Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast

Episode 69 · 3 months ago

Beauty and the Beast: Beauty's Bits 69 - Al Coseglia


Beauty and the Beast: Beauty's Bits 69 - Al Coseglia Find Al: Facebook: Olde Mic Follow Us: Website: our Store: Listen to Us: iTunes | Spotify | SounderFm | iHeart Radio | Amazon Music

M Y coming to you almost live from lake side. Hello everyone, and welcome back to the beauty and the beat show. This is a little bit that we like to call beauty's bits. That's with the bean nut, with the tea. If you want to see these teas, you got to hit up my only fans, or you gotta hit our t public store buy some merchandise. Damn it. Well, we have got a great show for you tonight. We have a spectacular guest and we had to have them for the sixty nine episode. So please get ready for coming all the way from Dallas Texas. Let's hear you. Let's do it, Al Casal, YEA, Christine, I'm always happy to perform with you. You know, we've done so many virtual shows and had had a great time doing them. And, uh, I probably know more about you than I should. It's all good. It's like I want to know more about you. That's why I've got you on my show tonight. Yes, yeah, well, you know, I just had a birthday, so now I'm seventy two. Damn it, that's an excellent number. Yes, uh, and uh, you know, I'm okay with seventy two, but I really loved being sixty nine. I would tell people, Hey, I'm sixty nine and they would say nice. Now I say Hey, I'm seventy two. Yeah, they don't say ship, they don't say anything. So to stay connected to sixty nine and because this is your sixty nine, show not not only I mean I tell sixty nine jokes all the time, but I've come to realize what underappreciated and and kind of maligned sexual act that sixty nine is. So I think there's a lot of things to love about sixty nine. So I'm here to tell you about those today. I can't wait to hear. Oh my gosh, yes, all right, I want to learn more. I want to know what I'm doing wrong. You know. Well, this is not instructional. This is not instructional. Um. All Right, here we go. Uh. You know what I love about sixty nine? You don't have to say what. I know you want to, but you don't have to. You know what I love about six? You know the fact that I can still contort my body into a six or a note. Yes, we call that by biflexual. No, I love that joke and it it doesn't get the kind of laughs that I think it should. But I like it all right, here we go. Uh. It's the only sex act that's non sexist. You could be the six, you could be the nine, you can be the nine, you could be the same, you can be a man with the man, a one with the woman, a man with the woman, a man would do with it. No, that that's seventy, but I you know what I love about sixty nine and why I act like such an expert? Because I haven't had sixty nine since sixty nine. That would stop in a volts wagon burn. I'm gonna do my my holiday theme, which you've helped me out with. So there's a couple of years in here,...

...but here we go. Let's start with your two. Uh. You know what I love about sixty nine? It reminds me of the fourth of July, because it always ends with a bag. That's your joke. Yes, yes, and I love the way you tell it. You know what I love about sixty nine? It reminds me of thanksgiving, because everyone eats and no one goes home hungry. You know that joke sometimes gets ooze. You know I get those with that joke. But you know what I love about sixty nine? Reminds me of Christmas, because you're both giving and receiving. It reminds me of Mother's Day, because I'm not a motherfucker, I'm a grandmotherfucker. Oh Yeah, all right, one more holiday. Reminds me of Easter because at seventy two sometimes I hear women scream, oh my God, he's risen. Alright, let me finish with a year. You know what I love about sixty nine? I know what comes after sixty nine. That's that's it. You don't have to say anything else. Everyone comes after six. That's what everyone's thinking. You know what I love about sixty nine? There is no talking. And finally, it's the new safe sex, because nobody's breathing on you. That's my sixty nine. Good for your sixty nine show. Oh my God, that was amazing. Oh I love the joke, the Easter one where where he's it's like, Oh my God, he has risen. It makes makes me think of the pills. Very dope boy, but the pills very dope boy doing sixty nine. I don't know, that's that's I guess you're right. I mean, yeah, it's very dope boy, kind of UH. As you get older it's harder to it's harder to get risen. Yeah, I guess it's seventy two. Yeah, be getting Easter eggs with a viagrah. That's a great eastern basket. President, here you go. Here's some Easter eggs with some Viagra. Enjoy the show. The yes, everyone loves to do blue pill jokes and hearing jokes and mobility jokes. And Yeah, there's there's definitely, uh, there's definitely agism and humor. Oh Yeah, Oh yeah, definitely ages them. It seems to be okay to people seem to accept it. Oh yeah, I can't wait. I've got twenty five more years until I hit my big sixty nine jokes. I can't wait. I'm excited. That's a goal to have sixty nine jokes at sixty nine. And I'm resurrecting you're Mike, Ye old Mike, just so I could do them on it. You know, Um, it all started when I turned sixty nine and, uh, someone told me that I should do hey, I'm sixty nine nice, and then it evolved into this, into this whole thing of sixty nine jokes ever since. Actually, the first joke I told was I was right before my sixty nine birthday. And I was on stage and I said next month I'M gonna be sixty nine, and of course they're crowd chaired and I said and to celebrate my birthday, uh, this year I'm gonna have sixty nine because I haven't had...

