Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 49 · 7 months ago

Beauty and the Beast S3:E4 - The Easter Slap Show


Beauty and the Beast S3:E4 - The Easter Slap ShowWelcome to the Beauty and the Beast Show! Beauty and the Beast is a show with comedian, Kristine Knowlton (Beauty) and comedian Mark Hills (Beast) coming together to make and create a show about nothing and everything in between! Please sit back and enjoy some of their best comedic diarrhea! Disclaimer: For best results play the whole show backwards with the sound completely turned off. |Feel free to drop them some hate mail at Find Us:

Coming to you almost live from lakeside. Hello everyone, welcome back to the beauty and the beast show. I'm Christine Nolton. All right, are we ready to start this show? I think I'm ready. All Right, here we go. So, yeah, easters coming up, like what the fuck, like it's coming up quick and it's crazy because we have Easter and four hundred and twenty all in the same day of week. Can you believe that? I can't believe it. Wow, where has the time gone? I mean I had some killer easters growing up, not killer Easter Bunnies, but uh, not since breakfast anyway. But the easters we used to have were freaking amazing. Like the Easter bunny would I eggs like all over the damn place, all right. We had chocolates, like I remember the first house that I ever lived in and there would actually be a trail from like my night stand like all the way down, all the way to the floor, all the way down, we had stairs and everything. There be a line of say, it was great. It was like a crazy, I ass Easter egg hunt. It was the best. I'm still torn between what kind of chocolates that I'd like the best. I don't know. Anybody want to weigh in on this? Yeah, just drop a note or something like. Just drop a comet, drop a note. Goddamn it. Yes, I am the de Range east of Bunny. Look at me, I feel like the flying fucking nut. Anyway, like about the best, like Easter Candy. If you're just listening to this in a podcast, please switch on over to Youtube. And I'm in a bunny suit. It is fucking crazy. Anyway. It's like I can't decide, like what kind of chocolate I like the best. I mean mm's, eminem's are so fucking delicious, aren't they? Yeah, we're just going to name some Easter Candy for a bit here. Hell, yeah, yeah, eminem's. I love EMINEM's. I love the peanut EMINEM's. Those are the best. I do like how they're in Pastel colors for Easter. It's really freaking cute. I think they do like red ones and stuff for like Valentine's Day, like they've they've up their game more. I just remember when they were just the original colors, but then Easter it's like, okay, Easter was awesome, like everything was in past cell colors. What about like peeps? I mean where where we on the line with teeps? There just marshmallow. I don't get too much from them. I'm more of a chocolate person, but you know, it's like the best, the best way around. How we U see you don't. or how my friends used to eat them was actually open up the package and let them go stay out, so they got like hard and everything. I like, I don't know. I wasn't too much on the peeps for that, though. It's like no, but it's okay, it's cool, right. Am I cool? I'm cool. Right. Do they have chocolate cover peeps? I'm pretty sure that they do. Buy Now. But Yeah, I always oh my gosh, the hollow Easter Bunny the hall, like the big as hollow Easter Bunny, like I'm talking like that thing was like at least a foot high. That when my little eyes would be like yes, the Easter bunny has come and he's come in chocolate for hell. Yeah, now I like to get Kinky, sit in here in my Easter bunny suit doing Easter bunny stuff. No, just kidding, it's great. That's yes,...

