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Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 55 · 5 months ago

Beauty's Bits S2:E7 - Tit Talk

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Beauty's Bits S2:E7 - Tit Talk  

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M Hm, coming to you almost live from lakeside. Hello everyone, welcome back to the beauty and the beast show. I'm Christine Norton. I'll be your host. I'll be beauty today and this is a little segment we like to call beauties bits. That's right, that's with the bean nut, with...

...the tea. If you want to see these seas, gotta check out our only fans. Alright. So, I don't know about you, but I love going to the amusement parks. It's just, Oh my gosh, it's just one of the perks here of living at the Jersey Shore. I mean there's so many boardwalks to choose from. I mean, best of all, growing up, my dad fixed electronics and every year he would tune up like the sound systems and the speakers for all the rides, you know, on the ocean city boardwalk, which was so bitten because I got some free tickets to ride the rise. Where the hell am I looking here? UH, sorry for this, folks. We had a little bit of a flop earlier today so I'm still trying to get back into it. So Anyway, Um, yeah, I'd get all these tickets and I would get to ride the rise. It was great and every summer it's like my mom would take me and some friends and would go to clemington amusement park. It's not like it's six flags or anything like that. It's not that big, although it does have like an original wooden coaster. I'm not sure if it was one of the first ones here in the US or not, but anyway, Um,...

...well, for a kids it's pretty damp big and it's cool because, like I said, going to like the ocean city boardwalk, Wilde Boardwalk Atlantic City with you get like so used to their rides and everything. It's like sometimes, you know you need to spice it up a little bit o someplace off. But anyway, one summer my mom, my aunt Carol, my cousin southern Jimmy hurtwins by the way, we went to Clemington Park. Okay, we all decided to go on the log flume, which was odd because, like my mom my aunt getting on a ride like that was like so weird because like they never got on anything. So Um, okay, we get on the log flume ride, right. Uh. Well, first we get on the spinning disc right. It's wonder I didn't fall wither from. It was great. That would have been a ride in itself. But, UM, we're getting on. There you go, you walk onto the spinning thing, you jump into a log and then it goes. Well, so I figured it would be me and my cousin Heather and one log. Jimmy would get his own fucking log and then my aunt my mom would be in a...

...lock of their own. No, we decided to squeeze five people into one lock. I still don't know where the funk I'm looking. I look like I'm a blind person trying to do a podcast. I don't mean that in the wrong way. Again, got this combobulated. Back to the story. Okay, so there's five of us, right, and we're pretty fluffy people, right. We're knows, you know, skinn and bones, like five people getting a log. Okay, yeah, that's fine. Now us we got in. I swear it was probably like a ton of weight. Not Kidding, not kidding. I'm beefy. Heather's beefy. Jimmy was beating monk. It's wonder that thing didn't fucking break. Okay, so we got around a small bend. We're going up like a little hill, right. First off, we've got water coming in. Second off, this log flume ride is above a fucking lake and it literally sounds like the chain's going to nap...

...at any fucking minute. Okay, so we made it a little splash. Okay, get to the main hill. We're chugging on the swear to gout again the chain. It sounds like it's about the bus right and UH yeah, so it was totally fucking crazy. So we get up there, we're at the top, right, we're getting ready to go down. You know how, like you you, you usually go down and then you would hit the little water at the end and make a little splash, little fucking cute splash. No, five people in almost a ton of fucking wait, by the way, if anyone was there, I think it might have been in the nineties. Nineties. So if anyone has any video tape of this, let me know. It's probably a title like gigantic fucking title wave. So so okay, we we get down, we start going down a quarter of the way down. I mean we just like literally starting. We made a fucking title wave. It hit the little guy that's up at the top of the one that u let you know when it's about to go we got him...