...sixty nine. Said sixty nine and we went crazy. That was the first time I ever did an actual sixty nine joke. Ah, that is amazing. That was may of nineteen. Wow, yeah, may have nineteen. I know, only a few years ago. Who Cares? Cares? It's like, look, he'll be sixty nine forever. Al What's your sixty nine or sixty nine forever? Nobody gives a shit about your stories, that's for sure. So tell me that. The beauty and the beast. What? What? What inspired you to do this? Well, the beauty of the B show. My comedy partner Mark Hills and I. We've actually been doing this since before the pandemic. We got together. He used to come out and see me perform live, especially at the Strip club that was doing comedy. Don't worry, I wasn't. There was a stripper, although I probably could have made more as a stripper, but he was one of my biggest fans. Actually his wife loves my comedy as well, and we also hang out at the SMITHVILLE art walk. I saw art there. But anyway, it's like we got into this we're like, you know what, we need to do something different first. At did start out we were doing comedic diarrhea, where we were pretty much riffing on any, any topic, just like every other podcast, and then we were like, you know what, we have to bring this thing to life. So we started doing like a little bits, like I just came up with one recently called rat bastard theater, where I grabbed my rat and I tell like stories and everything. It's not a real one, just a fake one. So that's some of the bits we do. We do some riff tracks where we play some old cartoons and everything. We just riff off of them. What else did we do? He came up with the Church of SPLUSH, obviously obvious reasons, because I do a lot of splush comedy. For all you out there, it's just female ejaculation splush. I like that. We're better. It's like Niagara Falls. It's great. But yeah, we do a lot of different bits. He does a lot of original like musical bits, which is awesome. Because you know, I like to do some music as well, and you know I've got the song out there, my favorite kinks, which was my favorite things from the sound of music, which I will be doing another song, Um uh, the song at Ol Waste, I'm actually turning into the song sixty nine, which is gonna be awesome. So you can watch that on the extended version, I said the extended version of the sixty nine show, because we've had I think I've seen you do do with the one of the songs from yes I love that. I'm like, I'm going after all the songs. So hopefully by the time Um, by time my time, my time is up, I'm hoping to have destroyed all the songs from the sound of music's go. That's what. That's what. Um, I got a lot going on. I've been really watching it to uh, since live comedy came back, Um, you know, and I do get upset at people who, Um uh, I guess you know, put down joom comedy and the benefits of it, because it was extremely beneficial to me, not only for my comedy but for my sanity during a little bit into and uh, I think it really improved my ability to perform. Well, anyway, I've been really lucky with what I what I have going. I I performed regularly with the magic of Eric Eaton, who's a really talented young man. He does magic in comedy and he's hysterical and we've got a show coming up on August seven and fourteen in Tulsa. Seventh in Fort Worth, fourteenth in Tulsa. Um, and that's a great gig and it's a lot of fun and I feature a host for him. Uh, and he you know, he...