I have a name tag on. Is this? Hello, my name is bunny. Okay, listen, Bitch, I'm a bunny. Now. I really sure where this is going. Right now. We're just reminiscing about Easter. We've got a couple Easter songs coming up for you. It's great. My original Easter Song, my God, that was written back in like I think, two thousand and fifteen. Like I didn't animation on it. You're going to see it later in the video. So please, if you're listening on itunes or you know, Um whatever the hell. We're on Itunes, spotify, I heart radio, Amazon. If you're listening, please jump on over to Urk Youtube so that you'd actually see the video. I was like, it's really cool, like I still play the song today. I'm going to do some shows this week and figured why the Hell not? It's going to be great. I do have a new Easter song out. We're going to collage this kind of like a like an Easter for twenty episode. We will be putting out a full twenty episode, so you're going to want to come back to the beauty and the Beast Shou. It's going to be fan fucking tastic. Yes, we are going to have guest star Casey McNeil, so you're gonna want to definitely be there for that one. He's a fantastic fucking comedian. Could I say the word fantastic like tenzero times? Yes, if you're actually watching this on our youtube channel, yess, I'm sitting here in a bunny suit with fucking cattiers. I just realized how ridiculous that look and I feel like the flying fucking none with these ears. It's great. I just want to be like the Flying Bunny, like the flying like the Flying Sexual Bunny, like, I know there's like rabbits out there and stuff like that, so I'm like why not? You know, why do I have the sexual bunny like hell yeah, baby, I mean if I was a playboy bunny, I would totally wear bunny suit with a flap in the back. I mean, can you imagine that? That would be totally crazy. You know, I am pretty sure that it's been done. I'm pretty sure it's on porn hub. Probably if you look at, you know, Bunny Porn, I mean, you're going to get a lot like rabbits. Oh Goddamn, I do have a rabbit story. Holy Shit. Don't you love when things just come to you and you're like, Oh yeah, okay, let's sell this story. Let's get this out, all right. So my friend Christie had a rabbit, right, and there's two rabbits actually, because you need to, you know, because fucking you have to, you know, you have to have an any and in and out here, right. And so I was over her place because I was going to get one of the little rabbits that they had. I have to call bullshit on that. I was told that that was a we're fucking bunny. That's thing got to be like like three feet and fucking length, okay, and probably about five when is stretched all the way out. I love that Damn Bonny. But Anyway, okay. So I'm over there. We're looking at these rabbits, right, and the feet, the older female and the female, no, wait, brother and sisters. They were starting to Hompe and everything all right. And well, first I was like, okay, that's my rabbit right there, the one that homped the sister. I want that one. So so they're going at it right, they're just hope and she's like, Oh my God, they're like fucking like rabbits. And she's like, Oh holy Shit. I like, that's where they get the expression from. And I was like you'll think, yeah, welcome to the world of my friends people. Yeah, but it is true. If you ever get a chance to see rabbits fucking like rabbits, go ahead, because that's what they do. They're really good at it. Many they pop out the little flops. It's here. It's the little froofs. I don't know. Little frufs make its Bruce? I don't know. It's blushy frous this. Welcome to another episode of the beauty of the beach show. That's right. It's all sploush all the time. Yeah, we're going to save that up. Yeah, churches SPU should be coming back around. I'm thinking we definitely need to do this for Easter. Why the Hell not? We definitely get something together. I'm down for it. We will get beasts comment on that later in the episode. It's like right now it's like, guess we are currently split, even though the pandemic is over. It's like, shit is going on.

But you know what I was like, fuck it, we're going to do a little pre Easter show, p twenty show. We've got some awesome forred and twenty songs coming up. I'm not going to do any yet. I'm going to save them all for four hundred and twenty. I know beast has got some surprises. They're going on and I do have a couple songs. I've got a new song here. Let me grab my Ukulele. Here, let me see how much freaking noise I can bang into this. All right, it's a banging bunny episode. Right, all right, so this is a new song. I read it just for Easter. Actually, no, I just like the pleasure of it. So it's actually until a little vibrating Easter eggs. So here we go. Let's try this. It's new, so bear with me, all right, bitches. When I was young I used to them very surreys. They were all over the place. I used to stuff them inside my face. Now I'm all grown up. The kids stuff is not now I like vibrating. He's dreggs and sign of me feeling so free. I'm making me. What's the Word Come? Oh yeah, vibrating us to raise the s time of year. Strap on one and spread some cheese. He's a rabbit, so throw me master baby, like a rabbit, or with just one in particular? Oh maybe, yeah, I have want some and serve one down. Let's get the show on the room. I can go out and have but I'd rather have a vibrating egg inside of me. ME. You can have an eastray hunt right in my gun. That's right, you can have an estray hunk inside my kind and happy stick enjoy. Mine would definitely be a cream pie right there. I mean, what do you think, guys? I mean, it does need some work on there. vibrating Easter egg still work in progress. Maybe by Easter all have it completely done. I think I want to add more in there, like I feel like I've used like the same melody over and over again. But okay, nothing that shop talk. Let's get to my original Song Easter, and also stay tuned, because at the end of the episode, guess what, we have our famous Poe twas the week of Easter. Hell, yeah, I'm beauty and I will catch you on the flip side. Whoo comes once a yeah, if you like, rabbits are something to be bringing the children pop and down the bunny. What if the money was away,...