...soaked. Me and my cousin, Heather, we were the first. We were in the first two. We got completely, like drenched, like head the fucking toe. We're bringing ourselves out after we get off right. So after that, my cousin Heather, no, I we decided to go dry out on the swing, on the swing ride, you know, because it goes up and around and ship and we figured that would be the quickest way to dry off right. Okay, again, we're too beefy chicks and we I get into the seat, like you don't need to sleep beelt for that or whatever. You don't need to be belted in. I don't think you do. Things might have changed by now, but I'm like, I want to see if this thing, you know, still fits around me. So I get it, I get it to go click right and for I'm like, something doesn't feel right, and my cousin looked back and she's laughing her ass off. She looks at me she's like, Dude, fix yourself, you look like a fucking Pacaso, because what had happened was I had one...

...tip under the belt and one tit on top. So I grabbed the other tip put it like right over. I was like, Jesus Christ, you can't take me anywhere but to this thing we do. We call it the PICASTO. So anybody that's wondering, it's when you take your boobs and your mash them up. I can't, God damn, I gonna give myself black eye if I tried that again. So it's great now my tips are sucked up. Anyway, that was just a little story to get that go. And can't take me anywhere. All right. So that's an extension of a joke that I've had for a while now. I just wanted to put that out there. So okay. So I have a friend that likes me, like to me. Well, he likes me a little bit more than likes me. A little backstory. We both got out of tow like tenure like relationships going on and it's like it's all good, um, but here's the thing. Um, I've definitely switched over from sausage to tacos. So you know if you know what I mean. So then I have a rule about not dating a man who's a cleavage looks better than mine. Uh Yeah,...

I was like it's been enough. When I do like shows like this, where I'm Joe a podcast or maybe like some zoom comedy, and I get to look back at the screen I'm like, Damn, those are some tasty titties. I was like, I can't, I get too distracted by my own I mean nothing, there's nothing wrong with boobies. Trust me, I like them. So something mortified me Um the other day and I thought about sharing it here, because, after all, sharing is caring. And one of my friends, like a long time ago, had gotten a boob job and I guess what, gravity kicked in. It doesn't matter if you had a boob job or not. When you start aging, like the decades start coming through right, it's just gonna sack. It's just gonna sack. It's like, damn it. I was getting concerned, sorry about the gas again earlier thing power surge. I thought my computer was toasted. So, all right, here's the scary part, right, I again, like I said,...

...her boobs started to say, but her nipples stayed up top. All right, and I just have to wonder, dude, when she puts on a push up Bra, do her nipples become dimples? Nipples to dimples? I'm guessing. Okay, maybe not. Okay, that's what I think about. Like when I say I'm concerned about my friends, I'm like, I'm concerned about their nipples, right. But I truly haven't been this concern since one time I was doing a virtual comedy show. I had on my old headphones that had the cord like right in the middle, right. I've switched it up now it's right on the side, but anyway, right on the middle, and I was tugging on it thinking it was my headphone chord, but it wasn't. I forgot that I had a pair of nipple clamps on and I swear to God, I think when my nipples fill across the room. It was insane, but you know what it's like. I'll just be grateful for like when my Boob Sag and I can tuck them into my waistband so I don't have to wear bra anymore. But speaking about bras, this is like the Brasch don't worry, it's getting into a punch line. I...

...swear to God there's a punch line at the end of this. When I was young, I were training Bra and frankly, I'm still baffled on what I was training them for. I mean, sure as hell wasn't circus tricks. I mean, I guess I were training Braa to keep them from touching the floor. I mean, I don't know, maybe they'll pick up eminem's later in life. Uh. And try putting them in a braw like after like almost two years of like sweet titty freedom from the pandemic. You know, everybody was like yeah, we don't do that anymore, but you know, but try getting them back into a bra though. It's like trying to get a toddler just like seriously, like you get one side in, the other side falls out, one side in the other one goes you know. Then you're just at a certain point where you're like, screw it, I'll just go commando. Or is I like calling it free balling? That's right, I have balls. I wear them on my chest. I call them my chestnicles. And this has been your tiptalk and I have been Christine Nolton for beauty and the beasts and I will catch you next week on the flip...

...side. Wait, next week, we're not doing next week. The week after we're gonna drop some more beauty s bits episodes. We're gonna catch up with the original seasons holy sh it. So stay tuned. There's more to come. I'm Christine Dalton. I have been beauty. Let's kick this ship off right. Whom at the top of the Leven? WWW DOT gideon the B show dot com.

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