...sells two hundred tickets to his shows. UH, two plus. It's really yeah, it's amazing. So it's fun. It's fun to do it in front you know, fun to perform in front of a live audience who's there to laugh and have fun. It is, it is. I still do my Oldie Mike. We're up to I think, eight five, eight five Oldie Mike started that in December of two thousand twenty and uh so, yeah, that's been fun. We had a sixty ninth. I think you were on the sixty night show. Oh yeah, I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Are you kidding me? I'm like, I'm coming. Wait, everyone's coming. There you should celebrate, yes, the sixty ninth show. You know, it does have kind of a maligned people snicker when you say sixty nine and uh, I don't hear people telling sixty nine jokes. No, no, that's what I love about your comedy and I love it and I'm like, I want to do it someday, but I've got to wait until I'm sixty nine. I have to wait till I'm old enough. Yeah, it helps if you're sixty nine. And Uh, I hadn't. I hadn't perfected it at that time. I just I just started to tell them. So I wish I had the material I have now then, but I was kind of a rookie. So I sucked and now you're amazing. Well, I mean, one does have to suck and one has I'm a little less sucky. I'm a little less sucking. You. How long have you been doing comedy? I've been doing it over four years. So not excellent, not very long. And you know, I guess, I know it's funny. It's funny to me and I I try not to. Well, I'm gonna bring it up because you know, dad run such a tight show when he does his shows and I love him and I love the way he does it. And I don't know if you were on the night that I might I hit a button and Mike, were you on that night? Yep, I was supposed to be yours and he made me go right away and and I love to lose hosting. Like damnit hell, does that work out? And he was so upset with me and I felt terrible and but I did everything that he tells you not to do, which it happens. Well, you were not the first, believe me on that one. Oh No, I have seen major mess ups and that was not his. Heard stories and that's great because, I mean, he's running the show. I love it. I love the way he runs it. I know, me too, me too. I was doing another show last week and a couple of people that were on it, their cameras weren't stayed. Is Steady at all. I felt like I was gonna get seasick. Then the one of the people actually goes outside and all you hear is wind, like part way through my set, and I'm like do I hear wind or are my breaking wind? Like, what's going on? So I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, you and I've done so much zoom, that zoom comedy that, you know, I just keep going. I don't care, I'm not I won't even I won't even acknowledge it. You know, I just whatever's going on, I'll just keep going and and and that's what you should do, you know, and I have noticed, I don't know if you've if you've noticed this with live audiences, but they're getting much more active. They they're they're they're shouting things more more than they have in the past. Have you found that? Yes, it's like I love it, like most of the time that fuels me, you know, like I remember one time I was just so an open mic in a bar. You know, some people...

...get, you know, the whole female ejaculation splue thing, and then some people it like like totally grosses them out. Like I knew the couple, the couple that was at the bar, Gay couple, very nice couple. They're like what are you talking about that and I was like, well, why don't you go home and crack a couple of towels and let me know how that feels? At least my stuff is nice and soft and moisturizes the skin. So it's like it was a little back and forth, but I was like I just had to get that out there. I was like, yeah, not everybody's got like that, but you have someone shout something, I'm like, Oh dude, this is fun. Alright, audience participation. I got this are tough, the tough. I think that's the toughest thing to do. Well, now I'll say outside, without without a good sound system. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It's like but other than that it's like audiences I found going to live places don't live shows. I'm like, they're actually listening and I'm like, what the hell do I do with what? I'm not used to way, you know, because I was used to like being with the bar crowd and stuff like that. The only time they were ever quiet was at the Strip club. The strippers there were awesome. Anytime that I would come up, they'd be like, Oh, here's the one that I was talking about. You gotta hear say, you gotta hear say she's really, really funny, and I'm like this is awesome. I did one show at a strip club and it was fun. I had a good time and it's a little bit odd, I'll say that. And the people there are much more interested in other things than comedy. They are, they are, but I mean I feel like being up there and I've definitely touched the stripper pole. So I think that's why I haven't gotten covid. Knocking on wood boosted your immune system. It did, it really did. He wouldn't believe it, but yes, what was that? Oh my gosh, I guess it was definitely before the pandemic, probably like at least a year before the pandemic. My friend style had some shows up there and of course he had female comedians. You try to make it a nice even show with male to female ratio. It was great. It was a nice blended show. It's like we had people, you know, gave people colors everything. You know, it was such a great and awesome show. Like I said, I loved it there with the strippers and it was so much fun and the first time that I ever did comedy there. I was so glad that someone bought their mom to the Strip club because I was about to go on stage with my skirt talk to my pantyhose. I just like Christie, don't go, don't go. Yeah, and she came and she fixed my skirt before I went up. That might have been a big hit at the Strip club, though. I know I could have possibly gotten a job or some dollar bills stuck in there. I know right. I loved it, though. I wish to go back there someday. I'm not I'm not sure if it's still open or not, but I never know. Where was that? where? Where were you performing in a Strip club? Is that in the Atlantic City? Yep, yeah, really, Yep, centerfolds of Atlantic City. And did they get a pretty good crowd there? They're pretty decent, pretty decent. Were you working in the weekends? No, I think we were on the weekdays. I want to say we were. We were either there Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays. But for like a weekday night, it was pretty good. It was like maybe two to three like deep at the bar and then there's couches and stuff to the side and we had a pretty good crowd. And I mean it wasn't just US comedians either. Did you watch Mrs Masiel? Yes, I do. Yeah, she you know she's performing in a strip club now. Yep, yeah, I know. It's great. I'm like, I want that job. I was like, wait, have they been following me, because I'm like, I was doing this way before the series was out, like they must have.