...leaving eggs and candies in the OSURE, holding your breath along the fire up position? Wait, what if he didn't have a potion? Then you would probably drown. That wouldn't be good. The easy bunny brings rain now to every little girl and lots of pennies here comes from ten. Oh, I think you know what happens next. To shoot him between the happy sir, enjoy your beauty and the beast show would like to thank their new sponsors, gllamo. That's right, Gleamo, creators of such Classic Board Games as don't pick your scabs and don't Jack off in Daddy's hat, introduce their latest creation. Don't shit the bed. Don't shit the bed is family fun for everyone, and everyone gets to clean up after to spin the spinner and travel around incontinence land. In our race against the clock. You'll laugh so hard you'll shit yourself. Just don't shit the bed. Now available at most major re Kale chains, except for Walmart, kymark, target and Kroger. Thanks, Blam Oh the show. Fay, it's okay, tell me says happens.

You can't pay attention to my good game. Old Shit did. All right, I'll be great, I'm yeah, I don't come down to the bus station slap the Dick out of your mouth when you're working to it. I'm sorry, man, the guy the fucking came at me. What do you think, folks? Okay, so hello everyone and welcome to the pre twenty show. The show is just around the band so smoke if you got them, don't put them in your bottom unless you have the all new pattern pending vegi handle the beast and beauty on the air again. So grab a snack and telephone your friends who Babey it feels so good. Some Tad you think you want to, but you don't know if should. Some people think that if they go too far they'll never get back to the place that they are. I'm here to tell you that it might be true. Two Thousand and twenty two is the year of goold. So welcome back and welcome your front to we're going to keep it quick, slicking easy, because this is just the easy, teasy to the big twenty show. Now, if you'll recall, the last time we did a twenty show, it was two fucking years before we made another one. So I'm hoping that this will break the curse of the twenty shows and that in fact there will be a twenty seven show or thereabouts, and so on and so forth and so froth. So we're gonna have lots of cool new stuff. I'm supposed to keep it in my pants until then, but in the meantime the song goes out to beauty and all the other Jersey girls in my life. You know you are. There's a girl. There's a girl. Tell me where did you sleep last...

...night? In the Pines, in the pines, and we drink shine and we spoke from upon come by. There's a girl's a girl. Tell me why did you drink on my beer? And he's been my cash and smoke my death. Now you leave and me. Jer's a girl. You don't love me and it's fair plain to see. You hit the power in a WHOA. Yeah, you want the line ry the girl, battle in the dark and as Bery hard since a rob that bang lass year to the girl, to the the and so on and so forth. Sing the rest of that song next week on the branch shiny new four hundred and twenty show, and this is exactly four minutes and twenty two is a bullshit. Harry Loves Harriet is New Jersey's leading sex shop and Corno EMPORIA and the exclusive distributors of beauty and the beast show product like gorilla go bucket of splooge and our latest offering, vibrating fanny pack. But wait, there's more. New from beauty and the beast show pattent pending veggie handling. Fruits and veggies. If you've got them, why not stick them in your bottom? Comes in three sizes to accommodate everything from corn cobs and cucumbers to egg plants and pineapples. Simply clip on the patent pending veggie handle, secure the water resistant Belco straps and extend the built in stainless steel spikes with the push of a button. Caution, do not use for torture device or cock ring. Guaranteed gluten free and made with recyclable materials. Purchase regular or the deluxe vibrating addition, because everything's better when it vibrates. Fruits and veggies, even candles are better with the patent pending veggie handle. So that Harry Loves Harriett, SEX SHOP AND CORNER and poor hum makes a great mother's Day gift. Wow, money was short, times were hard. Here's your fucking Easter card. Twas the night before Easter and all through the house everyone felt Shitty, even the mouse dad at the whorehouse. A MOM smoking grass. I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass out on the lawn. I heard such a clatter I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter. Out on the lawn I saw big Dick. I knew in a minute it was that bunny named Nick. He filled all our baskets with pretzels and beer and a big rubber carrot for my brother, the FIR. He blew through his rabbit hole with...

...a thunder's Fart. That son of a bitch blue the front wall and apart. He cursed and he swore as he hopped out of sight. Piss on you all and have one hell of a night. Happy Easter. WWWW SHOWCOM.

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