn Gerbil out. That's all I got. Yes, starts with a small tube. It in this series of low, my Gosh, yes, yes, so large enough for the cat to be shot into it with a pneumatic cannon. You can't. It's amazingly the enom plug that they have that will stretch your ass, like why the hell? My fascinated with this. Another think right away. Were about back to the ASS. So, yeah, there were learned astute and scholarly in your facts. You knew about beads. Strange has to have a handle. I still, I still joke about this all the time. Has To have a handle. I mean if you shove, you know, just shot that up. He doesn't have a hand. Antal. Sorry, man, I got up there. Not Going to the Yar on that? What? No, just funny, because our next episode, episode number twenty three. Twenty three, death, death. How you go from Anom plugs to death? Never want to be dead from anal plugs. How the Hell did that happen? Exactly, don't want to go in the shock right there, grant again, they had a cat ups are hat was Colbare, same way everyone else does. Yeah, cat was trying to call himself out and he died from that. Award. Yeah, that's right. They get sucked up all in your guts and off. Oh did...

...death show? Hey, yeah, that's yeah. I faced it like a man, said this is it. I'm going with a cat up my asses, is it? And it wasn't. The stroke date was going to kill me. Was the fatal car crash I was going to be in as a result of having it behind a wheel. But that's all been resolved. Not Really. Well. Yeah, it's a part way, partly it's a work in progress, but you're still here and kicking. Yeah, and and no surgery. Yeah, and you don't have to worry about cancer yet. Okay, DOC, I'm glad took the day off for right. So there's a fifty. Let's shoot the coin here. So right now I don't have cancer, but I might have cancer like every fucking other thing. Exactly like everybody else walking around here, I could be fifty, fifty, you know, I it's a hail today. You know, what the Hell? Yeah, actually, it does look like it's fucking fires and Third World Nations today. Like, who does that? We're going to need to get these tests and like, oh, you mean the ones I already had? Here's the paper. Oh, those tests. Yes, we're going to need to get a ultrasound on this thing. Yeah, I like these I already had. And here's the fucking pictures. Dear Lord, Dear Lord. When he said the results of your test, we're fine, I'm like, you never even tested. It is sat there at a char a all the time I've been here. WHO's Bee did you test? Right, the Kermit, the frog come in here, like what the Hell? I know, right, it wasn't just that there with p Yeah, Piss googlely eyes on it. There you go, do some arts and crash, like I said, bringing like so twenty four, which was last week, and it was where in the world is beauty? I can remember one week, one week ago. Why do we go? One was last three, last week. Oh my Gosh, the head was spinning, like I didn't know where where to be. At one moment and one day's time and twenty four hour period, I went from extremely sad because my cousin's dog passed away and then at that very same moment, one show that I do voiceovers for. It not only did I get an IMDB credit for it and it's still going, it ended up on one of the channels on the Roku and then once a season is up, it's actually going over to Amazon prime. So at that very moment I was like up in the like I was really, really happy, but I was really, really sad and it brought me to a level where I was like I don't know how I feel right now, like how do you get like such bad news and good news at the same time? And I was like Shit, I was like I don't know where I'm at. I'm like I'm a dog's funeral right now, but then I'm celebrating later because of the whole hey, this thing got, you know, picked up, you know, by another company, and was it on on Roku. It's actually called boom betos. That's the channel. That's the channel and boom betos. And then as soon as it's going to be waterside wrestling, is what I've always mystica rabbit and then that, once, I believe, a seat full season of that is out, that's going right over to Amazon prime. So, which is going to be awesome. So fuck that shit prime. I'll get you in. I know people. I know people me the bootleg. There you go, like something that I will see the Mandalorian like, no fucking way will I ever see it, because I will never pay. NOPE, there like it up. Hell, yeah, what's that device thingy that you can get that has like everything? I can't remember what it's called. It's like some kind of like stick thingy that you plug in and it's got a Rocu stick but doesn't have everything on it. I can't remember. This, like a jailbroken thingy that you put in and it gets everything. Like if something just like literally came out today, then tomorrow would be like on there and you wouldn't have to download anything yourd it was it was crazy. Here if it was, if it's there or not. I say, you know what, I think you need in your life a thousand more channels to watch. That's good, and then you end up watching none of them. Like Hell No, give you some of your time back here. We got a little special plan. Would you like all the time back that he spent masturbating, or the time choosing a fucking something to watch? Time you spent deciding what they eat? You can have one of these back. Yeah, right. It's...

...like, holy crap, I know it. God like we need more channels and things like that. I'm like, Holy Crap, I was like, I can't even keep up with regular stuff, and they throw in written I was being a creep to somebody else back. That's not how about the time I was trying to be a comedian? Now, can I get all that time? Actually, that's on the bottom of the last you're ten years old again. WHOOOO, I'M gonna try harder not to be a comedian this time. Yeah, a job. That's the funniest thing you said all day. A government job. Yes, back to jobs. We back to job now. I'm just kidding. Never this has been, you know what, hell of an episode and when Hell of a twenty five. It's like I'm hope, looking forward to doing another twenty five. How about you, beast, if you say so, ha ha, ha ha. I'm not committing anything. Never get that out of me. Commit to a street jacket. Maybe I'd be like in school. I don't need that thing, like I'm just gonna sit here patiently, be very good, I promise. Hell Yeah, Hell Yeah. So, yes, if you have anything to add or contribute, or if there's any show that you would like this to do a subject honor, anything at all, please send an email to beauty in the beast show sixty nine at gmailcom or put something in one of the comments on our facebook page. So I think that just about wraps everything up. I'm beauty the BEASTWW showcom.

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