But I do. I do Miss the Strip club, that one particular, because they gave me my very first wet floor sign. We do have it on video. The guy that runs the place came out, he knew I was he's like better get the wet floor sign. They put it up while you were performing on stage. Yep, they loved it. Oh my gosh, it was so much fun. It's like, uh, so, where do you get your inspiration from? Is it just from living life in general? Um, yeah, I guess. You know, we all use our personal experiences and uh, I just started doing a bit about being short and I know you identify with it. Um, but yeah, I think from living life and and what's going on around me. You know, it's hard for me too. I think some of the club owners don't think that I'm relevant because I'm seventy two years old. But uh, I get laughs. So I don't know if you have to be relevant to get laught. Not really just say something like if you don't think they're paying attention, like I'm always like all right, you sprom burping gutter slots, you know, like far you know, like attention. Yes, definitely gives people. It does. It's like anything like that. You know. It's like you say one of those words, it doesn't matter, I said, you just got there and say Fart. That's funny. That's funny. Okay, I'm playing to a younger crowd. I'm playing. Yeah, it's like the seven emotional words you're supposed to your you know, hey, stupid, weird. So, yeah, say fun Bitch and Vagina and count and yeah, you'll get their attention. Oh Yeah, is definitely one of them. You're not supposed to use that and I've always I've always told a joke that. You know, I don't really understand that because whenever I say it I say it very affectionately. That's great. Imagine, oh my gosh, imagine. I don't know what words you can't say on TV anymore, because it's kind of like everything is up there, like even South Park says, you know, fucking things like that. It's like, what the Hell is there? What's going on? You know, I heard that to remain an auto rating, that you can only say fuck once. That's it. But you can tell the wrong soone. But you have to say that. You can only say it once. I don't know if that's true. Don't you know? I don't you know. I don't believe anything I said really, I know. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I love, like watching British shows and British TV and one of my favorites is Mrs Brown's boys and that's a PG rating. I think that was like over in like England or something thing and they say fucking and sucking like almost every like five words, and I'm like how is that PG? I'm like, I'm in the wrong country. Well, they used count a lot. That's big over there. I didn't say that. I mean I hear it in their conversations, but I've never been to England. Have you been there? No, but I've definitely done a lot of zoom comedy shows over there. I love doing that with yes, I do like a lot of things with sounds proper comedy and reckless comedy. My friend Kim Nash's thing Um yet um, between those two shows, whenever they need someone like Um uh, sounds proper comedy. They were doing one of them. I think it was like Edinburgh French festival or something like that, and it was a dirty show. So the One guy, Colin, that runs and he's like, Oh, I've got a perfect person for this, and...

...they put me on. It was like unbelievable, like there was at least, I think, like sixty people in the room. They all got to kick out of everything that I did. I was like my, my home planet, my yeah, your audience, that's your audience. Yeah, that's good. Oh, I am one other thing I got coming up. My Sons, you're taking me to Amsterdam, once in a lifetime, one of those one that's in a lifetime trips. Yeah, so very excited about that. My my three favorite things twulips, weed and prostitutes. All right, yes, I don't know if I can save that for this year or wait a little bit longer, because if I'm going to go out, that's the way I'm going out. So don't go anywhere while we counting. So you get back really excited about it. Yeah, Oh, that is great. Oh my God. So where can the nice people at home find you? Are you on Instagram? FACEBOOK? I am. I'm on everything, and it's simple. It's my name, except that nobody can spell it. So it's at a L C O S E G L I A and it's pronounced Casella, even though it's it's not spelled that way. I know, right. I'm like, wow, I know everybody's like, how do you his name? Right, I was because we've done like ten Tho zoom shows and I can't say Casale you by now. I'm in trouble. You do it perfectly. You're welcome and I will drop your links below so if people can find you, check you out, hire you for comedy. Well, great, I'm available. Yes, hell, yeah, well, I know. I've definitely had fun here today. How about you, L did? I had a great time. Are we done already? Yeah, we're just wrapping it up. Then, like I said, it's beauty's bit. So it's just a little bit. It's just a little bit. I've had a lot of surgery and I always have said that after surgery is are you done already? As long as you'll say that after sixty nine, it's like wait, are you done already? That's not a good time to say that. That's not love sixty nine, that's for sure. Right, alright, I had a great time. Thank you. Well, thank you. Al It's like, all right, everyone, I'm Christine Nolton. I've been beauty and we'll see you on the flip side. Check out our extended sixty nine version coming up soon. I have on the Levi W W, got giddy and show DOT com.

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